Being the rebound girl used to pay real well.

[Pompom]

So I had this fling with this guy.

 

It started like this: The X office he works at, is the one closest to me, so obviously all my X-related stuff is done there. Since I help out my dad with his business, I go there almost daily.

Everytime I came, he gave, past tense, me that smile with a hint of mischief in his eyes. I thought he was like that. Turns out my friends who also use that branch, don't get that smile. I do. Hm.

 

Then I got a puppy. He walks up to me, asks "Can I have him?"

No.

Next chance he gets, he tries again.

No.

Tries again.

No.

My landlord screams at me to get rid of the "****ing dog" or else he'll "kill him".

So I run to the X office and throw the pup at the guy, "Here you go, please keep in touch, I wanna know how he's doing."

So, we facebook each-other and I get to see pics of my ex-dog.

And that he's in a relationship. Bummer.

One day, I see a flood of emo statuses, poor guy is freshly single and in agony about it. "We need to kill all people who don't understand love", he says. By the way, he has a gun. "Selfish bitch loved me less than her daughter did," he says. "I hate selfish people," he says.

This goes on for a while. So I decide to write him some earnest pep talk of how I picked him for my pup for a reason and stuff (true thing, others asked as well). Before I get a chance to send it, he starts chatting with me.

 

Chats me into a one-night-stand that very same night. No feelings he says. Love sucks he says. Just one night stands he says. Okay, it's better than nothing and maybe I can screw that attitude right out of him.

Scoooore I think. First time ever, I get to sleep with a guy I actually LIKE. My personal first (who counts). **** YEAH GOAL!!!

And he seems to sincerely like me. Pimps my art to his colleagues, even harasses customers to hire me as they walk past him. Totally sweet. Talks about my own grief with me. Selfish people suck, he tells me. I deserve better, he says. But not him, he says, because he's done having feelings hadicap him. But kind of very sweet and cuddly around me.

 

So after a few days, I send him a message: "I knooooooooow what he have is nothing serious, but if you ever wanna have a coffee or see a movie..." and he replies "I'd love to".

SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!

Never happened.

 

We do it again. He has me over the whole day after. We sit in bed watching lame movies all day.

SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE. I think. I don't know much about non-commercial dating. I don`t know how to relax. I don't know how to hug a guy just because he's sitting next to me naked. So sue me. I tried to show him that I like him in my own ways.

 

And then a week later I ask how my ex-dog is doing. Fine he says. I see he set all his photos to private. Weird. I ask "So after your apartment you cleaned up your profile?" and he didn't get it. Language barrier, or sarcasm barrier, either way he gets annoyed at me for his not getting it, and unfriends me. WTF?

 

But for a while after that (the first 3 days I icily ignored him at the X office) he was his friendly chatty cheeky self again, so I thought we're good. But then we stopped talking. I dunno if it's him who started ignoring me, or him thinking I'm ignoring him because I'm not talking to him. I admit, he started most conversations. I'm shy and terrified of rejection so I wait for people to take the initiative.

So does he not talk to me because he thinks I don't want to?

Or am I not talking to him because he doesn't want me to?

I don't know.

So sometimes he responds to me in a sincerely pleased way, sometimes I ignore him because he has "murder" all over his face, and sometimes he responds unenthusiastically, but often also real happy to see me. He told me he could have extreme mood swings, so I don't even know if any of this is personal.

 

Now I see he's re-facebooked his ex and her daughter again (unfriend, refriend, unfriend, refriend). And the thing that gets me is how the pictures and the video of their trip to some fair probably this weekend, is public unlike all other pics/videos. As if that is the one thing he wants me to see. Or am I taking this too personally?

