Content Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 When looking for a partner,im not saying you should have no standards date somebody youre not attracted to or that you dont have very strong feelings for Im talking about people who are tryign to find the perfect person and if they lack 1 of 100 things on the checklist theyre no longer an option AS i got a little older i realized whats important and that finding somebody compatible who will be loyal and by my side when things get rough or when im old and sick is much more important then some trivial wants and needs I dont know if its mostly insecurity in that a person deep down has low self esteem but on the surface gets a sense of self worth o if they have such strict standards and think well i must be a catch if i need all these things. Or if its just plain entitlement,but you sometimes wonder what goes through peoples head who make life much more difficult then it should be
threebyfate Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 As long as they're not moaning or whining about it, being patient and realizing that the more requirements, the longer it takes to find someone, I don't care if their scroll of needs/wants spans the entire circumference of the Earth. 2
M2155 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I think you said it, AS you get older you realize what matters and refine what you really need. My list at 20 is completely different from my list at 30. I have a list of non-negotiables and everything else I am open to compromise. But anyway, the lists always go out the window when you meet the one you can't get out of your mind. 2
irc333 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 As long as they're not moaning or whining about it, being patient and realizing that the more requirements, the longer it takes to find someone, I don't care if their scroll of needs/wants spans the entire circumference of the Earth. There is this one woman that's whining about it, she lives like 5 mins from where I live...been on the site forever, single , never married, no kids, even Catholic like me.....but has like a 30+ list of strict criteria.....written in such a bitter fashion It was a first, a rather standard profile....smaller list....then at the end of her profile, she's statingn, "I'm at my wits in ,and about to give up on this onlien dating website. She's like "Why can't a find a decent guy to have an intelligent conversation. She said she is not picky about looks. That they were all average looking,but they're personalities weren't something she liked. I'm an average looking guy, however...she never replied to mine...and I send her another messgae answering her possible "rhetorical" question....didn't even get a response in regards to her gripe about men she's been meeting.
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 its how it is. unrealistic then they moan and complain they cant find someone. they need to learn what REALITY is. its that simple but oh no, they wont settle for less. they dont even know what that really means. its like they expect literally a factory or vending machine - they place an order and out it comes. sorry but thats not how life works. be real, not shallow and unrealistic. unfortunately such shallow women only care about themselves and cannot hold a decent intellectual conversation. its a fact not made up.
soserious1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 its how it is. unrealistic then they moan and complain they cant find someone. they need to learn what REALITY is. its that simple but oh no, they wont settle for less. they dont even know what that really means. its like they expect literally a factory or vending machine - they place an order and out it comes. sorry but thats not how life works. be real, not shallow and unrealistic. unfortunately such shallow women only care about themselves and cannot hold a decent intellectual conversation. its a fact not made up. "Lowering my standards" would mean accepting a guy much older than myself ( in his mid to late 60's who might well require hands on nursing care from me soon) or accepting a man closer to my age or a divorced father still weighed down with child care responsibilities & alimony/ child support payments. I'd rather stay alone than make the kinds of sacrifices such relationships would require of me. I'm sure a lot of other people feel the same way. 4
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 well put soserious1 but still being shallow (like he must be of a certain color or height) doesnt really cut it. be grateful and you should always have the "nothing less" criteria consisted of respect and decency.... but we all know, and the thread is what its all about, that too far unrealistic criterias. if people stopped being unreal, they would find someone far far sooner and spend all that valuable time building a great foundation for the relationship. FACT.
Flummox Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 It depends on the age and what you are looking for. Younger people tend to have more guidelines because life seems long and some are trying to find "the one." Older people, like divorcees, tend to settle because they just want companionship.
