how long will it take to get over this guy ( JER_!!!!!!!) ( Soon I hope!!!!!)

[mcbridl]

I posted this in the second chances forum the other day and got some interesting replies "

 

"Hello,

this is my first post and I just wanted some opnions.

I recently split with my ex almost 2 months ago now.

He was constantly giving me ultimatums on how I should behave and how we could better communicate.

He didn't realize that this and his drinking and his constant neediness and obsessive behaviour is what pushed me away.

He kept saying that if I didn't change he would leave, blah blah blah.

Well I came home one day 2 months ago and he had packed and moved including taking everything that we had purchased together in the relationship.

Now He says he still loves me, doenst want anyone else, misses my son (not his) and wants to get back together as long as I admit that I did things wrong and with the understanding that I left him no choice but to leave.

His comment" If we get back together, leaving the way I did was ok because it made you realize what you were missing. If we do not get back together than I was right to leave the way i did because I was right and you didn't love me."

 

anyway this has been way too complicated to be in a relationship with this needy, whiney man and I really have been leaning towards being alone(WITHOUT HIM).

 

Last night I had a call from my friend .

 

He had called her and said " He had not heard from me about my decision and That If I am not interested and I am just stringing him along I should let him know as He has someone else who has offered to have a baby/ family for him, and although he really wants/loves me he needs to get on with his life."(probably his ex wife who has tried to get him back for the 2 years we have been together.)

 

ANY Thoughts please...."

 

I had one more discussion with my ex to tell him that I wan't nothing to do with him and to stop calling.

 

Now I just need some help getting over this jerk.

 

Don't' take me the wrong way, i dont normally call people jerks,

but he thinks he is " so special" and well I REALLY beg to differ.

 

I now realize how lucky I was to even have the oppurtunity to get away from this BAD relationship.

 

My question is when is the pain and memories of this whole experience going to end.

 

I am still dealing with the odd phone call from him and just do not answer.

 

 

The nights are really hard. And my mind can't seem to block out all the events that led up to all this.

It is not that I miss HIM but just getting over the whole thing is tuff.

 

 

 

If anyone has any words of wisdom It would really help!!!!!!!

[msrealdoll]

You're going to hate this-but time is the best healer. Keep yourself busy, and don't sit around and obsess about being alone. Get out and be with people, and don't talk about your breakup all the time.

 

Keep reminding yourself how lucky you are to be shed of him.

[aJoy]

mcbridl , I agree, time is the only healer... I'm sorry to hear that you're going through so much pain and suffering, I understand, that truly does SUCK! If you don't mind my asking, how old are you? just wondering.

 

Anyway, first I want you to know that coming to this website was a very good idea. I recently stumbled upon it myself and reading everyone's posts and insights have helped me a great deal.

 

While you're waiting for time to do it's thing, you should try to focus more on things that are most important, i.e your son is probably the most important thing to you. And I'm not saying that implying that you aren't focusing on your son, b/c I'm sure you are, I'm just saying that because I feel that people with children are lucky because kids are so precious and the amount of love between a mother and her child is.... I don't know what to call it. You already have a lot to be thankful for! (again, I'm sure you know that)

 

What helps me the most is writing. (I hope I'm not telling you to do anything that you've already tried, cuz I hate when people tell me stuff that I know when I'm hurting and I just want it to stop...) When you feel like you just can't stand it anymore, write exactly what's going through your head. Whatever it may be, however harsh or crazy even... it doesn't make everything better but it sure does alleviate a lot of it. If you don't feel like going out with people, take time out and go do things on your own. Definitely go to the bookstore and spend time in the self help section... There are a lot of great books out there that can help you understand yourself and how to deal with situations when your emotions distort them. There's a LOT of help online too...

 

I'm sure it's hardest at night b/c it's hard to go to sleep alone after getting used to having someone there. Realize that the someone that was there wasn't right for you and their presense brought you more harm than good (atleast lately). I think that it's hard to remember what "bad" things happened sometimes because you feel lonely and you just want comfort so you think you need that person there to make you feel better b/c all you know is that they're not there anymore. I don't think that sentence made sense but it's hard to explain exactly... I'm just talking from my experience and the best way I've found to "feel better".

 

You honestly seem like a sweet person and I hope that someone better comes along soon. Take this time to put yourself back together and make it a goal, focus on yourself and ofcourse your son. Make a list of what kind of a man would be right for the both of your lives. Aren't you glad that you don't have to deal with your ex's drinking and MORE IMPORTANTLY aren't you glad that your SON doesn't have to? I think that it's a blessing that you got yourself out of that situation.

 

I read on another post the other day something about putting post its around the house to remind you not to call etc... it was something about no contact I think... ANYWAY, I don't have post-its but I wrote some things on a notebook and set it on my dresser so every morning when I wake up or when I come in my room I see in big black permanent marker "BE HAPPY!!!!!!! DONT WORRY ABOUT WHAT HE DOES, IT DOESNT MATTER! ITS OVER! THANK GOD!" and on the other side "I DESERVE BETTER! IF HE CALLS, KEEP IT SHORT, U DON'T HAVE TIME!!! MOVE ON!!"

 

Focus on your future, look ahead. Keep busy, set a goal and go for it. I hope I helped some. And I hope it doesn't offend but God Bless You.

[beautiful]

It is going to end when YOU end it!