ludovico Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Hello, I need some advice.... I was at a wedding this weekend and thought it would be a good place to just work on talking to women and seeing what results they had... I think it went ok (I never approach women I am physically attracted to) but there's always room for improvement Something I realized though is that, I don't know what to talk about to strangers... not just women because I met some dudes there too, but just in general after maybe 2 minutes of banter, I just drew a blank... But obviously, I'm looking for advice on what to say when talking to a woman... I don't like to ask people "So, what do you do?" because I think it's just kind of... unoriginal... But after "So how do you know the bride/groom?" I didn't really know what else to say... For example, there was a girl at my table that I didn't talk to for the first 3 hours of the night - there was just this awkward energy at the table that you could feel, and everyone at the table really only conversed with the people they already knew... plus it was hard to have a conversation with strangers if you have to shout across the table (it was pretty loud in the banquet hall) I wanted to just introduce myself to everyone at the table at the beginning of the evening and get everyone talking and having a good time but for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to do it... just too shy I guess... but no one else really did it either! Anyways, back to the girl..... As the night went on, the open bar helped me relax... I've been trying to be more assertive and "manly" around women (ie. being confident, taking the lead, etc.) So I leaned over to my buddy and gave him my camera and said "Watch this..." I got up and walked over to the other side of the table, sat down next to her and introduced myself to this girl... she was nice, didn't freak out or anything... I asked her what her name was and I said "ok we're going to take a picture together!" and my buddy snapped away LOL We talked about how I thought she was related to one of the groomsman, and we talked about how we both knew the bride and groom.. Then, I just kind of froze and couldn't think of anything else to talk to her about... To be honest, I don't even know how the conversation ended due to my tipsyness LOL So a few things I learned is that, for the most part, women do like assertive men. I mean, I very calmly, and cooly just sat next to her and playfully said "ok time for a picture!" I wasn't drunk to the point of stumbling or slurring my words either - I'm sure if I was sloppy drunk she wouldve ran screaming But after finding out a few things about her - the things I was wondering about for the first 3 hours of the night - a) whats your name b) are you related to that groomsman c) how do you know the bride/groom? - I just couldnt think of anything else to ask her really... I didn't want to be like... "so... what do u do for a living?" it just seems so contrived to me... I think the key is to just be genuine, spontaneous, and keep it light-hearted - my questions weren't really spontaneous though, I had been thinking about them for 3 hours - but my ACTIONS were spontaneous... I find it hard to stay in this light-hearted state when I am physically attracted to a woman right from the get-go... I don't know if its because I immediately put the woman on a pedestal before I even get to know her, or if I'm intimidated by her physical beauty, or that I feel I shouldn't have to "work" to draw the affections of a woman, or that I am insecure that she won't like me for who I am... maybe it's all of these things? In the end, it didnt really matter because I found out she has a boyfriend anyways LOL But for future, I'd like to be better... Any tips on how to avoid this, and things to talk about? Thanks!
USMCHokie Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 But after finding out a few things about her - the things I was wondering about for the first 3 hours of the night - a) whats your name b) are you related to that groomsman c) how do you know the bride/groom? - I just couldnt think of anything else to ask her really... I didn't want to be like... "so... what do u do for a living?" it just seems so contrived to me... I think the key is to just be genuine, spontaneous, and keep it light-hearted - my questions weren't really spontaneous though, I had been thinking about them for 3 hours - but my ACTIONS were spontaneous... Conversations with anyone should flow naturally from topic to topic. There may be occasional pauses where you might have to interject with a random question to jumpstart the conversation again (i.e., the dreaded "interview" question), but for the most part, questions should be generated from the conversation itself. If there's something she mentions that strikes your interest or something you know nothing about, ask her. The key though, in my opinion, is to initially avoid asking about her. Instead, ask about her thoughts and opinions of other things...remember, she doesn't know you, so she may not be comfortable telling you her social security number and mother's maiden name. And it also avoids the "interview" feeling... 1
Author ludovico Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 thanks for the words of wisdom! i did read that before - to ask about her opinions on just general things... like i could have asked if she was having a good time... or what she thought of the food or whatever keep that in mind for next time
Chs Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Bring up subjects that are relevant to the situation you are both in. For example "so you felt the awkward energy at our table too? It seemed like no one wanted to break the ice. Too bad the open bar wasnt open before dinner, im sure that would have helped" or anything else about the wedding. Light subjects are great for initiating contact, and try to use storytelling in between. Any fun story or fact about yourself you can connect to the topic is gold. Last advice is to try putting you and her on the same side of something and talk about the other side if you understand me. Like "good we arent that close to the couple, imagine if we had to make a speech too, i preffer just listening and judging the others from the table" just be funny and easy going and she Will start asking and being more active in. the conversation very quick, and if not she isnt very interesting and you just move on to next girl.
Author ludovico Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 yeah, i think a big problem i have is i want everyone to like me - i almost expect it... i think i have to adopt the mentality that i wont be compatible with everyone i meet - and thats perfectly fine... the world is a big place
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