Racketman1103 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Long story very short - I was with a woman for 5 years. During this time we had ups and downs. In the end I lost my cool with her one day and became physical (restrained her, no punching etc) She left, claiming I was completely abusive and even went to live in a shelter. She filed a restraining order and I've been out of house and home for 3 months now. Well, yesterday we went to church together. Had a nice lunch, went to see a movie and she leaned on me while I stroked her hair, head and face the entire length of the movie. We had dinner later that evening, went back to what used to be our home (we were never married FYI), and I gave her a back rub with massage oil. Nothing was really stated or implied. We did talk about the relationship somewhat and how it was dysfunctional on both sides. Curious what everyones take on this is. I consider rubbing, stroking someones hair, head and face and giving a back rub to be very intimate gestures shared between two emotionally connected people. I didn't ask her this though as it's clear we are not together anymore. So obviously I'm confused. Trying to see it for what it is, maybe it was just a good day and good time for her. I know she misses that affection and maybe was starved for it after 3 months
emby Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 How on earth did you go from her living in a shelter with a restraining order against you to a cosy day at church with movies and dinner?? It means that something somewhere is messed up.
Author Racketman1103 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Well she has very deep rooted abandonment issues from childhood and a previous marriage. I didn't help those issues with some of my actions but I truly love her and want us both to heal from our issues and reconnect as healthy whole people. So yesterday was confusing for that very reason. Yes, some major issues exist.
emby Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Well she has very deep rooted abandonment issues from childhood and a previous marriage. I didn't help those issues with some of my actions but I truly love her and want us both to heal from our issues and reconnect as healthy whole people. So yesterday was confusing for that very reason. Yes, some major issues exist. I literally meant 'how did it happen?' Did you initiate contact with her or did she with you? How were you even able to arrange anything with the restraining order etc?
Author Racketman1103 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Well she has this idea that God wants me to remain in her life. I feel the same way - but for different reasons. She thinks I'm supposed to support her and help her heal. I feel we're supposed to grow, heal and rejoin as renewed people who are fully capable of loving each other the way we both want to. She expects me to be at church on Sundays with her every Sunday and it just led to lunch, then a movie, then a dinner, then a backrub in the house. Really just that simple. I know she is highly confused and has huge trust issues of me and I don't blame her.
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