bluewater1964 Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 Hello All. Hoping to get a little advice. I have been divorced for 2 years. About 5 months ago I met this woman at work. I originally thought she was single and we quickly began flirting via e-mail. Shortly thereafter she disclosed that she was married. We continued to flirt via e-mail and after a couple of months started to discuss a relationship. Originally we each agreed that we should not proceed but that didnt happen. We would e-mail many times during the day and began doing things after work and on weekends. Apparently her husband did not enjoy doing things with her. I warned her about the emotional bonds that were developing but it did not slow down our progressing relationship. About 6 weeks ago the relationship turned physical. At that point I knew I was falling in love with her and told her so. Soon our conversations, e-mails and online chats all ended in I LOVE YOU and she began talking about leaving her husband. This is her 2nd marriage and she has two adorable children from her first marriage. Two weeks ago after a couple days of silence she sent me an e-mail that stating that she just couldnt do it any more. She admited to being in love with me but that the relationship wasnt fair to me or anyone else. After a few more days I finally was able to speak with her on the phone and bared my soul to her. The last two weeks we have progressed emotionally to a new level although I have only seen her in person for half an hour. Well today, again after two days of silence, I received another I CANT email. I know this woman loves me. And honestly I love her more than I have ever loved another woman, including my ex-wife. I know the situation is tough for her and I have let her know on many occaisions that I will wait for her to do what she must do in her current situation. Can anyone give me advice to help me save the relationship that I have with her? After dating many women for the past two years she is the first that I have clicked with on an emotional and physical level. In fact, everything has been perfect with her. I do not want her to get away. Thank you........
sportsloving Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 The only thing that comes to mind is that you are going to have to let her go so that she can decide and do what she must do. If she truly loves you and wants to be with you, she is going to need to leave the husband and deal with all the emotions attached. I don't imagine this is an easy situation for you, but I don't know that there is anything you can do other than try to be supportive ... whether she stays in her marriage or not. Good luck to you.
Tootrustingguy Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 I'm in a similar situation. I have learned this much so far...I just need to learn to take my own advice! She needs to get a divorce because she wants to get a divorce. She needs to do it for her. Not for you! If she does it for you, then you have no guarantees what-so-ever that she will not find another man she likes better than you later on. SOME justification exists if she divorces for herself. After the divorce, your options multiply and you two can do as you please. For the moment the law ties your hands. Why is her marriage so bad? As in my situation, I know one half of the story. My MW is driving me insane with her excuses of why she hasn't left yet and her jealousy, etc. First off, your MW may have contributed more to the break down of the relationship between her husband and herself. Keep in mind that you are hearing only her version of the story. There is a good chance later on you might find yourself in a situation just like her husband is in now. So basically, you really need to know this woman, but you can't do that until she gets a divorce. You better trust!! I will be flat out honest...best thing you can do most likely, is run. Turn tail and run. Doing so will likely save you from severe heartache and save you from your life taking a beating. If this is what you want, go about it smartly and I wish you well, just know it's not heart-freindly at all and heavy risks abound. Good luck!
Stripey Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 I know that feeling - that you have NEVER loved anyone like it. That the emotional and the physical combine in a way you've only dreamed of. I wish I could show you the hundreds of emails that my MM and I (also a MW) exchanged. You wont believe this but I will tell you anyway. It feels more real than anything you have known - BUT IT IS NOT!!!! Sure there is real love there, but the intensity is magnified because of the circumstances of the relationship. Its like having a drug that heightens all your senses - there is real emotion there, but the intensity is manufactured. You cannot MAKE this situation work out how you want. It is impossible. Us humans are very predicatable in our behaviour. If she leaves under pressure she will likely always blame you for the way her marriage ended and carry a burden of guilt that will erode your relationship. The only way you will share a future that has a chance of being successful is if she divorces because she believes there is really no future in her marriage (and that will require her to really try again) and then she will need time on her own - probably 6 months or so. So my advise is the same. Walk away. Itll hurt like hell, but for not as long as you think. And youll be suprised how you look back at your relationship in 3 months time. I feel for you. Good luck. PS I forced the realtionship - and I lost him forever for the same reasons. You have a choice.
VivianLee Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 Read carefully and listen to the advice that has already been given!!! Two weeks ago after a couple days of silence she sent me an e-mail that stating that she just couldnt do it any more. She admited to being in love with me but that the relationship wasnt fair to me or anyone else. After a few more days I finally was able to speak with her on the phone and bared my soul to her. The last two weeks we have progressed emotionally to a new level although I have only seen her in person for half an hour. Well today, again after two days of silence, I received another I CANT email. I know this woman loves me. And honestly I love her more than I have ever loved another woman, including my ex-wife. I know the situation is tough for her and I have let her know on many occaisions that I will wait for her to do what she must do in her current situation. Can anyone give me advice to help me save the relationship that I have with her? After dating many women for the past two years she is the first that I have clicked with on an emotional and physical level. In fact, everything has been perfect with her. I do not want her to get away. PLEASE<PLEASE< LEAVE HER ALONE!! I've been in her situation (although the difference is that you are single) and even if she feels the same strong bond, love and happiness, she knows what her part of the marriage failure has been PLUS she probably loves her husband and children enough to care about them and not want to hurt them.... She could probably stay away from you the first time she wrote the "I CAN'T" e-mail but then y'all talked on the phone.....she could probably stay away this time if you don't try to contact her again..... However, if you e-mail or talk, she's going to be right back into things stronger than ever. That may flatter you or make you feel that the love is strong.....whatever is truly felt in an affair, I have found out that it's the addiction to the person (that is caused by the feeling you get from having an affair) that keeps a peson coming back. It doesn't matter how bad the affair is for both parties or how much the person wants out, I believe that being addicted to a person is a habit that is almost as hard to break as being addicted to heroin or cigarettes!! If you truly love her as much as you say you do and she really wants to stay in her marriage, you will let her go. You talk about what good she is for you and how she makes you feel....if you truly love her, then this situation won't be handled based on what YOU feel but what she needs to do. Let her go, help her get you out of her system by not contacting her. Please! For her sake.....
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