Sugarkane Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 My dad always complains that his family has favourites and he's the black sheep. This makes me really laugh as my parents do exactly the same thing too. My sister gets away with everything and yet somehow that's ok? E.\g Never allowed to have boyfriends over [-and they wonder why I want to leave home]. Yet my sister had her ex sleep over. My dad was on night shift so he had zero idea. Yet my mum said NOTHING to her at all. When I was younger I slept over at a guy's house. My parents went crazy. I got screamed and yelled at in the face. My sister did this recently. Not even yelled at. WTF? I'm older so why do I get less independance?
Philosoraptor Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I'm not sure that parents have favorites, but often they do treat children differently. Older children a lot of time get it stricter than younger ones. It also has a lot to do with what happened as you were growing up. If they felt the need to be overprotective when you were younger they often never leave that mold.
Highness Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Yes it can be a protective thing with first borns, but Im a triplet, the middle of 2 girls and a boy and always felt outcast. Oddly enough my sister now has triplets. So apparently, all level playing fields. My parents always claimed to never have a favourite. I had to believe them until my own sister had her own set of 2 girls and boy, and she's told me she favours the boy. Just like our mum did. Her husband favours the runt of the litter, just like my dad did. It feels odd to be justified in how I felt all those years now, when now it doesnt really matter. Parents are just humans.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Yet they wonder why I resent them.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 They always flat out lie like this. And if I call them out on it, mum makes me apologize. It's a complete joke.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 Easy for you to say. Dads always allowed to verbally abuse us, yet no ones allowed to verbally abuse him.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 26, 2012 Author Posted April 26, 2012 It's NOt just favouritism they flat out give her more independence than me. They also treat me half my age even though I always do the right thing.
threebyfate Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Not sure how old you are but isn't it time to move out? If you don't like the rules, create your own household and rules or lack thereof. Older children are always the child-rearing guinea pigs, particularly the oldest one or two. 3
Author Sugarkane Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 All I get is screaming and verbal abuse
anne1707 Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 When I was younger I slept over at a guy's house. My parents went crazy. I got screamed and yelled at in the face. My sister did this recently. Not even yelled at. WTF? I'm older so why do I get less independance? I had a similar situation when I lived at home though the one who got awy with more was my older brother. Years later I asked my father why the different treatment, why was my brother allowed to do things I couldn't? First of all he did admit that was true (which is good, he saw the inequality) but his reason for it was that he expected better of me. Knowing my father now on an adult to adult basis, I can actually see that this meant that in some areas, my brother was favoured (in being allowed to do what he wanted), but in other ways I was favoured - my father was trying to protect me, look after his daughter because he could see that I had the ability to work hard and achieve something, which he respected and liked. He wanted to encourage me. So the way I see it now is that he did not have an overall favourite however he treated us differently because we were people with different personalities, attitudes and abilities. Maybe that is what your parents are doing.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 Not really I've always been mature and rarely done anything wrong. So I don't need to be constantly treated half my age. I've never done drugs or gotten pregnant. I'm not dumb and don't need to be lied to that no one grows up at my Age. When I'm in my mid 20s. I think they forget I'm not 10 anymore.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 I Also can't stand their "you have to be married just to leave home". Yet not one person in my extended family did that. Obviously they dont understand especially when their favourite doctor always insults me for living at home. I can't stand my father. If you question him he goes ape ****.
Author Sugarkane Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) Maybe I should actually show them the thread about people won't date you if you live at home? Instead of it going through one ear and straight through the other. I can't understand why a friend the same age as me, had parents the opposite. They actually got angry for him not leaving home. While mine are stuck somewhere in 1950s. Edited April 30, 2012 by Sugarkane Missed info
Philosoraptor Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 Maybe I should actually show them the thread about people won't date you if you live at home? Instead of it going through one ear and straight through the other. I can't understand why a friend the same age as me, had parents the opposite. They actually got angry for him not leaving home. While mine are stuck somewhere in 1950s. If you have the ability, they can't stop you. You have to think about yourself first so leave if it will make you happy.
FitChick Posted April 30, 2012 Posted April 30, 2012 If you have a job, leave. If you can't afford rent on a flat by yourself, share one or get a room in someone's big house. I left home at 18 and put myself through college. I never came home in the summer but stayed with flatmates and we all worked. And, yes, parents do have favorites.
Eve Posted May 1, 2012 Posted May 1, 2012 Favourites? I think parents can gravitate towards children who have a milder temperament becaue they are easier to get on with and hence, look after. Kids who moan a lot and rage often have very difficult temperaments.. but they can't see it. That's how I look at it. Clashes can also happen when a parent and child have very similar temperaments. This usually goes unresolved unless one or both can be humble. Take care, Eve x
Micki Posted May 2, 2012 Posted May 2, 2012 This is why I don't understand the prejudice against having one child. I would hate to have more than one child and have a favorite.
Author Sugarkane Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 I had a similar situation when I lived at home though the one who got awy with more was my older brother. Years later I asked my father why the different treatment, why was my brother allowed to do things I couldn't? First of all he did admit that was true (which is good, he saw the inequality) but his reason for it was that he expected better of me. Knowing my father now on an adult to adult basis, I can actually see that this meant that in some areas, my brother was favoured (in being allowed to do what he wanted), but in other ways I was favoured - my father was trying to protect me, look after his daughter because he could see that I had the ability to work hard and achieve something, which he respected and liked. He wanted to encourage me. So the way I see it now is that he did not have an overall favourite however he treated us differently because we were people with different personalities, attitudes and abilities. Maybe that is what your parents are doing. So why didn't your parents have high expectations of your brother aswell?
Author Sugarkane Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 I talked to my aunt about my situation and she said that no one could ask for a better daughter. So I really don't think I ever deserved being treated half my age. I really think my parents are more suited to my friend at work, who has a teen sister who is constantly in trouble with the law. She also smokes, drinks and never tells her parents where she is. I wish my parents had her instead!
Author Sugarkane Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 No one has actually suggested how to get them to actually treat me like an adult.
Philosoraptor Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 No one has actually suggested how to get them to actually treat me like an adult. If you are doing everything you say you are doing then there isn't much you can change about them. They will learn to respect you the moment you stand up for yourself and walk out the door as they will soon learn that they can no longer control you. 1
Author Sugarkane Posted May 3, 2012 Author Posted May 3, 2012 If you are doing everything you say you are doing then there isn't much you can change about them. They will learn to respect you the moment you stand up for yourself and walk out the door as they will soon learn that they can no longer control you. They won't whenever I stand up for myself dad goes into a rage.
g450 Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Same situation with me. Youngest of four boys was much better treated. I was the oldest of four brothers. Found out later in life why. Youngest was my fathers only biological Son. Rest of us were adopted. Did not find this out until I joined the service and needed my birth certificate. But Karma has a way of evening things out. I was the most disciplined out of the four of us. Which made me a more disciplined adult. In turn it also made me the more successful adult over my siblings. Nothing to brag about but some things that build character come back to repay you later in life in a good way. Funny how that works sometimes.
Citizen Erased Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 No one has actually suggested how to get them to actually treat me like an adult. By going out on your own and supporting yourself. 3
FitChick Posted May 4, 2012 Posted May 4, 2012 Some parents try to ensure that there is one child, generally female, who will always stay at home so they will have someone to care for them in their old age. Sounds like you've been elected.
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