J0N Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) Hi, I am new to this section of the forum. I am in need of some advice, though I think that most of you may see an obvious answer to my question. So first a little backstory. I met a girl a few weeks ago at a party at a friend’s place, we started chatting and after a while we decided to leave the party together and get something to eat. We went to a nice restaurant, and had a great dinner, and even went out for a couple more drinks afterwards. I ended up walking her back to her place, kissing her goodnight and going home. She FBed me the next morning saying that she was really excited to have met me and said we should go to brunch (the next day) she also included her number and said to text/call her if was interested. I went, and we had an awesome time, we both had quite a few drinks. In the cab ride home, we were making out like 8th graders. I dropped her off at her place, and left (I may have gone up, but I had an early meeting at work the next morning and that would have probably been a bad idea). After this, due to our differing schedules about a month went by before we saw each other again, we would occasionally text and whatever but neither of us could meet up. So finally about a month after we first met, we went out on another date, this time more formal. We met up for drinks and then went to a great restaurant; we had an awesome conversation and a really awesome time. She said she had to be somewhere early in the morning, so I dropped her off at her place. I got a text a few minutes later saying “I had a great time with you tonight, and I am looking forward to hanging out with you soon ” I was feeling pretty good about this. I was excited that I had met someone new that I actually really liked. She texted me mid-week last week and invited me to a party she was having at her place. I went, and for the first half of the party I was having a really good time. Then a guy friend of hers from back home showed up with a few of his guy friends who were in for the weekend. This wasn’t really an issue, they were cool guys and everybody was having a good time. Then things got a little strange. She sat down next to one of these guys and was visibly flirting with him. She was laughing at his jokes that weren’t funny, touching him, etc. She was CLEARLY ignoring me. One of the guys got a call from another of their friends and headed out to a bar, I thought things were good again. She started talking to me again, I wasn’t so worried. Then somebody at the party suggested we all go out. She insisted that we all go to the bar that the guys went to even though most of the people at the party didn’t want to go there. Eventually we all went; she said to me that I should come too. So I did. Once we got there she went right over to the guys and was chatting it up with the guy she had been flirting with earlier. I tried to join the conversation, but was quickly sort of duffed off. I started talking to one of her friends who had told me that the girl that I like had been talking a lot about me in a good way, blah, blah,blah. After trying again to join the conversation with the girl and failing, I decided that enough was enough. I set my drink down and quietly walked out. I didn’t say anything to her. I just left. Bear in mind she was probably really drunk, but I don’t think she noticed that I left. This really bothered me. The question is… What do I do now? Just forget about her? I really liked this girl and everything I knew of her she had never acted like this. I do feel like a chump though, we probably went out on 5 or so dates to really fancy places. I kind of feel like she just used me. What should I do if she calls/texts? I am not really into playing games, but I could use some good advice here. Thanks in advance for your help and advice. Edited April 23, 2012 by J0N
jobaba Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Hi, I am new to this section of the forum. I am in need of some advice, though I think that most of you may see an obvious answer to my question. So first a little backstory. I met a girl a few weeks ago at a party at a friend’s place, we started chatting and after a while we decided to leave the party together and get something to eat. We went to a nice restaurant, and had a great dinner, and even went out for a couple more drinks afterwards. I ended up walking her back to her place, kissing her goodnight and going home. She FBed me the next morning saying that she was really excited to have met me and said we should go to brunch (the next day) she also included her number and said to text/call her if was interested. I went, and we had an awesome time, we both had quite a few drinks. In the cab ride home, we were making out like 8th graders. I dropped her off at her place, and left (I may have gone up, but I had an early meeting at work the next morning and that would have probably been a bad idea). After this, due to our differing schedules about a month went by before we saw each other again, we would occasionally text and whatever but neither of us could meet up. So finally about a month after we first met, we went out on another date, this time more formal. We met up for drinks and then went to a great restaurant; we had an awesome conversation and a really awesome time. She said she had to be somewhere early in the morning, so I dropped