Author J0N Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Jon, It's been 3 days since your original post. Give her a call and express your concerns. You said she was hammered, and probably didn't know what she was doing. Not an excuse, but a reason for her strange (in your eyes) behavior. She didn't leave you, but invited you along. You're the one who put your drink down and left. She was flirting with guys she hadn't seen in a long time, and those same guys told you she had been saying great things about you. You think she is really great and you like her. Go with what your heart tells you, but keep an eye out for continued flirtations with others. Call her on it and tell her how it made you feel. Life's too short to hold grudges and wonder about "what if's". Jon Your absolutely correct, but it was not one of the guys who told me that she thought I was great. Rather one of her female friends. Pretty strange behavior. I come from the school of thought that says that intoxication is no excuse. Don't get me wrong, I love booze as much as the next guy, but if she could function and carry a conversation then she definately was not so drunk as to have no idea what she was doing. She was drunk, as was I but I still remember everything, I am not so into to pushing things to the point of brown/black out. Your right about life being to short for grudges, in this case I won't hold any. My honest gut feeling is that while I like her, behavior like this is unacceptatble. Especially since my other friend (the one whose party I met this girl at) told me that (girl I like) only knew one of the guys. The one that she was flirting with and all over was a rando who was only in town for the weekend... So if she can shove me off for a rando, its not worth my time to give her the time of day. I put my drink down and left because it was blatently obvious that she was ignoring me. While I was talking with her friend, (girl I like) had her back to me while chatting with the other guys. I dont think I said or did anything to turn her off, but it was pretty obvious that I got shoved to the back burner. In any case, I still havent heard from her so I think I am going to walk. Looks like I got all excited over a dud. I guess thats just how the cookie is going to crumble in this case. 1
Author J0N Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Oh boy. Get used to it. Yea, yea. I got played like a piano, not the first time, and probably not the last.
Author J0N Posted April 27, 2012 Author Posted April 27, 2012 Jon, It's been 3 days since your original post. Give her a call and express your concerns. You said she was hammered, and probably didn't know what she was doing. Not an excuse, but a reason for her strange (in your eyes) behavior. She didn't leave you, but invited you along. You're the one who put your drink down and left. She was flirting with guys she hadn't seen in a long time, and those same guys told you she had been saying great things about you. You think she is really great and you like her. Go with what your heart tells you, but keep an eye out for continued flirtations with others. Call her on it and tell her how it made you feel. Life's too short to hold grudges and wonder about "what if's". Jon Another thing, my gut feeling is that I do not know her well enough to call and ask for an explanation. I think it would just send the vibe that I am a controlling guy, and she would walk anyways. looks like a lose-lose here. If this girl was really of the caliber I was looking for, she would have either A) not done this in the first place (been friendly to guests at party, but skipped the heavy flirting) B) Called/texted shortly after and let me know what the deal was. I will still leave the door open for communication, weather I give her another shot or not is the big IF here.. leaning towards no at the moment.
dasein Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 You asked for advice going forward earlier in the thread. Consider a rule of thumb to avoid all "group datey" things during the early phase. Never go on anything other than a well-defined date until you have ten or so dates under your belt and the woman is making very definite "exclusive" noises. Are women going to play all sorts of headgames in the early going? YES! Are they going to show their ass in ways you can't even fathom because they can and no one ever calls them on it? YES! Absent yourself entirely from this gruesome process by a totally binary approach. Keep taking them on dates as long as you want to, she accepts enthusiastically and is enthusiastically responsive to your physical advances, if not totally accepting of all of them. Contact only to ask out until there is exclusivity in the air and she is making her desire very obvious after many dates. Group dates? NO, meeting up at parties/bars/clubs where other guys will be? NO. You call the shots, keep things binary and keep yourself sane. Ironically this is also how to build the most attraction. Until they are begging for exclusivity, even if they are sleeping with you, everything else is noise. Keep other options moving and open until then. Despite what some have said in this thread, this thread is the BEST reason for dating several women at once I've seen here in some time. I've been in both your shoes, and in the shoes of the guy being flirted with while the date/BF is stuck standing there with his dick in his hand soooo many times in life. Keep binary, stay sane. Good luck. 1
RedRobin Posted April 27, 2012 Posted April 27, 2012 Yea, yea. I got played like a piano, not the first time, and probably not the last. No. You didn't get played. You offered a wonderful 'buffet' that she chose to shove aside for the crappy fast-food. As time goes by, you will get better at sifting this out before date 5. There is this saying I just love... The first time I walked down that street, I fell in a hole and it took me a long time to pull out. The second time I walked down the street, I tripped over the hole The third time I walked down the street, I walked around the hole The fourth time... well, I didn't even walk down that street... You seem like a good person, Jon. You'll figure it out. 1
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