split up after abortion

[k100danny]

Before anyone starts with they are against abortion please dont as it will not change what we have done and we both value human life but we feel we werent in a position to offer a child the life he/she would deserve.

 

I know this can be a controversial subject but i have been in a relationship for 5 months with a girl who i love but i find it hard to keep her fully happy. She got pregnant after 4 months and we spoke about it and decided that we both werent ready, we hadn't know each other that long and even though we had thought about having a family together in the future and see each other together for a long time the time wasnt right.

 

Afterwards we had a few arguments, basically she felt guilty over what had happened and she said she found it hard to come to terms with what we had done. She was very emotional at the time and after one of these arguments she said she wanted to break up. after this she said she obviously didnt want to break up but she was very emotional and thought i wasnt being supportive and i was just getting on with my life after what had happened (I hadnt brought it up because to be honest i feel She is going through a hell of a lot more and i feel i dont have the right to feel bad if that makes sense) She said she would like us to stay together even though she is going travelling in 4 weeks for the summer but she is very emotional at the moment which i understand.

 

I accept everything about this girl and love her with all of my heart but (and i feel bad saying this) She can be quite controlling and possesive and admits that she doesnt know what she wants from life yet and often gets bored of jobs and moves around. she has been in a long term relationship before so i know she is running from relationships ect. My biggest worry is can the relationship surrive the abortion or will she always have bad feelings while with me and if i can make her happy. I tend to see controlling people who can get annoyed easily as not fully happy and if i am going to be in a relationship id like to try and make sure it is with someone who is content.

 

I know this is basically me rambling on. I have a lot on my mind recently and im finding it hard with everything that is going on to know what to do to comfort her and make her feel better as everything seems to be wrong at the minute and it is so frustrating to know she is hurting and i can't change it.

 

Any advice would be a great help.

[january2011]

You both went through a very traumatic experence and it's going to take some time to start feeling 'normal' again. You may never truly get over what happened, but you with time and work, you may be able to get to a stage where it doesn't hurt so much and it's not constantly playing on your mind.

 

In pain, many people lash out at whomever is nearby. Usually someone close to them. She needed a channel for her anger and someone to blame for her pain.

 

However, you've broken up and while you can still be supportive, if she allows you to be, you may have to focus on your own emotional needs right now. It may be worth talking to a therapist to help you deal with the feelings. If you and your ex maintain contact, you might even suggest couples counselling.

[Zabs]

Hey!

 

In my honest opinion, I think you have done a real responsibile thing. When a child is born, that is your responsibility for life. If you are not up to it then take this into account before you make the decision because you can't take life back!

 

My ex tried to get me pregnant but it wasn't to do with wanting to start a family as much as he believed it was a sure fire way we would alays be together. There are certain combinations that don't work. Insecurity + responsibility..do not..so try not to berate yourself and be strong against those that try to.

 

Yours is truly difficult because it brings up a whole new world of what if's into the equation. Where there was two lives, it became three for that time..and a mind never switches off. I think both of you would benefit from counselling..if not together then individually Any loss takes time to come to terms with.

 

You can sure be supportive of her, but mind to get support for yourself too Relationships can recover but couples have to have a mutual respecrt for each other in terms of honesty, understanding that it is a shared loss and the freedom to communicate openly.

 

Much love,

 

Zabs xxx