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 not always about older people they can too be as unrealistic as the younger ones
soserious1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 well put soserious1 but still being shallow (like he must be of a certain color or height) doesnt really cut it. be grateful and you should always have the "nothing less" criteria consisted of respect and decency.... but we all know, and the thread is what its all about, that too far unrealistic criterias. if people stopped being unreal, they would find someone far far sooner and spend all that valuable time building a great foundation for the relationship. FACT. Look, it's a fact of life that often the people we'd love to bone have zero interest in boning us. Just because we want somebody doesn't mean they are obligated to have anything to do with us. I'm not interested in the men who have expressed interest in me because I'm honestly far too selfish to be willing to be a step-mother or to fork over significant amounts of cash to support a partner. "True love" costs far more than I'm willing to pay for it. Everyone has the right to decide what dating criteria is important to them. 1
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I agree but again, difference between realism and lala-lism again, life is what you make it. no need for complications or anything. im just saying thats all. I love your analogy of boning. LOL but used to, women would be appreciative and more keen if the guy was keen but now its like "thanks but no...get lost" like totally spoilt/selfish and bitter. they wouldnt be if they were realistic.
soserious1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I agree but again, difference between realism and lala-lism again, life is what you make it. no need for complications or anything. im just saying thats all. I love your analogy of boning. LOL but used to, women would be appreciative and more keen if the guy was keen but now its like "thanks but no...get lost" like totally spoilt/selfish and bitter. they wouldnt be if they were realistic. Sorry but once again, you can express interest in anybody that strikes your fancy but they are under zero obligation to return your attentions. Somebody telling me "no thanks" quickly & cleanly saves me a lot of time & energy that I can use to move onto the next. 3
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 ah. move on to the next..... like a list. not nice...derogatory. but what if you never find the person? gotta be real i know what you mean though. but....bah. nevermind.
soserious1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 ah. move on to the next..... like a list. not nice...derogatory. but what if you never find the person? gotta be real i know what you mean though. but....bah. nevermind. Yes, if a person you are interested in doesn't return that interest then you move on & find the next person. That isn't "derogatory" it's the reality of life. Nobody owes us sex or a relationship in order to prove that they are "nice" Life doesn't come with guarantees .. for any of us 1
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 oh i know but about the person who makes all the effort...then? why should they continue to bother time and time again... know what I mean? its the effort that does count that shows they are serious and shouldnt be missed. i guess i just care too much and are a bit of an old fashioned person hey.
threebyfate Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 oh i know but about the person who makes all the effort...then? why should they continue to bother time and time again... know what I mean? its the effort that does count that shows they are serious and shouldnt be missed. i guess i just care too much and are a bit of an old fashioned person hey.Why should effort always equate to acquisition? Is the other person just an object to work towards and acquire? Or is the other person a person with human rights to feel and act as they wish, within the confines of the social construct deemed "law"? 1
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 *sigh*. stupid double standards and all that. unfairness..blah blah blah.
threebyfate Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 *sigh*. stupid double standards and all that. unfairness..blah blah blah. Avoidance of real issues...blah, blah, blah... 2
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 not at all. seems the other way around sorry for being realistic and not shallow... but we all aint the same. we all cant have what we want remember?
threebyfate Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 not at all. seems the other way around sorry for being realistic and not shallow... but we all aint the same. we all cant have what we want remember?I'm sorry you can only perceive life in one way. 1
soserious1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 oh i know but about the person who makes all the effort...then? why should they continue to bother time and time again... know what I mean? its the effort that does count that shows they are serious and shouldnt be missed. i guess i just care too much and are a bit of an old fashioned person hey. "Makes all the effort" for real? LOL, look, there's not a ton of effort involved in sending a quick message to somebody on a dating site or chatting somebody up for a bit. If you are pursuing people to the point that they're saying "no thanks, get lost" then you clearly need to cut down on the amount of "effort" you are making in approaching prospective partners. When a guy repeatedly contacts me despite my politely telling him " thank you but I don't think we'll be compatible" I don't see him as a person who "shouldn't be missed" I see him as a person I need to block from contacting me. 1
threebyfate Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 lol ......dittoYou wish the world to be what would be advantageous to yourself. That's the part I feel sorry for, since it's not going to happen. 1
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 i didnt mean it like that AT ALL soserious1. and again the attitude in the end.... hm. nevermind. *sigh* threebyfate: ditto to you too. again, thinking things and saying things which arent true at all and believing in them. typical women behavior again? sorry you think like that. shame it is no wonder there are too many unhappy/single people and alot of complainers and moaners. sorry you cant see that, i truely am
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