cherries1 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I recently broke up when I realized that my feelings were half-hearted (I realized this when I began crushing a bit on someone else). I began realizing that I had been kinda forcing myself to love him all along because I we had a lot in common. I feel really terrible about it. Thing is... the guy I was crushing a bit on... I really tried to repress the feeling, he's someone kinda unachieveable for me because we're not in the same group of friends or anything and he is really popular, anyway we're classmates and we spoke a tiny bit the other day. Right now I can't think of anything else, we are not even friends on facebook but I can't stop looking at his photos. I just... really want to know him. On the other hand I'm really mentally torturing myself for jumping too fast into a crush because I have bad memories about being in a relationship from the one I just got out of, I saw it as a big chain-ball which didn't let me do anything because I was stuck with someone I didn't truly love, I guess it's normal for me to be that scared. When I began dating the guy I just dumped I had JUST gotten out of a previous relationship (I was the dumpee). I'm sad to think that it could be a rebound. And I don't want this new guy to become a rebound. What should I do? Should I go with my impulses and try to befriend him for a start to see if I actually like his personality or something? In this case, how do I do it? I don't have many friends at the moment (mostly because of the relationship and other factors) and I'm slowly trying to fit in somewhere. His group of friends seems appealing but I find it hard to get into, I lack many social skills. Or should I keep repressing myself until a reasonable time of healing has passed? How much time? I don't know whether this could be healthy or not. I'm really weird right now, everytime I get ready in the mornings I can't stop wondering if he'll like my clothes or makeup or anything and I never felt that way about my bf... How am I going to suppress THAT? I feel so bad. I'm so sorry for my ex that I feel this way, I feel so unrespectful. He doesn't deserve this but I can't fight those daydreaming thoughts when they make me smile! It's terrible that I feel this way when I should be happy that a feeling so positive as crushing on someone could be blooming. I'm terrified of making the same mistakes all over again.
january2011 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I suggest waiting until you are no longer thinking about the ex and your emotions are stable from one day to the next.
jobaba Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 You're in college, or even high school? There's the mature advice and then there's the 'you're too young to legally be in a bar advice". The mature advice is that you should not date for a while. Don't disrespect and hurt your ex by jumping into a relationship half a week after you dumped him. And really, the guy you have feelings for .. it's just a crush and a faraway one at that. The 'young' advice is to dump your boyfriend, tell him that you had a crush on another guy the whole last 3 months you were dating, and that you were never really that into him in the first place. Chase the hot guy, have him go out with you for a little while, realize he's a jerk and player, and learn your lesson. Yup, that happened in college. Not to me. But I saw it. Anyway ... I've seen people your age pull MUCH worse stuff than what you're doing. So don't feel too guilty.
Author cherries1 Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 I feel even more confused and lost these days. I know that there is a girl who used to date that guy I was crushing on and it seems (from what she tells people) that he was such a bore and very similar (when it comes to relationship monotony) to my ex-bf. That's got me disappointed, I don't want to crush on someone so boring and yet I catch myself glancing at him sometimes, I guess it's just because I need a "distraction" to get over all of the matter. So I am really disappointed at the moment and I feel really lost, I belong nowhere and I miss my ex-bf when I read something fun that he would like, or when I go do a movie he likes. And I miss also the fact of going out with someone, but I know that it's temporary, as in if I went back right now I would end up breaking up again. Anyone got a tip for feeling more relieved? I can't get over the feelings of guilt and there's a lot of pain inside me, everytime I think about him suffering... The depression I was going through since last year is getting worse and Idk what to do.
AH1990 Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 ..... I know that there is a girl who used to date that guy I was crushing on and it seems (from what she tells people) that he was such a bore and very similar (when it comes to relationship monotony) to my ex-bf..... By any chance, does she know that you have taken a liking to him? Believe it or not, some people these days do tend to bash others just to make themselves feel better. Both men and women talk down people that they were previously with in the hopes that the person (or ex) never has a chance with a future partner. How can you base the way you perceive someone by hearing the $hit that comes out of other peoples mouths? If you break up with your ex, are you going to tell your friends/family that it was all your fault for the breakup and make yourself seem like the bad person. Or are you going to tell your friends/family that it was all his fault and direct the negativity towards him? What you're hearing is someones opinion on this guy. For all you know, you and him could be a perfect match. You'll never know the truth until you are actually with him. No reason to be disappointed about what you heard. I'd say get to know him some more and ask him out. For all you know, he could be the complete opposite of what she had said. And by the way, it's only rebounding if you want it to be.
Author cherries1 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Posted April 30, 2012 By any chance, does she know that you have taken a liking to him? Believe it or not, some people these days do tend to bash others just to make themselves feel better. Both men and women talk down people that they were previously with in the hopes that the person (or ex) never has a chance with a future partner. How can you base the way you perceive someone by hearing the $hit that comes out of other peoples mouths? If you break up with your ex, are you going to tell your friends/family that it was all your fault for the breakup and make yourself seem like the bad person. Or are you going to tell your friends/family that it was all his fault and direct the negativity towards him? What you're hearing is someones opinion on this guy. For all you know, you and him could be a perfect match. You'll never know the truth until you are actually with him. No reason to be disappointed about what you heard. I'd say get to know him some more and ask him out. For all you know, he could be the complete opposite of what she had said. And by the way, it's only rebounding if you want it to be. No, no, nobody knows anything about my "crush" because I don't even know if the attraction is real to begin with. I wouldn't tell anyone. A little profile on what I know about this guy: Supporting the exgf point of view: he is obsessed with studying and being top in class, aces every test and is really a bookworm. Contradicting the exgf point of view: He does appear in facebook photos partying with people, so he doesn't sound THAT boring. At least he has got photos- I got none and that doesn't mean I'm a bore, just lonely... it's only rebounding if you want it to be. I'm not so sure about that. When I started dating my now-ex-bf I had been dumped like 1-2 months before. He insisted that he didn't want to be friends and I liked him so much that I started dating him. I wasn't really over the other boy because even though I didn't want to go back to him at all, I was still hurt and angry at him, which sounds more like a phase after breakup than "being over it". After a while I began wondering if I really loved him comparing my feelings to the previous relationship but brushed the thoughts off and went on with the relationship. Sometimes these thoughts came in but I always told myself that every relationship is different and that doubts were normal. Lately what I've really been thinking is that maybe it was some sort of rebound relationship which I really wanted to last but couldn't or something. I don't know if that's even possible, or if the fact that I wanted it to last doesn't make it a rebound, but my feelings of guilt and "feeling like I threw my soulmate into the trash for not being able to love him like I should" are making me feel really depressed.
Recommended Posts