Sophie99 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 These situations don't necessarily have be be after a break up, it could be with friends or something, just wanted to hear your takes on it... Have you ever been in a situation where you know someone so well (such as a ex), flaws and all, but so few others see it? On the outside, my ex is funny, outgoing, caring. However, he is also very selfish, arrogant and insensitive. Only myself, his and my parents and a few friends who were once close to him can see this. All of his other new found friends, for want of a better phrase suck his bum. They think the sun shines out of his arse. No one understands the things that he has done and continues to do to me emotionally (I have to see him because of classes), because all they see is his exterior. It's really getting me down. Have you every had a situation like this? How did you handle it? 1
Philosoraptor Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Well what can you do about it? You can oust him to the world and look crazy, or pity them for not knowing what they are getting into. But don't let it get you down. You are still letting him have control and letting his actions control your emotions. 1
Author Sophie99 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Well what can you do about it? You can oust him to the world and look crazy, or pity them for not knowing what they are getting into. But don't let it get you down. You are still letting him have control and letting his actions control your emotions. I know what you mean, I can't do anything about it :/ Inner anger is the worst
Whisky1981 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Oh...just pity those who have yet to discover this side of him. Dont bother about him you know he is no good. Hang in there, youll find another and it will be much better now that you know what bad means. 2
january2011 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I've had situations where guys have shown me sides of them that they don't seem to show anyone else, including immediate family. While I feel privileged to be in such a position becaues it implies a certain amount of trust, sometimes it can be quite a responsibility to see the 'warts and all' of someone's personality. In your situation, I would just ignore him. He's being a jerk. 2
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) These situations don't necessarily have be be after a break up, it could be with friends or something, just wanted to hear your takes on it... Have you ever been in a situation where you know someone so well (such as a ex), flaws and all, but so few others see it? I could write a novel on this topic! My ex is literally two different people. Who she is to somebody that she is intimate with is completely different from the way others see her. On the outside she is a shy, sweet little thing that just can't seem to get a break, nothing works out for her and every man she is ever with treats her poorly. She has the "oh woe is me" victim act down to a science and I fell for it. The things that nobody else sees are the passive aggressive games, the subtle accusations like repeating over and over "I trust you" but flying off the handle and accusing of deceit at every opportunity. The slow shrinking effect of having your friends and family systematically isolated from you because there is a knack of zeroing in on one negative trait in a sea of positives and declaring "I don't think we should hang around them anymore" The badgering that is presented as joking but has a poison soaked barb to it. The silent treatment, cold shoulder, dropping off the face of the earth with no explanation. Never apologzing and convincing you that everything is really your fault, always skirting issues so nothing ever gets resolved until it boils over. And then it gets turned back on you with a gasp "I cant believe you treated me that way" It's almost scary how some people can live dual lives like this, but yes I know exactly what you mean. Have you every had a situation like this? How did you handle it? I handled it by running for my life. The people that she has bamboozled are of no concern to me. The people close to me know the truth and my reputation precedes me. Edited April 23, 2012 by SilverBlueAndGold 1
Daniel Kaiser Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Relationship is the mirror of our true selves. Through it, we see what we really are; we can easily see our flaws and qualities, its trully awesome
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 These situations don't necessarily have be be after a break up, it could be with friends or something, just wanted to hear your takes on it... Have you ever been in a situation where you know someone so well (such as a ex), flaws and all, but so few others see it? On the outside, my ex is funny, outgoing, caring. However, he is also very selfish, arrogant and insensitive. Only myself, his and my parents and a few friends who were once close to him can see this. All of his other new found friends, for want of a better phrase suck his bum. They think the sun shines out of his arse. No one understands the things that he has done and continues to do to me emotionally (I have to see him because of classes), because all they see is his exterior. It's really getting me down. Have you every had a situation like this? How did you handle it? My ex has this way of looking like a perfect angel to his circle of friends and others. I got to see his dark side. He was a Jeckyll/Hyde. He painted ME to be all that he was out of fear for me telling everyone about his abuse towards me. There was nothing I could do about it except vent to trusted friends. Nothing I could do, though, and not having some kind of control freaked me out ; I could not defend myself/undo all the lies he told about me. 2 people finally saw it, unblocked me(he had MANY block me), and apologize for judging me, that they saw him for what he is, etc. Relief set in. It still makes me shudder to think about it. He still has me blocked, but I know it's out of fear because he is a coward and liar. Afraid to man up.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Well what can you do about it? You can oust him to the world and look crazy, or pity them for not knowing what they are getting into. But don't let it get you down. You are still letting him have control and letting his actions control your emotions. I remember you had given me this advice and it gave me comfort. I pity him, and those who don't know what they are in for. And it's great to have the old 'me' back:)
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