Eternal Sunshine Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I did. I's raining and cold and wind nearly broke my umbrella. I texted the "simplify" guy to better move the dinner to another time, like tomorrow or the day after. He responded "forget it" Is bad weather not a valid reason or something?
mortensorchid Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Not enough information. But if he is going to react like that maybe you should reconsider the situation. I would be as sympathetic as possible to others if they had to cancel.
USCGAviator Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I cancelled my bike ride today due to bad weather! cool story huh? 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Not enough information. But if he is going to react like that maybe you should reconsider the situation. I would be as sympathetic as possible to others if they had to cancel. Especially cause I offered re-schedule for tomorrow. Ah well, his loss.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Were you having a picnic outdoors?! lol Nah, I just wanted to curl up on my couch, crank up the heating and watch a movie of my choice I still think he over-reacted.
yongyong Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 how about telling him you are on your period and smell very funny right now? you know why I am giving you this kind of answer? Nah, I just wanted to curl up on my couch, crank up the heating and watch a movie of my choice I still think he over-reacted.
garycoleman Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 If it's a blizzard then it's a valid reason. If it's rain, then no.
2sunny Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 To CALL would be more considerate. A text to cancel is SO impersonal and quite rude. You couldn't make effort to hear his voice? To have a conversation?
johan Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Not sure what I would think. Sometimes you get sensitive to things not going right. If something like this happens, it feels like too much to deal with. It seems simple, but actually at the very start a re-schedule feels like a much bigger deal. On the second or third date it's more tolerable. Depends what mood I'm in and what I had planned, I guess. If it was a casual thing and I wasn't feeling especially insecure, I'd probably shrug it off and wait until the next day. How well we had been interacting would make a difference as well: chemistry would make it easier to wait. No chemistry would probably make it seem like too much "red tape", so to speak. 1
Ellamay Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) If the weather is going to make you cancel a date then you must've not really wanted to go on it. It wouldn't be cold and rainy inside a restaurant, so that excuse is not valid. Edited April 24, 2012 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
johan Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 You're losing my respect, you're treating people like dirt by acting this way. Channel the frustrations of your breakup some other way than having other people be on the receiving end of it. I don't see it as bad behavior. I also don't see it as an act of unresolved anger. It's more what someone who isn't very excited to date does. They let little things become excuses not to follow through. You tend not to realize how jaded you've become until you have something set up, and then you realize it's really not what you want to do. You try again a few times, wondering if it's just chemistry or timing or if it's you. After you realize it's you, then you stop making dates. These are new feelings for ES. Getting jaded and burnt out sneaks up on you. She didn't cancel outright, she just wanted to wait. Probably not realizing what she is actually doing is procrastinating. And it was a relief when he said forget it. 1
ASG Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Yeah... bad weather is not a valid excuse. At all. You flaked on him and he's just not taking it. Which is fair enough.
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I still think he over-reacted. He made his intentions clear, ES. He's looking for someone easy, in more ways than one. 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 No, I am not playing games at all. I am just not terribly interested, in him or dating in general. I am trying to push myself into it because when I was like that last time, it took me 4 years to start dating again. I feel dead inside and I don't like feeling like this at all. He knows about my break-up and how I feel about dating and was willing to still have a go and see what happens. Anyhow, he apologized for his over-reaction. He has dinner at his sisters tomorrow and after unsuccessfully trying to talk me into still coming tonight, we re-scheduled for Thursday.
johan Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 He made his intentions clear, ES. He's looking for someone easy, in more ways than one. There isn't enough information to conclude that. He could have just figured he's being put off. If he picked up on her lack of enthusiasm previously, he may just have decided she's not very interested at all. He just took it hard. That's a possibility anyway.
