Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 How is postponing a date treating someone like dirt? If a girl cancels a date on you, do you write her off as a rude, manipulative person? If you do jump to that conclusion, I'd say that's more about you than it is her. I agree. Sorry, HOAL. You know I don't usually agree with ES's behavior, but I'm not really understanding why you're giving her such a hard time.
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 No that's not what I'm saying. I'm talking about her using the rain as an excuse to cancel a date. Everyone here in this thread knows that rain does not enter a car or restaurant. Do you think she's lying about her reason? Because it's her reason. Rain doesn't enter a car or restaurant, but it makes it more difficult/a hassle to get there. As a woman, you can't wear as cute an outfit, your hair gets wet, etc., etc. It sounds silly to you, and it is, but it's simply demonstrative that the hassle just isn't worth to ES. I've rescheduled a date because I decided I'd rather watch The Bachelor. *shrug*
johan Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I sort of wonder if you have her mixed up with someone else. Or maybe you recently had a rough experience you didn't bother to post about, and you're venting on ES. It's her right to postpone a date. She doesn't even need a good reason for it. If she doesn't feel like going, she's doing him a favor by putting it off. Dating isn't easy, and disappointment is a big part of it. This guy has to face that, and it looks like he did decide he over-reacted after all. She didn't treat him like dirt. Standing him up would be treating him like dirt. 1
2sunny Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Any gal that wants to lie on the sofa instead of going on a date isn't into that guy - at all. He knew it - that's why he dismissed you quickly.
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I guarantee you this SG. When your SO comes back from deployment and he would cancel a date with you because of the rain, then think back about this thread and tell me I was wrong. Why? Because you would feel worthless. Because he'd be implying rain > you. You're quite literally comparing apples to hand grenades. If my SIGNIFICANT OTHER, after being committed to each other for 10+ months, would use rain as an excuse to not see me after returning from deployment... yes, there'd probably be a problem. However, the guy in question in this fact pattern is NOT ES's SO. In fact, I think it's their first date. This early in the dating process, ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING is "allowed" to be > you. To compare the two, or to have the same expectations of someone from a first date as an established relationship, is straight up ridiculous. AND: Doesn't ES's (most likely accurate) intuition that this guy is only in it for easy sex count for anything in this situation? If you really want to talk about "treating like dirt," I'm not sure your sole focus should be on ES.
2sunny Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 It's still no excuse for not picking up the phone and making a call. Text was her easy way of avoiding any conflict - like him saying he wasn't diggin' her canceling.
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Sigh. I can't be f*cked right now to quote an older thread of hers, but the guy said he was open to a relationship, yet she only wants to f*ck him, yet has him take her on dates and told him to go slow. Now she's just playing with him over the rain thing. On top of that she's f*cking another guy at the same time. She really, really does not give a f*ck about these guys. She is frustrated about her breakup, she is prone to rebound, she's going to hurt people when she keeps acting like this. Huh? Who is she sleeping with right now? She ditched the model, if that's who you're talking about. And the guy in THIS thread first was quite forward with ES and told her to stop being complicated within just a few minutes of meeting her, and only said he was "open" to a relationship after ES said she didn't want just sex. That's guy talk for "I'll tell you I'm open to a relationship, but I really just want sex, but I'll tell you that I'm open to a relationship to let you think it's a possibility, even though it's really not."
carhill Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Is bad weather not a valid reason or something? Sounds valid to me. One of many valid reasons for delaying or canceling a date. Anyhow, he apologized for his over-reaction. He has dinner at his sisters tomorrow and after unsuccessfully trying to talk me into still coming tonight, we re-scheduled for Thursday. It worked out. That's promising. Now I just have no feelings for anyone. Never happened before, I was always into someone, ever since I was 15. I'm not a mathematician but I call this 'loving the subset of zero'. There was always someone I could say 'I love you' to in my mind. That space is empty. It's peaceful and a bit scary at the same time. I thought it's going to get better in time and but it's actually getting worse. Nearly 3 months since the break up and I feel more dead each day. The corner will come. Distractions may help you the same way solitude helped me. Go with what works for you.
