goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 If a guy you were keen on and were casually dating who you had got intimate with but weren't exclusive with yet wanted a break/dumped you when he had already started dating another girl, would you be interested to go back to him if he wanted to see you again in the future? If so, would you be upfront at the beginning that you'd only want to be exclusive? I don't want to get intimate/have sex with a man and then discover there's a third party! Thanks.
Emilia Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 No you shouldn't even talk to him! Where is your pride? If women didn't behave like complete pushovers, guys wouldn't take the p*** like this. Are you kidding me? 1
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) Couldn't edit post anymore. Meant to say if they started dating the other person after they met you. Edited April 23, 2012 by goldengirl11
Emilia Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Couldn't edit post anymore. Meant to say if they started dating the other person after they met you. So he broke up with you after meeting a girl he liked while he was dating you?
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) Yes you could say that. I got the impression he was seeing someone around the same time we'd started dating, I think about two weeks after I last saw him and first got intimate with. Then although we didn't meet for a month due to both our schedules clashing (partly due to his teacher training workload), he said he was dating someone else now and asked if we should be friends (and later disappeared twice with only e-mailing in-between), but guess that I chose to stay interested before (mistake I know) as hoped he'd come back... properly. He didn't, but don't feel he really saw the best of me and wonder how things would've gone if we'd have given it a bit longer if you see what I mean. Edited April 23, 2012 by goldengirl11
Jane2011 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 There's no way to say for sure what the guy deserves. (A second chance or not). The situation does seem one in which you shouldn't settle for being a second choice. Yet, in reality, there are all kinds of nuances of situation which dictate that people can make mistakes, or not know what they're doing at the time. And have good intentions when they try to rekindle with you. I've never actually gotten back together with a guy who chose another girl over me, in any context. But there are probably certain unpredictable factors that might make it happen at some time. Or that would make it not unheard of, and which would allow me to still live with myself. Is he trying to get back together with you or are you just hoping he will?
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) There's no way to say for sure what the guy deserves. (A second chance or not). The situation does seem one in which you shouldn't settle for being a second choice. Yet, in reality, there are all kinds of nuances of situation which dictate that people can make mistakes, or not know what they're doing at the time. And have good intentions when they try to rekindle with you. I've never actually gotten back together with a guy who chose another girl over me, in any context. But there are probably certain unpredictable factors that might make it happen at some time. Or that would make it not unheard of, and which would allow me to still live with myself. Is he trying to get back together with you or are you just hoping he will? Hi Jane, to be honest I am hoping that he will, so won't say anymore! Thanks for replying though. Didn't we speak recently in the When you like someone who's taken thread?! How are things with you? Edited April 23, 2012 by goldengirl11
Million.to.1 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 NO!! don't do it. Making excuses of schedule won't erase that fact he chose someone else over you. if he was really into you he wouldn't of done this after sleeping with you. if he is back around.. it's just because he is lonely / bored and you are a good fill-in till someone better comes along. Keep your pride and don't go there.
Jane2011 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Hi Jane, to be honest I am hoping that he will, so won't say anymore! Thanks for replying though. Didn't we speak recently in the When you like someone who's taken thread?! How are things with you? Things are fine with me. I haven't contacted the taken person. God knows I want to, though... 1
Ruby Slippers Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 No way in hell. I'm no consolation prize. 6
truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Don't do it. He sees you as second fiddle. If he has nothing good going on he will seek you out. If he finds something he likes better, he will ditch you. Guy has no respect for you. If he senses he can have you whenever he wants, he will use you and abuse you. He doesn't care about your feelings. It seems like you have strong feelings for him. Try to move on and meet someone else. 1
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) Don't do it. He sees you as second fiddle. If he has nothing good going on he will seek you out. If he finds something he likes better, he will ditch you. Guy has no respect for you. If he senses he can have you whenever he wants, he will use you and abuse you. He doesn't care about your feelings. It seems like you have strong feelings for him. Try to move on and meet someone else. Yes am trying to, am talking to one or two men I met on a dating site recently - who are looking for a long term relationship! The guy was an old colleague of mine who got in touch out of the blue - about 4 years after he ended his previous long term relationship (we were just friends obviously when we worked together). Yes I do still have strong feelings sadly. However, you could say it certainly doesn't seem like he cared about me. I suppose it made me feel more useless when he went off with her because I was quite tense when he attempted intercourse. Think this was because we weren't in a relationship yet though and feared he'd go off with someone - which happened! I admit that I can't stand it being (pretty much) the last memory of us being intimate together (when it crosses my mind occasionally that is) and knowing that sex would likely be good between us. Thanks for responses. Edited April 23, 2012 by goldengirl11
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) No way in hell. I'm no consolation prize. I see your point, but I guess their excuse would be that they are sorry and are no longer with them? A similar thing happened a few years ago to me when the friend regretted later for how he'd treated me which he wrote in a long letter and had learnt not to always go for what's put in front of you. I've moved on from that now though as we are now friends. Although we weren't technically together before. Edited April 23, 2012 by goldengirl11
Ruby Slippers Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I see your point, but I guess their excuse would be that they are sorry and are no longer with them? He dumped you for someone else. To get back with him in spite of that would be disrespecting yourself. Don't bother with someone who's not crazy about you. Trust me. It's better to be alone and hold out for someone who really likes you. Being with someone who isn't crazy about you is just going to make you feel devalued and crappy.
