''I love you but im not in love with you''

[gotye]

I used the line when I realized I wasn't physically attracted to my bf, I wasn't cheating. So not always the case, but it means it's over

[macardent]

BRO!! .. let it go.. I been there twice. She will leave you for any other guy and ask to stay friends.. YOu'll get hurt.. do you really see your self walking down the mall one day with your Woman and her ex comes up and she tells you she loves him more than she loves you???

 

HAppened to me bro!!.. MOVE ON!

[Savaris]

Thats the whole thing, i dont think she has sex with her ex even though hes familiar, i know how she is. If she does not have a relationship with you she doesnt do those things. but hey, im not a mind reader, you may be right..but just from how I see her and how she acts i think im right. Thats true, but that way im letting her chase me, she has to work for my attention, im even asking her to do favors for me every now and then.. lol You see what i am trying to do? im letting her invest in me and you may be right gotye, i havent seen her in 3 months, we argued about this like 1 month ago, but who says you cant attract her back? Im showing a different side of my personality now, i was really holding back all this time, not loving the way i should have. Anyhow, she once told me, i always learned that people who give u a choice arent the right ones for you, she has a point though, i cant decide to make her feel something by doing that, if i give her a ultimatium it isnt going to work out, i need to let her feel, so she has to miss me, i have to attract her. Well im going to keep trying this, deep down i feel its going to work, if she decides to do something dumb again she'll lose me, she knows that, and im going to prepare for that, ill try not to hope, but still try at the same time.

 

also macardant, i mean you make it sound like every person has to be a virgin or cant have any previous love if you want to marry that person, Everyone makes mistakes, ive been soft on her i admit that, but thats cuz im crazy abouther, ive always been crazy for her, but im using my mind now instead of my heart, lets see where it leads to..

[Savaris]

by the way thanks for the replies guys,appreciate it..

[Frank13]

"I love you but I am not in love with you" actually means -

 

"I don't love you and I am not in love with you but I want to let you down gently and not look like a mean or heartless person so I will tell you that I love you, but telling you that I am not in love with you lets you know that I don't want to be with you."

[Savaris]

well, i do know she has feelings for me..and when im with her were drawn to eachother and she said this once before to me, we ignored eachother for 2-3 months after that she came back to me.. and when I say things like ok so you want me to give you up? she acts confused so yeah i dont know. Ill just stick to what I am doing

Edited April 24, 2012 by Savaris

[The Great Gazoo]

Dude stop being her whipping boy!

[g450]

cuz she is the first girl i truly loved

 

Then go out and start looking for the second girl you truly love! Sheesh!

I find it irritating when people come here for advice and then discount it or completely ignore every single piece of advice that was given to them because it's not what they want to hear.

 

You are not really listening. Seriously, get ahold of yourself and grow a pair man. She is just a woman and she is not yours. What part of that do you not understand? Let her go and get a life.

[Savaris]

G450 your understanding it the wrong way,..

 

I didnt come here to get advice on how to lose her. I came here to see wether my actions are right in order to get her back eventually.

[Savaris]

By the way, i just talked with her through chat, we had a discussion about sex(one of the very first times) she told me that im making her shy talking about that. Well now if this girl is just a regular friend of mine, if she doesnt feel any attraction, why is she getting shy? I can imagine that it could be a topic to get shy on but if another friend of her would talk about that she woudnt get shy trust me, she'd be like wtf r u talking about lol I could see that she liked it.. later on the convo she told me she was going to do something so I tld her o so you can teach me, to which she replied with yes ill teach, so I said yeah we can teach a lot of things to eachother.. to which she said, hihi yes, we can cant we.. lol so my speculations might have been right..

 

even though she really likes me, i skipped the attraction part and went straight to rapport, buying things, being sweet always being there for her with no further attraction.. by the way the push/pull is working aswell

 

one thing that is bothering me is her ex, i dont think I can do anything about him.. I cant make her stop talking to him, were going the right way but if hes in the picture its for nothing, perhaps I should play along for a little bit and like u guys suggested, after meeting up with her a couple of times ask her if shes still talking with him, if she is tell her thats its either him or me and if she chooses for him , ill go with NC

Edited April 25, 2012 by Savaris

[rob_h]

Deffffooooooo!!!!!!!!