her off at her place. I got a text a few minutes later saying “I had a great time with you tonight, and I am looking forward to hanging out with you soon ” I was feeling pretty good about this. I was excited that I had met someone new that I actually really liked. She texted me mid-week last week and invited me to a party she was having at her place. I went, and for the first half of the party I was having a really good time. Then a guy friend of hers from back home showed up with a few of his guy friends who were in for the weekend. This wasn’t really an issue, they were cool guys and everybody was having a good time. Then things got a little strange. She sat down next to one of these guys and was visibly flirting with him. She was laughing at his jokes that weren’t funny, touching him, etc. She was CLEARLY ignoring me. One of the guys got a call from another of their friends and headed out to a bar, I thought things were good again. She started talking to me again, I wasn’t so worried. Then somebody at the party suggested we all go out. She insisted that we all go to the bar that the guys went to even though most of the people at the party didn’t want to go there. Eventually we all went; she said to me that I should come too. So I did. Once we got there she went right over to the guys and was chatting it up with the guy she had been flirting with earlier. I tried to join the conversation, but was quickly sort of duffed off. I started talking to one of her friends who had told me that the girl that I like had been talking a lot about me in a good way, blah, blah,blah. After trying again to join the conversation with the girl and failing, I decided that enough was enough. I set my drink down and quietly walked out. I didn’t say anything to her. I just left. Bear in mind she was probably really drunk, but I don’t think she noticed that I left. This really bothered me. The question is… What do I do now? Just forget about her? I really liked this girl and every thing I knew of her she had never acted like this. I do feel like a chump though, we probably went out on 5 or so dates to really fancy places. I kind offeel like she just used me. What should I do if she calls/texts? I am not really into playing games, but I could use some good advice here. Thanks in advance for your help and advice. Drop her like a HOT POTATO... 3
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 So what does that mean? Ignore her and look elsewhere? Any advice?
USCGAviator Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 The easiest solution to this is to put yourself in her shoes. This dating issue needs no further explanation.
Pierre Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 So what does that mean? Ignore her and look elsewhere? Any advice? She is a flirt and needs male attention. She did this even though you were there. After five dates she should have known the two of you had something going on. Some of these women also think is cool to make her date jealous. She was probably looking forward for you to have a fight with her to get her validation. Walking out without saying a word was cool. Don't call her again. Some of the multi daters in the forum will defend this woman by saying the two of you were not exclusive. That is BS. 1
Ellamay Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Yea, she sounds immature and likes she a player, user or a floosy. Not the type of woman you want to deal with. All humans know the meaning of respect jealousy and boundaries but some choose to ignore them or act like they dont exist.
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Yea I guess I knew the answer to this question before asking it. In my eyes a girl wouldn't do something like that, right in my face unless she was trying to make a statement. Especially because the guy was leaving the following morning. For me to do anything with her again would require some pretty serious explanation, which I know from experience that I won't get. I guess for now I am just going to leave it be. I wasn't sure what to do the other night, I didn't want to call her out because I knew that that surely would have been a disaster. No matter how wasted she was she had to have noticed that I left. Weather she cared or not is another matter entirely. If she has any kind of sense she will probably know that she was the one who scuttled the ship and I jumped off before it sank. Man what a waste!
Pierre Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Yea I guess I knew the answer to this question before asking it. In my eyes a girl wouldn't do something like that, right in my face unless she was trying to make a statement. Especially because the guy was leaving the following morning. For me to do anything with her again would require some pretty serious explanation, which I know from experience that I won't get. I guess for now I am just going to leave it be. I wasn't sure what to do the other night, I didn't want to call her out because I knew that that surely would have been a disaster. No matter how wasted she was she had to have noticed that I left. Weather she cared or not is another matter entirely. If she has any kind of sense she will probably know that she was the one who scuttled the ship and I jumped off before it sank. Man what a waste! During the time you dated her (five dates). Did you date anyone else? Was she dating others?
