offcloudnine Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 My ex were together for 3 years and like many others were deeply in love and felt strongly that we were 'the one' for each other. She left me 2 months ago, and started dating someone else soon after, this was when we were apart (long distance). I've been struggling along with NC/LC, it's been very difficult and hasn't gotten a single bit easier. She isn't very long-term minded, even though she wants to be, but she has told me on occasions that she see the possibility of us getting back together and that I could still be 'the one' for her, except she just doesn't feel that way about me at the moment. Today we talked on the phone and she stated that she doesn't want to get back together with me (she has said this before, only to say it's possible later), and that I'm not the one for her. And that the new guy is the one for her, as she has developed feelings for her over the 2 months. If you'd like to analyse the situation, feel free, but I think it's about time I face the facts and stopped running away from what is most likely the truth: that she doesn't feel that way about me anymore, and unlikely ever will. I don't even know how or where to begin to heal, my mind is so full of it right now and there is nothing more I want than to have her at my side. I lost all goals, ambitions, and dreams that I was able to develop when I was with her. Please help?
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 My ex were together for 3 years and like many others were deeply in love and felt strongly that we were 'the one' for each other. She left me 2 months ago, and started dating someone else soon after, this was when we were apart (long distance). I've been struggling along with NC/LC, it's been very difficult and hasn't gotten a single bit easier. She isn't very long-term minded, even though she wants to be, but she has told me on occasions that she see the possibility of us getting back together and that I could still be 'the one' for her, except she just doesn't feel that way about me at the moment. Today we talked on the phone and she stated that she doesn't want to get back together with me (she has said this before, only to say it's possible later), and that I'm not the one for her. And that the new guy is the one for her, as she has developed feelings for her over the 2 months. If you'd like to analyse the situation, feel free, but I think it's about time I face the facts and stopped running away from what is most likely the truth: that she doesn't feel that way about me anymore, and unlikely ever will. I don't even know how or where to begin to heal, my mind is so full of it right now and there is nothing more I want than to have her at my side. I lost all goals, ambitions, and dreams that I was able to develop when I was with her. Please help? Oh man:( 3 years is a long time. did you see any red flags/signs? She laid it on the line and told you how she felt; she is with someone else. The best thing for you right now, although you are hurting, is NC. Complete NC--unless there are children involved of course. It's like a detox in a way and way for us to heal and move on. It only feels like you lost your goals and dreams--but you will have them again...because they are your goals and dreams. You know where you stand now, so best is to "take a deep breath, pick yourself up and start all over again" as the Sinatra song goes. It just happened, so give yourself time. But....Don't lay around and wallow in sadness for too long or it will magnify. When you are up to it, make yourself go to the gym, do something to change your atmosphere. And do not call. HUGS to you. We are all here to vent to. If you feel the need to call her, post here.
Author offcloudnine Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 Oh man:( 3 years is a long time. did you see any red flags/signs? She laid it on the line and told you how she felt; she is with someone else. The best thing for you right now, although you are hurting, is NC. Complete NC--unless there are children involved of course. It's like a detox in a way and way for us to heal and move on. It only feels like you lost your goals and dreams--but you will have them again...because they are your goals and dreams. You know where you stand now, so best is to "take a deep breath, pick yourself up and start all over again" as the Sinatra song goes. It just happened, so give yourself time. But....Don't lay around and wallow in sadness for too long or it will magnify. When you are up to it, make yourself go to the gym, do something to change your atmosphere. And do not call. HUGS to you. We are all here to vent to. If you feel the need to call her, post here. I can't say I have, if anything the only thing that could have been a red flag or sign is that she doesn't seem to know herself entirely, I don't quite know how to explain it, but basically she has a ways to go in terms of emotional growth and maturity. This wasn't a problem though as when we were together, we were able to fully accept each other and love each other to the fullest. No children involved, we are both in our early-to-mid-twenties. I hope you're right that I only feel like I've lost my goals and dreams, the reason why I brought this up was because I was never one to think much about the future until she came into my life. My goals and dreams that I had were raised and built for our future, which is why I don't know if I'll ever find them again. This may be sort of a personal issue, but after what has happened, I realized that in order for me to find meaning in goals and dreams, I feel the need to share them with a companion, ideally 'the one'. I have started exercising to keep my mind off of it and at the same time get into better shape, this has certainly helped, but there are still a lot of moments in a day where I can't escape the dread. I don't think I want to stop living my life and wallow in sadness as hard as that can be at times. This is somewhat embarrassing to admit, but she is the closest friend I had, and the only real person I could talk to about anything; we were best friends for over 8 years prior to dating for 3 years. I find it so hard that there's no one to listen to my story, and because of this, I'm so glad that I found LoveShack.
