Tired of trying and ready for my life to start

[My_love]

Hi guys....heres my story...

On June 2, 2011 my world came crashing down. Things had not been good with my h for a while. It seemed as though I couldnt do anything right. He was always out of town on "business" or if he was home he was so tired he would sleep for days, then he would be off to do it all over again. In my heart I knew something was up. I Checked his Phone and everything made sense.

There she was. A fat, 3xs divorced, bar fly, trashy whore texting my husband saying that she missed him, signed xxoo. The text said, " getting my drink on, preying for you, send me my picture of the willie, xxoo". Omg I was numb. Literally. I so wish I could go back and repeat h

ow I handled the situation. I handled it sooooo wrong. I confronted him immediately I should of waited, gathered he facts, and then go to him with the facts and an ultimatium. Instead it was like I as wanting him to lie to me and I wanted to believe the lies. We've been married for 28 years 4 kids, 3 grandkiddos. Weve worked together for all these years, built a very successful business and are set to retire in 5 years. Finally the hard work was set to pay off.

I started going through his phone bills and there were calls and text, nearly 6000 from feb to june He was even calling her and texting here while we were on our vaca for our anniversary.

Since that day, I have become a neurotic, phone policing, nervous, chasing fool. It knocked my self esteem into the dirt. I'm not the confident, strong, smart, well put together woman I have always been. This last year has totally sucked. He has two phones, one I on our family account, and the other is his personal one. He gave me access to the other one for a while, but when he found out that I was actually checking it he blocked all access even put passwords on everything, even his phone has a pin code. I can hack a phone like a pro now and each time I've done I've found stuff. Not from that woman, but different women. And it is all initiated by him....

 

I'm so tired of this game that I'm ready to throw in the towel and have my own affair. My kids are grown, and this is supposed to me my time. I'm so angry at him for ruining our life that I don't know if I ever can forgive him. I'm so full of fury and rage that I am ready to be completely done. For a while I walked on egg shells trying to be merry sunshine, being the 1950's wife waiting on him hand and foot, really a scared dog peeing in the corner.

Our sex life sucks. He can't get it up at all and I am always initiating it only to get turned down over and over again. Even when he gives in it sucks. Sorda like he's doing it out of obligation.

I started traveling with him, smothering him, being his shadow. I neglected my kids (1 girl sr in hs, and 1 6th grade) my job my entire focus has been on him

And making him happy. No more!!!!!! No more reverse phone call checks, no more phone hacking, no more chasing ENOUGH!!!!

This last fight was horrible. And it is the last one. I'm moving on. Slowly the fog is lifting and I deserve better. He has not and will not be transparent in his actions. He refuses help and actually blames me, be actually wonders why I can't just trust him? What a fool. I did trust him and look what happened? I did allow him to nearly destroy me, no more. We have a 2nd home which I'm sure is where he has his dialliances I want to bug it to get "solid proof"

To bring to a lawyer. To get my ducks in a Row and walk out on this ass. Sorry for the rambling, I haven't told a soul about this. Everyone just knows that I've changed.

But here's my problem. I want to have an affair of my own. I want to be desired, wanted, sexy....I still want to be that with him, but it's too late. I an dying to find someone to share my life with. I don't want to be alone, but being alone is sooo much better than being here.

Has anyone else felt like this? I know he would never leave me for any of these money grabbing whores, why would he? I'm perfect! I look great on his arm giving the illusion of a strong woman who takes care of her man!! I wash his dirty drawers, wait on him hand and foot daily.

I so want out of here and want to make my exit plan....I'm so thankful for yalls comments.

[jphcbpa]

I would suggest either working it out with him (go to MC) or get a divorce BUT be single for at least a year. Take some time for you, getting to know yourself. Having an affair would only cover up your hurt and make it harder for you to move on and see the truth in your present situation.

[darkmoon]

look, if it is an affair to spite him no but if you want an open marriage yes, it must be tough for you, but if you talk to the right lawyer you will have a different angle/s, you might have less legal standing if you both have affairs and you want divorce, fine but think if you have a good new life lined up first

[beenburned]

Do NOT stoop to his level by having a revenge affair, this will only hurt you in a divorce!