Thing is, he once tagged me in pictures of him "so I could have his smile closeby" he said. I told him once I loved his smile. He liked that. He also wanted me to have drawing reference... Vain little dude. He hasn't untagged me, I still have his topless ass among photos of "me" for all my friends to see. Oh and he limits his profile pictures to pictures he tagged me in, and one more that he knew I adored, and changes them every other day. So he knows I am still tagged because he keeps opening those and they have my name on them. If I were but a bit more paranoid I'd say he does it on purpose to get my attention. Well he has it. I might have his too once he connects the Kony 2012 Xers slathered all over his X to my Kony 2012 t-shirt... (no, that really was just because the X office is a very exposed place) (please no Kony debate here)

 

Oh did I mention he passed his dog (my ex dog) on to his ex woman. His apartment is too small he says. I say he wants something to tie him to his goddamn MILF. I never agreed to this, I wanted to be kept in the loop about my ex-pup, but would it be decent for the rebound girl to contact the ex about either of the two curs?????? I would actually have the decency not to mention any flings with her manifestation of paedophilia. But I know men hate their mattresses being in touch, no matter why.

 

I hate these mixed messages. You guys probably didn't understand a thing I wrote. That's because neither do I. I thought he sincerely liked me. I'm a good judge of character, I thought there was a chance of at least being buddies, **** buddies, just friends, whatever, and maybe more once he got over his self-pity emo dumped ass. Though I actually think he might have dumped her. Never got that one straight.

 

Not afraid of anything he says. Ha. Afraid of feelings, loneliness and me, for starters. What is true though, he told me he's dumb. Nailed it. What I guess wasn't was that "I love you" he whispered to me. But hell, that was when his blood was tending to his downstairs brain. Too bad I meant it when I said it. I don't screw myself into incoherence. Or maybe he just didn't manage to.

[alexandria35]

PomPom how old are you? You sound really young and inexperienced.

 

First of all your title doesn't even make sense. Being the rebound girl used to pay real well. Since when? Being the rebound person is almost never good. Everyone knows that.

 

First of all forget about this guy, forget about the puppy and move on. Neither he or the dog belong to you. Sounds like he is working on reconcilling with his exgf which may or may not work, but you should have better thing to do with your time than obsessively thinking about him and looking at his fb page.

 

Now take some time to reflect on yourself. There is lots in your post to consider. First you said this guy was the first time you ever slept with someone who you actually like. Wow! So you sleep with guys you don't like? Doesn't that concern you? That sounds like a real problem.

 

Secondly when a guy tells you that he just wants to have sex with you without any feelings, Believe HIM! Guys are perfectly capable of having great sex without feelings even over an extended period of time with the same person. Sex doesn't lead to love. This guy never even took you up on your suggestion of going out for coffee or a movie. You never even had a date with him. It was about the sex and thats all. Don't be so naive.

 

Lastly, always remember that guys love ego strokes. So even if he seems to be throwing some attention your way from time to time, he does it because it flatters him to see you pining after him, not because he has genuine feelings for you.

[Pompom]

It does pay really well when you're a paid rebound girl. I quit that job 2 years ago though. And it wasn't ever a problem because I knew not to take that personally. I didn't pretend to like them and they didn't pretend to like me, and if one of us did, the other knew better than to believe it.

 

I know fine well sex doesn't lead to love, but I also know his friendliness was genuine, at least as part of his personality if not for me specifically. As for ego strokes, I'm not sure he likes my being a frequent customer at his work place much. But I cannot possibly be expected to change to the branch that is a 10 minute walk from here while his is around the corner, just because he regrets giving me wrong ideas.

 

Also I was fine with having just a fling. What I'm not fine with, is being ignored as if I did something to deserve it.

 

I believe **** buddies can perfectly be friends. Especially since we were in touch before he broke up with his MILF and before I was ever more than the former owner of his dog.

 

Also, I do get a say in what concerns the dog. We had agreed that I be updated about what's happening with him. Basically that entitles me to show up at that MILF's doorstep to check on my dog. But I won't do that.

