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Are "Games" Just an Internal Construct We Use to Explain Probable Rejection...?


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Posted

Next thought of the evening for the morning crowd... :)

 

As hopefully all of you know, I am a huge opponent of "dating games," as I see them as a pretty blatant sign of disinterest, and I've seen more than a few threads recently about the very topic...many of them personal dating anecdotes...

 

My question: are people prone to calling others out on "playing games" in an effort to "ease the pain" of the simple fact that:

 

Dude, he's just not that into you...

 

Never in my experience has any girl who was genuinely interested in me ever exhibited any sort of "game-playing" behavior. Sh*t was always easy; always simple. I text her, she texts me. I call her and leave a voicemail, she always called back. "Games" didn't exist, because she was interested.

 

So do some people simply refuse to believe that someone actually might not be interested in them, and instead throw the game-playing card out there and shift the blame onto the other person...? In the end, it turns into this:

 

"Oh, she's definitely into me...but why is she playing these silly games...? I guess I'll be the one to ditch her..."

 

 

Just a thought...

Posted

I don't think game-playing is necessarily a sign of disinterest.

 

On the boards, I've seen people use game-playing due to a fear of rejection and a need to 'look cool'. They seem afraid to go 'all in' and leave themselves a litle vulnerable. It's a shame because their threads have shown that they're self-sabotaging by adopting this self-protection mechanims.

 

I'm also of the belief that there's a lot of miscommunication due to game-playing. I suspect that many of the threads we see about things not working out and the OP's confusion are due mainly to game-playing from one or both participants.

 

On a personal note, I've found that the most successful relationships I've had, both romantic and platonic, have been filled with honesty and a distinct lack of game-playing.

  • Like 3
Posted

Good post.

I suppose I fell exactly into this, with my latest thread.

I think some of the games come from differing levels of responsibility, maturity, and even ethics. Indecisiveess?

 

I do agree and think if someone is really into you, there will be little delay in response or communication breakdowns. So, when someone is not really into you, I suppose it could be written off as games. It's really hard to draw it black and white though because some people are just very bad with communication.

 

I, for one, was in the military and now have a high paced job which requires direct, immediate, communication. So, it's doubly hard to cope with communication issues.

Posted

good for you that you have not experienced it but the games exist. They are not as common as people claim in the forums however.

Posted

Absolutely, spot on, 100% truth.

 

I am saddened when people actually think that others "play games" by not texting or calling back or whatever. Rejection is tough... and people do what they need to do to escape reality (not that I think it's really the way to go).

 

In my life, in my friend's lives it was always the same: if someone is interested - there is not going to be any doubt about it whatsoever.

Posted

You're right they are. Sometimes I think that women are playing games when truly they are just not interested.

 

But I'll tell you one thing. There's certain types of women who illicit this response by their actions. They are intentionally vague because they like the attention. They flirt with guys they have no interest in, and they flirt with guys when they are in unhappy relationships. Etc.

 

A good woman will know exactly when and how to shut down a guy she has no interest in and make it clear.

Posted
I don't think game-playing is necessarily a sign of disinterest.

 

On the boards, I've seen people use game-playing due to a fear of rejection and a need to 'look cool'. They seem afraid to go 'all in' and leave themselves a litle vulnerable. It's a shame because their threads have shown that they're self-sabotaging by adopting this self-protection mechanims.

 

I'm also of the belief that there's a lot of miscommunication due to game-playing. I suspect that many of the threads we see about things not working out and the OP's confusion are due mainly to game-playing from one or both participants.

 

On a personal note, I've found that the most successful relationships I've had, both romantic and platonic, have been filled with honesty and a distinct lack of game-playing.

 

I agree with this entirely. There are people who play games merely for an ego boost with no intention of ever hooking up with the person. They like the attention until they get their fill then disappear.

 

The "cool factor" is spot on. Women in particular have an image to uphold so they game play with excuses lined up. If you text a girl and call her but she doesn't respond. She could be doing it to see how much interest you really have in her. Some guys will give up, others will try again and again. If she responds she will say she was "busy" or "just got to your messages now". It's all lies and excuses to save face and make it appear they got this great life going on.