crazylove Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 No, I am not playing games at all. I am just not terribly interested, in him or dating in general. I am trying to push myself into it because when I was like that last time, it took me 4 years to start dating again. I feel dead inside and I don't like feeling like this at all. He knows about my break-up and how I feel about dating and was willing to still have a go and see what happens. Anyhow, he apologized for his over-reaction. He has dinner at his sisters tomorrow and after unsuccessfully trying to talk me into still coming tonight, we re-scheduled for Thursday. ...let's hope it's not raining on Thursday.... If as you say you're not interested in dating him, then why string him along?
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 However she did ask him to date her and go slow why she was f*cking the French guy. Inaccurate. French guy was gone before she even met this guy. He told her to stop being complicated, because she wasn't properly communicating what she wanted. Not that he wanted to simplify their interaction to sex. This guy was telling her to stop being complicated within a few minutes of meeting her at a night club, and making it clear he wanted to have sex with her. He was feeding her lines and trying to get in her pants, and trying to make her feel silly in order to get her to comply with his wishes. You may not understand the way sleezy men work/operate, but it was clear to me what this guy was after from the second paragraph of her first thread about him. That's an assumption on your part. Not really. I bet good money I'm spot on.
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Sounds valid to me. One of many valid reasons for delaying or canceling a date. Any reason is a valid reason for delaying a date.
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Because she just wants to f*ck him and doesn't give a f*ck about him. Have you seen any facts that suggest he cares about her? Why are you coming down on her so hard?
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 He said he was open to a relationship and he's following up on his promise to take her out on dates. A request that ES made. He's been consistent until now. Do you really think the guy who was pressuring her for sex at a nightclub shortly after meeting her and told her to stop being complicated is sincerely open to a relationship? C'mon. Regardless, ANY reason is a good enough reason to RESCHEDULE a date. I can't fathom why you're getting so bent out of shape of this. If it were someone other than ES rescheduling the date due to bad weather, would you be as upset?
Emilia Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I did. I's raining and cold and wind nearly broke my umbrella. I texted the "simplify" guy to better move the dinner to another time, like tomorrow or the day after. He responded "forget it" Is bad weather not a valid reason or something? If it was a first date I would tell the guy to forget it too, especially if he cancelled on me on the day. No time for flakes. 1
Woggle Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 He probably senses you are not into it so he just decided to say the hell with it. Can't blame him. Just move on.
yongyong Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I wonder how this lady met this guy. Did he pressure you to go out on a date? You just wanted to have a free meal because you can't afford? There are some weird ladies out there. Eg: you saw the used car on sale. you liked it and told him you had a cash. you asked him to write a bill of sale and he says 'Let me think about it' WTF? If your xxxxx is not for sale, don't put it on the market.
Els Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I stand behind what I've been saying in this thread. I think the rain excuse is so petty, that she devalued him as a person. That is at the core of what I've been trying to say in this thread. Whoa, aren't you exaggerating a little here? If someone reschedules a meeting with you, they're 'devaluing you as a person'? Really?? Save the term for behaviour that really warrants it, please. It's debatable whether or not rain is a 'good excuse' - I personally think it isn't, and that she's only doing it because she senses that he isn't that interested in her and she conversely isn't that interested in him. But that's as good a reason as any, at this stage. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Yong, I thought my xxxxx may be for sale but once I have put it on the market, I realized I do not want to sell it. 2
Emilia Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 No, because sometimes you have to look at what a person is implying, rather than saying directly. That being said, ES did literally say that she only wanted to f*ck him and didn't give a f*ck about him. So both her words and what she implies match up. According to her he has no value whatsoever to her. So where am I exaggerating when I say that? It's not about the rescheduling, but I indicated that before. You have probably taken this more seriously than the guy in question. I agree with some of your points but on this level, this isn't a big deal
Emilia Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Everyone might be thinking at this point that I'm following this line of thought because it's ES, but I thought the exact same thing when a woman canceled a date on a guy and used "have to do some vacuum cleaning today" as an excuse. And I told the guy that was on the receiving end of that, the very same things that I've been saying in this thread. It's not her reason of why she canceled the date that ticks me off. It's the excuse she told him with which she devalued him. It's one thing to cancel a date because you want to watch The Bachelor, it's another thing to tell your date: "I know we have a date tonight, but The Bachelor is on." Think about how hearing that makes someone feel. You can replace "The Bachelor" with "rain" or "vacuum cleaning". What do you all want me to say? Applaud her and enable her in this thread for having done that? Because that seems why she has made this thread. I just refused to play along with that. I don't feel like being taken for a fool today. I get it. Some guys cancel because they want to go out with their mates instead of the girl and they lie. They cancel on her last minute on a Friday or Saturday night because they know she will be around the following week. A flake is a flake. Plenty of them around. It's better to find out early on. At the end of the day, I believe in karma partly because when a person believes they can treat people like this, they will be treated the same way since they don't know better.