 

Go see a lawyer for a consultation asap to know where you would stand financially if you divorce him.

 

After you have the answers, then you can better make your game plan.

 

Your pain comes through the computer screen. Take care of yourself instead of worrying about him.

 

Keep posting here, as we have been in your shoes and totally understand what you are going through.

[Megwwood]

I am sorry you're taking all of that on by yourself. I did the same thing, didn't tell a soul, Just put on that "everything is great" mask and went right on about life. It catches up with you and it really hurts when you slow down long enough to have to think about it hard. You need to take care of you first. An affair just for companionship won't make things any better and you may get hurt worse in the process. I hate it when I hear, it's not about you, it's the cheater's issue. It's true but it's really hard to not wonder what I could do differently to make him want just me or love just me. In the end you have to love you, you're the only one that you can control. Quit letting him hurt you, if he has chosen the "others" you need to choose you and do what's best for you and your future. Feel free to email if you need to talk.

 

Meg

[Steen719]

My_Love,

 

So sorry you are here. There are a lot of people here who have experienced what you are going through and can empathize with you. You have a long term marriage, 28 years, and I'm sure it is like the rug was pulled out from under you. Everything is different than it was and you must be reeling.

 

He is blaming you because he is the guilty one. He is making all of the wrong choices. I know what it is like to have your self-esteem in the toilet. It sucks.

 

Does your state consider infidelity when deciding divorce issues? If not, know that. Go find out what your rights are very soon. You may be able to use your evidence to not get pushed around by him in your divorce. By this I mean even if legally, it does not matter, you can use it as a leverage in negotiating.

 

Do not have an affair. That will be a temporary fix for your issues. No matter what, it is not what you need. If you think you will get back together, it will muddy the waters so much, you will have a much harder time making it happen. If you want to leave him and divorce, leave with your head up and do it the right way, by not involving anyone else. If you leave him, heal first and then find someone. I know it sounds hard and believe me, it is. I know your pain. I have been there and it is taking a long time to get through it, but I will and so will you.

 

Go see a therapist and talk about it. Get some perspective. Do some things for yourself. Take a trip with friends or something fun. Quit being a detective. You have enough information to go on.

 

It is hard to reconcile yourself with the person you are now to the person you were before the bomb dropped. You will never be the same person. But that doesn't mean we all can't find a new way if that is what you want. The other thing I would advise is to get strength from those around you. Tell your close friends and family to help you deal with this. I don't know what your reasons are for not telling them, but if you are doing it to protect his reputation, I wouldn't.

 

Keep posting. There are many posters who have good perspective and can help you through this. It is not a substitute for face to face interaction, but it can help you think about things and see what other people have done to help in this situation.

 

Good luck and HUGS to you.

[YellowShark]

A revenge affair? What a terrible idea. Makes you no better than him. How about this instead. Your husband has left the reservation. He is an "enemy of the state." I think 6000 texts and calls pretty well illustrates that reality. Especially when you two are on holiday for your anniversary.

 

So it's time to let him go sow his oats then. Be done with him. Let him go have his barfly and you enjoy a happy life without him. Start dating after you two separate. Sounds like both of you have checked out of the marriage anyways from what you write.

 

And BTW.. he blames you because it's a childish way to attempt to defend what is indefensible - his betrayal.

 

Good luck.

[96nole]

AAAUURRRRGGGHHH!!!!! Why are some people such a**holes to the people in their lives!!!???

 

My Love, Don't believe a damn word out of his mouth. He is blaming you to so he can justify his actions to himself. He wants to throw you off and make you believe that it's you. If you start to believe it, you'll drive yourself crazy. Believe me, I know. I'm only a few months into this sh*tstorm. My wife as blamed me for everything. If there was a way she could, she would blame me for the shuttle explosion as well. At first I was believing it. After seeing a counselor, a doctor and then with everyone's postings on this site, have I figured out that I'm not the one to blame. Yes, there are somethings that I could have done better, but non of them justified my soon to be ex crossing the line.