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 I see your point, but I guess their excuse would be that they are sorry and are no longer with them? A similar thing happened a few years ago to me when the friend regretted later for how he'd treated me which he wrote in a long letter and had learnt not to always go for what's put in front of you. I've moved on from that now though as we are now friends. Although we weren't technically together before. Ruby Slippers - couldn't edit my last post. Was referring to a different friend then!
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 He dumped you for someone else. To get back with him in spite of that would be disrespecting yourself. Don't bother with someone who's not crazy about you. Trust me. It's better to be alone and hold out for someone who really likes you. Being with someone who isn't crazy about you is just going to make you feel devalued and crappy. Yes, thanks.
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Things are fine with me. I haven't contacted the taken person. God knows I want to, though... Could you bump into him again? Can't remember if he was in your circle sorry.
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) Things are fine with me. I haven't contacted the taken person. God knows I want to, though... Looks like we're both determined to keep up NC! Edited April 23, 2012 by goldengirl11
Jane2011 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Looks like we're both determined to keep up NC! My taken person actually emailed me about an hour ago. Just shared an article, though. We'd agreed to be friends before, but I wasn't sure if he really meant it. Looks like he did...
crazylove Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Thing is, before you weren't really a couple were you? I mean casual dating usually means that it's not really official and you're both open to seeing other people? Do you know for sure he was seeing someone else? Maybe he'll realise that actually you are what he wants, if he gets in touch, and you're also wanting to, then surely there's no harm in seeing if it works out....but...have stricter guidelines this time...eg seeing each other exclusively. 1
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Thing is, before you weren't really a couple were you? I mean casual dating usually means that it's not really official and you're both open to seeing other people? Do you know for sure he was seeing someone else? Maybe he'll realise that actually you are what he wants, if he gets in touch, and you're also wanting to, then surely there's no harm in seeing if it works out....but...have stricter guidelines this time...eg seeing each other exclusively. Yes he definitely was seeing someone else (thought I'd said). It's what drew us apart. Agree about the exclusivity bit - wouldn't want to go through that again! Mind you, I know that I probably shouldn't give him the time of day. He's mostly brought me nothing but turmoil.
Author goldengirl11 Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 My taken person actually emailed me about an hour ago. Just shared an article, though. We'd agreed to be friends before, but I wasn't sure if he really meant it. Looks like he did... That's nice. At least you're not forgotten I suppose.
Jane2011 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 goldengirl, In your situation, I probably would only give the guy a second chance if he was really kissing my ass about things (and by that, I mean, not just some surface attraction, but like it's in his heart...he loves me, after all). That sort of thing is a long shot, but it could happen. If he just came back around, casually, like "wanna date again?" I'd likely not be into it. That's nice. At least you're not forgotten I suppose. Yeah, he's written me again as well and we're probably going to be talking a little in a friendly way. I like playing with fire It's nothing over the top, though, just talking about neutral things. Plus, my taken guy is only marginally taken. He's in an open relationship (off and on, albeit, and with all kinds of constantly-changing stipulations; nonetheless, it's open...) 1
DantaX Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 No way. Value yourself and be thankful you found out earlier about him rather than later... Happened to me recently too. Then he came back saying he made a mistake. My ego was then restored as I told him "oh well honey YOUR LOSS" flicked my hair and walked away. Don't ever be someone's second choice. 1
Radu Posted May 3, 2012 Posted May 3, 2012 If a guy you were keen on and were casually dating who you had got intimate with but weren't exclusive with yet wanted a break/dumped you when he had already started dating another girl, would you be interested to go back to him if he wanted to see you again in the future? If so, would you be upfront at the beginning that you'd only want to be exclusive? I don't want to get intimate/have sex with a man and then discover there's a third party! Thanks. I'm a guy and i wouldn't take back a girl who did this to me. Hope it helps ... taking her back would mean to me that i was demeaning myself after she messed up (went for grass is greener). 1
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