 

You should keep letting her do this. Its definitely attractive. She doesn't really love her ex who she keeps going back to. She's just testing your love, she wants you!!!!!

 

Keep the push and pull. You want her to play with you right? She'll play with you some more.

 

**** NC who cares, you wanna do contact, you go for it! Who needs to heal?

 

Keep flirting with her, she'll realise soon enough you're The One.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You are ignoring all of the honest words of advice you have asked for. So i suggest you do all of the above in my list, because you're only going to anyway.

[Savaris]

I know she loves her ex, i just know theres more between her and me, and im a fighter until I know for 100% its not there i'll try what I can. Why should I give her up when I can do something about it? She obviously showed me that she cares for me, if she claims that she loves him ill show her and do what I can to let her see she loves me more.

 

Also if I should give up like everyone says so why do we all want to find love if its going to end anyways? how much topics are there like these on the internet? endless? If someone is confused about her feelings ill try. She never told me that she DIDNT like me, she never told me that she doenst find me attractive thats reason enough for me to fight. IF she goes back to her ex or someone else, then i will use NC until that time im going to try this, because I sincerely believe that i can get her back.

[wilsonx]

Spoken like a true Casanova.

 

Caliguy 2.0 incoming

[macardent]

Thats the whole thing, i dont think she has sex with her ex even though hes familiar, i know how she is. If she does not have a relationship with you she doesnt do those things. but hey, im not a mind reader, you may be right..but just from how I see her and how she acts i think im right. Thats true, but that way im letting her chase me, she has to work for my attention, im even asking her to do favors for me every now and then.. lol You see what i am trying to do? im letting her invest in me and you may be right gotye, i havent seen her in 3 months, we argued about this like 1 month ago, but who says you cant attract her back? Im showing a different side of my personality now, i was really holding back all this time, not loving the way i should have. Anyhow, she once told me, i always learned that people who give u a choice arent the right ones for you, she has a point though, i cant decide to make her feel something by doing that, if i give her a ultimatium it isnt going to work out, i need to let her feel, so she has to miss me, i have to attract her. Well im going to keep trying this, deep down i feel its going to work, if she decides to do something dumb again she'll lose me, she knows that, and im going to prepare for that, ill try not to hope, but still try at the same time.

 

also macardant, i mean you make it sound like every person has to be a virgin or cant have any previous love if you want to marry that person, Everyone makes mistakes, ive been soft on her i admit that, but thats cuz im crazy abouther, ive always been crazy for her, but im using my mind now instead of my heart, lets see where it leads to..

 

its not about being a virgin big guy.

 

do you really see your self walking down the mall one day with your Woman and her ex comes up and she tells you she loves him more than she loves you???

 

it means she doesn't love you as much. She will tell u the second she sees her ex that she doesn't love you anymore. SHE IS JUST CONFUSED! YOU DONT WANT TO BE THE PART OF THAT CONFUSION.

 

In the end a third guy will win! I guarantee it.. come back and prove me right please bro!

 

She is making you a spare tire..

[Savaris]

I know that she is confused, she cant let me go, in her mind she knows that im the one for her but i guess her heart tells her otherwise.. its a ****ed up situation i know, we'll see where it heads

 

o btw, she dumped her ex twice, she has this weakness for him but it doesnt work out with him either..thats what she said, she also told me that she has to make herself happy first if she wants to make someone else happy and because i kept pushing into wanting a relationship she told me to stay friends

 

btw lol wilsonx

Edited April 25, 2012 by Savaris

[g450]

Savaris, your still not getting it.

 

Why do you want somebody that doesnt want you? Is your self esteem really that low?

 

She loves her ex. You will never have her. You will waste your time trying. And even if she does come back you will still only be a temporary rebound. Why let a woman use you like that?

 

That is what we are all trying to get across to you. There are a million other women out there that are not messed up like that and are single. Why waste your time on broken goods?

[mike588]

Let me chime in. I reconnected with an old friend from many years ago and she had broken up with her b/f about a month earlier and she told me how unhappy she was with him but she still had feelings for him.

 

I was an idiot to fall for her and foolishly ignored all the red flags that she threw in my face...she convinced me and I believed that they were done!!