 

Next, it's time to circle your wagons. Start telling friends and family members. You need all the support you can to get through this. The emotional roller-coaster really sucks. And I don't like roller-coasters to begin with. Your friends and family will help you. He did not consider your feelings by cheating and not telling you the truth. Stop considering his. Perhaps if everyone knows what he is doing he'll get his head out of his ass.

[whichwayisup]

Don't have a revenge affair.

Instead, tell him to pack a bag and go to his fat, 3xs divorced, bar fly other woman. Wish him all the happiness in the world and tell him to expect divorce papers shortly.

 

Don't have ANY conversations with him. Focus on yourself and getting through this.

[My_love]

I probably will not have an affair, I'm just not made like that. The guilt that I would put my self through would be far worse than any guilt he would try put me through....Just lonely I guess...Just need to feel wanted mentally and physcally.

 

What makes matters so much worse, is the women that he has / is (?) messing with live in the small town that we are working in, which is about 3 house from our home and our home office. He is actually there much more than he is home. I am here running the office and he is there monday - Friday, week after week. And I've just got to trust him? BS!!!! I just can't believe what he expects of me....It just does not make any sense. If he really did want us to heal from his affair (of which he has never admitted, said that he was just "talking" to her...yea right! even after I came up with a std) he is not acting like it. He has always just expected me to be there, no questions asked. His phone and my lack of access is a VERY big deal for me. I know everytime I've asked for access to it, it is going to end up in a huge fight (I mean huge, that I have started (his perspective haha) It is so bad that I start obsessing about his phone on Thursday night, before he comes home. Seeing it sit on the charger right next to him and seeing him bring it to bed or hiding it knowing I do not have access eats me up. To me, it is the deal breaker. I just can't get that if he is not doing anything, what is the big deal, why wouldn't he want me to have it? He is going to let this really ruin us and put the final nail in the coffin. It is that big of a deal for me and me having to ask even makes it worse. He seems to think that by me having access is me trying to control him. And furthermore, he thinks that this is going to go away, and for me, it's only growing. He told me in our last fight, that he is not going to ever talk about this again and if I tried to he would leave and be done and file for divorce because I (yea, me) can't get over this affair. He is completely disslusional in his thoughts and actions. He wants to be a single man m-f, but then wants to pick up the grandkids on his way home and play the family man. He can't have it both ways....Too BAD!!

 

Honestly, I now that I look back I know that this has ALWAYS been going on in our marriage, there have always been acquisations, but never SOLID proof. I think that is why I want to bug the other house. It's sorda like I HAVE to see it with my own eyes...Then I can be officially done. Then he has no one to blame but himself.. He is a MASTER MINUPULATOR (sp, sorry) and is very, very good and painting these wonderful pictures in his perspective that are completely false, but he sales it as the truth and has people eating out of his hands. I think earlier in our marriage I was always too busy to really take notice, or I just didn't want to rock our boat. We were too perfect, our kids were too beautiful, I was too perfect of a wife/businesspartner/lover, he was an excellent provider, our home in the country was too beautiful, etc......What a sham!!! What I think has happened is this has always been him, and I knew that, It was just so much easier to bury my head in the sand publicly and privately staying so busy that I didn't have to think about it and could just accept his lies so I didn't have to change any part of my life..It's just not okay with me anymore. My kids are grown and I'm tired of living in a cage. Like I said in my first post, NOW IS MY TIME! I'm ready to live my life, not for him, not for my kids, for me. And he is either to fit into the plan or he is not. But I will not take the 1/2 commitment anymore.

I honestly think I am better now that the anger has set in, and not the self wollowing pity party I was having for myself. But what makes me the ANGRYEST is that the person who did nothing, the person who has always been there to pick up the pieces, the person who was dedicated to making our family successful is the one that is going to be hurt the most. I did nothing! But I am going to loose 1/2 of what I've worked my whole life for? Yes I'm angry, I am effin angry....

