The Kid A Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 So I've been seeing this girl for about 4 months now. Our first month together was peaches and cream, and we ended up sleeping together a month after knowing each other. We were head over heels for each other. Then a week later she tells me she wants to take it slow. I still called her almost everyday, and we went out and did things together. Intimacy declined, but she always kissed me goodnight. Then she just stopped talking to me for a week--wouldn't call me back etc. When she called me back and apologized, I was a little frustrated with her but said we'd try taking it slow. She was texting me a lot, so I felt like I should take her out. We went to dinner and it was fine, but she failed to return my phone call after she had asked me to call her. I told her I needed a break because being cutoff affected me too much and I was afraid it was going to happen again. I called her a week later and now we're taking it slow. I want to call her more, but I just don't want to run her off again. I'd also like for her to call me. I'm just really confused. I want to ask her about this, but I feel like I'll come off as needy and she'll see right through to my desperation.
firehawk_1 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 again unfortunately, women and their games making you like this. then others say "grow a pair" or "you are insecure" - NOT your fault. she is playing with you. she wanted something, got it...now she wants to be on her own again. just whenever she wants something, she will want you again until she doesnt want it again. thats what it means 2
Author The Kid A Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Any way out of this? Right now, I'm hoping things will just float along until after May and then I can focus more of my attention on her instead of school.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 It means that there's another guy in the picture and you are the backup plan. 4
Author The Kid A Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 It means that there's another guy in the picture and you are the backup plan. That's reading a lot into it, don't you think?
Star Gazer Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 It sounds like she's not all that interested. You may have pushed too much at first or there may be someone else in the picture, who knows. But at the end of the day, if she was really interested, she wouldn't be behaving like this.
joystickd Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 It means you need to tell her to get on like she got sh*t on! Its time to man up and cut ties with her.
Feelsgoodman Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 That's reading a lot into it, don't you think? No, I don't. When she suddenly stopped talking to you for a week, I can promise you it was because she became interested in someone else. 1
newmoon Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) just like many men, sometimes us females get scared of relationships too and back away to get perspective and space. it doesn't necessarily mean she met someone else - it could be that she is just needing space to reevaluate the relationship. one month before sleeping together isn't exactly taking things slow, so maybe she is a bit scared of that emotional stuff. is she an independent type of girl/woman? that might contribute also to her wanting more space and time apart. my bf and i agreed to take it very slow and to me, it meant i wouldn't hear from him every day (maybe 2 times a week) and that we'd continue to do friendly things together and not just get together for sex. unless you are certain that she has some interest in someone else, just call/text and touch base with her and let her know you're still around and interested. women need space too and it doesn't mean we've lost interest - we often get busy with our own lives :-) i am famous for doing this as well - running off for a week or so at a time and not being in touch - many guys see it as running hot/cold, but it's not. it's not a game in most cases, just taking time to think and live our own life for a bit. Edited April 24, 2012 by newmoon 1
wwwjd Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 5 Stages of relationship 1. romance 2. power struggle <--- YOU ARE HERE 3. stability 4. commitment (engagement) 5. team up (marriage) 1
truth_seeker Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 1) She is playing the field and some other guy is in the picture. 2) She got scared that things were moving fast and wants some time to think. My opinion: it's #2.