Kamila Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 This story resembles mine: we also dated for almost 3 years. We were each others 'the one', we were on cloud nine so to speak. Then all of a sudden, he changes his mind, like your ex-gf did. It's 'erase and rewind' and goodbye. He also dated someone else soon after and asked me tons of stupid questions like: 'Did you ever had doubts about us ? Cos I had for over a year'..., 'Why do women want babies ?', ... My conclusion to that was: if someone is ready to juggle so easily with your emotions and reduce them to shreds, why even bother with them ? Why go through all of this because they don't know what they want ? What sick, perverted game are they playing with your head and heart ? Don't they know that when someone loves them, they really mean it ? 2 months is a very very hurtful period. I would suggest you take it day after day. She might have given you hopes and dreams, but she isn't the only person in the world that can give you that. She's not that all wonderful and magical. Let all your emotions flow, don't keep them in. Don't do anything stupid. And remember that this whirlwind of emotions will eventually subside, it will ! 2
Author offcloudnine Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 This story resembles mine: we also dated for almost 3 years. We were each others 'the one', we were on cloud nine so to speak. Then all of a sudden, he changes his mind, like your ex-gf did. It's 'erase and rewind' and goodbye. He also dated someone else soon after and asked me tons of stupid questions like: 'Did you ever had doubts about us ? Cos I had for over a year'..., 'Why do women want babies ?', ... My conclusion to that was: if someone is ready to juggle so easily with your emotions and reduce them to shreds, why even bother with them ? Why go through all of this because they don't know what they want ? What sick, perverted game are they playing with your head and heart ? Don't they know that when someone loves them, they really mean it ? 2 months is a very very hurtful period. I would suggest you take it day after day. She might have given you hopes and dreams, but she isn't the only person in the world that can give you that. She's not that all wonderful and magical. Let all your emotions flow, don't keep them in. Don't do anything stupid. And remember that this whirlwind of emotions will eventually subside, it will ! I'm sorry you have to go through something very similar. I know first hand how terrible it must be It really does feel like an 'erase and rewind', but my ex didn't doubt our relationship, and still insists when it's brought up that what we had was very real, that the only real problem right now is with her emotions, with herself. I really don't know what to think of it, I have learned that not thinking is the only way I can survive for now, I can't possibly begin to understand her sudden lost of feelings for me, I can only hold onto the dangerous hope that what we had was real, and for that this may be temporary. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't bother with them at all, I would tell them to go...sod off. But my issue is that I believed and still do that she's the one. So to answer why bother, and why go through all of this because they don't know what they want, my answer is that I know if I didn't go through this, I would regret it. To put simply, despite my nickname on LS, I never believed I was on cloud nine, and I don't think she did either, but her current feelings is what is casting doubt. I've been trying to avoid thinking about the issue and just live life for what it is. I'm certain she knows that I really mean it when I love her, which is why what she is doing is like you feel as well, very cruel. She knows that. She regrets what she did, how she handled the break up and how she has hurt me. She sees it as a mistake, but I'm not deluded for a second that it makes what she did any less cruel. Every day takes a toll on me for just trying to survive, and it's not getting any easier yet.