[Summer Breeze]

I probably will not have an affair, I'm just not made like that. The guilt that I would put my self through would be far worse than any guilt he would try put me through....Just lonely I guess...Just need to feel wanted mentally and physcally.

 

What makes matters so much worse, is the women that he has / is (?) messing with live in the small town that we are working in, which is about 3 house from our home and our home office. He is actually there much more than he is home. I am here running the office and he is there monday - Friday, week after week. And I've just got to trust him? BS!!!! I just can't believe what he expects of me....It just does not make any sense. If he really did want us to heal from his affair (of which he has never admitted, said that he was just "talking" to her...yea right! even after I came up with a std) he is not acting like it. He has always just expected me to be there, no questions asked. His phone and my lack of access is a VERY big deal for me. I know everytime I've asked for access to it, it is going to end up in a huge fight (I mean huge, that I have started (his perspective haha) It is so bad that I start obsessing about his phone on Thursday night, before he comes home. Seeing it sit on the charger right next to him and seeing him bring it to bed or hiding it knowing I do not have access eats me up. To me, it is the deal breaker. I just can't get that if he is not doing anything, what is the big deal, why wouldn't he want me to have it? He is going to let this really ruin us and put the final nail in the coffin. It is that big of a deal for me and me having to ask even makes it worse. He seems to think that by me having access is me trying to control him. And furthermore, he thinks that this is going to go away, and for me, it's only growing. He told me in our last fight, that he is not going to ever talk about this again and if I tried to he would leave and be done and file for divorce because I (yea, me) can't get over this affair. He is completely disslusional in his thoughts and actions. He wants to be a single man m-f, but then wants to pick up the grandkids on his way home and play the family man. He can't have it both ways....Too BAD!!

 

Honestly, I now that I look back I know that this has ALWAYS been going on in our marriage, there have always been acquisations, but never SOLID proof. I think that is why I want to bug the other house. It's sorda like I HAVE to see it with my own eyes...Then I can be officially done. Then he has no one to blame but himself.. He is a MASTER MINUPULATOR (sp, sorry) and is very, very good and painting these wonderful pictures in his perspective that are completely false, but he sales it as the truth and has people eating out of his hands. I think earlier in our marriage I was always too busy to really take notice, or I just didn't want to rock our boat. We were too perfect, our kids were too beautiful, I was too perfect of a wife/businesspartner/lover, he was an excellent provider, our home in the country was too beautiful, etc......What a sham!!! What I think has happened is this has always been him, and I knew that, It was just so much easier to bury my head in the sand publicly and privately staying so busy that I didn't have to think about it and could just accept his lies so I didn't have to change any part of my life..It's just not okay with me anymore. My kids are grown and I'm tired of living in a cage. Like I said in my first post, NOW IS MY TIME! I'm ready to live my life, not for him, not for my kids, for me. And he is either to fit into the plan or he is not. But I will not take the 1/2 commitment anymore.

I honestly think I am better now that the anger has set in, and not the self wollowing pity party I was having for myself. But what makes me the ANGRYEST is that the person who did nothing, the person who has always been there to pick up the pieces, the person who was dedicated to making our family successful is the one that is going to be hurt the most. I did nothing! But I am going to loose 1/2 of what I've worked my whole life for? Yes I'm angry, I am effin angry....

 

You may lose 50 percent of what you've worked for, but you'll finally be able to own 100 percent of your life again.

[standtall]

I want to be desired, wanted, sexy....I

 

My_love,

...the way you are handling yourself is sexy and desirable...keep it up.

[Ninja'sHusband]

Keep posting, Get it out! YIHHH!!!!

 

You are right to want to access to that phone! Who knows what's on that thing? You could always reset it, pull the cards and reset. Downside is any proof\info that's on the phone itself will be gone. It'll kill the password, of course he could just put it on. Look at whats on the cards (SD or SIM) by plugging them into a computer. Check your online phone account to see who he's been communicating with.

 

He has to know that you need to verify he is telling the truth. How else are you supposed to believe someone who has been proven to be lying to you? This is a nobrainer. Passwords, secret accounts, etc, it all has to be unlocked!

