truth_seeker Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) I kinda put it out there in another thread but will go into more detail here. There was tension between this girl and I for a long time. We never spoke but I know I was timid to talk to her and I felt she was the same way. I saw her again about 4 months ago, first time in like a year. She gave me a big smile when I bumped into her and I was shocked. She never did that before. That same day I was talking to my friend and she stopped said hi to him and walked away. Again, I was shocked. I asked my buddy what was the deal and he told me she was a really nice girl. I told him he had to introduce me to her the next time she was around. He said okay. 2 months goes by and nothing. I asked my friend if she came around as I hadn't seen her. He says yes but he never got a chance to mention me. He also tells me that she got a new job and left. I figure I missed my chance. About a week goes by and I'm on OK Cupid and I see her. I send her an email and she responds. She told me she recognized me and that she was busy because of the new job. She told me to email her and eventually we could get together. I email her back and give it a week. No response. Her profile is gone! I have no idea what happened. I looked her up on Facebook and sent her a message. I kept it simple and told her she could contact me on Facebook if she wanted to as I wasn't sure what happened on OK Cupid. About 3 weeks goes by. No response on Facebook, but my buddy tells me she came back and was looking for me! Problem is I wasn't around. I sent her a message on Facebook and gave her my info so we could talk. I get no response. My buddy tells me he sees her again. Now I'm confused. I wait a couple of weeks and send another message on Facebook asking her what's up? I also requested to be her friend. I've waited a couple of weeks now and no response to my message and my friend request hasn't been accepted. I noticed she added people to her page and has about 900 friends. Can anyone shed any light on this? She responds on OK Cupid and goes out of her way looking for me. She doesn't though accept my friend request or respond to my Facebook messages. What do I do? Edited April 22, 2012 by truth_seeker
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 unfortunately its what happens these days especially online. she is messing you around. not good or fair. but according to some people it is good to do this. (dont get why and its pathetic to think like this). sorry but move on
Author truth_seeker Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 unfortunately its what happens these days especially online. she is messing you around. not good or fair. but according to some people it is good to do this. (dont get why and its pathetic to think like this). sorry but move on If she wasn't interested then why go looking for me and speak to my friend? Who goes to that much trouble to mess with someone? Why not just say "no thanks"?
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 its how women are sadly. its a fact. you have experienced it. I have. and other men on these forums. im sure some women on these forums will also agree
Author truth_seeker Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 its how women are sadly. its a fact. you have experienced it. I have. and other men on these forums. im sure some women on these forums will also agree That's F'n bizarre!
riggs Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I kinda put it out there in another thread but will go into more detail here. There was tension between this girl and I for a long time. We never spoke but I know I was timid to talk to her and I felt she was the same way. I saw her again about 4 months ago, first time in like a year. She gave me a big smile when I bumped into her and I was shocked. She never did that before. That same day I was talking to my friend and she stopped said hi to him and walked away. Again, I was shocked. I asked my buddy what was the deal and he told me she was a really nice girl. I told him he had to introduce me to her the next time she was around. He said okay. 2 months goes by and nothing. I asked my friend if she came around as I hadn't seen her. He says yes but he never got a chance to mention me. He also tells me that she got a new job and left. I figure I missed my chance. About a week goes by and I'm on OK Cupid and I see her. I send her an email and she responds. She told me she recognized me and that she was busy because of the new job. She told me to email her and eventually we could get together. I email her back and give it a week. No response. Her profile is gone! I have no idea what happened. I looked her up on Facebook and sent her a message. I kept it simple and told her she could contact me on Facebook if she wanted to as I wasn't sure what happened on OK Cupid. About 3 weeks goes by. No response on Facebook, but my buddy tells me she came back and was looking for me! Problem is I wasn't around. I sent her a message on Facebook and gave her my info so we could talk. I get no response. My buddy tells me he sees her again. Now I'm confused. I wait a couple of weeks and send another message on Facebook asking her what's up? I also requested to be her friend. I've waited a couple of weeks now and no response to my message and my friend request hasn't been accepted. I noticed she added people to her page and has about 900 friends. Can anyone shed any light on this? She responds on OK Cupid and goes out of her way looking for me. She doesn't though accept my friend request or respond to my Facebook messages. What do I do? I agree with firehawk. Dancing around with all the social media for weeks on end, why bother? If she was truly interested she would make definite plans, keep them, and go on a real date. I've been through it, and it's not easy but you should move on. 2
Author truth_seeker Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 I agree with firehawk. Dancing around with all the social media for weeks on end, why bother? If she was truly interested she would make definite plans, keep them, and go on a real date. I've been through it, and it's not easy but you should move on. Yes. I am moving on. I thought what if she never read the Facebook messages. That would be sad.