flitzanu Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 My ex were together for 3 years and like many others were deeply in love and felt strongly that we were 'the one' for each other. She left me 2 months ago, and started dating someone else soon after, this was when we were apart (long distance). I've been struggling along with NC/LC, it's been very difficult and hasn't gotten a single bit easier. She isn't very long-term minded, even though she wants to be, but she has told me on occasions that she see the possibility of us getting back together and that I could still be 'the one' for her, except she just doesn't feel that way about me at the moment. Today we talked on the phone and she stated that she doesn't want to get back together with me (she has said this before, only to say it's possible later), and that I'm not the one for her. And that the new guy is the one for her, as she has developed feelings for her over the 2 months. If you'd like to analyse the situation, feel free, but I think it's about time I face the facts and stopped running away from what is most likely the truth: that she doesn't feel that way about me anymore, and unlikely ever will. I don't even know how or where to begin to heal, my mind is so full of it right now and there is nothing more I want than to have her at my side. I lost all goals, ambitions, and dreams that I was able to develop when I was with her. Please help? i guess the question is, what exactly is there to interpret? her words are pretty clear and direct.
BewitchedandBothered Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 I can't say I have, if anything the only thing that could have been a red flag or sign is that she doesn't seem to know herself entirely, I don't quite know how to explain it, but basically she has a ways to go in terms of emotional growth and maturity. This wasn't a problem though as when we were together, we were able to fully accept each other and love each other to the fullest. No children involved, we are both in our early-to-mid-twenties. I hope you're right that I only feel like I've lost my goals and dreams, the reason why I brought this up was because I was never one to think much about the future until she came into my life. My goals and dreams that I had were raised and built for our future, which is why I don't know if I'll ever find them again. This may be sort of a personal issue, but after what has happened, I realized that in order for me to find meaning in goals and dreams, I feel the need to share them with a companion, ideally 'the one'. I have started exercising to keep my mind off of it and at the same time get into better shape, this has certainly helped, but there are still a lot of moments in a day where I can't escape the dread. I don't think I want to stop living my life and wallow in sadness as hard as that can be at times. This is somewhat embarrassing to admit, but she is the closest friend I had, and the only real person I could talk to about anything; we were best friends for over 8 years prior to dating for 3 years. I find it so hard that there's no one to listen to my story, and because of this, I'm so glad that I found LoveShack. Take it from an old 40something;) You still have a future no matter what;) you still have goals and dreams and they will be fulfilled at the right time:)
Kamila Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 I'm sorry you have to go through something very similar. I know first hand how terrible it must be It really does feel like an 'erase and rewind', but my ex didn't doubt our relationship, and still insists when it's brought up that what we had was very real, that the only real problem right now is with her emotions, with herself. I really don't know what to think of it, I have learned that not thinking is the only way I can survive for now, I can't possibly begin to understand her sudden lost of feelings for me, I can only hold onto the dangerous hope that what we had was real, and for that this may be temporary. Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't bother with them at all, I would tell them to go...sod off. But my issue is that I believed and still do that she's the one. So to answer why bother, and why go through all of this because they don't know what they want, my answer is that I know if I didn't go through this, I would regret it. To put simply, despite my nickname on LS, I never believed I was on cloud nine, and I don't think she did either, but her current feelings is what is casting doubt. I've been trying to avoid thinking about the issue and just live life for what it is. I'm certain she knows that I really mean it when I love her, which is why what she is doing is like you feel as well, very cruel. She knows that. She regrets what she did, how she handled the break up and how she has hurt me. She sees it as a mistake, but I'm not deluded for a second that it makes what she did any less cruel. Every day takes a toll on me for just trying to survive, and it's not getting any easier yet. In time you'll learn that this cruel experience will teach you another side of life. You'll start seeing that there are other things that you could appreciate better. Or things you didn't notice before. That will only happen if you accept that you have to love yourself. You are the most important here. Going no contact helps a lot. Sure it's selfish, but it's necessary and vital for your well-being. It's the only way to grow out of this heartbreak.
g450 Posted April 26, 2012 Posted April 26, 2012 Wow, sad story. Another woman that doesnt know what she wants. Seems to be an epademic around here. At least now you know her true intentions. You wasted three years on her. I feel bad for you. Dont waste any more.
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