favoritepills Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 To recap: my first love dumped me ten days ago, I was shattered and came to this forum for help. With some good advice and the support of an awesome roommate, I was standing on my own two feet again. Last Friday my ex emailed me some breadcrumbs ("I'm here if you want to talk," "I still have your gloves, I'll send them to you eventually"). I was pissed. "I'm not his security blanket, and I don't need his pity!" That email gave me the anger and strength I needed to finally block his number and route his emails to a hidden folder. I was done waiting. On Sunday night, he left a voicemail. His voice was very sad and quiet. "Just wanted to talk to you. If you don't feel like it, it's fine, you don't have to call back. I just...I needed to try. [long pause] ...I love you. Still. I guess that's why I called." This morning, I was on my way to my new shrink, and as I searched my inbox for something to show him, I found a new email in the hidden folder. It was really long, but here's a snippet that explains it: I'm a fool, and I still love you, and I can't stop loving you. Even if these words don't get through, even if they never even get read, I have to write them, because I can't stop loving you. You have every right to be done with me, but I can't let things go any longer without at least telling you. Maybe, when it's all added up, in those moments I didn't love you enough to stay strong and fight instead of letting it go, but I was so very wrong, and I love you too much to let this happen without trying to make things better. Hell, just working up the guts to write you and tell you that I love you is the best thing that's happened to me all week. Part of me is a bit wary -- the letter seemed heartfelt, but maybe he's just saying this because he's suddenly in withdrawal after he realized I wasn't going to jump at the first breadcrumb he threw my way. That I wasn't pining away, sitting by the phone. Or am I being overly skeptical? And if we did give it another go, I realize we have to start from scratch, really work on the things that were wrong with our relationship, take it slow. My question is for LS regulars who have had successful reconciliations: How did you approach it? Did you take it slow, or just jump back in? What do you recommend?
Mr Scorpio Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 With my "reconciliation" I took things slow. In the end, this led to the dissolution of the reconciliation. My ex was the dumper. She left me out of nowhere with no warning, at least no warning that an average man would have picked up on. Therefore, I was weary about giving the relationship a second try. Because of that, she signed up on match, eventually got back together with me, and then dumped me a few weeks later. I'm confused by reading the posts that you have linked too. Obviously the breakup hurt you a great deal. Yet at the same time you say you had GIGS leading to the breakup? Might you still have GIGS right now? More concerning to me is your comment about him being a broke college student living with his parents and your uncertainty about being able to wait for him to be financially stable. IMO, love doesn't work that way. In this economy, there are MBA's working at McDonalds! What is to say that any partner you might have down the road won't suffer a bout of unemployment? You were all consumed with the relationship, but you aren't sure if you're willing to wait a few years while he improves himself, potentially to a level that could allow him to help the two of you have a house and a family? Those factors, along with your age, make me think that you should at most have a conversation or two about what led to the breakup and how you can make it work. That being said, it sounds like you've been doing a great job coping. If nothing else, you should feel good about yourself.
Author favoritepills Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 I appreciate the reality check, Mr Scorpio -- I needed that. Yet at the same time you say you had GIGS leading to the breakup? Might you still have GIGS right now? I wouldn't say it was full-blown GIGS, just a bit of curiosity about what it might be like to have casual sex, or to be with a different man. He was my only boyfriend, and a year and a half is a long time for someone my age. But I don't believe it led to the breakup, and I never had any intention of leaving him to screw around. I told him I wasn't willing to put up with an LDR if he went to grad school out of state. Now, I realize he's worth it -- I look at other attractive men and all I can think is that they're not him. (Although that could change with time.) More concerning to me is your comment about him being a broke college student living with his parents and your uncertainty about being able to wait for him to be financially stable. IMO, love doesn't work that way. In this economy, there are MBA's working at McDonalds! What is to say that any partner you might have down the road won't suffer a bout of unemployment? I handled it for a year and a half, and I believe I would have waited had he not left me. A bout of unemployment is a hurdle I'm confident I can clear. It's just that now that I can take a step back and look at what went wrong, I realized we were going at increasingly different paces: I was a broke part-time Macy's salesgirl living with her parents when he met me, and now I'm a financially independent professional earning twice what I used to. I'm sure that caused some strain on the relationship. There were times when he hinted it made him feel inadequate that he couldn't provide for me.
123321 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 The supposed "purpose" of NC is to allow you to move on, not to starve the other person out and encourage "Broken Relationship: The Sequel"
Tiera D Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 i suggest giving him another week to prove himself,ten days is too quick for GiGs...hes probably having a temporal weakness..i think when ur ready to accept him,send him something like "if u can show some true sincerity i might consider" Gl TD
Author favoritepills Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 The supposed "purpose" of NC is to allow you to move on, not to starve the other person out and encourage "Broken Relationship: The Sequel" Oh God -- you're totally right. I shouldn't have used that title, I don't want to send the wrong message to people. NC worked for me because it pushed me to move on and start repairing myself. It did make him miss me too, but I know that's not a stable foundation for reconciliation, which is why I'm on this sub-forum.
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