Online dating contact progression?

[Ruby Slippers]

So, I'm starting to get messages from guys who seem like decent to good matches on OLD. The only way I've met guys from online before is through chat, where I chatted with them for a while (usually weeks) before we progressed to phone conversations, then possibly a date.

 

So, this guy who seems great messaged me tonight, and when I replied, immediately wanted to talk or text via phone, gives me his number. I suggested we chat through the site a bit, since it's way easier to type on the computer. So then he suggests we talk on the phone tomorrow night. This seems too fast/aggressive to me. I'd like to talk to him a bit over chat first.

 

Just curious about the steps most people talk on OLD before meeting. How does it typically unfold for you?

[january2011]

Site Messages and/or Site IM > Off-site Email > Telephone > Skype > Meeting

 

If I didn't feel ready to progress to the next stage, I pretty much said the same thing you did. And if they weren't happy with that, tough.

[CarrieT]

I actually like the phone call early on because I feel as though I can get a sense of someone more easily through their voice than the silly IM function or even texting.

 

I appreciate it when a guy is willing to talk sooner rather than later. Talking directly can either make or break a potential a lot more quickly for me and I hated the time I wasted on guys that I just texted or IM'd.

[dasein]

I put in my profile that "we are all on a dating site, be ready to go out and have some fun, if you are looking for penpals and I happen to mail you, please hit the 'not interested' button and send me on my way."

 

Then, once they respond to my initial email, I say in the next email, "let's talk on the phone, my number is bbbbbbb. If you are comfortable with it, and would rather me call you, send your number along."

 

The results are one oddity of my OLD experience, due to the way I have it set up in the profile I think, and that my profile tells lots about me as opposed to being bare bones, 99% of the women I correspond with send me their number or call me after that second email from me. I can only remember one who didn't, hence the 99%. Most of those send their number, only a handful have called me first, only one or two bothered to block their number when they called.

 

What are you going to learn -reliably- about someone via AIM that you aren't going to learn better face-to-face? OTOH the tendency to get emotionally involved with an illusion of a person is quite a risk via email and AIM IME, have made that mistake myself several times, so best to get things to face-to-face as fast as possible so we don't waste each others' time.

[Ellamay]

I think talking on the phone is a good thing. Why waste time chatting, either you want to get to know them or not. Theres nothing you can say in chat that you cant say over the phone quicker and get a better idea what they really mean and who they really are. I would be suspicious of someone who didnt want to speak on the phone, its like theyre hiding something.

[Ruby Slippers]

I think talking on the phone is a good thing. Why waste time chatting, either you want to get to know them or not. Theres nothing you can say in chat that you cant say over the phone quicker and get a better idea what they really mean and who they really are. I would be suspicious of someone who didnt want to speak on the phone, its like theyre hiding something.

For one thing, you can tell whether he is intelligent enough to write in coherent sentences, rather than text speak. And determine whether you really have anything in common.

 

For me, talking on the phone is much more personal, and I don't want to give out my landline OR cell number to a guy I know basically nothing about. I think I'm pretty good at separating the good guys from the predators and whackos via chat. Of course, you never know, so you take further precautions - but it's a good start.

 

I told him I wanted to chat on the site first. If he can't respect that, it wouldn't be a match, anyway.

 

I have another date lined up this weekend with a guy from Yahoo chat, my lucky zone. He drives a truck, plays a bunch of sports, and works at the police station. He seems so sweet and fun. He turned on his webcam and he has a quilt on his bed in the background. I was thinking about cuddling up in that quilt for days after I saw it. lol He keeps telling me I'm "way out of his league", but I am insisting to him it's not true and I want to go out with him. I hope he doesn't prove that I'm wrong about him. But no worries - it's just a date.

[Andy_K]

For me it goes:

 

Message on site --> Agree to meet up --> Exchange numbers --> maybe a few texts to confirm or stay in touch till the day of the date.

 

I don't bother with offline emails, skype, phonecalls, or anything like that.

[Emilia]

For me it goes:

 

Message on site --> Agree to meet up --> Exchange numbers --> maybe a few texts to confirm or stay in touch till the day of the date.

