Flummox Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 My friend got led on by a girl who used to gchat, text him all the time, and would call him when she was drunk at night. She initiated most of the conversations. This happened for a couple of months. She would also talk about doing things together with him. She invited him to a holiday party 6 hours north of where he was working, and he drove up there. He probably shouldn't have gone, IMO, because it looks kind of desperate to drive 6 hours for a girl you aren't dating. At the party she started ignoring him, as far as I can tell, for no reason. After the party, she stopped gchatting, texting, calling him as much. I've met this girl too and she seems kind of flirtatious but also sort of homely looking so I didn't get the impression that she would be the lead men on type.
riggs Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I'd say this particular is not too sure of herself and was only looking for attention. Good Lord, calling when she is drunk is a huge red flag.
firehawk_1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 yup. its all about games and "for the thrill" 1
Casablanca Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I'd say this particular is not too sure of herself and was only looking for attention. Good Lord, calling when she is drunk is a huge red flag. Big red flag...guys do the same sort of thing, people do it for ego boosts...
Ross MwcFan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I guess once she saw him in person she didn't like him as much.
january2011 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Same reasons guys lead girls on: for an ego boost, power, control stemming from insecurity and a need to feel wanted/desired. 1
gaius Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 He probably had a legitimate shot with her, but as you said turned her off by being easy and letting her take the lead. Or maybe he just wasn't what she expected in person. I would not say she lead him on, she gave him plenty of attention and gave him a shot in person and he struck out. Better luck next time.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Still bad of her to ignore him at the party though.
gaius Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Still bad of her to ignore him at the party though. Shrug, at least she was being honest with him. If you're going to drive 6 hours do it because you want to, not because you expect something in return for your efforts. 1
Author Flummox Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) I guess once she saw him in person she didn't like him as much. They know, and met, each other IRL, so she knew exactly what he looked like from the beginning. I find it odd that people on this forum assume that people meet online and not IRL. The party was not where either lives. They live in the same city. I know her because some of my friends know her. She seems very flirtatious, but is, IMO, homely looking, so I didn't expect her to play mind games with men. Edited April 22, 2012 by Flummox
Author Flummox Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) Shrug, at least she was being honest with him. If you're going to drive 6 hours do it because you want to, not because you expect something in return for your efforts. She wasn't being honest though. She never told him straight up that she wasn't interested. Even days before the party, she kept trying to get him to go, even saying "if you don't go, I won't go either." She would initiate conversations with him all the time and even throw compliments at him. He wasn't even that into her initially, but became semi-interested because she was practically throwing herself on him. Then, after she pesters him to go to the party, she starts being distant and ignoring him for what we can gather, no reason at all. After I met her, I kind of understood how he got the impression she was into him. She is very flirtatious with men. I just don't get why she led him on, because he's a nice, attractive guy, although probably too eager to please. My opinion of her is negative, partly based because of what he told me, but IMO she's an overweight homely two-faced b***h. Edited April 22, 2012 by Flummox
gaius Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 She wasn't being honest though. She never told him straight up that she wasn't interested. Even days before the party, she kept trying to get him to go, even saying "if you don't go, I won't go either." She would initiate conversations with him all the time and even throw compliments at him. He wasn't even that into her initially, but became semi-interested because she was practically throwing herself on him. Then, after she pesters him to go to the party, she starts being distant and ignoring him for what we can gather, no reason at all. After I met her, I kind of understood how he got the impression she was into him. She is very flirtatious with men. I just don't get why she led him on, because he's a nice, attractive guy, although probably too eager to please. My opinion of her is negative, partly based because of what he told me, but IMO she's an overweight homely two-faced b***h. As an adult male you have to realize many women will give you attention for reasons other than wanting to be with you. Just go take a look at the off topic thread if you need a good example. I had a waitress wrap her arm over my shoulders when I was ordering the other day, I'm pretty sure she just figured out I was the one paying. It's on you, not her if you decide to go along and it doesn't work out. I guess you could say she was rude for not paying him more attention at the party, but most people in life aren't generous enough to stand around at a party for hours with someone they aren't really interested in.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) Shrug, at least she was being honest with him. If you're going to drive 6 hours do it because you want to, not because you expect something in return for your efforts. It's totally rude and cruel. She should've at least spent time with him, and if she wasn't feeling it, she could just tell him that she's not really interested at the end of the night. Would you find it acceptable for a guy to ask a woman out on a date, and then just ignore her all night and talk to other people just because he wasn't interested? Edited April 22, 2012 by Ross MwcFan