 

Some women like to create mystery which leads to intrigue, which leads to a man wanting to know more about them and getting hooked on them. The question is what's the woman's agenda? She merely wants attention or does she really like the guy and wants to make sure he isn't a player? That's up to the man to find out.

 

I think for a relationship to work, the communication has to be upfront and honest from the beginning. If there's confusion and mixed signals, then one person is definitely not sure about the other, and probably not really into them that much. I would stay away from people like this. They're nothing but headaches and hurt your quality of life.

  • Like 2
Posted

Rejection is tough but there are tons of books/articles about attracting a man and the last woman I dated did so what most of them say. It may not be a game to them, they just don't want to appear ocerzealous bc some guy who WASN'T into them called them needy/clingy. If I like a woman she will not scare me off by calling/texting, within reason of course.

  • Author
Posted
I agree with this entirely. There are people who play games merely for an ego boost with no intention of ever hooking up with the person. They like the attention until they get their fill then disappear.

 

Of course these people exist.

 

The "cool factor" is spot on. Women in particular have an image to uphold so they game play with excuses lined up. If you text a girl and call her but she doesn't respond. She could be doing it to see how much interest you really have in her. Some guys will give up, others will try again and again. If she responds she will say she was "busy" or "just got to your messages now". It's all lies and excuses to save face and make it appear they got this great life going on.

 

Don't mistake a lack of patience for nonsense as "giving up"...

 

Some women like to create mystery which leads to intrigue, which leads to a man wanting to know more about them and getting hooked on them. The question is what's the woman's agenda? She merely wants attention or does she really like the guy and wants to make sure he isn't a player? That's up to the man to find out.

 

The problem with this theory is that players and genuinely good men alike will not deal with this and peace out. So yes, she may have weeded out the player who would quickly move on, but she probably also drove away the quality men as well. All she'd have left are the needy dudes who get hooked on a woman and refuse to let go...

 

I think for a relationship to work, the communication has to be upfront and honest from the beginning. If there's confusion and mixed signals, then one person is definitely not sure about the other, and probably not really into them that much. I would stay away from people like this. They're nothing but headaches and hurt your quality of life.

 

Which leads to the conclusion that the aforementioned women who "play games" for ego boosts and attention are not relationship material...?

Posted

Whatever happened to two people wanting to get to know eachother? The only way to get to know someone is by being in their presence. It blows my mind how people make it past this crap and wind up in r's.

Posted

I agree just gettingback into the dating world - there is so much stupid advice out there - girls - dont ever call him or contact him first, dont text him back right away...ect.. I think its crap. I know guys like a "chase" and I think there are extremes out there of a girl (or guy for that matter) texting or calling too much. But for the most part games are stupid. The last guy I dated for a bit - it was easy - we both made contact equally & both asked each other out equally - it never felt unbalanced. Maybe thats were the game playing menatlity comes in when the relationship feels off-balance

Posted

I make contact when I want to make contact. I don't consider who is initiating, etc.

 

And I engage in reciprocity. If a guy says he'll call me at 5 but I don't hear from him at all until 8, I'll let my voicemail pick up or tell him I'm busy and will call him back--tomorrow. If you treat my time as valuable, I will treat yours as valuable; if you don't, then I won't.

Posted

Dude, he's just not that into you...

 

Never in my experience has any girl who was genuinely interested in me ever exhibited any sort of "game-playing" behavior. Sh*t was always easy; always simple. I text her, she texts me. I call her and leave a voicemail, she always called back. "Games" didn't exist, because she was interested.

 

It makes dating so much easier, doesn't it? That's why I don't bother opening most of these "mixed signals" and "game playing" threads by clueless people. Maybe now that you've done a public service by telling them this, they won't start those threads.

Posted

The people that complain about games have to consider their part in these "games". When you see what's happening you can walk away but when you continue you essentially are an active participant. So you share some of the blame. Its either or meaning they either are interested or not. There is no middle ground in it and anyone that says otherwise is selling bullsh*t.

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