JengleBells83 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 My ex- boyfriend (and very good friend of 2 years prior) broke up about 8 months ago. We had a long distance relationship..and I was going through a lot (particularly the death of my grandfather)..and the combo of the 2 blew up and my ex dumped me - well, not really, he said he needed a "break" and that he would call me soon- he even cried on the phone for 2 hours...like sobbed. But he never called. So I find out a week later he is already dating some young girl that he worked with (she is 19, he is 32).(he is still dating her, and his best friend tells me she is "so..lame".) I was crushed. And he proceded to rub it in my face. After a few weeks, one night I had too much to drink, and really went off on him. He blocked me on facebook. That was the end of September. I saw him a few times after that - once i was at the bar he works at when he wasn't working, and he heard I was up there, and came out- and acted all flustered. I saw him at the same bar twice after that, and he basically pretended that I didn't exist, or didn't know me. He randomly sent me a text after the 2nd time that I saw him and said "when I see you, you are just another person on the street." Ouuuch. Well, about a month ago, after 3 months of no contact, I decided i was feeling ok about the whole thing, and texted him- he responded, but with one word answers. I then just went for it, and basically said, hey i know things went down bad between us, and im sorry for my part- i hope we can call a truce and be friends. No response to that one. Well about a week ago, i was on a mutual friend of ours facebook page...and i saw that he had unblocked me. It was weird...after all this time. We didn't friend eachother, but i found some flattery in the fact that he thought of me enough to unblock me. So Saturday night, a bunch of us friends (who are friends of my ex too) were all meeting up after a big festival that we went to - at the bar that he works at....i was hesitant, but decided I was just gonna have fun- and i did. I sang with one of his friends, his best friend hugged me...my ex even sang along with me on me & my friends duet. I went outside and made a comment about my crazy outfit, and he smiled. At the end of the night, i just kinda tapped him on the arm and asked him how hes doing... he said "I'm okay, how are you?" i responded with "I'm good" and a friend of ours yelled out "group hug!"..and my ex was standing right next to me, and hugged me (with the group). That was pretty much it, but at least he was decent. I was surprised that he responded with just "okay" when asked how hes doing. I know that none of this probably means anything, but seeing him really made me feel weird. I am mostly over him, but we had such a strong friendship and relationship, and being there with all our mutual friends saturday night, brought up a lot of memories/ feelings. Is it possible this is a start to being friends again, or is he just being cordial? Any insight guys?
immitable Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 My ex- boyfriend (and very good friend of 2 years prior) broke up about 8 months ago. We had a long distance relationship..and I was going through a lot (particularly the death of my grandfather)..and the combo of the 2 blew up and my ex dumped me - well, not really, he said he needed a "break" and that he would call me soon- he even cried on the phone for 2 hours...like sobbed. But he never called. So I find out a week later he is already dating some young girl that he worked with (she is 19, he is 32).(he is still dating her, and his best friend tells me she is "so..lame".) I was crushed. And he proceded to rub it in my face. After a few weeks, one night I had too much to drink, and really went off on him. He blocked me on facebook. That was the end of September. I saw him a few times after that - once i was at the bar he works at when he wasn't working, and he heard I was up there, and came out- and acted all flustered. I saw him at the same bar twice after that, and he basically pretended that I didn't exist, or didn't know me. He randomly sent me a text after the 2nd time that I saw him and said "when I see you, you are just another person on the street." Ouuuch. Well, about a month ago, after 3 months of no contact, I decided i was feeling ok about the whole thing, and texted him- he responded, but with one word answers. I then just went for it, and basically said, hey i know things went down bad between us, and im sorry for my part- i hope we can call a truce and be friends. No response to that one. Well about a week ago, i was on a mutual friend of ours facebook page...and i saw that he had unblocked me. It was weird...after all this time. We didn't friend eachother, but i found some flattery in the fact that he thought of me enough to unblock me. So Saturday night, a bunch of us friends (who are friends of my ex too) were all meeting up after a big festival that we went to - at the bar that he works at....i was hesitant, but decided I was just gonna have fun- and i did. I sang with one of his friends, his best friend hugged me...my ex even sang along with me on me & my friends duet. I went outside and made a comment about my crazy outfit, and he smiled. At the end of the night, i just kinda tapped him on the arm and asked him how hes doing... he said "I'm okay, how are you?" i responded with "I'm good" and a friend of ours yelled out "group hug!"..and my ex was standing right next to me, and hugged me (with the group). That was pretty much it, but at least he was decent. I was surprised that he responded with just "okay" when asked how hes doing. I know that none of this probably means anything, but seeing him really made me feel weird. I am mostly over him, but we had such a strong friendship and relationship, and being there with all our mutual friends saturday night, brought up a lot of memories/ feelings. Is it possible this is a start to being friends again, or is he just being cordial? Any insight guys? You have strong feelings for him and it is obvious. What you need to avoid at all costs is becoming a doormat. Instead of telling you move on like most of the people on these boards would advise you, I am not going to do that. You see, men are visual and if you could pick yourself up, try to look hot (I know it sound lame but...) and even try making him jealous you still have a shot at him. You have to make him work for it. Avoid showing up at the place he works, it is too obvious, besides his friends are telling him everything about you like when and where you showed up etc, try a new game strategy for a change.