Author Flummox Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 As an adult male you have to realize many women will give you attention for reasons other than wanting to be with you. Just go take a look at the off topic thread if you need a good example. I had a waitress wrap her arm over my shoulders when I was ordering the other day, I'm pretty sure she just figured out I was the one paying. It's on you, not her if you decide to go along and it doesn't work out. I guess you could say she was rude for not paying him more attention at the party, but most people in life aren't generous enough to stand around at a party for hours with someone they aren't really interested in. I'm not an adult male. I'm an adult female who just doesn't get why some women do this. I don't know this woman that well, and she is nice to my face, but I can't help but dislike her for being two-faced with my friend. Maybe I shouldn't judge her too harshly, but after finding out about this incident, whenever she smiles at me or whatnot, I can't help but think she is being fake. My friend comes off very straight laced, so it makes me think that she was deliberately leading him on because she thought he was easy. At first I was skeptical that she was leading him because my friend didn't have that much dating experience, so I thought maybe he misread her, but then after meeting her, etc. I was convinced that she was simply leading him on. She explicitly told him that if he didn't go to the party, she wouldn't want to either. After she got him to drive up there, she ignored him. She also blatantly complimented him a few times, calling him cute, saying he was great, etc. I've never done that, even with men I've liked. I'm a woman who doesn't do this, which is why I'm asking why some women do.
Author Flummox Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 It's totally rude and cruel. She should've at least spent time with him, and if she wasn't feeling it, she could just tell him that she's not really interested at the end of the night. Would you find it acceptable for a guy to ask a woman out on a date, and then just ignore her all night and talk to other people just because he wasn't interested? What was especially weird was that when he asked her if she was serious about wanting him to go, she said she really wanted him to be there and couldn't wait to see him again. She kept texting him during the drive up to see how far he was and told him she was really excited to see him again. Then, an hour later, when he finally got there, she started ignoring him and being MIA.
gaius Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) It's totally rude and cruel. She should've at least spent time with him, and if she wasn't feeling it, she could just tell him that she's not really interested at the end of the night. Would you find it acceptable for a guy to ask a woman out on a date, and then just ignore her all night and talk to other people just because he wasn't interested? They weren't on a date. I agree with you in theory ross but it doesn't seem to occur that much in real life. You just have to realize this and not drive 6 hours to meet some girl without having a backup plan in case it doesn't go well. She also blatantly complimented him a few times, calling him cute, saying he was great, etc. I've never done that, even with men I've liked. I'm a woman who doesn't do this, which is why I'm asking why some women do. Maybe she's just lonely and he was easy. After a bad relationship it can be tempting to reverse the roles and use someone else a little, it can be very therapeutic and healing. You've never before told a man you liked that he was cute? Told him he had nice arms or a sexy butt? Men can really enjoy hearing stuff like that. Even more experienced ones might start driving an hour or two to see you. Edited April 22, 2012 by gaius 1
HeavenOrHell Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Sounds like she was using him to make someone else jealous. Men lead women on too. My friend got led on by a girl who used to gchat, text him all the time, and would call him when she was drunk at night. She initiated most of the conversations. This happened for a couple of months. She would also talk about doing things together with him. She invited him to a holiday party 6 hours north of where he was working, and he drove up there. He probably shouldn't have gone, IMO, because it looks kind of desperate to drive 6 hours for a girl you aren't dating. At the party she started ignoring him, as far as I can tell, for no reason. After the party, she stopped gchatting, texting, calling him as much. I've met this girl too and she seems kind of flirtatious but also sort of homely looking so I didn't get the impression that she would be the lead men on type.
