almostthere Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 well...here we go again. i just posted a few days ago about what a woderful guy i met. and he is. almost perfect...closer then ive come it in the past 2 years anyway. but once again im at just under 3 months and im ready to go. at first it was great. the first few times i went over there we stayed up talking, yes just talking, til 5 or 6am. and i know that cant go on forever but lately when i get there he's so tired that we dont go anywhere at all and he falls asleep at 8 or 9. when i get there at 7:30 - 8pm. and forget any intimacy. hes always sleeping. so...now that i have allowed my feelings to turn from liking to caring (not quite love) i have a decision between the heart and the mind to make. the best way top put this is imagine your dream guy or girl and then add too sleepy and no sex to it. but he is so respectful and loving and considerate all the time. he wants to see me 5 out of 7 nights. but hes sleeping....ahhhh....lol. i go there and i cannot fall asleep at 8 or 9 pm...so i sit up watching tv til 12 or 1am. plus im aggraviated because theres no intimacy whether sexual or mental. i hate to leave him i really do but i think if there is this much lacking its time to move on. i dont know. i keep hearing myself say ill give him til next weekend. every weekend. for about a month now. i know what im losing...but thats only in the future if we'd be able to spend more time together. or i should say more daylight time together. i find myslef wanting to go home at night after he falls asleep or not wanting to cuddle up to him after hes sleeping because im frustrated. i want to talk to him about it...but as you probably guessed already...he's sleeping. i knew he had to have a quirk. just like they all do...but come on...this one is impossible to deal with. i really hate to throw myself into the dating world again...just to meet some more people i have a ton in common with but have some major flaw i cant deal with. im not looking for profection and God knows...im so not perfect. im just looking for someone who more awake. like he used to be. its been atleast 3 or 4 weekends if not longer that we havent been out anywhere. we used to go out on fridays and dance and drink then go home and share some time together. normally id take all of this as he lost interest but he acts and says differently. oh well...life goes on right?! cant tell you the last time anyone has kept my interest longer then 3 months anyway. and i know youre probably thinking...well then it must be me...but all my decisions on breaking up with someone are warrented. id never leave a good match. but i clash with a lot of people because i like to go out once a week and have some fun. with them. but lately i go out drinking with my mom or friends and end up dancing all night with someone else. i dont have any specific question here...just ahd to vent. this is driving me crazy. im thinking about going out with my mom tonight instead of him...because i know ill have more fun that way. i want to talk to him about all this without breaking up with him but i guess i dont know where to start. i mean there is the sex issue and the sleep issue and those two together might insult him. and i dont want him to think any of that. so maybe some suggestions there. and is it wrong to ask him for some time away...so i can sort through all this? i just read a post on here about someones bf asking for some time...and everyone said thats a lame breakup line...but sometimes its that you really do need sometime. i mean i have a lot to lose here and it worries me that i might make another mistake.
msrealdoll Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 When you say: it worries me that i might make another mistake. does that mean that you have left men before and regretted it? What time does he have to get up in the morning? Is there some physical reason for him being so sleepy? Does he take some sort of medication that makes him drowsy? Maybe he's just avoiding the whole party scene. Has he ever said whether or not he enjoys going to bars?
Lilyann Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 Say what you have just said to us -> what is on your mind. Take your time when you talk to him and say everything that is concerning you, maybe there is a reason for his actions.
Debster Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 I have a couple of dating milestones. In my experience, it happens at 3 months and again at 8 months. I've found that if I am still with the guy at 3 months, that it is more than just physical. At the 8 month mark, I find that you can find out if your values and goals are similar. Some people have these milestones at different times - my fiance had it at 1 month and at 4 month, but really I think it just depends on you. BAsically, review your previous relationships. Do they all seem to end at around the same time? If so, why? I think you'll find that you have the two dating milestones as well.
tiki Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 If it makes you feel any better...I fall asleep constantly on my boyfriend. Sometimes while we are talking in person or on the phone. I've asked him to keep the convo two-sided where he asks me questions to keep me interested and awake. If I sit still, I fall asleep...no matter where I'm at or who I'm with. I love my boyfriend dearly, but I really can't help falling asleep on him. He kinda kids about it and always has. It is a little funny I guess. He's told me that he's spilled his heart to me and then realized I was asleep. Guess you can't be awake for EVERYTHING....lol, kidding of course. BTW, I have been diagnosed with a sleeping disorder or two. Any sleep deprivation aggrivates it.
tsc253 Posted June 22, 2004 Posted June 22, 2004 I actually read somewhere there that there is a certain animal instinct attraction that lasts between some people for only 3 months. weird, huh?
Author almostthere Posted June 22, 2004 Author Posted June 22, 2004 That is very strange. Im not really worried that its a problem he is having with me because he keeps admitting and acting like he is still falling for me. he wants me to go first in telling him how i feel about him. we have both come out of bad relationships ion the past but his is definately worse since he was the one that was left and i was the one who left my exhusband after 8 years. its easier on the otherside. when youre the one who leaves. i know his still bothers him even tho its been about a year...i think. he is getting closer to me emotionally but further from me physically. is this maybe just a change in how he feels for me? do people tend to get closer emotionally when they start to feel closer and stronger about each other but still have the physical aspects fall away a little? cant both happen at the same time?! lol anyway, id be stupid to leave him over this. i really need to talk to him about it. he senses something is wrong even tho i act like everything is ok. so its time to say something. but i dont know how. either way...whether i find the right words or not i have to approach this tonight. i dont want it to go on much longer. it has me really worried. plus i feel like he isnt attracted to me. and usually its the other way for me. people are attracted to me and emotionally we dont grow closer. i attract some weird guys...lol. and an asnwer to an earlier question...no i havent left any relationships and thought it was a mistake that i have gone. i carefully think that thru when i think i have found someone great...see if i can live with the quirks. i must have typed that part out wrong.
Author almostthere Posted June 23, 2004 Author Posted June 23, 2004 Ok...so i didnt talk to him yet. last night i was really tired and a hundred miles away...mentally. theres a lot of other stress in my life right now and i didnt think it was a good time for me to try to find a gentle way to talk to him. but this morning when we woke up he asked why i haent made a move on him in 3 days??? i guess im just really really bad at reading him. i know hes kinda shy when it comes to certain things but this is getting hard. so now at least i know hes interested. attracted even...so i know where to go from here with a talk or even just at night when we go to lay down. this has to be the strangest relationship ive ever been in...but the best by far.
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