LostGirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 So I've just called a guy that I was seeing. We had a bit of an argument at the weekend and he has been ingnoring me since. I called him from my mums phone as I haven't got credit. He aswered not knowing it was me then once he realised he accused me of tricking him! I said something like 'No, I'm not tricking you, you have been ignoring me and I'm just calling to see whats going on' He said: 'Errrm, errrm' Me: 'Are we not going to see eachother any more then?' Him: 'No, probably not, I haven't decided yet, I will call you later'. And that was the end of the the conversation. I'm so annoyed with him! He is acting so flippant and this isn't like him. I kind of know that he won't call. Why couldn't he just be a decent person and be straight with me! So what should I do? Do I text him if if doesn't call? Or do I just take the hint? I'm actually fuming!
KathyM Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Don't call him. You're coming across as needy and desperate when you are trying to force a conversation he is not ready to have yet, and may never be ready to have. He's considering whether or not to keep you in his life right now. The next step is up to him. Don't contact him if he doesn't make that step.
january2011 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I'm assuming this is the same guy from your other thread. Did you write him the letter of apology? I really think you need to leave him to it. You can't force people to interact with you if they don't want to. As you said, the error is on your part, so you need to be patient and let him come to you, if and when he's ready. Putting pressure on him to speak to you is just going to blow up in your face. As frustrating as it is, you really need to let this go and leave the ball in his court rather than jumping over the net and grabbing it for yourself. On preview, what KathyM wrote.
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 I'm assuming this is the same guy from your other thread. Did you write him the letter of apology? I really think you need to leave him to it. You can't force people to interact with you if they don't want to. As you said, the error is on your part, so you need to be patient and let him come to you, if and when he's ready. Putting pressure on him to speak to you is just going to blow up in your face. As frustrating as it is, you really need to let this go and leave the ball in his court rather than jumping over the net and grabbing it for yourself. On preview, what KathyM wrote. I haven't been texting or calling him constantly or anything. We had the argument on saturday, I text him on saturday night but didn't contact him yesterday. It was only a phone call. I don't think he is being very grown up to be honest. So if he doesn't contact I should just leave it? I'm going to be so tempted to send a snotty text telling him to grow a pair of balls!
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Don't call him. You're coming across as needy and desperate when you are trying to force a conversation he is not ready to have yet, and may never be ready to have. He's considering whether or not to keep you in his life right now. The next step is up to him. Don't contact him if he doesn't make that step. Don't think I was forcing him KathyM. It was one phone call.
january2011 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 LostGirl11, he's the wronged party, not you. Please do not send a snotty anything. If you want to save this relationship, you're going to have to remain patient and let him come to you. You really need to give it at least a week and not one day. That's not enough time, in my opinion. The more you push, the further he's going to distance himself from you and the closer he's going to come to the conclusion that he doesn't need you in his life.
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 LostGirl11, he's the wronged party, not you. Please do not send a snotty anything. If you want to save this relationship, you're going to have to remain patient and let him come to you. You really need to give it at least a week and not one day. That's not enough time, in my opinion. The more you push, the further he's going to distance himself from you and the closer he's going to come to the conclusion that he doesn't need you in his life. I was calling him to say sorry which I thought was the decent thing to do. Ignoring people and messing people around is so wrong I've done all I can.
KathyM Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Don't think I was forcing him KathyM. It was one phone call. You said he's been ignoring you all weekend. I took that to mean that you tried to initiate phone calls to him, and he actively ignored you. Then when you called him at your mother's house, he picked up the call because he didn't know it was you, and he's been trying to dodge your calls since he wasn't interested in talking this out at this point. He said you tricked him into picking up the call. If you only called him once, that being from your mother's house, then no, I would not consider that forcing the call. From what you said in your OP, I got the impression you had been trying to contact him and he refused to answer your calls, but only did when he didn't recognize your number. In any case, the ball is in his court now. Allow it to stay there until he is ready to contact you.
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 You said he's been ignoring you all weekend. I took that to mean that you tried to initiate phone calls to him, and he actively ignored you. Then when you called him at your mother's house, he picked up the call because he didn't know it was you, and he's been trying to dodge your calls since he wasn't interested in talking this out at this point. He said you tricked him into picking up the call. If you only called him once, that being from your mother's house, then no, I would not consider that forcing the call. From what you said in your OP, I got the impression you had been trying to contact him and he refused to answer your calls, but only did when he didn't recognize your number. In any case, the ball is in his court now. Allow it to stay there until he is ready to contact you. Nope, I just sent him one text on saturday night. I just don't get it, I don't get why he can't just be straight with me and tell me that he isn't interested, at least I'd know where I stand.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 It isn't that he wasn't interested, but you backed him into a corner and avoiding conflict is (most) men's self-defense mechanism. Technically the more you push him he's going to run. Do not contact him again. If he cared and liked you he would call. Otherwise you're just going to have to move on.