immitable Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I am telling you this out of guys pov, I used to be that guy and had a girl who would do the same things you did, she made herself an easy catch at the time unfortunately, but love does that to people. Cheers!
geegirl Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) The fact that you've been analyzing him this way (your past threads as well), is a sign that you're not over him, or at least over him "enough" to contemplate being friends. Aside from that, he's not even reciprocating interest. One word answers. And even when you reached out to be friends, he ignored you. It's one thing to miss the friendship that you had with him but things are not going to be the same anymore. You can't go back to what you had with him during your friendship. The dynamics have changed. And even if it were to happen, you can't be friends with someone that isn't looking for a friendship, or at least showing you a need for one. There's always a hidden agenda when the dumpee wants to be friends with the dumper, even after the dumper has treated them badly. I have a strong feeling he was seeing this 19 year old while he was with you. Are those the sort of values that make him a friend? Friends is just a way of staying connected, a subtle reminder of your existence. You say you are almost over him. Then why don't you focus on yourself in completely detaching from him and when that day comes when you don't care about what he does or what he thinks, then you can open the door to friendship. And most likely by then, you'll reconsider because you'll realize that while he was a good friend to you while you had a friendship, he wasn't one when he let you go from the relationship and that in itself is good enough reason to step back and determine your motives and understanding of what a friend really means to you. Edited April 23, 2012 by geegirl
Author JengleBells83 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 I know...I had questioned him seeing this other girl while him and i were still together- but his friends had debunked that thought months ago. Fact is, him and this chick were friends, and him and I had spent the weekend together 3 days before he broke up with me...he didn't act weird or suspicious, and things were normal. I know thats not it...but i'm sure this girl was waiting in the wings- because i knew that she had a HUGE crush on him, and when i met her while him and i were together, she was very rude to me. I just thought there would be a possibility for a friendship, because he is friends with his other exes- and questioned why he could be friends with them, but not with me...this guy has pursued me for a year prior to us dating...we even talked about getting married the weekend before we broke up.
Author JengleBells83 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Also, when the breakup was still pretty fresh, he said to me "i still want to be friends with you...if you can.."...however that was quite a while ago. And his girlfriend being 19 and all, and how quickly they got together after we broke up, I'm thinking that his little girlfriend doesn't want him to be conversing with me. I just got the feeling saturday night when i saw him, that he doesn't hate me- this last sighting of him was the most decent we've had since we've broken up...i caught him looking over in my direction, he didn't go outside during the song i was singing (hes a karaoke dj), smiled at me, engaged in the group hug, even responded to the question i asked him.
geegirl Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I know...I had questioned him seeing this other girl while him and i were still together- but his friends had debunked that thought months ago. Fact is, him and this chick were friends, and him and I had spent the weekend together 3 days before he broke up with me...he didn't act weird or suspicious, and things were normal. I know thats not it...but i'm sure this girl was waiting in the wings- because i knew that she had a HUGE crush on him, and when i met her while him and i were together, she was very rude to me. I just thought there would be a possibility for a friendship, because he is friends with his other exes- and questioned why he could be friends with them, but not with me...this guy has pursued me for a year prior to us dating...we even talked about getting married the weekend before we broke up. I think you are being naive to believe that your ex was not doing anything behind your back. He may have not had anything physical with her but most likely an emotional connection to start a relationship a week later. My ex was normal with me, speaking of the future while he was cheating with 3 other women. Anything is possible. In any case, you have to ask yourself, will a friendship be beneficial to you and if so, how. You will most likely not have what you had with him before. And it has to be a friendship that is wanted and needed by both parties. In addition, heal completely, move on with your life before you start contemplating trying to be in his again.
Author JengleBells83 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 There could have been emotional cheating, which i suppose would actually be something going on behind my back...but I've always thought that while him and i were going thru hard times, this girl was a "shoulder to cry on"...and was waiting in the wings because she had such a crush on him. who freakin knows. His best friend (and mine) did tell me the other night that nothing was going on while him and I were together. Anyways, my ex' and I's mutual good friend texted with eachother the other night, and our mutual friend asked my ex about him and i having a friendship again (after our meeting the other night)...he said it was maybe too soon because he was unprepared because of how crazy things got between the 2 of us....he also told our mutual friend that he missed going to the festival with us this year (that we always went to). Does any of this have any meaning at all, or does he truly not give a crap?!
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