rach24680 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Hey, ivreally just need to have a rant, il make it short though =) oky, i have a boyfriend who iv been with for 4 years, weve had trust issues, been through unfaithfulness, coped with deaths and miscarages and we really love each other and we are very happy. Heres the problem.. I really like someone else, heres the bigger problem... I really like 2 other people. One of them my boyfrirnf knows and the other he doesnt. It seems to be a matter of when im with my boyfriend i dont think of these guys, but when im with the other guys i have that feeling where ur heart drops because u like them so much. I ciuldnt imagine splitting up with my boyfriend and i dont want to, but these feelings for the othee guys are getting really strong. I find myself flirting a lot with them and they flirt back, im just a bit overwhelmed at all these feelings!! And im not sure what to do, if anything.
january2011 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) Sometimes eyes wander when something is missing in the current relationship/situation. What do you get out of being with these guys that you don't get out of being with your boyfriend? It's also possible that the trust issues and past unfaithfulness may have created cracks that have not been mended, despite your feelings for each other and your current happiness levels. Perhaps at the back of your mind, there are niggling thoughts that this relationship might not be the one for you, despite 'surviving' everything that you mention. If the unfaithfulness and trust issues were mostly due to his actions, I think that it's also possible that part of you wants to redress the balance and 'get revenge' for the hurt you experienced. I think it's okay to have some fleeting thoughts for someone you find attractive but when the feelings exist regularly and over a signficant period of time, you need to examine why this is happening. You might even need to stay away from these guys until the feelings die down. Certainly stop the flirting behaviour. You are putting yourself in temptation's way and I think it's unfair on your boyfriend to continue behaving like this, especially as your behaviour is fanning the flames of your feelings for these guys. Edited April 24, 2012 by january2011
Author rach24680 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Thank you thats really good advice. Yea the unfaithfullness was on his part so i presume im doing this because i know he did. Would u say flirting is a form of emotional cheating?
january2011 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 It really depends on how bad the flirting is. I think it's okay to joke around. However, if you get touchy-feely, the talk turns sexual or you both know that you have feelings for each other (you give each other 'that look' when your eyes meet), then you're bordering on an emotional affair. Basically, anything that gets in the way of your relationship and that you wouldn't tell your partner about - and if you did, he wouldn't be happy. While there's a grey area because some people are more sensitive to these things than others, I think that most people's intuition about what's right and wrong is fairly spot-on. Though how much this translates into actual behaviour will vary. I suspect that part of you knows that this isn't quite right, thus the existence of this thread. But now that you've said it out loud, so to speak, will you do something about it? Or will you just carry on?
findingnemo Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I would suggest you do something seriously. You're attracted to 2 other guys. So in essence there 3 men in this world who make shivers go down your spine? Perhaps it's time to focus on yourself. What do you want? Do you think you can ever trust your bf again? Because your mind seems to think you're now available to date. So are you?
danny in van Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 could it be because the other two guys are simply more appealing than the bf? Girls often hook up with someone 'below' them (looks, status etc) to ensure his fidelity...then they can't help wondering what it's like to follow up on real attraction w someone else (ie they become bored with their safe choice). So the question whether to risk the 'safe' bf and try getting w the guy for long term who makes you quiver is a gamble that no one on LS knows the outcome to...sorry! If this is a correct analysis my .02 is go for the guy who really turns u on- and ignore the risks!
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