[spice4life]

I agree with alexandria and want to add, why are you even interested in a guy who says he owns a gun in a very weird way and has drastic mood swings? Sounds like lose lose situation to me. He will suck you in you into his neurosis and you will end up losing sight of who you are. RUN now before it's too late!

[Pompom]

Sorry, I think I should have phrased that differently. He owns a gun but he didn't mention it when he called for the murder of unloving people. His job just requires him to have one. He prefers to punch though.

[spice4life]

Sorry, I think I should have phrased that differently. He owns a gun but he didn't mention it when he called for the murder of unloving people. His job just requires him to have one. He prefers to punch though.

 

Punch women or his perps? Still doesn't sound healthy.

[Pompom]

People who aggressively enter his personal space and breathe Vodka.

[KathyM]

Sounds like he's back with his ex and trying to work out that relationship. You really can't control what happens to the dog after you give him to someone. The guy had a right to give the dog away if it was too difficult to maintain in his apartment. You really have no more rights to the dog, and I would suggest not contacting the gf about the dog. This guy has shown that he was just using you to get over his ex, and now that he's back with her, he has no interest in anything with you. I'd like to see you get your life back on track. I'm very glad you left the profession you were in, but now I hope you will take leaving that lifestyle one step farther and not allow men to continue to use you. Somewhere along the line you've gotten the notion that men don't have to care about you, value you or respect you. You'll give it away to anybody and everybody who shows any kind of interest. If you don't value yourself, then men are not going to value you either. They'll use you until something better comes along, or in this case, until they either get back with the ex or get over the ex. You don't want to be that interim person, do you? Wouldn't you rather have a real relationship? It sounds like you do want a real relationship but don't know how to go about getting it. Don't bother to try with this guy. He's messed up, and he's gotten back with his ex. Stalking his fb is going to do you no good. Let the guy and the dog alone and work on establishing a relationship with someone who is actually interested in having a relationship with you. But the first step is to expect more from men--more than just being used. If you have such low expectations from them, you will never be treated better by them. They pretty much treat a person how we train them to treat us. So far, you've allowed men to use you, and they will continue to do so if you let them. They will have no respect for you if you continue to let them use you. You need to start having respect for yourself and now allow yourself to be treated that way.

[alexandria35]

Why do you keep calling his gf a MILF? You obviously don't like her and have no respect for her so it would be a very bad idea on his part to remain friends with you.

Years ago I was great friends with a seperated man. We never had sex, or expressed any romantic feelings for one another, we were just really good friends with each other for a couple of years. When he decided to reconcille with his wife she expressed a disdain for our friendship and insisted that it stop. He had wanted me to meet her and become a family friend, but she was having none of that. And that was perfectly fine with me. I really had no romantic interest in him whatsoever and I wanted him to succeed at his marriage so I gracefully gave up our friendship. I have also lost a couple of other platonic male friends over the years when they became romantically involved with someone. Never bothered me. It's just the way it goes. Acccept it. If this guy or his gf doesn't find it appropiate to continue being friends with fbuddies then it isn't and it has nothing to do with you. You don't get a say in their decisions. I can tell you that I would only welcome platonic friends into my relationships. If you were sleeping with my bf and wanting him romantically then I would not approve of a friendship with you as I would consider it inappropriate and not friendly to my relationship.

 

I'm glad you won't be turning up on her doorstep to demand information about the dog. The dog isn't yours anymore and you have no right to him/her. When I broke up with my ex he got to keep our dog because he was staying in our house and I was leaving to stay with family. It broke my heart but I knew I had to make a clean break and completely give up the dog as well. I know it hurts to lose a pet but once you give it away then you don't get to demand visitation with it. I mean would you expect the person who gave you or sold you the dog in the first place to be turning up on your doorstep demanding information about what you did with the dog? The dog isn't yours. Let it go.

[Lucky_One]

He's back with his X (and please stop calling her a MILF unless, of course, you want to have sex with her), and he has given his dog (his dog, not yours) to her, and he has unfriended you.