persevere Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 She's obviously indecisive and/or there's another man involved. The best thing to do is also the hardest thing to do, considering you don't want to tell her to get lost. Under no circumstances, initiate contact. If she contacts you, delay your response. Fight fire with fire. She may only understand games. You are at war, ie power struggle, with her. Make her fight for you while perhaps not even realizing it. people want someone they cant have
thatone Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 in the future, you play this type by flatly refusing their 'space' on the spot. politely explain that the clock doesn't roll backwards, and if you leave you will stay gone, and simply find someone else. do not ever back down. because honestly, any woman who will tell you such a thing has just played a huge card. she's told you that she's not trustworthy and/or unable to control her emotions. this in effect writes her off as relationship material, you don't want to be with such a woman for any length of time. so whether you leave on the spot or continue by manipulation just for sex is up to you, but either way, you know what to do. 1
amantis Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 in the future, you play this type by flatly refusing their 'space' on the spot. politely explain that the clock doesn't roll backwards, and if you leave you will stay gone, and simply find someone else. do not ever back down. because honestly, any woman who will tell you such a thing has just played a huge card. she's told you that she's not trustworthy and/or unable to control her emotions. this in effect writes her off as relationship material, you don't want to be with such a woman for any length of time. so whether you leave on the spot or continue by manipulation just for sex is up to you, but either way, you know what to do. +1 If i was going out with someone for 1 month and she tells me that she wants to go slow , and stopped talking to me for 1 week , i would never speak with her again She have someone else for sure They love playing stupid games , and you are being played
persevere Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 +1 If i was going out with someone for 1 month and she tells me that she wants to go slow , and stopped talking to me for 1 week , i would never speak with her again She have someone else for sure They love playing stupid games , and you are being played Agreed. "let's go slow" means "I found someone else and I need space to see if it will work". If she likes you at all, one week is far too long to "disappear"
amantis Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 (edited) i can give a example , different situation but similar word ... you can see how people use the words going slow in diferent ways . I met a girl the other day , we had a great connection . We went for a date , we wanted to go for a drink , or dinner . I only bough a car last week , so she had to pick me at my place , she was so nervous that she was driving and driving and driving . I live in sydney ( 10 mnts from the city ) We parked i dont even know where , and we went to subway and we bought water lol , then we went near the opera house and we kissed all the time . Even before we met she told me that she wanted to go slow ok ? She have some debts so she is working 7 days a week , and uni at the same time . she is italian ( his father is a old style man) , and getting divorced , she live with the parents and they always want to know what she is doing ... so after all that i said , ok lets go slow , you dont have time to date but lets try . So after the first date she was the one calling me every night for 2 hours , we sent sms all day long to each other . then we went on a second date , i took her for dinner , very nice italian restaurant . after that she came to my place to watch a movie , SHE was the one jumping on me , and teasing me . I didnt say no and we had sex , and it was very good . after that she went home and we talked for 4 more days , then she tell me that she doesnt have time to date and we were going very quick . i was like wtf , it wasnt my fault at all that we had sex . So women use the words going slow when they still have other problems or doesnt know wtf they want , so after that when someone tells me that she wants to go slow i just do the .i. and move on waste of time i tell you but very good sex for sure Edited April 25, 2012 by amantis
Author The Kid A Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 So, just a few things. She was the one that initiated the sex. Later we talked about it just to clarify that it was indeed not just sex. It meant something to me. As far as another guy being in the picture, I'm not sure about that. When I told her I needed the space, I told her I felt like she was playing me hot and cold and I didn't like that. She confessed that she had gotten out of a serious relationship in November but really liked me so she'd thought she'd take a chance, but between that her undergrad degree and other personal life situations, it became too much. I was sympathetic to this, but also pointed out that I have my stuff going on as well. See, I've got the bar exam coming up and I need to be focused. I would love to try to sort this stuff out with her now, but I feel like, emotionally, I'm not ready to jump into anything, but I would like for her to know that I care and that I'd like to try again after the bar exam, when we've been able to lick our wounds. We've been texting some. I'll try to take her out next week. I'm just afraid of pushing her away and worried that she'll bail on me again. I'm trying to keep my emotions out of this, but it's difficult.
amantis Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 Like you said , she is not ready for a relationship and you are busy with your life . dont take her out next week if you feel like you need to be alone for some time until your exam its done . after that , meet her again and see how things go . Take it slow , but because you want , not because she wants .
thatone Posted April 25, 2012 Posted April 25, 2012 So, just a few things. She was the one that initiated the sex. Later we talked about it just to clarify that it was indeed not just sex. It meant something to me. As far as another guy being in the picture, I'm not sure about that. When I told her I needed the space, I told her I felt like she was playing me hot and cold and I didn't like that. She confessed that she had gotten out of a serious relationship in November but really liked me so she'd thought she'd take a chance, but between that her undergrad degree and other personal life situations, it became too much. I was sympathetic to this, but also pointed out that I have my stuff going on as well. See, I've got the bar exam coming up and I need to be focused. I would love to try to sort this stuff out with her now, but I feel like, emotionally, I'm not ready to jump into anything, but I would like for her to know that I care and that I'd like to try again after the bar exam, when we've been able to lick our wounds. We've been texting some. I'll try to take her out next week. I'm just afraid of pushing her away and worried that she'll bail on me again. I'm trying to keep my emotions out of this, but it's difficult. you will find as you get older that when you come across women that are as attracted to you as you are to them they will want anything but 'space'. you'll struggle to do anything wrong in their eyes, and they will worry about pleasing you, nevermind you pleasing them. you can't force someone to want you as much as you want them. so when they hint to you that they want you to go away, you do so. that's it, it's pretty simple. 1
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