betterdeal Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 You sound whimsical to me, Eternal. Not a bad thing: just a characteristic, and maybe your subconscious *was* making excuses to not see this chap. If so, I wonder why your conscious mind was pushing to see him? An element of people pleasing, perhaps? As for people pushing you to not be whimsical, that's like telling Phoebe in Friends to be Monica. You are good looking, and men will want there to be a certain personality to go with the looks, and some will go to the point of trying to force that personality on you. You don't have to accept that if you don't want to.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 You sound whimsical to me, Eternal. Not a bad thing: just a characteristic, and maybe your subconscious *was* making excuses to not see this chap. If so, I wonder why your conscious mind was pushing to see him? An element of people pleasing, perhaps? As for people pushing you to not be whimsical, that's like telling Phoebe in Friends to be Monica. You are good looking, and men will want there to be a certain personality to go with the looks, and some will go to the point of trying to force that personality on you. You don't have to accept that if you don't want to. Actually, I will take whimsical as a compliment I accomplished a lot in my life by pushing through my fears. I wouldn't be where I am today (mainly in my career but in other areas as well) if I didn't push through an instinctive feeling of "uncomfortableness". Being "safe" and "comfortable" is not always a good thing. The trouble here is to distinguish when I should legitimately push myself and when I should just listen to my subconscious and simply don't do it...
firehawk_1 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I did. I's raining and cold and wind nearly broke my umbrella. I texted the "simplify" guy to better move the dinner to another time, like tomorrow or the day after. He responded "forget it" Is bad weather not a valid reason or something? not given the poor mans experience. always hearing "ligitimate" excuses but actually arent and women lying about it. come on, wake up and smell the coffee people - you have used "innocent" excuses to get out of something and mess guys around. it is now coming back and biting you in the butt because of your own stupidity. but yes it is a shame.... but its how it is now. too much hassle. too much game playing. and hurt too! (do you know what the human emotion is?) just tell him that it is true and you are still interested in him and not to make it like the rest of them, like his past. be sincere and sweet - not "take it or leave it" attitude like it always seems these days which is soooo off putting
kaylan Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I wouldnt bother with a chick who flaked on me because of rain either. Women have been known to use lame excuses like that so they dont have to chill with someone...so why in the world would I assume a girl was into me at all if she used that excuse? Ive learned not to give wishy washy girls the time of day. And if they want to make assumptions about my interest, I say let them. I have no interest in someone who has little interest in me.
soserious1 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Yeah, this is pretty much how I feel, spot on. These are new feelings for me. Last time I didn't date was because I had strong feelings for my boss and had no interest in anyone else. Now I just have no feelings for anyone. Never happened before, I was always into someone, ever since I was 15. And yes, I wish he left it at "forget it". Now I am facing Thursday which is better than tonight, but not by much. I should probably just "end it". Your current attitude towards this man is frankly appalling! Do this guy a favor, CALL him on the telephone & tell him straight up that you are battling mental health issues at the moment & aren't fit to date anyone currently, thank him sincerely for his interest in you, apologize for jerking him around & wish him well in his next relationship.
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