 

What more do you want to know? Forget this guy, forget the dog, and move on. Leave him alone, quit stalking his FB, and leave his GF alone.

 

You went into a ONS deal, and you got two ONS's out of it. Score. Woohoo. So you are ahead of your game.

 

If I were you, I would start thinking of sex as an emotional bond shared by two people who genuinely care about each other, and not as something that pays you or that you score at. To have had multiple sex partners and for you to consider this spur-of-the-moment screw a defining moment in your life ("coooore I think. First time ever, I get to sleep with a guy I actually LIKE. My personal first (who counts). **** YEAH GOAL!!!") is beyond sad.

[Pompom]

@Lucky_one

That name fits you, because judging by the hostility and sarcasm in your writing, that I in no way justified, you gotta be real lucky in life.

Also, he unfriended me BEFORE being all chatty and clingy at his work place, when he was in a bad mood, so how am I to attach any meaning to that gesture?

 

Somewhere along the line you've gotten the notion that men don't have to care about you, value you or respect you.

No, I have not. I felt care, value and respect for me from him, as a lot of the tear-drying work we did was mutual. And it was ridiculous watching how he ran after people to talk them into hiring "the best graphic artist in the country" (me).

 

You'll give it away to anybody and everybody who shows any kind of interest.

Where did you get that idea? My job? I rejected 19 out of 20 and went home poor, for as little as their facial pores and I am still getting hit on alot and have no inhibitions to rip their heads off and tell them to cross the road. I always drew a thick line between work sex, and my personal sex life. No one ever got away with as little as saying "Hi" when I wasn't working and that hasn't changed. It's absolutely not true that hookers or ex-hookers will take anyone. During a 12 hour shift, I had more men complaining about my rejecting them, than I actually started negotiations with (most of whom also ended up unserved).

 

Don't bother to try with this guy. He's messed up.

That again, I wholeheartedly agree. "We need to kill people [like her]" - "Weeeeee nice weekend with [her]!" - "Feelings suck"..

 

 

and work on establishing a relationship with someone who is actually interested in having a relationship with you.

And how do I do that? I work from home and my friends are all un- or poorly employed/educated resignées, refuseniks, lefties, or gay, and so is anyone they could possibly introduce me to. Men are rarely interested in me, I'm fat and I have a house full of cats, and those are things I can't do much about. The only person who is loyal to this state, intelligent, creative, interesting and handsome and a person of interest to me, has borderline. I have suffered through that myself and as much as I like him from a distance, I will not expose myself to those horrors again. So what's left? Take the next best guy my family wants me to meet, 40 years old and boring?

 

 

But the first step is to expect more from men--more than just being used.

I did expect more from him. I mean there was probably a reason he asked ME and not some other girl, and that I'm the only one in my entourage to be smiled at that way when walking past him. Until recently, everything pointed to him sincerely liking me.

 

You need to start having respect for yourself and now allow yourself to be treated that way.

When I know I'm being treated that way, I don't. But in this case, I did not.

 

Why do you keep calling his gf a MILF? You obviously don't like her and have no respect for her so it would be a very bad idea on his part to remain friends with you.

I never talked about her to him and when he did, he denied her all humanity. I'm surprised she hasn't issued a restraining order yet as he's even trash talked her on her family's facebooks. And the age gap perfectly qualifies for MILF...

I don't disrespect her just for calling her what she would be if talking categories. She's 40, he's 27. Makes her a MILF, just like my fat ass and pretty face make me a BBW. This word has no negative or positive connotations to me whatsoever.

 

 

When he decided to reconcille with his wife she expressed a disdain for our friendship and insisted that it stop. He had wanted me to meet her and become a family friend, but she was having none of that.

Pretty selfish that. Controling who the husband can be friends with.

 

Never bothered me. It's just the way it goes. Acccept it.

But I am me, not you. And I do have feelings for him.