[My_love]

I know...That's what the problem has really been. Is that he keeps it right next to him at all times...What else am I supposed to believe? In addition to keeping a pin lock on his phone, I do not have online access to this certain phone, and he has put a strict password on any phone contact w/ the cellular company to change anything. He actually says that I'm driving him away always being so suspicious and wanting verification. That I should trust him blindly...Are you kidding me?

 

Thank all of ya'll for your comments. I guess I am just complete sick at heart that he has chosen to throw away 28 years for nothing. I don't believe that he is really into any certain girl (maybe he was for a little while), I just believe that he is really into himself right now and the party scene and he is believing all of the smoke that people are blowing up his ass. That he is great, that he is so smart, that he has created everything all by himself and doesn't need anyone, etc. It makes me sick that he is being so stupid and believing the crap that they are telling him! Doesn't he realize that we built everything together, and that he would be nothing with me, and me nothing without him? And also doesn't he realize that the **** that the girls are telling him is because they want to be in my shoes? How stupid can 1 man be? Does he really think that anyone of these bitches can hold my panties? Not a chance, I would eat them up and spit them out..Nor would they put up for a second the **** he has put me through. He thinks he is invincible right now and anyone who does not agree with him or who wants to try to control him better get out of the way. If I thought for a second that he really was willing to change his behavior and try to make this marriage work, I would do anything, but both of us have to try and go the extra mile, just not everything on one person. Everything is better with us together. Our business, our home, everything. But that is not the case. I am supposed to do all of the giving and none of the recieving. He thinks that by giving me gifts (you would not believe the **** that I've gotten this past year) that is supposed to make up for everything, but it does not. He could give me a 10 kt. diamond, but I'd much rather him love me and show me that he does love me.

[Furious]

Good your angry!

 

Now use that anger to your benefit. He is gas lighting you, and it can make you feel crazy.

 

The most frustrating thing it getting the hard evidence.

 

Get yourself a PI and lay low, let him relax and get sloppy with his cheating.

 

This what I did, and it was worth every penny!

[My_love]

Being Angry is a very hard thing for me to do...I love the light side of life and this crap is very heavy for me. I have never liked to dwell on things like this for very long, and that would explain this being swept under the rug year after year. I actually fired someone years ago for saying that whenever dh did something, wifeypoo got a new diamond....I guess I was so mad because she was right...

 

I do want to catch him red handed, I just don't know how. Where do you go to find a reliable PI? Also when I've thought of it before actually I was scared of what I would be told.....Now I'm not, it is the unknown that is driving me completely off my rocker. Whatever it is, it is I just have to know for sure and once and for all. Who knows maybe there will be nothing? (I sincerely doubt it) and it has all be in my mind???? Whenever I have had this feeling in the past, I have always been right.

 

What do they provide to you? How long do you hire them? Appx cost? He has forced me to do this. If there actually is nothing and he finds out that I've hired a pi, it would definately be a divorce....I just have to keep playing the game now. There is too much to loose!!!

[My_love]

What makes matters so much worse, is the women that he has / is (?) messing with live in the small town that we are working in, which is about 3 house from our home and our home office.

 

I meant 3 hours away from our home...not 3 houses...

[BetrayedH]

Being Angry is a very hard thing for me to do...I love the light side of life and this crap is very heavy for me. I have never liked to dwell on things like this for very long, and that would explain this being swept under the rug year after year. I actually fired someone years ago for saying that whenever dh did something, wifeypoo got a new diamond....I guess I was so mad because she was right...

 

I do want to catch him red handed, I just don't know how. Where do you go to find a reliable PI? Also when I've thought of it before actually I was scared of what I would be told.....Now I'm not, it is the unknown that is driving me completely off my rocker. Whatever it is, it is I just have to know for sure and once and for all. Who knows maybe there will be nothing? (I sincerely doubt it) and it has all be in my mind???? Whenever I have had this feeling in the past, I have always been right.