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 her loss. sadly some women dont see a loss these days. but yes, it is a shame
Author truth_seeker Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 her loss. sadly some women dont see a loss these days. but yes, it is a shame Still in shock as I felt she came around looking for me which was an active move on her part. They say "actions speak louder than words" so I took it as she was very much into me. I would hate to think she never got my messages, gave up because she never ran into me. I'm interested in her but don't know how to reach her.
riggs Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Still in shock as I felt she came around looking for me which was an active move on her part. They say "actions speak louder than words" so I took it as she was very much into me. I would hate to think she never got my messages, gave up because she never ran into me. I'm interested in her but don't know how to reach her. It's no fun. Women have given me strong signals a few times and for whatever reason they turned out to be complete duds. Unfortunately, one was in the front of my mind for way to long. Your case could be similar, the girls just aren't too sure of THEMSELVES, think about and for an untold number of reasons change their mind. 2
Author truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 It's no fun. Women have given me strong signals a few times and for whatever reason they turned out to be complete duds. Unfortunately, one was in the front of my mind for way to long. Your case could be similar, the girls just aren't too sure of THEMSELVES, think about and for an untold number of reasons change their mind. Is it too much to get a "no thanks" or even a "I'm sorry, I met someone else". Just to blow someone off is so weak and despicable. 1
riggs Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Is it too much to get a "no thanks" or even a "I'm sorry, I met someone else". Just to blow someone off is so weak and despicable. I agree, but look at it another way. Maybe she "played" you just to see if you'd be interested in order to help her confidence and self-esteem.
Author truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 I agree, but look at it another way. Maybe she "played" you just to see if you'd be interested in order to help her confidence and self-esteem. If that's the case, it's just as bad. That's so selfish and shallow. What's worse for me is I was convinced she was into me. Terrible feeling to be fooled. I can't believe a person would just disregard someone when they go out of their way to be sincere. Maybe the girl thought I was full of b.s., but I wasn't at all.
riggs Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 If that's the case, it's just as bad. That's so selfish and shallow. What's worse for me is I was convinced she was into me. Terrible feeling to be fooled. I can't believe a person would just disregard someone when they go out of their way to be sincere. Maybe the girl thought I was full of b.s., but I wasn't at all. You aren't alone. It's happened to me, and I still want to contact her and rub it in by asking if her confidence improved by pretending she liked me. The dating scene is a bare knuckled quagmire.
Lucky_One Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Personally, I think she's more interested in your friend. She just used "hey, what's up, is truth_seeker around? No. Bummer. So what have you been up to?" as an excuse to have something to talk to your friend about. I don't see any evidence at all that she "pretended" to like you. You smiled at each other one time. You had one email exchange on a dating site, where she responded with the social nicety line of "let's do lunch some day, shall we?" That does not constitute anything at all about her liking you or messing with your mind or playing games. It doesn't even appear that you have even spoken to her in person. You have made it obvious to her that you would like to go on a date with her, and if she is interested in your friend, then a date with you wouldn't help her primary objective, which is another man. So she is just avoiding the issue by not accepting you as a friend and taking down her dating profile. 1
M2155 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I wouldn't place all my communication cards on FB. That said, I'd let it go for now though, you've extended the offer. I would tell your friend to ask her for the phone number (to give to you of course) if she comes backs around. Then you will know.