RedRobin Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I wouldn't try to contact her. There seems to be a disconnect in your values and dating style. The pivotal decision here was when she invited you, then pushed you aside when the other gentlemen showed up and repeatedly did so. I'm sure she did say some nice things about you and probably does like you. But it doesn't appear that she knows how to set priorities and seems to be a bit reckless with her attention. Take it as a sign of immaturity, and nothing personal against you. No offense, but I think you can do better. There are alot of women who would be more upfront and clear. At the risk of getting into another multidater debate, I will say that there are some that would 'defend' her in that she wasn't 'exclusive' with you. I'm also of the mind that is BS and is a shield for some to just have bad manners, be vague, and irresponsible. Your walking out cooly and calmly was appropriate. If she was trying to 'test' you, she succeeded. Problem is, she was being evaluated too. She failed, unfortunately.
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 During the time you dated her (five dates). Did you date anyone else? Was she dating others? I am a one girl at a time kind of guy, I think multi-dating is wrong. Call me traditional. I niavely assumed that she felt the same way, at least that's what I gathered from our conversations. Maybe I was wrong?
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 I wouldn't try to contact her. There seems to be a disconnect in your values and dating style. The pivotal decision here was when she invited you, then pushed you aside when the other gentlemen showed up and repeatedly did so. I'm sure she did say some nice things about you and probably does like you. But it doesn't appear that she knows how to set priorities and seems to be a bit reckless with her attention. Take it as a sign of immaturity, and nothing personal against you. No offense, but I think you can do better. There are alot of women who would be more upfront and clear. At the risk of getting into another multidater debate, I will say that there are some that would 'defend' her in that she wasn't 'exclusive' with you. I'm also of the mind that is BS and is a shield for some to just have bad manners, be vague, and irresponsible. Your walking out cooly and calmly was appropriate. If she was trying to 'test' you, she succeeded. Problem is, she was being evaluated too. She failed, unfortunately. As for the multi dater thing. I understand that we were not official or anything like that. Last time I checked it's a free country and she is free to make her own choices. I am not a confrontational guy but I have certain beliefs that I don't stray from. What she did the other night seemed like a statement to me. That basically said "Your great and all, but I think this guy is cooler and you can piss off until I get bored with him and get back to you." I can only hope that I made a loud statement by leaving, probably not though. Funny thing is, that she is older than me. But she seemed pretty carefree about it. It kind of stunned me. It reminds me of that Baz Luhrman speech "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours" Ive been around girls like her before, I'm bummed though because I actually liked her a lot. I've never seen a girl be this blunt about it though, I almost left the party but I decided that I would stomach it at least until we got to the bar but there it only got worse. Honestly I don't know what to think, I feel more like a chump than anything. Definataely never calling her again. I need some advice on what to say of she contacts me. I am not really into playing games, I would rather be honest. I have learned the hard way in the past that being to blunt with women can really blow up in your face. Not sure what to do
Pierre Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I am a one girl at a time kind of guy, I think multi-dating is wrong. Call me traditional. I niavely assumed that she felt the same way, at least that's what I gathered from our conversations. Maybe I was wrong? It is possible she has a different philosophy than yours. Maybe she is just immature. Maybe that guy was an old flame and she could not control her behavior.
Pierre Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 As for the multi dater thing. I understand that we were not official or anything like that. Last time I checked it's a free country and she is free to make her own choices. I am not a confrontational guy but I have certain beliefs that I don't stray from. What she did the other night seemed like a statement to me. That basically said "Your great and all, but I think this guy is cooler and you can piss off until I get bored with him and get back to you." I can only hope that I made a loud statement by leaving, probably not though. Funny thing is, that she is older than me. But she seemed pretty carefree about it. It kind of stunned me. It reminds me of that Baz Luhrman speech "Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, and don't put up with people who are reckless with yours" Ive been around girls like her before, I'm bummed though because I actually liked her a lot. I've never seen a girl be this blunt about it though, I almost left the party but I decided that I would stomach it at least until we got to the bar but there it only got worse. Honestly I don't know what to think, I feel more like a chump than anything. Definataely never calling her again. I need some advice on what to say of she contacts me. I am not really into playing games, I would rather be honest. I have learned the hard way in the past that being to blunt with women can really blow up in your face. Not sure what to do You could call her and discuss the issue, but she may bring you back to her arms with sweet talk. Generally, the first bad impressions about people are called red flags and she showed you a huge flag.
