HollyBolly Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I feel awful today, for some reason. I got my period this morning (sorry, boys!) so it could be hormones, but I feel very low and anxious today, like when we first broke up. I handled the encounter quite well and thought that I came out looking better than she, so why do I feel so s**tty? I have to fight tooth and nail with myself not to look out that f**king window! I know that if I look and her car isn't there, I will just be 100% convinced that she is on a date. It makes me to the stomache! Before, thinking about how I would be moving would cheer me up. Today, it just makes me feel ill! It feels so final. I feel like I really want her to contact me. Not sure what I'd do if she did, though. Some guy on the thread I started yesterday about this suggested that I intentionally ran into my ex. OMG! I must be masochistic had I done that! This is the worst feeling!
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I feel awful today, for some reason. I got my period this morning (sorry, boys!) so it could be hormones, but I feel very low and anxious today, like when we first broke up. I handled the encounter quite well and thought that I came out looking better than she, so why do I feel so s**tty? I have to fight tooth and nail with myself not to look out that f**king window! I know that if I look and her car isn't there, I will just be 100% convinced that she is on a date. It makes me to the stomache! Before, thinking about how I would be moving would cheer me up. Today, it just makes me feel ill! It feels so final. I feel like I really want her to contact me. Not sure what I'd do if she did, though. Some guy on the thread I started yesterday about this suggested that I intentionally ran into my ex. OMG! I must be masochistic had I done that! This is the worst feeling! Seeing your ex again probably rekindled everything you have been striving to overcome all this time. It was a setback for certain. But you can keep moving forward...if it hurts now, feel the pain and then move on. Don't dwell on it but don't squelch it either.
Author HollyBolly Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Seeing your ex again probably rekindled everything you have been striving to overcome all this time. It was a setback for certain. But you can keep moving forward...if it hurts now, feel the pain and then move on. Don't dwell on it but don't squelch it either. Thank you, mate. You're probably right. It felt very awful running into her. I think the awkwardness was what made me feel awful. We shared 5 years together but have to pretend we're strangers. Very sad. Thank goodness my friend invited me over for dinner tonight! I cannot be alone right now. You guys help a lot! Unfortunately, I have to drive past her place to get to my friend's. Think I'll reroute. 2
Author HollyBolly Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 Back from friend's place. Still feel shi*ty but a bit better. Miss ex a LOT but gather can live without her. Managed not to look out window at all, which was a bit of good. Miss her to bits, which is not good. Also drank way too much. Oy!
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Back from friend's place. Still feel shi*ty but a bit better. Miss ex a LOT but gather can live without her. Managed not to look out window at all, which was a bit of good. Miss her to bits, which is not good. Also drank way too much. Oy! When are you moving???
Author HollyBolly Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 When are you moving??? LOL May 1st. Not soon enough. Geography won't make a difference when it comes to my grieving but it will help me move on. Bawled my eyes out last night. Look like a bucket of s**t today. Not going out at all in case I run into her. This is terrible. Another friend came over last night and she asked me what I missed about my ex. I drew a blank.
shayla Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Hmmm....perhaps it's the relationship itself that you miss. It does become very comfortable, especially after years have gone by. When that is suddenly ripped away, it can be overwhelming for a while. I think that once she is out of your sight, it will become easier to mourn the end of the relationship and move on.
Author HollyBolly Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 Hmmm....perhaps it's the relationship itself that you miss. It does become very comfortable, especially after years have gone by. When that is suddenly ripped away, it can be overwhelming for a while. I think that once she is out of your sight, it will become easier to mourn the end of the relationship and move on. I am pretty sure it's the idea of her that I miss. The companionship. So, yes, the relationship itself. If she tried to come back to me, I would vehemently say no. She just doesn't deserve my love or attention. Yes, I hope the move helps. It's getting ridiculous how often I see her.
fucpcg Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Thank you, mate. You're probably right. It felt very awful running into her. I think the awkwardness was what made me feel awful. We shared 5 years together but have to pretend we're strangers. Very sad I have purposely tried to run into my ex, just to see how she would respond. It went terrible. She broke up with me by email, telling me how horrible I was to her, and that she would never talk to me again. When I tested the waters, seeing her out, she held true to that. This is a woman who once told me how amazing I was, how much she loved me, and discussion of children. Now when I see her, she won't talk to me, won't look at me, and if she catches my eye by accident, it's a dirty look. Now I work hard to avoid her, because I know her position, and it's not changing. A year since our breakup, I will still shake if I see her. How do you go from declarations of love to don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't pretend you know me? I have no idea, but apparently she does. 1
Author HollyBolly Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 I have purposely tried to run into my ex, just to see how she would respond. It went terrible. She broke up with me by email, telling me how horrible I was to her, and that she would never talk to me again. When I tested the waters, seeing her out, she held true to that. This is a woman who once told me how amazing I was, how much she loved me, and discussion of children. Now when I see her, she won't talk to me, won't look at me, and if she catches my eye by accident, it's a dirty look. Now I work hard to avoid her, because I know her position, and it's not changing. A year since our breakup, I will still shake if I see her. How do you go from declarations of love to don't look at me, don't talk to me, don't pretend you know me? I have no idea, but apparently she does. Yeah, mine told me how great I was, too. Told me how I helped her realise she was gay, blah, blah, blah. 2 seconds after we broke up, she changed her FB status to 'interested in men'. Totally bizarre girl. And guess what? I saw her again!! Just 2 hours ago. Well, it was her car but she was driving it. OMG!!!!
fucpcg Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Last Friday was my birthday, it was a gorgeous 75 degree sunny day, was on my way to take my dog hiking.... my ex drives right past me. Crap, there went the tempo for the day, down the drain.
Author HollyBolly Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 Last Friday was my birthday, it was a gorgeous 75 degree sunny day, was on my way to take my dog hiking.... my ex drives right past me. Crap, there went the tempo for the day, down the drain. Belated happy birthday. Sorry to hear it was ruined by your ex, though. I was having a wonderful day, too, after bawling my eyes out last night, when she drove by me today. Actually, thinking back, she cut me off, the b1tch. I was very glad I had on my sunglasses. Would've been even worse if I'd let her see what state my eyes were in!
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