KathyM Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Nope, I just sent him one text on saturday night. I just don't get it, I don't get why he can't just be straight with me and tell me that he isn't interested, at least I'd know where I stand. He's probably not sure what he wants from you now--whether to try to stay together or not, so he needs time to process his feelings and figure out what he wants. You made it clear you want to try to make it work. Now it's up to him to decide if he wants to. Just don't call him again. The next step is up to him.
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 He's probably not sure what he wants from you now--whether to try to stay together or not, so he needs time to process his feelings and figure out what he wants. You made it clear you want to try to make it work. Now it's up to him to decide if he wants to. Just don't call him again. The next step is up to him. So if I don't hear from him at all I should never contact him again? I don't know if I'm being dramatic but ignoring people is something that I feel strongly against..
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 It isn't that he wasn't interested, but you backed him into a corner and avoiding conflict is (most) men's self-defense mechanism. Technically the more you push him he's going to run. Do not contact him again. If he cared and liked you he would call. Otherwise you're just going to have to move on. Ignoring someone normally means that they're not interested anymore though, right?
KathyM Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 So if I don't hear from him at all I should never contact him again? I don't know if I'm being dramatic but ignoring people is something that I feel strongly against.. If you don't hear from him again, it will mean he's not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. You have to accept that. You've already contacted him. You can't force him to talk to you. He has a right to ignore you if he is no longer interested in talking to you.
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 If you don't hear from him again, it will mean he's not interested in pursuing a relationship with you. You have to accept that. You've already contacted him. You can't force him to talk to you. He has a right to ignore you if he is no longer interested in talking to you. Oh I would never force anyone into talking to me. Isn't it easier to be straight up rather than ignoring someone? I was always told that ignoring people is cowardly.
KathyM Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Oh I would never force anyone into talking to me. Isn't it easier to be straight up rather than ignoring someone? I was always told that ignoring people is cowardly. Some people don't want the drama, and don't think it will help at all to hash out or rehash things if they've made the decision to leave the relationship. If people are invested enough in the relationship and it has been going on for quite a while, they usually prefer trying to talk it out one way or another, but if your relationship was not that serious or not long term, some people would just as soon quit contact rather than trying to go into every detail that destroyed the relationship.
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Some people don't want the drama, and don't think it will help at all to hash out or rehash things if they've made the decision to leave the relationship. If people are invested enough in the relationship and it has been going on for quite a while, they usually prefer trying to talk it out one way or another, but if your relationship was not that serious or not long term, some people would just as soon quit contact rather than trying to go into every detail that destroyed the relationship. It was pretty serious. It was only last week that he told me that he could see me being a huge part of his future. And now this! After a silly argument. I feel pretty worthless now, don't know what to do with myself
KathyM Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 It was pretty serious. It was only last week that he told me that he could see me being a huge part of his future. And now this! After a silly argument. I feel pretty worthless now, don't know what to do with myself The thing about dating relationships is that you often only get one chance to prove yourself worthy of the long term. It's a trial period. If you mess up and blow it, then people will consider that a deal breaker and often not give you another chance. A lot of people consider that if you can't get along while dating, there's no future with that person, and they'll cut their losses and find someone whom they get along better with. People, especially men, don't usually want a lot of drama in their lives. They want someone they get along with, have fun with, and who treats them well. People who prove themselves to be difficult to get along with don't often have a lot of luck in keeping a bf/gf. My sister dumped a guy before she found her current husband because he had a negative attitude and showed his hostile nature one weekend, and was argumentative and unreasonable, when before he had been pretty much able to keep that side of him under wraps. He also didn't think they should throw away a four month relationship over one bad weekend, but that was enough to get my sister to realize that there was no future for them. She didn't want a guy that she had trouble getting along with while in the supposed honeymoon period of their dating relationship. When people get a glimpse of your negative side while dating, it often is a dealbreaker for them. Dating is supposedly when people are on their best behavior. If they can't hold their temper together during that time, it doesn't make them look too good for the long term. 1