olivec Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Hi, I am new to this section of the forum. I am in need of some advice, though I think that most of you may see an obvious answer to my question. So first a little backstory. I met a girl a few weeks ago at a party at a friend’s place, we started chatting and after a while we decided to leave the party together and get something to eat. We went to a nice restaurant, and had a great dinner, and even went out for a couple more drinks afterwards. I ended up walking her back to her place, kissing her goodnight and going home. She FBed me the next morning saying that she was really excited to have met me and said we should go to brunch (the next day) she also included her number and said to text/call her if was interested. I went, and we had an awesome time, we both had quite a few drinks. In the cab ride home, we were making out like 8th graders. I dropped her off at her place, and left (I may have gone up, but I had an early meeting at work the next morning and that would have probably been a bad idea). After this, due to our differing schedules about a month went by before we saw each other again, we would occasionally text and whatever but neither of us could meet up. So finally about a month after we first met, we went out on another date, this time more formal. We met up for drinks and then went to a great restaurant; we had an awesome conversation and a really awesome time. She said she had to be somewhere early in the morning, so I dropped her off at her place. I got a text a few minutes later saying “I had a great time with you tonight, and I am looking forward to hanging out with you soon ” I was feeling pretty good about this. I was excited that I had met someone new that I actually really liked. She texted me mid-week last week and invited me to a party she was having at her place. I went, and for the first half of the party I was having a really good time. Then a guy friend of hers from back home showed up with a few of his guy friends who were in for the weekend. This wasn’t really an issue, they were cool guys and everybody was having a good time. Then things got a little strange. She sat down next to one of these guys and was visibly flirting with him. She was laughing at his jokes that weren’t funny, touching him, etc. She was CLEARLY ignoring me. One of the guys got a call from another of their friends and headed out to a bar, I thought things were good again. She started talking to me again, I wasn’t so worried. Then somebody at the party suggested we all go out. She insisted that we all go to the bar that the guys went to even though most of the people at the party didn’t want to go there. Eventually we all went; she said to me that I should come too. So I did. Once we got there she went right over to the guys and was chatting it up with the guy she had been flirting with earlier. I tried to join the conversation, but was quickly sort of duffed off. I started talking to one of her friends who had told me that the girl that I like had been talking a lot about me in a good way, blah, blah,blah. After trying again to join the conversation with the girl and failing, I decided that enough was enough. I set my drink down and quietly walked out. I didn’t say anything to her. I just left. Bear in mind she was probably really drunk, but I don’t think she noticed that I left. This really bothered me. The question is… What do I do now? Just forget about her? I really liked this girl and everything I knew of her she had never acted like this. I do feel like a chump though, we probably went out on 5 or so dates to really fancy places. I kind of feel like she just used me. What should I do if she calls/texts? I am not really into playing games, but I could use some good advice here. Thanks in advance for your help and advice. Thats too bad man, I've dated girls like this. I'm afriad your gunna have to move on as this will only get worse and not better. If she contacts you and apologises i let her sweat it out. Then I tell her this will not be working out as she clearly does not want a relationship as thats what you want and will not settle for nothing less. Or just ignore her entirely and delete her number from your phone and delete her from facebook and then its a clean break.
