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my gf slepty with her ex in the beginning and still talks to him.

vdon

By vdon
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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vdon New Member

vdon

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i found out my gf slept with her ex while we were having sex durin the first weeks we were not official yet but it still bothers me.from pictures of her cellphone she had pictures of him her ex. i gave her an ultimatum delete him out of her life so she removed the pictures off her cell phone .2 months int the relationship see is still talking to him ,that is her first love by the way.she says she can do whatever she wants as long as she is not sleeping with him.im about to dump her because of this am i ok for reacting like this or am i wrong.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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Ok.

I'm British, so... terminology: what exactly do you mean by "messing around"...?

 

How old are you guys....?

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vdon New Member

vdon

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messing around = having sex but not in a relationship. and she is 20 and i am 25.

TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

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well, i guess if you're going to stand on principles, you shouldn't sleep with someone unless you're in a relationship with them, but if you do, then you find out she's sleeping around, then maybe she's not relationship material.

 

I don't think there's right or wrong here, but if you have principles, it's best to uphold them.

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darkmoon Established Member

darkmoon

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the X must go - it's either the boyf or the X - give her an ultimatum/choice

nofool4u Established Member

nofool4u

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vdon, ditch the b****h

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

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There is no "right" or "wrong" here. You just have different relationship values. Time to move on and find someone more compatible.

jphcbpa Established Member

jphcbpa

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how would she feel if you were still talking to your ex?

january2011 Established Member

january2011

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On the one hand, she makes a good point in terms of having the right to choose who she speaks to though she could have refused to delete her ex at the time when you gave her the ultimatum. However, she agreed but has continued to talk to him behind your back.

 

Since you probably feel that she can't be trusted and she feels that she can continue to behave in a way that makes her partner uncomfortable, I think that you're at an impasse.

 

Whether you choose to break up with her or not, is up to you. However, if you continue the relationship, you will need to accept that she is going to keep her ex in her life. Can you live with that?

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Professor X Established Member

Professor X

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i found out my gf slept with her ex while we were having sex durin the first weeks we were not official yet but it still bothers me.from pictures of her cellphone she had pictures of him her ex. i gave her an ultimatum delete him out of her life so she removed the pictures off her cell phone .2 months int the relationship see is still talking to him ,that is her first love by the way.she says she can do whatever she wants as long as she is not sleeping with him.im about to dump her because of this am i ok for reacting like this or am i wrong.

 

You gave her an ultimatum (which I find legit) and she agreed to it, but in truth, broke it by kept it hidden, she values his friendship over yours clearly, so ye, it's time for her to enjoy all of her time with him and you go find a proper gal for yourself.

 

You did good (or will do).

Professor X Established Member

Professor X

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You gave her an ultimatum (which I find legit) and she agreed to it, but in truth, broke it by kept it hidden, she values his friendship over yours clearly, so ye, it's time for her to enjoy all of her time with him and you go find a proper gal for yourself.

 

You did good (or will do).

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vdon New Member

vdon

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She doesn't care if i speak to my ex quite frankly she doesn't say anything to me at all. she says to me is she trusts me and i can do what ever i want first relationship i have been like this i find it odd.

g450 Established Member

g450

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She doesn't care if i speak to my ex quite frankly she doesn't say anything to me at all. she says to me is she trusts me and i can do what ever i want first relationship i have been like this i find it odd.

 

She said this because you are not in a relationship with her. You just think you are. You are her FWB. If you want more than that then I would say move on.

 

She still has a thing for her X. Personally I would not deal with that. I would cut her loose. Would not want to catch what he may have.

RiverRunning Established Member

RiverRunning

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Been through a similar situation, OP. The longer it went on, the more and more and more I found out about how much he was contacting his ex and, through his actions, how completely NOT over her he was. I put up with that crap for more than 2 years, and then spent a year trying to recover from it. It was a nightmare that I wouldn't wish on my enemies. So very painful to be underminded over and over and over again.

 

By a boyfriend or a girlfriend who just retorts with, "You're being jealous," "You're being insecure," "You're being irrational."

 

You're not that far in, so there's still time for you to run. Don't be an idiot like I was - sitting back, SERIOUSLY BELIEVING that I was being irrational that he still had his ex's phone number, lied to me about being in contact with her, spoke of her often and glowingly, told me he wanted to send her a birthday gift, you name it. And then believing that it would all magically disappear one day. What a ****ing waste of time!

 

OP, ten bucks she would care if you were still contacting your ex. In situations like this, it seems the partner contacting the ex says it's okay for you to contact your ex - in principle. But I bet you any money that if you started getting chummy with your ex like she's chummy with hers, she would blow a gasket.

 

I inadvertently solved my problem when another guy developed a crush on me - and he was very persistent, to the point of being crappy. My ex felt threatened by him - I had told my ex that I wasn't attracted to this guy (and wasn't) - but my ex decided he was good looking. Within a month the myriads of pictures he kept of his ex, her phone number, his contact with her, her stories were all done for.

 

Sometimes our partners need a taste of their own medicine when they won't listen to us. I don't mean, GO BANG ANOTHER WOMAN. But yeah. I'd go chat up my exes. See if she really IS comfortable with it. If she is, there may be some truth to her story. Typically, people who have inappropriate relations with their ex would feel jealous of their partner's friendship with another ex - projection, you see.

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