HeavenOrHell Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Your OP came across like they'd not met before as he was driving quite a distance to see her. They know, and met, each other IRL, so she knew exactly what he looked like from the beginning. I find it odd that people on this forum assume that people meet online and not IRL. The party was not where either lives. They live in the same city. I know her because some of my friends know her. She seems very flirtatious, but is, IMO, homely looking, so I didn't expect her to play mind games with men.
soserious1 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 My friend got led on by a girl who used to gchat, text him all the time, and would call him when she was drunk at night. She initiated most of the conversations. This happened for a couple of months. She would also talk about doing things together with him. She invited him to a holiday party 6 hours north of where he was working, and he drove up there. He probably shouldn't have gone, IMO, because it looks kind of desperate to drive 6 hours for a girl you aren't dating. At the party she started ignoring him, as far as I can tell, for no reason. After the party, she stopped gchatting, texting, calling him as much. I've met this girl too and she seems kind of flirtatious but also sort of homely looking so I didn't get the impression that she would be the lead men on type. Sounds like the chemistry wasn't there once they finally met in real time. This is why so many advise planning a real life meeting quickly & not allowing a relationship to drag on via cyberspace for weeks or months.
udolipixie Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) How did she lead him on as in what did she lead him on with? What did she say or promise that she didn't deliver? The party situation where you there or was he telling the story? Many people aren't objective in there story telling so there could have been a reason he was ignored. From the thread you stated she's very flirtatious perhaps your friend would be best suited not to take a flirt as having genuine interest until the flirt says so. Is he the type to think attention from a woman = she's interested in me romantically/sexually? Edited April 23, 2012 by udolipixie
ASG Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 They know, and met, each other IRL, so she knew exactly what he looked like from the beginning. I find it odd that people on this forum assume that people meet online and not IRL. The party was not where either lives. They live in the same city. I know her because some of my friends know her. She seems very flirtatious, but is, IMO, homely looking, so I didn't expect her to play mind games with men. Yeah... People on here seem to only meet other people online. I have honestly never met anyone that does online dating, but it seems on this forum almost everyone does it. As for the topic on hand, if she's flirtatious in general, maybe she didn't intend to string him along. Maybe she was just being friendly. I get into that problem quite often, because I flirt all the time, even when not interested. It's a default conversational mechanism for me, that I find easy to navigate. Sometime it happens that the other person gets the wrong idea. As for the ignoring... maybe she met someone at the party she was actually interested in? And is she not talking to your friend anymore, even after the party?
wwwjd Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 to me, this scenario read like: she was trying to initiate, trying to get something started, he didn't bite or seemed too disinterested so she gave up. sounds like SHE put forth a lot of effort to get in his face and he did nothing about it? by the time he came to this party her real interest had wound down, while his FINALLY maybe started in? Why else would he go? was he ever actually interested in her to begin with? his fault. he didn't step up. she didn't lead him on. At least that is how it read to me.
truth_seeker Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 to me, this scenario read like: she was trying to initiate, trying to get something started, he didn't bite or seemed too disinterested so she gave up. sounds like SHE put forth a lot of effort to get in his face and he did nothing about it? by the time he came to this party her real interest had wound down, while his FINALLY maybe started in? Why else would he go? was he ever actually interested in her to begin with? his fault. he didn't step up. she didn't lead him on. At least that is how it read to me. Makes sense. She gave out signs, he didn't see them. When he did finally see them, she moved on. He's left confused and hung out to dry.
Author Flummox Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 You've never before told a man you liked that he was cute? Told him he had nice arms or a sexy butt? Men can really enjoy hearing stuff like that. Even more experienced ones might start driving an hour or two to see you. No, I haven't, at least not before we actually started dating.
Author Flummox Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) To answer other questions, I read some of her messages, and she was extremely flirtatious. I don't think my friend was being biased in his retelling of the story. She said stuff like, "I cant wait until you are here! If you don't come, I won't go to the party either. Let's think of stuff to do together. Tell me when you get here. Where are you?" She was checking in on him to see how far away he was up until an hour before he got there. She also explicitly told him he's cute and wonderful. They are casual acquaintances now. They say hello to each other when they see each other, but not much beyond that. She doesn't date anyone so I don't think she met anyone at the party. Maybe she is just naturally flirtatious, but from an outsider's point of view, she was definitely coming on heavy. Girls don't usually call their guy friends while drunk or tell them they are cute or great. Edited April 23, 2012 by Flummox
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