 

I don't bother with offline emails, skype, phonecalls, or anything like that.

 

Yes this would be my preferred method too. Though I think a phone call is probably a good idea.

[persevere]

I don't see any thing wrong with talking early on. It's more personal than email or text. However, I usually won't talk too long and save stuff to talk about on date. I figure by the time you've reached talking on the phone, you may as well meet out anyway.

[Andy_K]

Yes this would be my preferred method too. Though I think a phone call is probably a good idea.

 

I know a lot of people are big on phonecalls. I'm not myself... I rarely talk to a girl on the phone when I'm in a relationship with her, let alone dating. I'll do it if a date suggests it to feel more comfortable around me, but if she doesn't bring it up then I won't.

[Emilia]

I know a lot of people are big on phonecalls. I'm not myself... I rarely talk to a girl on the phone when I'm in a relationship with her, let alone dating. I'll do it if a date suggests it to feel more comfortable around me, but if she doesn't bring it up then I won't.

 

It's more about hearing the person's voice before you have the first date. I met a really weird guy once through OLD, I wouldn't have if I had spoken to him on the phone beforehand.

 

I like calls but only with a purpose so they don't tend to last longer than 10 minutes max.

[truth_seeker]

What does everyone makes of this:

 

I contacted a girl via OLD and she replied. I knew this girl IRL and just happened to see her online. She wanted to meet me and asked me to keep emailing her. When I replied her profile was gone. It was there, as I could still write to her, but parts of it became invisible. I think it was hidden?

 

I never heard from her after this. Weird.

[january2011]

For one thing, you can tell whether he is intelligent enough to write in coherent sentences, rather than text speak. And determine whether you really have anything in common.

 

For me, talking on the phone is much more personal, and I don't want to give out my landline OR cell number to a guy I know basically nothing about. I think I'm pretty good at separating the good guys from the predators and whackos via chat. Of course, you never know, so you take further precautions - but it's a good start.

 

Yes, my thoughts exactly! High levels of literacy and intelligence are important to me and I can start to fall for someone based solely on their writing. It's too easy to get wrapped up in phone calls with people who are fast talkers, but I haven't come across many people who write well.

 

And someone who pushes for personal contact details without considering that some women might consider that invasive so early on in the conversation is probably not going to be a match.

 

Truth_seeker - Why not ask her how she did that. Less confrontational than asking her why she did that, but if you know she doesn't mind directness, then try the why question.

Edited April 24, 2012 by january2011

[Imajerk17]

Wow, maybe I'm doing this all wrong. I tend to move much faster. I ask for the phone number after 2 or 3 email exchanges, or after her first long email to me, which sometimes might be after her first email back to me. Then we have one phone conversation during which we set up the date.

 

I'm cool if a woman wants to slow the pace down, but I rarely get an objection.

 

So for me, the time from first contact to phone number is only like 1--4 days usually, and then from phone number to date is from a few days to a week, depending on our schedules. So very often we go from making first contact to actually meeting up in span of 4 days. Yes that fast.

Edited April 24, 2012 by Imajerk17

[Jane2011]

I'm pretty flexible about the whole process (so many different factors come into play -- how good-looking he is, how interested I am, how busy I/he was that week, i.e. I could talk to one guy for two weeks and feel like I got to know him a lot, whereas I could talk to another guy for two weeks and feel like we're just scratching the surface. Hence, different meeting times might be in order).

 

But...generally speaking, I'd like to talk online *lightly but sufficiently* for about two weeks (with a hint toward getting together somewhere at the tail end of the that). Talk on phone *once* for about 15-20 minutes just before the date, and have the date some time in the third week.

 

There was a time when I preferred to talk on the phone to get to know people, but nowadays I like to check out how they express themselves in writing for a while. I require a higher degree of brains/intellect than I used to, so while I don't need a guy who is a self-proclaimed writer, I want him to be a guy who can express himself in writing. A guy who says "I don't like writing, can we talk on the phone?"...not favorable. (I'm an English teacher, for God's sake; I can't abide by a person who isn't writing and reading oriented).

 

That said, even the emailing back and forth process isn't always "telling" of chemistry. I've experienced all different combinations of...liked him on email but not on phone, didn't like him on email but did on phone, liked him on email but not on phone but did in person.