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 The thing about dating relationships is that you often only get one chance to prove yourself worthy of the long term. It's a trial period. If you mess up and blow it, then people will consider that a deal breaker and often not give you another chance. A lot of people consider that if you can't get along while dating, there's no future with that person, and they'll cut their losses and find someone whom they get along better with. People, especially men, don't usually want a lot of drama in their lives. They want someone they get along with, have fun with, and who treats them well. People who prove themselves to be difficult to get along with don't often have a lot of luck in keeping a bf/gf. My sister dumped a guy before she found her current husband because he had a negative attitude and showed his hostile nature one weekend, and was argumentative and unreasonable, when before he had been pretty much able to keep that side of him under wraps. He also didn't think they should throw away a four month relationship over one bad weekend, but that was enough to get my sister to realize that there was no future for them. She didn't want a guy that she had trouble getting along with while in the supposed honeymoon period of their dating relationship. When people get a glimpse of your negative side while dating, it often is a dealbreaker for them. Dating is supposedly when people are on their best behavior. If they can't hold their temper together during that time, it doesn't make them look too good for the long term. KathyM, I'm not saying that he is in the wrong for not wanting to see me anymore. We all have that right. What I'm trying to say is that he could have been a man about it and said 'Look this isn't for me' or This isn't going to work' ect ect. I would have been fine with that. No biggie. The fact that he chose to just blank me is cowardly so if anyone is the ****ty person it's him. Anyway he text me today, basically saying that it's for the best ect. No real reason though. Then he text saying he wil call next week once the dust has settled. (There is no dust to settle) And to end it on a 'Good note'. Meh I don't get this guy at all, why not just be done with me? And why drag it out?
whichwayisup Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 You've called and texted, no answer, then you called while at your moms and he answered due to not knowing the number. If he knew your mom's number he wouldn't have answered. Anyway, he needs space. Whatever it is you two fought about, has upset and angered him. You may think it's stupid but he doesn't. Or, he's using this an excuse to end things. Sure he's acting immature by not talking about it and ignoring you, but some guys need that space and time to think. And it's not ignoring him if you stop calling or texting.. That is respecting his space and allowing him to call you back if he chooses to. If you don't hear from him within a week or two (play it safe) then text (since he won't answer the phone) and tell him that you are hurting and you two need to talk - To either end things officially or work together to get things back on track.
whichwayisup Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 KathyM, I'm not saying that he is in the wrong for not wanting to see me anymore. We all have that right. What I'm trying to say is that he could have been a man about it and said 'Look this isn't for me' or This isn't going to work' ect ect. I would have been fine with that. No biggie. The fact that he chose to just blank me is cowardly so if anyone is the ****ty person it's him. Anyway he text me today, basically saying that it's for the best ect. No real reason though. Then he text saying he wil call next week once the dust has settled. (There is no dust to settle) And to end it on a 'Good note'. Meh I don't get this guy at all, why not just be done with me? And why drag it out? Okay just read that he did text you back.. and wants to end things.. Again, you think there is no dust to settle and whatever it was the fight about, obviously bothered him, so it wasn't just something stupid. He needs the dust to settle so he can calm down and be ready to talk.
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 You've called and texted, no answer, then you called while at your moms and he answered due to not knowing the number. If he knew your mom's number he wouldn't have answered. Anyway, he needs space. Whatever it is you two fought about, has upset and angered him. You may think it's stupid but he doesn't. Or, he's using this an excuse to end things. Sure he's acting immature by not talking about it and ignoring you, but some guys need that space and time to think. And it's not ignoring him if you stop calling or texting.. That is respecting his space and allowing him to call you back if he chooses to. If you don't hear from him within a week or two (play it safe) then text (since he won't answer the phone) and tell him that you are hurting and you two need to talk - To either end things officially or work together to get things back on track. Nope, I text him once. I didn't call him, only the one time from my mums. If he doesn't call next week then I'm done. He won't be hearing from me. I dont even know why he has to leave it a week, Seems odd and pointless to me.
Author LostGirl11 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Okay just read that he did text you back.. and wants to end things.. Again, you think there is no dust to settle and whatever it was the fight about, obviously bothered him, so it wasn't just something stupid. He needs the dust to settle so he can calm down and be ready to talk. Meh I have no idea. I think he is just saying he will call so he doesn't have to talk about it, I don't think he has any intentions of calling me.
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