 

If this guy or his gf doesn't find it appropiate to continue being friends with fbuddies then it isn't and it has nothing to do with you.

Actually, whatever involves me does have to do with me. I exist, and he was pretty aware of that everytime he begged for my condom-wasting company. I am a person with feelings and entitled to the same respect everyone else is, so he could at least treat me decently after I emptied my pockets into taxis whenever his pathetic ass needed a pity party that got me stuck at his boring 20m²-apt the day after.

 

If you were sleeping with my bf and wanting him romantically then I would not approve of a friendship with you as I would consider it inappropriate and not friendly to my relationship.

Your BF would have been the one to start it... Which in itself wouldn't be "friendly to your relationship", so he's the one damaging the relationship by sleeping around in the first place. The other woman is just the means to an end.

 

The dog isn't yours anymore and you have no right to him/her.

I do get to demand people who talk big of honesty and integrity, hold up their end of the deal, which was keeping me informed about the dog. He is a dealbreaker and I don't have to take that. The condition of handing my dog over to him, was knowing where he ends up. Actually, the condition was my dog ending up at his uncle's farm, as proudly promised, where there would be a pack of dogs in an airconditioned house of their own!!

 

I mean would you expect the person who gave you or sold you the dog in the first place to be turning up on your doorstep demanding information about what you did with the dog?

I wouldn`t like it, but if I were to suddenly break the deal of keeping in touch through less personal means such as Facebook or email, then I also wouldn't be surprised. In many countries it is common for shelters to do surprise visits to see if the adopted pet is being treated well.

The guy who gave me that dog did nag me every day when I went to class (he was the guard there). I hated it, but I promised to be in touch when I took the dog, and I think keeping your word is what vastly contributes to your value as a human being. So if you want me to appreciate your humanity, you have some integrity to show for it. Spineless eels are animals, and only good for rolling up in sushi.

Edited April 22, 2012 by Pompom

[Pompom]

What part of one night stand did you not understand?

 

Are you upset because you couldn't "screw that attitude" right out of him?

 

Either way, your man picker is horribly broken. Work on that.

 

I wasn't expecting the big corny love, but I did nothing to be icily ignored like that, either. I mean, he didn't do that even before we had that fling. It's one thing not to want more. It's another thing to suddenly act like I'm a turd.

 

By the way, he is probably not back with his ex. He's still listed as Single.

 

What's wrong with my man picker if all he shoes me BEFORE are his good sides and how much we have in common? He started being a jerk way after it was too late.

[alexandria35]

@Lucky_one

That name fits you, because judging by the hostility and sarcasm in your writing, that I in no way justified, you gotta be real lucky in life.

Also, he unfriended me BEFORE being all chatty and clingy at his work place, when he was in a bad mood, so how am I to attach any meaning to that gesture?

 

 

No, I have not. I felt care, value and respect for me from him, as a lot of the tear-drying work we did was mutual. And it was ridiculous watching how he ran after people to talk them into hiring "the best graphic artist in the country" (me).

 

 

Where did you get that idea? My job? I rejected 19 out of 20 and went home poor, for as little as their facial pores and I am still getting hit on alot and have no inhibitions to rip their heads off and tell them to cross the road. I always drew a thick line between work sex, and my personal sex life. No one ever got away with as little as saying "Hi" when I wasn't working and that hasn't changed. It's absolutely not true that hookers or ex-hookers will take anyone. During a 12 hour shift, I had more men complaining about my rejecting them, than I actually started negotiations with (most of whom also ended up unserved).

 

 

That again, I wholeheartedly agree. "We need to kill people [like her]" - "Weeeeee nice weekend with [her]!" - "Feelings suck"..

