rayrod354 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 So, I'm new to this and found this forum and decided to see what others think. A few months ago I saw a friend post a pic on facebook of a quote that said: "Today's relationships; You can touch each other, but not each others phones". And the person who posted the picture commented by saying that if they're good enough to invade your private body then they're good enough to share your privacy with... How do you guys feel? The reason why I ask is because my girl was on her phone and looking at her bbm and I looked over and noticed that I was still a bbm friend but I haven't had bbm since I switched to an iphone months ago. So I ask to see her phone and okay I was still a bbm friend. Then I notice that she only had three other friends on there, two female friends and someone with the name Mike the Don. So I click on the conversation and didn't get to read anything but see that it was a lengthy one. Then she strips the phone from my hands... The only reason why I looked was because the name caught me off guard. And I have never heard this guy mentioned. So am I wrong for looking? Or is she wrong?
dasein Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Hey, welcome to the forum. It's best to not look in each other's phones, FB, etc., and try to trust each other the old fashioned way IMO. If her behavior gets shifty, question her directly on it. The thing is that there is nothing a phone can -prove- but what it can do like a wrecking ball is cause all kinds of confusion and misunderstanding. "Mike the Don" could be her orthodontist for example, she may be self-conscious about her teeth, so yanks the phone away. When she does yank it away, you begin conjuring "Mike the Don" as "Mike the Don-key d-ck" bending her over a desk in an empty office at work. See how that works? Read enough of this forum over time and you will find thousands of similar misunderstandings and problems from today's ultraconnected, privacy violating comm media. Keep yourself sane and never pick up nor look in their phone until she cuts you off and starts staying out til 3. 1
Ellamay Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 We dont know? The most sensible thing to do would be to ask her. Who is mike the don? Why did you pull the phone away? Are you hiding something? might be a good way to start. If she gets defensive, shes up to something.
123321 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Hey, welcome to the forum. It's best to not look in each other's phones, FB, etc., and try to trust each other the old fashioned way IMO. If her behavior gets shifty, question her directly on it. The thing is that there is nothing a phone can -prove- but what it can do like a wrecking ball is cause all kinds of confusion and misunderstanding. I agree with this, however my GF looks through my phone all the time, so whatever. I have nothing to hide at the moment, whenever I'm under NDA again we will have to set limits.
Author rayrod354 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Okay, so brief history. We've been together for about a year and three months. In the beginning I noticed that her facebook ringtone would continuously go off. And when I looked on facebook she was not receiving any comments or anything so I figured she was receiving a lot of private messages. So, about four months after we began dating I got nosey and noticed that my suspicions were right and she was having conversations with two male friends who asked her out for drinks and she had accepted. I also saw a conversation from a new guy that she met threw a friend and for about two months he was always inviting her out for drinks and she'd always have an excuse except that she's involved and there was never any mention of her dating anyone. I even saw a close friend of mine trying to hook up with her knowing I was with her. I noticed another friend invite her out while I was with her and another friend begin to flirt with her but when she reminded him that we were together he stopped. So that caused problems for many months. I let it go. Today, we drove to the ATM and we withdrew money to buy dinner. Except that I had left my phone at the house so I did not have the restaurant number. So she gave me hers to look it up. I called the restaurant and after the call I said, "So what happens if I go through your phone?" She said, "go ahead, i have nothing to hide." And I did this because she never shows any signs of jealousy but when something happens she has her comments to say. And a few months ago she grab my phone from my hands and playing around said she was going to see what I had on there... I said go ahead because I had nothing to hide. But then today when I did the same thing she got upset. And I only looked at the conversation to see how long they had been chatting but never saw anything that was said. But she rapidly yanked it from my hands. Then she gets upset and says i'm going upstairs and am leaving my phone on the sofa, look at what you want and they I want you to go home. So then why get mad if you got nothing to hide. I only did it because I saw the name Mike the Don. So while I had the phone I said who's Mike the Don. She said it's a friend from Connecticut that used to live in the area. But i've never heard about this guy at all.
Author rayrod354 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 And I also agree with not looking through her phone. But I only became curious because of the name. Like if one of my contacts was Daisy the Diva she'd probably be curious too... Like, shouldn't you know who your partner stays in touch with? I have many friends and female friends and wouldn't care if she saw who I was staying in touch with because I always put her in my conversations or our relationship so if she ever happened to want to look she would see that I have no bad intentions...
Ellamay Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 aaah, that makes sense. Well, I wouldnt make it a priority to tell my boyfriend about an old male friend who used to live in the area who i speak to on bbm and has absolutely no bearing on me or our relationship either. Why give you reasons to be suspicious?
Author rayrod354 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 I'm sure you're right Ellamay... I have female friends that say hello from time to time but I always try and cover myself by cutting it short and making it known that i'm still in a relationship and maybe that's why I haven't been in touch. But it was how quick she took the phone from my hands that heightened my awareness to something suspicious even if her conversation was totally innocent. I've always had someone jealous in my life and now i'm with someone who never shows a single sign that she is jealous unless something happens. But then I have to say I don't give her a reason to be jealous.
dasein Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 So four dudes trying to get with your GF and she isn't telling any of them she has a BF? Is this ongoing? That's what I'm getting from your posts. If this is the case, in your shoes, I would dump, there is trouble down the road with this one if you are describing ongoing issues.
Oxy Moronovich Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 So many dudes are trying to bang rayrod's chick. yet he's still letting her treat him like a douch.
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