 

What do they provide to you? How long do you hire them? Appx cost? He has forced me to do this. If there actually is nothing and he finds out that I've hired a pi, it would definately be a divorce....I just have to keep playing the game now. There is too much to loose!!!

 

I bought a GPS device and put it in my wife's car. They are about $200. The first time I removed it to download the data, I discovered she had been to a hotel when she was supposed to be at work. I asked for a duplicate receipt and the discovered 16 other hotel stays. You could also buy a voice activated recorder and place it in his car (I'm told that under the steering column is good). You could also install a keylogger on his computer. I hired a PI. He followed my wife for an evening and found nothing. That was $200.

 

At the end of the day, the courts in my state care very little about my wife's infidelity and so other than getting the truth for myself, much of this was a waste of money. I am still fighting for 50/50 custody of my kids regardless of a lot of evidence of terribly disturbing behavior. You should look up the divorce laws in your state.

 

On a side note, some couples survive infidelity when there is a truly remorseful wayward spouse (and a very forgiving betrayed spouse). When everything goes right, it takes a few years. Your spouse doesn't sound remotely remorseful. Work towards a divorce that permits you that second life. It is out there and it is not as miserable as you think; it's actually very liberating.

 

As for a revenge affair, I had one. It didn't help; it hurt. Separate first.

[96nole]

he is believing all of the smoke that people are blowing up his ass. That he is great, that he is so smart, that he has created everything all by himself and doesn't need anyone, etc. It makes me sick that he is being so stupid and believing the crap that they are telling him! Doesn't he realize that we built everything together, and that he would be nothing with me, and me nothing without him? And also doesn't he realize that the **** that the girls are telling him is because they want to be in my shoes? How stupid can 1 man be? Does he really think that anyone of these bitches can hold my panties? Not a chance, I would eat them up and spit them out..Nor would they put up for a second the **** he has put me through. He thinks he is invincible right now and anyone who does not agree with him or who wants to try to control him better get out of the way.

 

It's the affair fog. His ego is so overinflated that he can't see reality.

[My_love]

He swears that he is the remorseful spouse that has done nothing, and I should just trust him. You know the family phone that he carries? the one that I do have access to that is supposed to make me happy? I have a gps on that phone and that is the one that he calls me from. He keeps it with him and uses it to call me and the kids. He tells me that he is eventually going to switch to the family phone once all of his business people have the new number, but I don't believe him. I honestly think he will keep it quiet and tell me that he's canceled the service...

 

As to why I haven't told anyone, I have learned from experience that until I make my decision to leave or stay I should not involve any of my family, including our kids (the grown ones) Once the decision is made, then I will circle the wagons and let the cat out of the bag. But if we decide to try to make it work, it would be devistating for our kids to know and as for my family, they will always love me and defend me to the end, even if we try to work it out.

[My_love]

It's the affair fog. His ego is so overinflated that he can't see reality.

 

 

That is exactly what it is....It's BS, some stupid woman (using that term very, very lightly) telling him, oh your so great, she is so mean to you, why does she have to control you, you owe her nothing, you built all of this yourself, you've given her everything, ..Lets see, I could continue forever....

 

But what a stupidass to believe that ****? I know when someone is blowing smoke up my ass, what stupid idiot honestly doesn't? I really think he believes this stuff...Well when his over inflated eqo finally does wakeup, he is really going to be in a mess, and I am not going to be the one to rescue him this time. What's so funny is that I would do anything for him! If he would just be really remorseful and show me that he is trying very hard, but I've given him chance after chance after chance and nothing. I'm very, very tired of the deception and lies. All of this is also forcing me to become someone who I don't like to be. It is making me be sneaky to protect what is rightfully mine...

[Furious]

My_love

 

I hired a my PI through an investigation Agency, it was so easy.

Google agencies in your area.

 

It's amazing what they can do.

 

My PI also got in touch with another PI in the city my husband traveled to for business and together they came up with what my gut had been telling me.

 

 

It was the worst time for me, but also an empowering experience.