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 There isn't enough information to conclude that. He could have just figured he's being put off. If he picked up on her lack of enthusiasm previously, he may just have decided she's not very interested at all. He just took it hard. That's a possibility anyway. Everything's a possibility, but given what she's described about this guy already, he's not looking for someone or something that requires him to put in any effort. That's my read, a possibility anyway. 1
SJC2008 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Search my posts and go to "Why would she do this". It was raining and I texted her after a few exchanges "I don't want to force anything due to the weather but it slowed down on my side so I say lets do it". She changed her mind and said she had things to do and I was disappointed. When I posted here everyones reaction was that I was wishy washy or acted like I was playing it cool. That's fine, I asked for opinions and it is what it is. I was legitimately concerned about the weather. Poor word choice (story of my life) I guess but oh well. The next time I won't mention the rain, nevermind that Houston floods if you spit in the street. If you didn't feel like going out bc of the weather fine. But it's on the canceler to offer a SOLID alternative, especially if it's early on so it doesn't seem like you're flaking. So if you didn't offer an alt I would of been like whatever too.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 I don't see it as bad behavior. I also don't see it as an act of unresolved anger. It's more what someone who isn't very excited to date does. They let little things become excuses not to follow through. You tend not to realize how jaded you've become until you have something set up, and then you realize it's really not what you want to do. You try again a few times, wondering if it's just chemistry or timing or if it's you. After you realize it's you, then you stop making dates. These are new feelings for ES. Getting jaded and burnt out sneaks up on you. She didn't cancel outright, she just wanted to wait. Probably not realizing what she is actually doing is procrastinating. And it was a relief when he said forget it. Yeah, this is pretty much how I feel, spot on. These are new feelings for me. Last time I didn't date was because I had strong feelings for my boss and had no interest in anyone else. Now I just have no feelings for anyone. Never happened before, I was always into someone, ever since I was 15. And yes, I wish he left it at "forget it". Now I am facing Thursday which is better than tonight, but not by much. I should probably just "end it".
johan Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 You're a good guy Johan, but I think that sometimes you shouldn't let other people bullsh*t you or treat you badly. So in my opinion it would be fair to call ES on her bullsh*t. She's playing with those guys as if they're not human beings and she knows it. I'm not going to make excuses for her. I would agree with you if she was jerking him around. I don't see a pattern like that. She's just fighting through her ambivalence. Postponing a date is not bad behavior. She's just finding herself on the fence and wishing she wasn't. This is very common, I think. There are a lot of people trying to be enthusiastic about dating, because they like love and don't want to be alone. They are surprised and confused by how negative they also feel about it.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 The puzzling thing is that my feeling of being jaded is growing. I thought it's going to get better in time and but it's actually getting worse. Nearly 3 months since the break up and I feel more dead each day.
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 You might be fooling Johan, but you're not fooling me. Play that game ES. Playing a game assumes a level of intentional manipulation. I don't think ES is being manipulative here. In order to be manipulative, she'd have to care. She doesn't seem to care one way or the other about this guy. Wouldn't you agree? 1
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 I would agree with you if she was jerking him around. I don't see a pattern like that. She's just fighting through her ambivalence. Postponing a date is not bad behavior. She's just finding herself on the fence and wishing she wasn't. This is very common, I think. There are a lot of people trying to be enthusiastic about dating, because they like love and don't want to be alone. They are surprised and confused by how negative they also feel about it. johan understands me
Star Gazer Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Oh I agree that she doesn't care about the guy. What I don't agree with is that she's making it seem like she has justified reasons for treating someone like that. Why? Because she made a thread to get acknowledgement for what she did. But she's not getting that from me, I'm not going to pat her on the back for treating others like dirt. Treating someone like what, exactly? Rescheduling a date because you're not feeling up for it (for whatever reason) is now "treating someone like dirt"? Really? That's poor behavior? Do you think it would it be better to put yourself out and make yourself uncomfortable and show up and be poor company knowing you weren't in the mood to go on the date, and thus wasting his time?
johan Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 How is postponing a date treating someone like dirt? If a girl cancels a date on you, do you write her off as a rude, manipulative person? If you do jump to that conclusion, I'd say that's more about you than it is her.
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