Synergy Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 There is this girl I like who I can only describe as Mary from "Something about Mary". She is literally perfect (career, physique, personality, and friends) and has just about every guy imaginable after her. For example, she is currently being pursued by this lead singer of a big name band (it's a really big band, she knew him from high school) and has turned him down every time -- he's hot and rich, and I'm kind of below-average looking and poor, not impressive or noticeable at all. I get the impression she likes me but it's hard for me to tell for sure since I like her so much (biased). I never would have even considered asking her if it weren't for the fact one weekend 4 weeks ago "Mary" asked me while I was driving her home from the bar about how my dating life was going. During our conversation, she told me about her dating life and said out of everyone she knows she would "love" to date me. I didn't know what to say, so I just said thanks and talked to her about the weather -- plus I didn't know if she was just saying it to make me feel better because she really is a nice girl. "Mary" invited me into her house saying she didn't want me to drive, but I was stone cold sober and you could tell. When I got into her place she told me she was going to cook for me, and then after I could decide if I wanted to sleep on her couch or her bed. I didn't make a move on "Mary" that night (slept on couch) because I didn't want to create an awkward situation if I was wrong, but we ended up talking for 4 hours about our desires and joking around about things. We also ended up watching TV and talking together for about 4 hours the next morning. A week later, "Mary" blew off plans with her friends to hang out with me at my bar (it should also be mentioned my bar is located far from where she lives and she doesn't like going out there), and so I thought it was time to just ask her out for dinner. When I asked, she told me since she had blown off her friends that night, and she needed to "get back with me" on dinner since her girlfriends still expected to hang out with her that weekend. She never got back to me, and I never brought it up again. I interpreted her silence to mean she didn't like me in that way, so I stopped pursuing since I don't want to make her uncomfortable -- plus I know she deserves way better than me. Two weekends ago "Mary" came to my bar again to hang out, and my friend was talking to her, and he stupidly asked her if she would like to date me. I never asked him to do this because it appears cowardly. She told him that she didn't want to date me, and he later told me I had no chance with her based on that. The odd thing is he tried to pick her up that night too because he never met her before and didn't know how gorgeous she is, and of course she turned him down. I'm not sure whether he asked about me or the two of them hooking up first. I should say he's a much better looking guy than me and has a much better job (he's also married; she really is just that attractive that it makes good men go bad). That same night, he told everyone he was throwing an impromptu party at his house the next night. "Mary" asked me if I was going, and I said yes. However, I didn't go. True to her word, she did go (she only lives a few blocks from my friend), and my friend said she showed up in a dress that was so amazing it was beyond description. As it turned out he was the only guy there with 6 other girls, and he told me it was my fault for not showing up. I don't know if she showed up in that revealing dress for me or because she knew she wouldn't have to deal with skeezy bar pervs. "Mary" never used to text me often, but recently she texts me much more frequently and emails me a lot. Last weekend she was hounding me to come with her to her friend's band with some of her friends. When I got there we were talking and she was touching me all the time, either my arm or leg or putting her hand on my chest. Later in the night, our group (guys and girls) ended up on the dance floor. I was dancing with several of the other girls I know, but every time I would dance with another girl "Mary" would force herself in front of me or stand close to my side and grab my hand. There were lots of other better guys she could have danced with. Later that night, a man who I didn't know came over to me and told me that I should "marry that girl because it's clear she loves" me. I told him that wasn't true. The man also whispered something to "Mary" later that night, and she just shook her head, smiled, and looked at me. When I was driving "Mary" and some of her friends home (she was wasted at this time), they were talking about how hot the lead singer was and how he had come over to "Mary" because he thought she was amazing. "Mary" said that she was very tempted to kiss him and would have if it had not been for the fact he was called away. I dropped them off, but one of the girls stayed in my car because she wanted me to drive her somewhere else. The next day "Mary" texted me asking if I had fun the other night. I told her I did, and then she immediately asked me if I "went home" with that "hot girl" that stayed in my car that night. I told her I didn't that I just drove her to meet up with some of her other friends and on the way we grabbed some tacos. "Mary" said she loved tacos and that she was so jealous of her. I also found out from "Mary's" roommate that "Mary" had been looking at my photos and videos on the weekends (she mentioned it in passing). This brings me to today. "Mary" has been emailing me, and I don't know if she wants to be friends or if she really likes me. I sent her a text last night that I wanted her to come dancing with me, and she said she was debating and ended up not showing up. She did ask me about how it was and apologized that she had to work this morning, but she never responded to my texts about how I really wanted her there with me. To make matters worse, as it turns out her job may be transferring her in a few weeks. It's indeterminate. I might not see her again. I don't want to strain our friendship by asking her again unless there is a possibility; but since she has outright said she doesn't want to date me, refused my dinner offer once, and has made it seem she likes other people yet at the same time has said she would love to date me, indicated jealousy of other girls, and has made it seem to other people that she likes me, I have no idea what she wants me to do. I know that I'm not at all desirable by most women (I haven't been on a date in 3 consecutive years now, in spite of trying), so I don't understand why she of all people would want me. I need some recommendations on how to handle this situation. TL;DR: My nearly perfect friend, who I've been indirectly rejected by once, has been sending mixed signals about her feelings towards me. I want to ask her out but don't want to ruin what we have, and I have to decide fast before she leaves forever.
Eternal Sunshine Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Unfortunately, I think Mary is just an attention *hore 1
jobaba Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 There is this girl I like who I can only describe as Mary from "Something about Mary". She is literally perfect (career, physique, personality, and friends) and has just about every guy imaginable after her. Sounds absolutely nauseating to me. I have never been into the prettiest, most popular girl, EVER in my life, not even close. But it seems like everybody else flocks to that those types. There was a woman at my last workplace who was like that. She had the bridesmaid for like 20 weddings or something and she was only 27 years old. Maybe I should start going for the 'Mary' types. I've gone for the girls who are jealous of the Mary types and they've shot me down. Anyhow, good luck with your 'Mary'
Author Synergy Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Thanks for the advice y'all. I decided to just go for it. I really figure if it goes badly, then that's that at least I have my answer and I don't have to worry about it anymore. I appreciate everyone taking the time to read. I will update how it goes. I am prepared for rejection and am excited to finally get closure. 1
Author Synergy Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 She said no. I feel good knowing though. 2
jobaba Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 She said no. I feel good knowing though. Damn. If I had read your original post more carefully, I would have slapped you in the face and told you to wake up brotha. But what's done is done. I wouldn't really hang out with her at all anymore either. Seems like you're more of an orbiter than a true friend.
dasein Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 Next time a woman invites you into her bed, be ready to go, put noble ideals aside and f-ck her, because if you don't, you may have spoiled any potential. Respect to you, though, for putting the question to her and getting the answer. In the future, put the question via unmistakable physical advance. Never ask a woman if she "likes you," show her that you are ready to take her. Good luck.
CC12 Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 She said no. I feel good knowing though. Aw, damn. I was really rooting for you, Ted. Good on you for making a move. It really is better to have gone for it rather than forever wonder, "What if?" Also, good on you for taking the rejection like a champ and not being bitter about it. You seem like a good guy.
Author Synergy Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 Thanks for the support guys. Just quickly responding to a few things. I don't know if I really just want sex. I mean it's nice, sure, but I just kind of want someone to care I exist. I'm kind of unimportant so it'd be nice to know somebody cares. It's nobody's fault really. I can't be bitter at someone for not wanting me. I think if I looked like a movie star or had money it might be different (of course I probably wouldn't be as humble either since those things corrupt absolutely), but you know people want what they want. I can't fault someone for that since I want what I want too.
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