 

We dated for almost a year and after that amount of time I though they were broken up forever!!

 

Well almost 9 months ago now she dumps me for him...she said she just had to go back!

 

Listen to what people here are telling you.....she may "love you' in a certian way but she is NOT....has NOT been In LOVE with YOU!!!

 

There is a HUGE difference!! I know what your going thru..been there!! Don't waste anymore of your time or effort wanting her back....She's IN LOVE with someone else!

 

Chalk it up to experience....learn from it..like one poster said there are soooo many other girls out there who won't treat/put you thru this...I know it's tough...it wrecked me but move one...write her off!!

 

It will and does get better.

[macardent]

Let me chime in. I reconnected with an old friend from many years ago and she had broken up with her b/f about a month earlier and she told me how unhappy she was with him but she still had feelings for him.

 

I was an idiot to fall for her and foolishly ignored all the red flags that she threw in my face...she convinced me and I believed that they were done!!

 

We dated for almost a year and after that amount of time I though they were broken up forever!!

 

Well almost 9 months ago now she dumps me for him...she said she just had to go back!

 

Listen to what people here are telling you.....she may "love you' in a certian way but she is NOT....has NOT been In LOVE with YOU!!!

 

There is a HUGE difference!! I know what your going thru..been there!! Don't waste anymore of your time or effort wanting her back....She's IN LOVE with someone else!

 

Chalk it up to experience....learn from it..like one poster said there are soooo many other girls out there who won't treat/put you thru this...I know it's tough...it wrecked me but move one...write her off!!

 

It will and does get better.

 

My ex just left me a month ago for something like that. though i am not sure if she is back with him or someone else. But there is definitely someone else!..

 

btw did the girl ever come back?

 

Btw, Savaris don't think you are different and can change her mind. In the end she'll say "It's not you, it me" LOL trust me on this

[mike588]

My ex just left me a month ago for something like that. though i am not sure if she is back with him or someone else. But there is definitely someone else!..

 

btw did the girl ever come back?

 

Btw, Savaris don't think you are different and can change her mind. In the end she'll say "It's not you, it me" LOL trust me on this

 

If your asking me if she ever came back well no not at 1st...she contacted me several times with sorrys and regrets about her actions 2 months ago and I foolishly replyed.

 

Last week her sister called me and in a "round about way" hinted to me that she would like to see me again. I told her to tell her(my ex) Forget it ...No Way!!

 

I'm so done and over her! Not about to go thru that again. Screw her!!

[g450]

If your asking me if she ever came back well no not at 1st...she contacted me several times with sorrys and regrets about her actions 2 months ago and I foolishly replyed.

 

Last week her sister called me and in a "round about way" hinted to me that she would like to see me again. I told her to tell her(my ex) Forget it ...No Way!!

 

I'm so done and over her! Not about to go thru that again. Screw her!!

 

Glad to hear that Mike,

 

Not too long ago you were in the same spot that Savaris was in.

 

For the record, I too pined after my XW even though deep down I knew it was over. It takes time to let reality sink in and it is very painful. I know because I was there as well.

[macardent]

If your asking me if she ever came back well no not at 1st...she contacted me several times with sorrys and regrets about her actions 2 months ago and I foolishly replyed.

 

Last week her sister called me and in a "round about way" hinted to me that she would like to see me again. I told her to tell her(my ex) Forget it ...No Way!!

 

I'm so done and over her! Not about to go thru that again. Screw her!!

 

Yeah man.. I wana get over her too.. from what I researched she is in GIGS. And might never come back. I was the rebound guy apparently. IT hurts like a bitch being left for another person.. or like someone has that much impact on the life of a person you love.

 

I actually want her to come back so I can tell her whats in my heart and tell her how she is messed up.. Treated her like a queen meh I was a player before that.. fell for the wrong girl..