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 You could call her and discuss the issue, but she may bring you back to her arms with sweet talk. Generally, the first bad impressions about people are called red flags and she showed you a huge flag. This is where I am really unsure what to do, after I have only been on a few dates with her. If I call we and I am like wtf was up with that it might blow up in my face. Who knows if it was somebody she knew previously or not. There was definataely something goin on between them. I know what body language to look for. It was all there, laughing at bad jokes, eye contact, playful touching, and of course being at his side almost the entire night. But your right, regardless of what happens this is a 36'x36' sized red flag. I think I'm just going to ignore her for a while and see what happens. I've dated girls in the past who have acted similar, none this bad though and it usually gets worse. I'm still trying to think of something to say if I hear from her again. I kinda want to be prepared in case she does. Who knows, there is a chance it was an old friend from high school or something. I could be totally overreacting, either way though if that was the case she should have said something to me rather than ignore me. It really begs the question though, if she knew these guys were coming why invite me?
Pierre Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 This is where I am really unsure what to do, after I have only been on a few dates with her. If I call we and I am like wtf was up with that it might blow up in my face. Who knows if it was somebody she knew previously or not. There was definataely something goin on between them. I know what body language to look for. It was all there, laughing at bad jokes, eye contact, playful touching, and of course being at his side almost the entire night. But your right, regardless of what happens this is a 36'x36' sized red flag. I think I'm just going to ignore her for a while and see what happens. I've dated girls in the past who have acted similar, none this bad though and it usually gets worse. I'm still trying to think of something to say if I hear from her again. I kinda want to be prepared in case she does. Who knows, there is a chance it was an old friend from high school or something. I could be totally overreacting, either way though if that was the case she should have said something to me rather than ignore me. It really begs the question though, if she knew these guys were coming why invite me? Is this woman from a different culture than yours? In some parts of the world overt flirty friendliness with men is considered normal. In any event her behavior is not in agreement with yours.
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Thats too bad man, I've dated girls like this. I'm afriad your gunna have to move on as this will only get worse and not better. If she contacts you and apologises i let her sweat it out. Then I tell her this will not be working out as she clearly does not want a relationship as thats what you want and will not settle for nothing less. Or just ignore her entirely and delete her number from your phone and delete her from facebook and then its a clean break. When I got home that night I was pretty pissed I thought about wiping her out of my life. I came to my senses and decided to give her a chance to explain why the heck that was, so far... Nothing. I'm not the kind of guy who is going to settle, and I definataely will not tolerate crap like this. It's a two way street. The ball is in her court now, if she wants to call and apologize I will consider something. But let's be honest, that's not going to happen. As far as she is concerned she was probably "just having fun"
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Another thing, she trashed what could have been something pretty good. I am having the hardest time wrapping my head around how she acted. Over those five dates she told me that she had had a few bad boyfriends over the years and was tired of being treated like crap and just wanted a nice guy. I have had a few crap girl friends myself and I thought I had met someone really great. I thought I met someone really great who I would work well with, we even had quite a bit in common. I also wasted a lot of money taking her out, I may as well just have lit it on fire I guess. It would be like if Superman robbed a bank or something, you would stand there thinking to yourself "Wow, that just f****** happened". For a day or two you are stunned that this great girl could literally turn on a dime and pull bs like that.
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Is this woman from a different culture than yours? In some parts of the world overt flirty friendliness with men is considered normal. In any event her behavior is not in agreement with yours. Nope, were both from the same part of the country, same religion, etc. Ive never seen anything like this, Ive seen girls play games and all of that. But never after so many successful outing together do they act like this. We even have similar family backgrounds, parents stil together, and everything. Really strange
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 I think I am probably overreacting. This is such a waste of time. It is just such a bummer when you get all excited about something and it ends up grenading for a really dumb reason. I guess it all comes back to the fact that you never really truly know people. Either way, if I was a betting man I would count on never hearing from her again, which makes this entire discusison moot anyway. If she has any sense at all she is going to feel like a heel for how she acted that night and probably never have the courage to face me again. Girls really baffel me sometimes.