 

 

 

And how do I do that? I work from home and my friends are all un- or poorly employed/educated resignées, refuseniks, lefties, or gay, and so is anyone they could possibly introduce me to. Men are rarely interested in me, I'm fat and I have a house full of cats, and those are things I can't do much about. The only person who is loyal to this state, intelligent, creative, interesting and handsome and a person of interest to me, has borderline. I have suffered through that myself and as much as I like him from a distance, I will not expose myself to those horrors again. So what's left? Take the next best guy my family wants me to meet, 40 years old and boring?

 

Well obviously you're fbuddy isn't an option either, so start thinking about how you can meet people you actually admire and approve of. It sounds like you reject men for little to no reason and I imagine that you will never meet anyone until you examine why you judge others so harshly.

 

 

I did expect more from him. I mean there was probably a reason he asked ME and not some other girl, and that I'm the only one in my entourage to be smiled at that way when walking past him. Until recently, everything pointed to him sincerely liking me.

 

He asked you because you were willing. Of course he smiles at you. Be a bit difficult for him to bed you down if he were scowling at you now wouldn't it.

 

 

When I know I'm being treated that way, I don't. But in this case, I did not.

 

 

I never talked about her to him and when he did, he denied her all humanity. I'm surprised she hasn't issued a restraining order yet as he's even trash talked her on her family's facebooks. And the age gap perfectly qualifies for MILF...

I don't disrespect her just for calling her what she would be if talking categories. She's 40, he's 27. Makes her a MILF, just like my fat ass and pretty face make me a BBW. This word has no negative or positive connotations to me whatsoever.

 

Okay, so you don't use the term negatively. Personally I find that term repulsive. I've been called that and I've seen women my age flattered by it, but I think it's disgusting. I don't know if it's comparable to BBW. As far as I know BBW stands for big beautiful woman which sounds a lot better to me than mother I'd like f**k. Would you like to be refered to as a big woman I'd like to f**k?

 

 

Pretty selfish that. Controling who the husband can be friends with.

 

I didn't consider it controlling. She expressed a desire for him to step back from our friendship and he agreed to it. To me thats a mutual decision.

 

 

But I am me, not you. And I do have feelings for him.

 

The fact that you have feelings AND had sex with him is exactly why it's inappropriate for him to be friends with you now. You would not be a positive influence on his relationship.

 

 

Actually, whatever involves me does have to do with me. I exist, and he was pretty aware of that everytime he begged for my condom-wasting company. I am a person with feelings and entitled to the same respect everyone else is, so he could at least treat me decently after I emptied my pockets into taxis whenever his pathetic ass needed a pity party that got me stuck at his boring 20m²-apt the day after.

 

I'm not sure how this guy disrespected you. He was upfront with you and said he just wanted no strings attached sex and you agreed to this. You said in your first post you said you thought you could screw that idea out of him so if anything maybe you were the disrespectful one because you said yes to the meaningless sex but you didn't mean it. You agreed to sex without expectations and now you have expectations. That's not his fault. Maybe you thought crying on your shoulder meant he was developing feelings but that was your mistake. Some guys latch on to whomever wants to comfort them and make them feel good after a break up. This doesn't mean they have true feelings. This is why it's not a good idea to date people on the rebound as you will be uses to soothe but it's not based on anything real. Now take responsibility for your own decisions. Why would you empty your pockets on taxis for a man who never even took you out for a coffee or to see a movie?

 

 

 

Your BF would have been the one to start it... Which in itself wouldn't be "friendly to your relationship", so he's the one damaging the relationship by sleeping around in the first place. The other woman is just the means to an end.

 

True, but I was talking about remaining friends with fbuddies from the past, not someone the guy is currently have a fbuddy relationship with. I don't care to hang out with my boyfriend and a bunch of women he screwed before he met me. Ain't gonna happen.

 

 

 

I do get to demand people who talk big of honesty and integrity, hold up their end of the deal, which was keeping me informed about the dog. He is a dealbreaker and I don't have to take that. The condition of handing my dog over to him, was knowing where he ends up. Actually, the condition was my dog ending up at his uncle's farm, as proudly promised, where there would be a pack of dogs in an airconditioned house of their own!!

