cl3 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I was good friends with my bf before we started dating, although we met online. So I didn't really care when he told me when he lost his virginity to his first gf, and how they had sex all day long and how much he loved it. And later told me that they were so loud the whole hotel could hear them, that nobody was louder than them. But now that I love him, it hurts knowing these things.. I briefly mentioned how he said these things, but I don't want to seem weak so I didn't tell him how it hurts. He's technically my first bf, even though he's not the 1st I had sex with. He's the only one I've been in a serious relationship or had consistent sex with. I used to fool around, but only 1 or a few times for each guy. While we were dating, I saw a picture of him & his ex making out in his wallet. I was so hurt I felt like leaving.. He said he forgot he left it there, & later threw them away. But, I still have that image in my mind of him and his ex! And I hate it. We never had sex all day long, or took pictures of us making out like that -__- not only that, since he told me these things about being w/ her, I really hope he doesn't do the same to me. He's a nice guy though, he didn't hook up a lot like me.. but I just did it because I was so hurt when the guy I lost my virginity to lied and manipulated me! I was dumb & naive. I know he's with me, I should forget about it and focus on the good things, but it's easier said than done!!! When I think about the things I did with her, I feel so bad inside.
january2011 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) I was good friends with my bf before we started dating, although we met online. So I didn't really care when he told me when he lost his virginity to his first gf, and how they had sex all day long and how much he loved it. And later told me that they were so loud the whole hotel could hear them, that nobody was louder than them. <snip> While we were dating, I saw a picture of him & his ex making out in his wallet. I was so hurt I felt like leaving.. He said he forgot he left it there, & later threw them away. But, I still have that image in my mind of him and his ex! And I hate it. We never had sex all day long, or took pictures of us making out like that -__- not only that, since he told me these things about being w/ her, I really hope he doesn't do the same to me. He's a nice guy though, he didn't hook up a lot like me.. but I just did it because I was so hurt when the guy I lost my virginity to lied and manipulated me! I was dumb & naive. I know he's with me, I should forget about it and focus on the good things, but it's easier said than done!!! When I think about the things I did with her, I feel so bad inside. It was very insensitive and tacky of him to tell you about his sexual experiences with his ex. Did you ask him or did he just tell you without asking? I'm not surprised that you feel bad. I think most people would in your situation. He gave you those mental pictures and if you cannot get rid of them, they're going to colour every interaction you have with him. You will automatically compare every experience you have with him and wonder if he also had the same experience with his ex. This will feed your insecurity that you're not good enough. One possible solution to this is to work on your insecurity in addition to telling him that you don't want to hear anything more about his ex because it's painful to hear. For future reference, it's worth remembering not to ask guys about their exes. If they tell you, you can't really handle it, so it's better not to ask about specifics. Details such as long sex sessions with an ex, loud sex with an ex and enjoying sex with an ex are not useful knowledge when you're feeling insecure. Edited April 22, 2012 by january2011
Author cl3 Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 It was very insensitive and tacky of him to tell you about his sexual experiences with his ex. Did you ask him or did he just tell you without asking? I'm not surprised that you feel bad. I think most people would in your situation. He gave you those mental pictures and if you cannot get rid of them, they're going to colour every interaction you have with him. You will automatically compare every experience you have with him and wonder if he also had the same experience with his ex. This will feed your insecurity that you're not good enough. One possible solution to this is to work on your insecurity in addition to telling him that you don't want to hear anything more about his ex because it's painful to hear. For future reference, it's worth remembering not to ask guys about their exes. If they tell you, you can't really handle it, so it's better not to ask about specifics. Details such as long sex sessions with an ex, loud sex with an ex and enjoying sex with an ex are not useful knowledge when you're feeling insecure. He told me these things when we were still just friends.. There was a period where we didn't talk for a long time because he started traveling abroad, and we didn't start talking again until he came back to the US and told me about how he lost his virginity to this older woman (she's almost 10 years older than me!!!!!!) But since we started dating, he doesn't really want to talk about his past with her. We started dating casually and hooking up, and I would ask him about his experiences before.. So maybe it's my fault. But I didn't know at the time that it would hurt to know those things in the future. I guess I'm also jealous because I've never had a long term relationship before, and he has. The first guy I was with was an *******, and I've only casually had sex with guys afterwards.. Even though I had sex with more people than he has, he constantly had sex with this older woman for over a year. I even asked him, maybe he should get back with her because we never had sex 8 times a day; if it's so much better with her he should be with her. But he said he didn't love her and he loved me.. Still, I hate having this mental picture of the things he did with her.. Sometimes it makes me kinda hate him.
january2011 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Sometimes it makes me kinda hate him. If you feel that strongly, perhaps this relationship is not the best one for you right now.
Author cl3 Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 At the same time though, he's like my best friend, one of the only people I can trust with just about anything.. I do love him. It's just that the thought of him doing these things with someone else just leaves this bad feeling that I feel just won't go away. Besides.. most guys my age or older aren't virgins anyways, so I'm sure other girls would have to deal with something similar to this too? It just sucks that I had to see a picture of them and hear what I heard.
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