proactivedreamer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I've been dealing with a reoccurring issue with my boyfriend, and I am not sure what to do at this point. The issue is with communication and following through with regards to communication, and plans we make. The problem has been that he'll go several days without saying anything to me, and this would be somewhat fine if he didn't say things like " I'll text you or call you." I must add that he doesn't really have access to a regular phone-I won't go into why except to say that he is not a cell phone person, but still we are in a relationship and I want to hear from him more than I do when we are apart. And then he sometimes doesn't follow through with plans or even try to check in order to make the plans concrete. I really love and enjoy being with him when we are together, but when we are apart I feel really awful. I have my own life outside of him, but I mostly want to spend my free time with him right now. This has been a major problem for me, and I have expressed my discontent with this several times. I would elaborate so much more, but I feel embarrassed about even writing about it, and I don't want anyone to think he is a bad guy. What should I do?
Ellamay Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 What should you do hmm?? Well, first maybe not date a man with no telephone access if you desire constant communication. Second, stop being a doormat. If a man wants to do something, hes going to do it and if he doesnt then he wont. he doesnt follow through with plans, he doesntcare about plans, he doesnt contact you, he doesnt seem to care. Youve expressed your discontent, he hasnt tried to change. It sounds like youre probably not even his girlfriend.
Author proactivedreamer Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 I guess you're right.However, I am not saying I desire constant communication. I just want something a bit more regular I guess. We are in a official relationship, and yes I have talked about this issue repeatedly, so it is time for me to draw a line since nothing is changing. I have been in utter fear of ending things because I really really really like/love this guy. I'm such a dreamer and I just really want/wanted this to work out because it feels right in almost all the right ways. I don't want to go through another breakup. I want him, and I just want this one thing to be a non-issue. I want so desperately for this work with him. I can't make him meet my need, so well...pfff...ugh just don't want to go through the heartbreak. I'm feeling really low right now, but I get what you're saying. I guess I'm hoping too much.
Jane2011 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 There is a problem if he knows what you want and is unwilling to give it. I am aware that you're not supposed to make people dramatically change who they are for you. But something as simple and easy as "contact me at least once a day so I can hear your voice and feel connected with you" should be easy for any boyfriend, no matter what his life is like, no matter what his personality. That's a far cry from asking them to take on a certain profession for you, or to change his relationship with his family for you (and the like). A guy who can't give you a call, a text, or some kind of daily contact...that's bullsh*t.
Author proactivedreamer Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 There is a problem if he knows what you want and is unwilling to give it. I am aware that you're not supposed to make people dramatically change who they are for you. But something as simple and easy as "contact me at least once a day so I can hear your voice and feel connected with you" should be easy for any boyfriend, no matter what his life is like, no matter what his personality.[/quote You said what I have been trying to express for a while now. For me it is definitely about feeling "connected" when we are apart. I don't want to push the issue anything further. I feel like I only have two choices, and that's to either say this is a deal-breaker for me and walk away or just compromise and accept that this is how he is. I don't want to make a big deal out of it, but behind the issue is the fact that my need is not being met, and I feel like my guy is not willing to meet my need. And this causes me to ask bigger questions about whether this relationship is something that can be lovingly maintained. I don't want to end things but I don't want to throw up a white flag either and say I am okay with this. The relationship is easy except for this one thing.
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