 

 

I wouldn`t like it, but if I were to suddenly break the deal of keeping in touch through less personal means such as Facebook or email, then I also wouldn't be surprised. In many countries it is common for shelters to do surprise visits to see if the adopted pet is being treated well.

The guy who gave me that dog did nag me every day when I went to class (he was the guard there). I hated it, but I promised to be in touch when I took the dog, and I think keeping your word is what vastly contributes to your value as a human being. So if you want me to appreciate your humanity, you have some integrity to show for it. Spineless eels are animals, and only good for rolling up in sushi.

 

Okay so you told the guy who gave you the dog that you gave the dog away to someone who gave the dog to someone else? Because he has a right to know exactly where this dog is forever till the end of it's life? Look it doesn't sound like you were in any position to have a dog in the first place and you had to give it up pretty quickly. Forget about the freaking dog! I've never in my life had a pet where someone else has felt they had any right keep tabs on me or the pet and I wouldn't put up with it if they did. If you think the dog is being abused in some way then report it, otherwise get over it and move on.

[Pompom]

No, because he stopped asking way before, so I assumed he stopped caring. If he were still asking, I'd answer. Where I come from, people care about their pets even after rehoming them, because they rehomed them because they cared in the first place.

 

How was I not in a position to have a dog? I couldn't predict my landlord is willing to murder a puppy over some pee on the sidewalk when he allows his tenants to wreck everything else.

 

Also he AGREED to keep me in the loop. Agreements are made to be honored.

[alexandria35]

No, because he stopped asking way before, so I assumed he stopped caring. If he were still asking, I'd answer. Where I come from, people care about their pets even after rehoming them, because they rehomed them because they cared in the first place.

 

How was I not in a position to have a dog? I couldn't predict my landlord is willing to murder a puppy over some pee on the sidewalk when he allows his tenants to wreck everything else.

 

Also he AGREED to keep me in the loop. Agreements are made to be honored.

 

Whatever. He gave the dog to his gf. She didn't make any agreement with you so there is nothing you can do about it. Get over it and move on.

[imperfectangel]

I think it's so obvious here - its not the dog she cares a out so much but is using the dog as a excuse to keep in touch with this guy

[imperfectangel]

Lol this ain't about a dog

[KathyM]

[quote=Pompom;3956800

 

No, I have not. I felt care, value and respect for me from him, as a lot of the tear-drying work we did was mutual. And it was ridiculous watching how he ran after people to talk them into hiring "the best graphic artist in the country" (me).

 

If he really cared about you, valued you and respected you, why was he only willing to treat you like a one night stand? Answer: Because he really didn't care, value or respect you. He was just using you until he got over his ex.

 

 

Where did you get that idea? My job? I rejected 19 out of 20 and went home poor, for as little as their facial pores and I am still getting hit on alot and have no inhibitions to rip their heads off and tell them to cross the road. I always drew a thick line between work sex, and my personal sex life. No one ever got away with as little as saying "Hi" when I wasn't working and that hasn't changed. It's absolutely not true that hookers or ex-hookers will take anyone. During a 12 hour shift, I had more men complaining about my rejecting them, than I actually started negotiations with (most of whom also ended up unserved).

 

You say you rejected most men who came looking for sex, and went home poor, yet you say in your thread title that it paid real well. Which one is it? Can't be both.

 

 

That again, I wholeheartedly agree. "We need to kill people [like her]" - "Weeeeee nice weekend with [her]!" - "Feelings suck"..

 

 

 

And how do I do that? I work from home and my friends are all un- or poorly employed/educated resignées, refuseniks, lefties, or gay, and so is anyone they could possibly introduce me to. Men are rarely interested in me, I'm fat and I have a house full of cats, and those are things I can't do much about. The only person who is loyal to this state, intelligent, creative, interesting and handsome and a person of interest to me, has borderline. I have suffered through that myself and as much as I like him from a distance, I will not expose myself to those horrors again. So what's left? Take the next best guy my family wants me to meet, 40 years old and boring?

