angierabelero Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 [font=arial][/font][color=black][/color] I don't know anything about controlling parents. I came to realized that it existed on my last relation ship it was the most incredible one, no problems and even had plans for a more serious relation after graduating from college. He's 21, we broke up few days ago; I thought he just was kind of a mama’s boy, no harm with that. On the last day of school, out of the blue, he just told me that our relation ship was going no where and other things that didn’t make sense and in 10 minutes he broke up with me. A friend that knows his family for years told me “He has controlling parents and even his brother has a switch over him, and isn’t exactly that he agrees whit her mother thoughts, her mother makes him believe that he agrees, and that all his life he has being like that, they were losing the 100% control and they decided, he must broke up with you”. I finally talked to my ex, he told me that in those decisions all he’s family matters, he even told me that all his family told him several times that they hated him, because he changed since we stared dating and he didn’t want to lose his family. That didn’t sound right but sure sounded desperate and preposterous. I told him how I felt that I loved him, then I saw him like I’ve never seen him before, he was crying and breaking down between what he really wanted and what he was told to do, I had him for half an hour, then his mother call and even his look and tone of voice changed. I love him he’s going thru a tough time, and to hear him speak thing like I’m unworthy, it’s really hurtful to me. I think that’s her mother talk, I went looking for him and talked briefly with his mother, she said the same thing “he’s unworthy you can do better.” I really love him is that the end when a parent is controlling? Is there something I can do? Can you ever won back a person in this situation? Could the controlling end? What should be my position?
lnichols Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 You didn't say whether this was a healthy relationship. But if neither of you were controlling the other in an unhealthy way, or if the two of you were really getting along and he broke up with you simply becase of his family, then you can do better. You sound young, and although this may seem like the end of the world, it isn't. I don't even know you and I can tell you right now that you are not, nor is anyone, unworthy. You are worth someone who will be proud of you and want to show you off to his family. You deserve to be with someone with whose family you can get along and be a part of. That person will come along.
catalyst Posted December 1, 2005 Posted December 1, 2005 This is something I am seeing a lot. Mabey it is because it happened to me so Im hyper-aware. No one seems to be aware of the damage a parent like this can do. People just seem to put up with it no matter how abusive this gets. They can literaly destroy you in their obsession with holding on to thier baby girl or boy. Shared DNA is not a licence to dominate, control or abuse. I made a yahoogroup at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ControllingParents/ There is another one for ladies only you can link through if youd like. Yes, there should be one for men too, someone had better get on that...
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