snug.bunny Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 This is where I am really unsure what to do, after I have only been on a few dates with her. If I call we and I am like wtf was up with that it might blow up in my face. Who knows if it was somebody she knew previously or not. There was definataely something goin on between them. I know what body language to look for. It was all there, laughing at bad jokes, eye contact, playful touching, and of course being at his side almost the entire night. But your right, regardless of what happens this is a 36'x36' sized red flag. I think I'm just going to ignore her for a while and see what happens. I've dated girls in the past who have acted similar, none this bad though and it usually gets worse. I'm still trying to think of something to say if I hear from her again. I kinda want to be prepared in case she does. Who knows, there is a chance it was an old friend from high school or something. I could be totally overreacting, either way though if that was the case she should have said something to me rather than ignore me. It really begs the question though, if she knew these guys were coming why invite me? Moot point. The point is, she invited YOU --- she was dating YOU --- she should have gone home with YOU.
Author J0N Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 (edited) Moot point. The point is, she invited YOU --- she was dating YOU --- she should have gone home with YOU. This is what I really wanted when I started this thread was some female perspective. I know that those guys had an early flight home the following morning so I do kind of doubt that she took him home. Then again, I have been wrong before, so who knows. I kind of figured that after five dates, each of which I though was a pretty solid home run that this time we might go home together, and you know... then make it official sometime after that. This has sort of been the deal with previous relationships, maybe a few more dates/time spent together. What do you think I should do? As a girl what would you be thinking if the guy you had invited to a party walked out? I decided to wait until we got to the bar so that I could be more discreet about it. I saw a picture that she posted on Facebook with her and those guys (after I had left), and the one guy had his arm around her and she was clearly not bothered by it, and looked like she was really enjoying herself. In fact you would have never even know that I was there. This is sort of dumb because I have pretty much already come to a conclusion about what I am going to do. I am just a little unsure what to do if she contacts me again. Thanks for your help. **As a note, at this point this is probably more about learning what to do next time and how to appropriately handle these types of situations. With my previous breakup the advice I got from other people on LS proved instrumental in me handling the breakup in a very mature and civil way. Even my Ex's friends were stunned by how I handled at, and now think that she was a b**** to me. Point is, I like to ask a ton of questions on LS, so that in practice I make the best possible decisions/actions** Edited April 24, 2012 by J0N
snug.bunny Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 This is what I really wanted when I started this thread was some female perspective. I know that those guys had an early flight home the following morning so I do kind of doubt that she took him home. Then again, I have been wrong before, so who knows. I kind of figured that after five dates, each of which I though was a pretty solid home run that this time we might go home together, and you know... then make it official sometime after that. This has sort of been the deal with previous relationships, maybe a few more dates/time spent together. What do you think I should do? As a girl what would you be thinking if the guy you had invited to a party walked out? I decided to wait until we got to the bar so that I could be more discreet about it. I saw a picture that she posted on Facebook with her and those guys (after I had left), and the one guy had his arm around her and she was clearly not bothered by it, and looked like she was really enjoying herself. In fact you would have never even know that I was there. This is sort of dumb because I have pretty much already come to a conclusion about what I am going to do. I am just a little unsure what to do if she contacts me again. Thanks for your help. For sake of argument, let's pretend she was just being friendly, talking with some of her male friends throughout the evening, being social, etc. Doing so made you uncomfortable, enough so that you chose to leave. Did she notice you were gone, has she called since, has she inquired why you left, where did you go, anything? As a girl what would you be thinking if the guy you had invited to a party walked out? I would think he was either pissed; uncomfortable; or not interested. I would have to judge that by the course of events - how we interacted, my behavior, his behavior, etc. If things had been going relatively smooth, and we're both interested in one another, I would stand near him, dance with him (depending on the venue), maybe kiss him, and I would def leave with him alongside. I am just a little unsure what to do if she contacts me again. You can either assert yourself and tell her you didn't appreciate her behavior and wish her well, or do nothing.
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