Striker17 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 After 2 years together, and while still madly in love, we decided on a mutual breakup 8 months ago because she moved to a new city for school, and neither of us wanted to do an indefinite long distance (I'm going to be going to grad school soon too, and I had no idea whether or not it'd be in the same city has her). We chose to stay together up until she boarded her flight, since you can never have too much of a good thing. Despite the breakup, we agreed to stay friends. So 2 months after she moved away, she started seeing someone else while I've been playing the field a bit. After such a good relationship, I'm waiting for someone who really catches my attention. 2 months after that, she came back to my city for a visit, and I was really looking forward to seeing her. At this point, she hadn't yet told me that she was seeing someone else. In fact, she only let me know about 2 hours before she arrived that not only was she seeing someone, but that he came down with her. I was a little taken aback, but I understood, and I pretended like I didn't mind seeing them together. Inside, it really, really sucked, but at least part of me was glad to see that she was happy. Though to be honest, I was really looking forward to being intimate with her, if just for one night (not just sex, but everything else), and that obviously didn't happen. Fast forward 2 months later, and she came in for another visit on St. Patrick's day. When we were planning our meet up, she basically implied that her new boyfriend wouldn't be coming (She was flying in from her hometown, not where they live now, without him). But lo and behold, after hanging out with her all afternoon (and getting very, very drunk at this point. Hey, it was St. Patty's day after all), she dropped the bomb that he had in fact driven over here with a couple friends to meet up with her. Not only that, but they were coming over to meet up with her, and he'd be showing up in less than a minute. This had really, really hurt me. Not that I was expecting anything to happen between us, but I still have feelings for her, and I was really enjoying hanging out with her one on one again, and try as hard as I can, I just can't be close with her while he's around. Had I been given a bit more time to prepare for it (Like, say, a couple days' notice) then maybe I'd have been fine, but I definitely needed more than 30 seconds. Being really drunk, it sent me into a bad mood for the rest of the night. Thankfully after finally ditching her, her boyfriend, and their friends for some other friends of mine, they were able to cheer me up a bit, and the night wasn't a total downer. Ever since then though, I feel she's been almost avoiding me. I never got the chance to tell her how much it hurt when she didn't warn me he was going to come, because she's been too busy for a skype date, and I don't feel like doing it in writing. Since then, whenever I send her a message, she always takes forever to respond, and manages to always keep in short and concise. She rarely keeps conversations going anymore, and just feels overall distant. I feel like she's trying to avoid me (or, at least, communicating with me). Does anyone know if it's more likely that she's changed her mind about being friends? Or maybe talking to me hurts her (I know it sure as hell hurts me, but I thought maybe she'd be better off since she's at least found someone else to distract her). I just feel overall kinda ****ty about it, because we went from a couple who did almost everything together to what we are now, and it hurts to watch her try and distance herself from me. Am I doing something wrong? Is she maybe doing this because she's afraid to lead me on? If anyone's been on the other side of this situation before, I'd really appreciate some input.
Philosoraptor Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 After a breakup many pull away from one another, even with the noblest intention of being friends. It's just a fact that you need to accept. Most breakups do not end in a real friendship. Sometimes acquaintances, but mostly in but a "hi" when you cross one another. Right now you are causing your own pain. You say it was a mutual breakup, then accept that she has moved on and doesn't seem to crave your presence in her life right now. 2
silvermane187 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 She has a boyfriend. You still have feelings for her. You can't be friends under those conditions. Don't be naive. Cut the cord. 2
Kamila Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Enough with the questions. Time for action. Go no contact and heal from the break-up. Seeing each other is just prolonging the inevitable pain. 1
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 if you broke up, what on earth would make you expect to be intimate with her if only for a night? No one ever stops to think of what follows. You would have been hurt even more. Think about it; say you were intimate and then later she says "Hey! My bf is coming to hang with us!!" Ouch....You dodged a bullet. Now time to go completely NC because your heart and head will be pulled in all sorts of confusing directions. She moved on; so should you. 1
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