kyle77 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Okay so if I am going to have any chance at getting my ex back I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to fix the problems that were there in the first place. It has been six months and I am "over", I still have those days every now and then where I would do anything for her, the grieving phase. Or rather as of late I really just want to take action and do everything I can to get her back. I have taken a few steps in the right direction...obviously I havent changed overnight....but she left mainly because she felt unappreciated and I got into a routine. For the first 9ish months we were together I couldnt wait to see her to talk to her and be with her....it didnt matter what we were doing just being around her made me happy....later on however I got lazy, she still made me just as happy, however I didnt actively show her. I am doing my best to improve on this but any advice would be appreciated!!!!! Also I am trying to improve myself by being more of a man in a relationship. When I was with my ex I was very passive and didnt really express any of my views....not sure how to phrase it but I guess there were a lot of situations where my ex would ask me what I wanted to do and I would say "I dont know its up to you" I think she was fine with this at the start but towards the end she wanted someone who would take control of the situation. Any advice on how to do this? I want to 1: learn to continually show my appreciation for her... (I dont want to fall into a routine) and 2: learn to take control of more situations in a relationship and really bring more of my personality into the relationship....(I dont want to control her, just bring more of my personality into the relationship instead of being passive and boring) is there anything I can do to gradually make some progress in these areas?
Green Light Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) any ideas? I think that best thing to do is to focus on what you want instead of worrying so much about what she wants. Even if you make yourself more exciting for her you are still doing it for her and that in and of itself is boring and in a way, passive. Trying to appease a woman to make her like you never works. In fact, it has the opposite effect. My vote is to focus on yourself now. Figure out what things make YOU happy and what qualities that YOU want in a woman. Edited April 23, 2012 by Green Light
Chi townD Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 She stated that she wanted a man that would take control of any situation. The FIRST thing you need to get control of is you! You need to set yourself up with goals and NEVER STOP until you've achieved them. Now, if you're doing this for her, then you're doing it for the wrong reason. You do self improvement for yourself and YOUR happiness. Nothing else. When your happy, people will be happy to be around you. Now, I'm sure you've been on this forum long enough to get an idea of what I'm about to write, but it's worth repeating. Get a new haircut and a new wardrobe. Improve on your self image. Go to the gym and run on the treadmill and push weight. It's a great way to work off stress and get into shape. Go back to school and finish a degree or get technical training or whatever floats your boat to improve your financial status so you can afford an awesome house or Townehome and can afford a NICE car! Then, travel. Go somewhere you've always dreamed of seeing. Machu Picchu, the Great Wall of China, Petra or the Colosseum. Just pack a bag and go!!! Try those.
sweetheart5381 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 I think that best thing to do is to focus on what you want instead of worrying so much about what she wants. Even if you make yourself more exciting for her you are still doing it for her and that in and of itself is boring and in a way, passive. My vote is to focus on yourself now. Figure out what things make YOU happy and what qualities the YOU want in a woman. Good, sound advice. Imo, if you know what you did "wrong" then you have to see it from a perceptual pov too. Is it really wrong to be yourself? What she sees as "wrong" may not be "wrong" to you. You are you and at the end of the day, you have to live in your own skin, not her. If you genuinely feel that you were not being "you" then perhaps it may help you to feel better to be more open - but don't do it for her, do it for you.
Author kyle77 Posted April 25, 2012 Author Posted April 25, 2012 Thanks for the advice! It makes sense I really have to focus on myself and become my best self
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