The old me, replaced by the kick ass me. Hahaha

[96nole]

That is exactly what it is....It's BS, some stupid woman (using that term very, very lightly) telling him, oh your so great, she is so mean to you, why does she have to control you, you owe her nothing, you built all of this yourself, you've given her everything, ..Lets see, I could continue forever....

 

But what a stupidass to believe that ****? I know when someone is blowing smoke up my ass, what stupid idiot honestly doesn't? I really think he believes this stuff...Well when his over inflated eqo finally does wakeup, he is really going to be in a mess, and I am not going to be the one to rescue him this time. What's so funny is that I would do anything for him! If he would just be really remorseful and show me that he is trying very hard, but I've given him chance after chance after chance and nothing. I'm very, very tired of the deception and lies. All of this is also forcing me to become someone who I don't like to be. It is making me be sneaky to protect what is rightfully mine...

And with that, welcome to the betrayed spouses club. It's made us all this way.

 

My STBXW's boyfriend has blown so much smoke up her ass that she didn't think going to the beach and making out with him was "breaking the sanctity of marriage". She was mad that I didn't make her "feel special everyday or like a queen everyday" That i should have been happy to be with her no matter where we went. Even if was someplace i didn't like and she knew I didn't like it for the entire 15 years we were together. All he had to do was twist whatever she complained to him about me to make him look like the hero. It's truly amazing how much she changed when the fog settled in. So there is an example of a stupidass that believed it.

 

After my wife cheated with the dirtbag the first time she was remorseful. She was transparent with her texts and email. i could check them when I wanted. Her phone has GPS on it and I would track it. (she wasn't aware of that) Without the transparency, I wouldn't have tried working on it.

 

The second time she cheated there was no remorse. If your husband won't give you transparency or show remorse, then you're going to have to be a the person you don't want to be to get the proof you need. Then you can be the person you want to be. But prepare yourself to see information or pictures you don't want to see. The first time you see it, your stomach will hit the floor.

[firemanq]

Attorney's also use PIs. Call your attorney for a recomendation.

[My_love]

If I hire a PI, I know it will be very hard to see the evidence, but I really feel that it is time to know the truth once and for all. And furthermore, I really do not think i will ever be ready to see that stuff, but I've got to for my own peace of mind. I'm tired of using all of my energy just to find out what is up...

 

Another subject...

 

What kind of person can knowingly be the OP? And what kind of fool thinks that it will be so carefree and fun forever/ Furthermore, if there is any kind of so called "love" between them, how can they ever trust them? What's to keep them from doing the same thing once the new goes away as we all know it does. Real life sets in and along with it come responsibilities and duties.

 

Anyone can be a party girl! Anyone who doesn't have anything else going on in their own lives can be "that" girl. They can lay around on the phone all day waiting around all day just waiting for their call or text, just like a 16 year old girl, always being happy and full of sunshine, never being in a bad mood or not feeling well, only to do exactly what the ws wants to do, go where they want to go, have no responsibities to handle, always only tell them exactly what they want to hear, praise them for everything, never have any problem that they need help with, agree that their wife is ridiculous to want their husband home night after night and never give him any "alone" time, who agrees that their wife is just plain selfish to want her husband home on the weekend after he has been working so hard all week, never have a child who needs their father's attention.(oh I forgot all of her kids have different daddies and the daddies have custody)..Let me keep going...To have their only goal in life to be to blow smoke up some stupid schmoe's ass who, is full of themselves, going through a major mid-life crisis, to get his attention and try to pull him/her away from their family so she can be the "big-dog". Then if they do bite (I can't believe the fools that do!) it is the fool that thinks it can stay like that forever. I can't understand for the life of me why someone would want to look over their shoulder forever waiting for the new to wear off and for the OP to move on to their next challenge. Life does go on. Things do happen...That's why it is called life!!! It is wonderful with all the trials and tribulations!

Just thinking about this and writing it makes me madder and madder that such a smart man is really doing this! He is more of a fool than I thought he was and maybe they deserve each other. I have lost complete respect!!!! OMG I feel better!!!!!!!