To the men/women that complain about the opposite sex have you asked yourself this

[soserious1]

my value is low and gosh i'd like something casual while i'm waiting but i don't have the looks and charm to get it. heh. could be worse.

 

You don't need a lot of charm and you don't need to be particularly good looking. Simply be well groomed, well versed in the sexual arts & willing to sign up for adult friend finder sites. There's a TON of action out there.

[soserious1]

i haven't had much sex so i'm not that versed. sorry. can relationships form from these adult friend finder sites? do you have to make public pictures when you use them. if i sign up and my company finds out oh my gosh. i have my job and don't want to lose that. am i just being chicken?

 

You don't go to sexually oriented adult sites hoping to find a traditional dating relationship, you go there hoping to find others who also desire discrete sexual relationships.

[cl3]

What sort of behavior am I exhibiting that is inviting and/or motivating deceitful or manipulative behavior from members of the opposite sex? Am I as upfront and straightforward with all of my true desires, interests and intentions as I can be?

 

Good point! Honestly, I don't think I have been straightforward about how I feel.. Often, I would feel afraid of expressing myself for fear of looking weak to the other person. For example, when guys would say something I didn't like, like about other girls or being a playboy, I would laugh it off and act like I don't care. I didn't realize that I was hiding how I really felt about these things.. and that hiding how I feel would affect me negatively in the long run.

 

As for inviting bad behavior from people of the opposite sex, hell yes I have. By being naive and acting easily manipulated, by always giving in.. I was a target for the first guy I had sex with to use me how he wanted to. Afterwards, I was open about my intentions to fool around, which obviously attracted a lot of negative attention. People thought I was a slut, when I just didn't know what I want and how to get it.

[soserious1]

its tough. i want a traditional dating relationship but i can't get one. i'll pass unless i get more desperate.

 

Ever go to the supermarket when you were starving & find you made unwise shopping choices? After a protracted sexual dry spell, an adult dating site can take the edge off sexual hunger, leading hopfully to more measured, wiser choices in more traditional dating situations.

[verhrzn]

Don't you dare make this thread all about yourself again.

 

But I will address your issues. You believe yourself to be ugly, therefore you become what you believe.

 

Much like somedude, you're solely looking at the literal definition of "good". "Good" can be defined as valid, in the sense that if you believe yourself to be "ugly", you become as such.

 

Oh, apologies, I didn't realize that by sharing my personal experience, I'm making the entire thread all about me. I just thought because, ya know, the OP was blatantly pointing towards this thread towards people like me ("to men and women who complain about the opposite sex...") I was allowed to respond.

 

I mean, honestly, what were you (and the OP) expecting, an entire thread of people going "Yes, absolutely, we agree with everything you say! It has magically cured all of our dating problems and we have now found the person of our dreams!"

 

Yeah, pretty easy to preach to the choir.

[threebyfate]

Oh, apologies, I didn't realize that by sharing my personal experience, I'm making the entire thread all about me. I just thought because, ya know, the OP was blatantly pointing towards this thread towards people like me ("to men and women who complain about the opposite sex...") I was allowed to respond.

 

I mean, honestly, what were you (and the OP) expecting, an entire thread of people going "Yes, absolutely, we agree with everything you say! It has magically cured all of our dating problems and we have now found the person of our dreams!"

 

Yeah, pretty easy to preach to the choir.

No one can cure you. Only you can fix your attitude.

[phineas]

What sort of behavior am I exhibiting that is inviting and/or motivating deceitful or manipulative behavior from members of the opposite sex? Am I as upfront and straightforward with all of my true desires, interests and intentions as I can be?

 

eh' I think it's my age.

Any woman around 40 never married.....there is a reason why.

I've just learned not to expect much out of them.

[zengirl]

Well, out the window goes that whole "Be confident there's nothing wrong with you!" So, I'm single because something IS wrong with me, but I should be confident that something is wrong with me, and that I'm just single for no reason...

 

Ugh dating is becoming more and more like that riddle about how to get two hens, a fox and a bag of corn across the river in one boat without them all eating each other...

 

There's nothing wrong with you (or anyone else I've ever met) that you can't fix. It's not that people are perfect the way they are and just need to pretend they have all the great qualities they want --- it's just that everyone has and can cultivate enough great qualities to get somewhere.

 

As to the OP . . . sometimes people play themselves, but that doesn't really require duplicity on their partner's part. When someone is manipulative or duplicitous, it is never the other person's fault. However, manipulative people do often attract each other and people often see THEIR manipulations as acceptable types versus others as unacceptable. I see that a lot. And you do, to some degree, teach people how to treat you. So, it's a bit of a mixed bag.