[Savaris]

My self esteem is not low, and i said this before, she is into me. She is attracted to me, she likes me, but she also has a weakness for her ex. I saw an episode of vampire diairies today. dont know if you guys have seen that show but the situation was so the same.. the boy whos love is pure, whos shes comfortable with and knows that hes going to be good for him but she still cheats on him with his brother whos challenging, unpredictable, who makes her FEEL when the girl herself is a really good girl she was REALLY confused, just like my ex is. I believe that in the long run she'll eventually go for 1, but 2 messes her up

 

Well, ive been person number 1 the entire time, and that guy person number 2. But ive been doing it the wrong way, i realize that, i mean how can someone fall in love with you when your not yourself? Ive been constantly being super sweet and super nice to her to win her affection, i wasnt myself. I did show her parts of me which she really liked,which made her want to try it with me but I realize that I held back A LOT.

 

Im not planning to change her mind, im planning to make her feel. In the end it will be her decision to try it with me. Not mine.

 

by the way some info on how things are going: yesterday we talked the whole day long, i kept teasing her flirting with her and she really liked it, she even told me to call her so we talked on the phone, she told me that the picture i send her was really sexy, and she also hinted to go to some place with her. I didnt give in but I said yeah we'll see.

 

You see whats going on, im being unpredictable, mysterious and finally showing her another part of my personality. Shes suprised, intrigued because she didnt expect it. The thing that made her leave me was not because of the looks,because she is attracted to me, but the way I behaved. I behaved more as a friend to her than a lover, I sincerely believe that. I mean how can someone fall in love with a person who only does things for you, is always there for you, always makes you feel good, tells her every single day that shes perfect, buys roses every time u see her, things are too perfect, theres is not a challenge even though there is chemistry between her and me, i only made her feel one emotion and behaved more like a true friend than a lover. I know there are more girls out there but, ive seen them, dated them, but i still want to get this one.

 

So yeah, who says she cant fall in love with me?

Edited April 26, 2012 by Savaris

[g450]

OK Savaris,

 

Im going to say this one more time for your own good.

 

She is NOT into you. She craves attention and you are giving her what she wants. Attention. Lots of women are like that. And you my friend are letting her have her cake and eat it too. She has already given you the ILYBNILWY speech. Most men know exactly what that means and would run from this woman. Yet you continue to persue and pine over her.

 

What is it about this woman that is so damn special to you? Can you not get another girl who is not hung up on her X?

 

You are not listening to what we are saying and you are doing this intentionally. It seems to me that like many other posters here, you are not really looking for good advice, you are looking to others for justification for what you are doing.

 

I feel sad for you because this is going to end badly for both of you. You are just too blinded by love or lust to see it.

 

But I wont be here to say "I told you so". Ill let you learn your lesson the hard way. I am not trying to be a horses azz but this will be my last posting here on the subject because you are not really hearing what we are telling you.

 

What did you seriously think we would say to you? "Yeah keep up the good work, she will come around. She is your one true luv, she just doesnt know it yet."

 

Seriously?

[mike588]

Re-reading your post sounds so familiar to me...shortly before she dumped me for her ex.she told me the same thing.....something was just missing.

 

Just about everything you said...or she did or didn't do sounds soooo familiar..my ex. was still IN LOVE with her ex. and I just happen to come along at the "wrong time " for me...I was her shoulder to cry on...someone to give her the attention she so wanted or needed but the bottom line was.....she was still IN LOVE with her ex....not ME!!

 

I know she "loved me" but not as much as her ex. She just couldn't give her heart to me because it belonged to HIM!

 

Please try to move on...I know how hard it is...I was in your shoes for the 1st 3....4 months after being dumped....it's hell but I promise you that you will get thru this....you will be stronger and one day look back on and laugh and wonder what the hell was I doing/thinking!!

 

It's been almost 9 months for me and now I look back on it and am somewhat embarrassed for how dumb I was for the hurt I allowed myself to go thru for someone whos heart was always somewhere else.

 

I'm so happy now that this is behind me...that I've truely moved on and YOU WILL TOO....believe me!!!

[Chi townD]

 

You see whats going on, im being unpredictable, mysterious and finally showing her another part of my personality. Shes suprised, intrigued because she didnt expect it.

 

So...all our doing is putting on a facade...gotcha. Or, are you emplying that your normally a douche rocket in real life and the sweet guy that compliments and treats he nicely and buys her roses; THAT was the facade?

 

Okay, yeah....this is going to work.

 

Okay folks! Is this going to work for the OP? Yay or Nay. My vote is Nay.