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After getting back with an ex, how long should you wait before having sex again?

Lionblue92

By Lionblue92
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Lionblue92 Established Member

Lionblue92

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After getting back with an ex how long should I wait before having sex again?

 

We have been seriously talking for about a month since our break up which is about 4 months ago. We were talking in between the 4 months on and off as (friends) I guess you can say and we just started getting serious. We are in two different states right now, hence why we aren't official. we dont want to make the relationship official as of yet until we are physically staying in the same place.

 

In about two weeks we will both be back in our home state for the summer. And a week after that we will be working somewhere out of state over the summer that provides housing which means we will be seeing each other every day most likely. Sometime close to that we will probably be back in a relationship. I've never gotten back into a relationship with an ex before so this is new to me. We had sex in our relationship, only every now and then because we were long distance and the relationship was based more on emotional security. We didn't start having sex until 5 months in and we were only together for 8 months. The summer is only going to be 3 months for us, and I am sure that in that time we will probably have sex. I'm just not sure when is a good time to start...a month after? two months? I pretty much want to know when I should between a 3 month period.

 

I actually would like a time frame instead of just basing it off of how strongly I feel cause chances are that could be within the first week of living with him and I think that is too soon.

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Lionblue92 Established Member

Lionblue92

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Or has anyone been in a situation like this?

HHC Established Member

HHC

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I'd both get tested and once they're all clear test out the waters

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Lionblue92 Established Member

Lionblue92

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Neither one of us had sex with anyone after we broke up. And were all clear. Anything more specific than testing the waters?

HHC Established Member

HHC

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Neither one of us had sex with anyone after we broke up. And were all clear. Anything more specific than testing the waters?

Any long break I would get tested. But that's just me.

 

I think you're over thinking it. You've already had sex so the hang ups involved with having sex fir the first time should be gone.

 

Good luck :)

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I've only gone back to an ex once in my life...and it was after about a month apart...

 

It took maybe 2 hours....?

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Lionblue92 Established Member

Lionblue92

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I think a month is a lot different than 4 months. Are you inquiring that there shouldn't be a wait?

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I think a month is a lot different than 4 months. Are you inquiring that there shouldn't be a wait?

 

I'm assuming you're both adults, so if you want to have sex, then have sex. And in my opinion, if you were still in contact within the 4 months, then there was never really a separation. My one month was a strict no contact month, so yes, I'd say my one month was a lot different from your 4 months...

 

What reason(s) do you have for waiting?

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Lionblue92 Established Member

Lionblue92

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Well the first month there was NC except one text he sent me that was irrelevant and lasted all but 2 mins. back and forth. After that first month he contacted me a little in the second month, with some long texts. Then the third month he called me once and we had hours long conversation and some texts that month and then after awhile we just started talking. So it was still a separation because when we were talking in the beginning there was never any talk about us getting back together, but then the more we talked we began to flirt and soon after talk of reconciliation was happening.

 

My reason for waiting is because I want to make sure we are making the right decision by getting back together, and I need to see how its going and if its even worth it. We loved each other when we started to have sex, but shortly before the break up and after that our love dissolved. So as of now both of our feelings are just "very strong" for each other and strong enough to start over. But we don't even love each other as of now. Maybe it will come back soon, maybe it will take a long time. And that's my reason for wanting to wait.

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FrustratedStandards Established Member

FrustratedStandards

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Well in my case, the only time I ever got back with an ex was because we started having sex again.

 

So I can't really say...

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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My reason for waiting is because I want to make sure we are making the right decision by getting back together, and I need to see how its going and if its even worth it. We loved each other when we started to have sex, but shortly before the break up and after that our love dissolved. So as of now both of our feelings are just "very strong" for each other and strong enough to start over. But we don't even love each other as of now. Maybe it will come back soon, maybe it will take a long time. And that's my reason for wanting to wait.

 

I understand the logic and the value you place on sex, but if you place a timetable on the matter, it will only make sex and your "relationship" seem all the more artificial and maybe even forced. For example, let's say you set the clock for one month. Does that mean in one month, you will magically love each other enough to have sex? If the both of you want to have sex before the month passes, do you have to wait? Is sex his "reward" for sticking around for a month? And I could go on and on...

 

You can see that I'm not a fan of placing timetables and ultimatums on things, especially when it comes to relationships. They are way too fluid and anything can happen. Let the universe move as it will.

 

But then again, this is just one man's opinion.

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Lionblue92 Established Member

Lionblue92

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I understand the logic and the value you place on sex, but if you place a timetable on the matter, it will only make sex and your "relationship" seem all the more artificial and maybe even forced. For example, let's say you set the clock for one month. Does that mean in one month, you will magically love each other enough to have sex? If the both of you want to have sex before the month passes, do you have to wait? Is sex his "reward" for sticking around for a month? And I could go on and on...

 

You can see that I'm not a fan of placing timetables and ultimatums on things, especially when it comes to relationships. They are way too fluid and anything can happen. Let the universe move as it will.

 

But then again, this is just one man's opinion.

 

That makes sense. Thanks for that. I guess I know when too soon is for me but how long is questionable. I guess I'll go by feelings and how the relationship feels instead of placing timing than.

Orianne Established Member

Orianne

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I think waiting to have sex is critical if you want to reconcile long term. You need to know that he wants you because he loves you and not because he's lonely. And being abstinate for a period is a good way to rebuild trust and figure out what's going on in your hearts. Unless you're not looking for long term relationship--then it doesn't matter.

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Lionblue92 Established Member

Lionblue92

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I think waiting to have sex is critical if you want to reconcile long term. You need to know that he wants you because he loves you and not because he's lonely. And being abstinate for a period is a good way to rebuild trust and figure out what's going on in your hearts. Unless you're not looking for long term relationship--then it doesn't matter.

 

I think waiting is critical too...but to be honest I know he doesn't love me right now. He told me that a few days before I broke up with him he began to fall out of love. So as of now he feels he does not love me, but has strong feelings. And wants to work things out. So there is no telling when he will feel that love again, or when I will. Cause I planned on having sex before the three months of our summer was over. And he may not feel that in the amount of time were there. But after summer, we are both going back to our separate colleges that are 6 hours away, back to long distance. As far as I know, he is looking for this to be long term as I, but right now were still working towards just getting back to being official. Its a hard call. I guess the question is, when is too soon....

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

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I guess the question is, when is too soon....

 

It's never too soon. :laugh:

 

But a legitimate question here...was the sex even good...? Or is it the idea of sex that you hold dear...?

Feelin Frisky Established Member

Feelin Frisky

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I damn near knocked the door off the hinges when she let me in and I carried her up the stairs just like Rhett Butler (no bs). There wasn't any discussion--just three words: "come to me" over the phone. And when I got there she had gotten a perm and a hair color change and looked as hot and sexy as it gets--i could smell her foaming down there. All of the bickering and hard feelings and resolve not to get back together went right out the window in favor of reckless overdue animal lust. I wasn't trying to make it look like a scene from a movie--it just did in every way and right or wrong, it was the joint.

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