 

The in-person meeting is the decider, no matter what.

[Emilia]

So for me, the time from first contact to phone number is only like 1--4 days usually, and then from phone number to date is from a few days to a week, depending on our schedules. So very often we go from making first contact to actually meeting up in span of 4 days. Yes that fast.

 

About a week is ideal for me. I like getting a 'feel' for a guy within reason, 4 days might be a little too quick. If we are not getting anywhere after a week I lose interest. I recognise time wasters now quickly.

[WildHorses]

So, I'm starting to get messages from guys who seem like decent to good matches on OLD. The only way I've met guys from online before is through chat, where I chatted with them for a while (usually weeks) before we progressed to phone conversations, then possibly a date.

 

So, this guy who seems great messaged me tonight, and when I replied, immediately wanted to talk or text via phone, gives me his number. I suggested we chat through the site a bit, since it's way easier to type on the computer. So then he suggests we talk on the phone tomorrow night. This seems too fast/aggressive to me. I'd like to talk to him a bit over chat first.

 

Just curious about the steps most people talk on OLD before meeting. How does it typically unfold for you?

 

I'm not into online dating, but many people do it, and I know some people that have success stories from it.

 

If you are wanting to take your time to get to know somebody, through online dating, and only feel comfortable talking through the computer for some time, that is perfectly okay. A decent man will not push you to talk on the phone right away, get sour with you for making that choice. So, if they cannot respect that, then that would be a clue that this person is not somebody worth moving forward with. A gentlemen will be respectful of your wishes.

[OliveOyl]

What are you going to learn -reliably- about someone via AIM that you aren't going to learn better face-to-face? OTOH the tendency to get emotionally involved with an illusion of a person is quite a risk via email and AIM IME, have made that mistake myself several times, so best to get things to face-to-face as fast as possible so we don't waste each others' time.

 

This. There is just so much you can't tell until you meet face-to-face. People can come across as very intelligent and personable through chat/IM and yet when you meet them you get a whole different "vibe." I've also had the reverse happen (don't come across great through chat, but in person it's a very different experience).

 

The risk of developing a "pseudo" relationship through online chatting and emailling is also pretty high, which is why I think OLD prospects should be met sooner rather than later.

[truth_seeker]

This. There is just so much you can't tell until you meet face-to-face. People can come across as very intelligent and personable through chat/IM and yet when you meet them you get a whole different "vibe." I've also had the reverse happen (don't come across great through chat, but in person it's a very different experience).

 

The risk of developing a "pseudo" relationship through online chatting and emailling is also pretty high, which is why I think OLD prospects should be met sooner rather than later.

 

This is why I do not like OLD. Too many people lie and play games. My experience has been the women sound great via email and on the phone but in person were a dud.

 

Lets face it: OLD is for those who are somewhat desperate and craving attention. I've been there at one point when prospects dried up and no where else to turn. So I know there is truth to what I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with OLD but if you go into with a warped mentality and expect every person to live up to your standards and expectations, you will suffer a serious letdown.

 

I think the old fashion way is the ideal way to go. Live your life, keep busy and unexpectedly you'll meet someone special.

[Emilia]

Lets face it: OLD is for those who are somewhat desperate and craving attention. I've been there at one point when prospects dried up and no where else to turn. So I know there is truth to what I'm saying. There's nothing wrong with OLD but if you go into with a warped mentality and expect every person to live up to your standards and expectations, you will suffer a serious letdown.

 

There is a lot of truth in this (no pun intended ) I'm on a site and I keep looking out for a good guy but I'm focusing on real life. It's a much better way of meeting someone.

[Imajerk17]

Story from this week:

 

Emailed a girl on Monday. She emailed me back Monday night, long response. I emailed her back later that night asking for her number. She emailed me Tuesday morning (yesterday) with her number. I called her last night.

 

<36 hours from first contact to phone call. That's actually not that uncommon at all.

[gotye]

I would rather meet up fairly fast, I can lose interest within a few weeks time. I get like 3 messages a day OLD and if one of those 3 guys seem more interesting, you better come fast.