 

You had/have BPD? Well, that explains a lot about your life choices, your impulsivity, low self esteem and self damaging behavior. You need to work on yourself before you are ready to find any real relationship. First off, get rid of the nasty friends. You don't need bad people in your life--they will only drag you down and keep you in that hole you have dug for yourself. Better to have no friends for awhile than bad friends. Keep the good and drop the bad. Then do something about your weight--that's something you can do something about and don't have to accept. Find homes for 3 or 4 of your cats and keep one or two. Having a house full of cats would be a turn off for most men. You find men through getting involved in worthwhile activities where men would be--hobbies and interests, work, volunteer opportunities, and through friends and relatives that have your best interests at heart, and not any loser friends you may currently have as friends.

 

 

 

I did expect more from him. I mean there was probably a reason he asked ME and not some other girl, and that I'm the only one in my entourage to be smiled at that way when walking past him. Until recently, everything pointed to him sincerely liking me.

 

You obviously expected more than he was interested in giving. He was looking for a ONS to get over an ex. That's all.

 

Pretty selfish that. Controling who the husband can be friends with.

 

Why does it surprise you that a woman wouldn't want her man's hookups to keep in contact with him?

 

 

 

 

 

I do get to demand people who talk big of honesty and integrity, hold up their end of the deal, which was keeping me informed about the dog. He is a dealbreaker and I don't have to take that. The condition of handing my dog over to him, was knowing where he ends up. Actually, the condition was my dog ending up at his uncle's farm, as proudly promised, where there would be a pack of dogs in an airconditioned house of their own!!

 

Unless you had an agreement in writing that gave you visitation rights to the dog, and provided what would happen to the dog, you have no rights. No one owes you anything with regard to the dog.

[PinkCarnations]

SIGH... I know exactly how you feel. Except mine is a bit more entangled. The sad part is that even though he's back with his girlfriend, he's still trying to sleep with me, hug me, kiss me, etc. I don't think you wanna be his F* buddy. It'll just make that much harder to let go.

[seren]

I admit to finding this all very confusing. Pompom, is the situation that you used to be a sex worker, but a selective one, you meet a man when you are holding your puppy. You and he sleep together, which is no big deal to you as it's on a just a mutual sex only basis, this doesn't bother you as you see it as just FB's. However, for some reason you give him your puppy, he then gives it to his was ex girlfriend and this pisses you off because you wanted him to keep it so you and the puppy could still see each other.

 

The man has a gun and has a job where he is a bit of a bully and is also neurotic. He is now back with his ex whatever she was, is back and fro on Facebook and you are unhappy because you don't get to see the pup and because you are pissed off he doesn't want to see you. Please correct me if I am wrong, but it all sounds very bizarre, I am going to ask if you are for real because it is so far out of what I would view as problematic, other than the puppy being passed about like a parcel.

 

What exactly do you want? Do you want more of a relationship with the man, to get your X puppy back or something else. I agree you sound young and inexperienced, I feel sorry that you view sex as something to be valued so cheaply, whatever floats your boat I suppose. Just not getting any of this.

[SidLyon]

I have to agree with Seren, it's very confusing.

 

PomPom, this is an international forum and I'm not from the USA. I am fluent in English but not very familiar with the form of English you are using.

 

As far as I can make out you are upset about a dog you gave to the guy. If you feel you have/had a binding agreement with him then you need to speak to him about it as he is the one who made the agreement. In any case it's nothing to do with the topic of this forum.

 

As for the relationship problems, it seems your agreement was NSA sex, and that's what you got, so no breach or agreement. I agree it's pretty poor of him to treat you badly afterwards but that just shows how badly behaved he is and a reflection on his character.