Author truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 Personally, I think she's more interested in your friend. She just used "hey, what's up, is truth_seeker around? No. Bummer. So what have you been up to?" as an excuse to have something to talk to your friend about. I don't see any evidence at all that she "pretended" to like you. You smiled at each other one time. You had one email exchange on a dating site, where she responded with the social nicety line of "let's do lunch some day, shall we?" That does not constitute anything at all about her liking you or messing with your mind or playing games. It doesn't even appear that you have even spoken to her in person. You have made it obvious to her that you would like to go on a date with her, and if she is interested in your friend, then a date with you wouldn't help her primary objective, which is another man. So she is just avoiding the issue by not accepting you as a friend and taking down her dating profile. Interested in my friend? The guy is gay. You're right about never speaking to each other in person. That's why I thought she didn't accept my friend request on Facebook. Which makes sense. I didn't quite get removing her profile then looking for me weeks later. I tried Facebook thinking it would be a good way to connect since we were missing each other IRL.
Author truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 I wouldn't place all my communication cards on FB. That said, I'd let it go for now though, you've extended the offer. I would tell your friend to ask her for the phone number (to give to you of course) if she comes backs around. Then you will know. I agree with you. It was my only choice though. I just hope she read the messages!
Lucky_One Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 But does she know he's gay? And you would be amazed at the number of women that have hit on my gay friend, telling him blatantly that they can "turn" him. Some women like the thought that they have that sort of power.
Author truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 But does she know he's gay? And you would be amazed at the number of women that have hit on my gay friend, telling him blatantly that they can "turn" him. Some women like the thought that they have that sort of power. It's obvious. Lets say for argument's sake, I'm right and she was actually interested in me and not him. What gives then?
Imported Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Still in shock as I felt she came around looking for me which was an active move on her part. They say "actions speak louder than words" so I took it as she was very much into me. According to your friend. She has your contact info and can get in touch with you, she didn't. When she bumped into your friend, he could have been the one that asked her about you and she was being polite and he embilished to make you feel better/motivate you. Who knows, but she does have an easy way to contact you and she didn't.
Author truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 According to your friend. She has your contact info and can get in touch with you, she didn't. When she bumped into your friend, he could have been the one that asked her about you and she was being polite and he embilished to make you feel better/motivate you. Who knows, but she does have an easy way to contact you and she didn't. How does she have an easy way to contact me? I deleted my OLD account. Don't use it anymore. Facebook? What if she doesn't check it? She doesn't have my number, email, nothing.
RedRobin Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 FYI... I'm pretty private. I've had some negative experiences 'friending' someone I don't know very well on Facebook. I wouldn't do it now unless we were dating at least a couple of months. I don't have anything to hide (I know, I keep saying that!)... but I really do reserve it for my friends and family. Sucks to have to 'unfriend' someone. Better just to wait. I realize you guys have had some bad experiences, but seriously... try not to overthink this stuff. It will really get to you over time.
Author truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 FYI... I'm pretty private. I've had some negative experiences 'friending' someone I don't know very well on Facebook. I wouldn't do it now unless we were dating at least a couple of months. I don't have anything to hide (I know, I keep saying that!)... but I really do reserve it for my friends and family. Sucks to have to 'unfriend' someone. Better just to wait. I realize you guys have had some bad experiences, but seriously... try not to overthink this stuff. It will really get to you over time. I will not friend anyone, especially a woman I do not know very or at all, ever again on Facebook. I will leave it up to them. I only did it here because of the odd circumstances. I can see why a girl would not accept a guy, even if she were interested in him. He gets access to a part of her personal life. Assumptions can be made based on who she is friends with and photos. I've realized now I caught someone playing two games. My problem is I began to like someone before actually getting to know them.
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