Say Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 We haven't done it since Valentine's day. She's typically very loving and affectionate and always wants to see me, but she almost never wants sex. A few days in between she was very horny, but it wasn't the right time or place for it to happen. Its starting to frustrate me. I want to be more intimate with my girlfriend. I'm a funny guy and I make her laugh a lot, its just annoying. We can't seem to even make out really without her laughing or not feeling like it. I had a few problems getting it up after valentines day. She would get disappointed and so would I. Since then, she told me she doesn't want to get her hopes up and whenever i reach down between her legs, she tells me no and pulls it away. Otherwise, our relationship is great. Its just without sex and that sense of intimacy... whats going to happen with the attraction over time?
Flummox Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Are you still having trouble maintaining an erection? When my boyfriend had trouble maintaining an erection, I felt dejected and unattractive. We had a talk about it and I think getting him to relax helped. Your girlfriend's pulling away because she feels rejected and unattractive because you have trouble maintaining an erection. You're going to have to tell her you want her, etc. and actually go through with sex to make her feel like it's safe to you want again or at least talk with her about how much you want her if you can't do it. Otherwise, she might pull away from you more emotionally and seek comfort elsewhere.
Author Say Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Well, before i could get an erection. If she touched me or did anything sexual, it would be there. The second i took my pants off and in my mind knew we would be having sex, i didn't want to mess it up and i'd lose it. Since then, I haven't had any trouble. I can get one fast and it stays. Its just, its always been with my clothes on and we haven't had sex. I guess knowing we haven't had it for awhile and that her desire for sex is calming, it makes me more relaxed and in return i can get it up. I'm just afraid to coax her into sex and get her in the mood and finally get another opportunity for myself only to go limp and not be able to do anything again.
amantis Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 try again with her , if you you really like her and she likes you dont stop trying , but you have to try in a different way invite her to your house , take a bath with her ot take her to a hotel , ask for champagne , chantilly cream , ice , strawberries and have fun . Take her to the beach and **** her behind the rock lol Maybe the problem is that she felt rejected , and you dont feel confident , just relax and do something diferent , show her that you find her very atractive and that you want to **** her really hard . If that doesnt work , then you have problems
irin Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 is the same relationship that you've written about before? you seem to have lot of problems.
Fondue Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I would do something a little more drastic. If she doesn't want to get it on with you, then leave the room, get naked, put on some porn and go to town. Or maybe invite her over to your place to hang out whatever, and have her "catch" you in the act. I would probably do the first thing though. If she doesn't want to do it with you, then find alternative means. Maybe even get a fleshlight and start using that. Make it known you're sexually frustrated. 1
InJest Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 It doesn't really matter what her reason for not having sex with you is. If she's not having sex with you, then the relationship is finished. Save your dignity and break up with her. 2
amantis Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 WOW come on guys :S How the fk do you know that she have other guy , and that she wants to break up ? to the OP Look , just SHOW her that you find her hot , take her out , give her a good **** and then come here again and tell us if it did work or not . Maybe they are right , maybe she is atracted to someone else , but you still have to try , and be confident , you dont need to be nervous about having sex , what do you have to lose ?
kaylan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 ^Im just saying that a woman who is sexually healthy and has a normal sex drive wont just not have sex for months at a time. Im just weighing all possibilities. 1
Author Say Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) Are you sure shes not getting any elsewhere? She's not. I'm positive she isn't. She's very open about her phone and asks me to text people sometimes for her when she's busy and through side glances she's never really talked to many guys, nor any competition. I've also seen her facebook. She doesn't really have any contact with other guys, and she's also told her friend recently something along the lines of, "When i find a guy i am interested in, i usually go for it. However i haven't really been interested in anyone lately because i am happy with my relationship. I guess thats one of the reasons i know things are going well :)" She has been stressed. Things have been pretty frantic. I mean, she does get in the mood sometimes. I know what to do to turn her on, and she suggests sex(once every few weeks) and i will usually come up with an excuse because of my fear. I mean, she's not a prude. The majority of the time she has her hand 'down there' in my area. Last time we were about to go pretty far, it was at her parents house and her mom walked in on us. I kept trying that night, and she kept laughing and thinking about it. She told me she just isn't interested in sex much anymore and she realizes its not an important part of a relationship compared to other things. I don't really buy that, though. Edited April 22, 2012 by Say
kaylan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) Im just gonna be very honest with you. You need to see a sexual therapist in order to get over these sexual anxiety issues. If its physiological than have a medical doctor help you with that. You cant keep going on like this. If shes a sexually healthy woman, she wont put up with it forever. Women are sexual creatures just as much as men are, if not more so. And they want to feel desired and satisfied. If you cant do this, then I wouldnt be surprised if she ends up leaving you eventually. God forbid she meets someone who shes attracted to and turns her on...because that would make her doubt everything about your relationship...no matter how good everything else is. Sex is an important glue buddy. The truth of the matter is this; its not that she just isnt interested in sex anymore, its that she just isnt interested in sex with you. Fix that or you will lose her. Thats just my take buddy. Good luck. Do what you need to do. Edited April 22, 2012 by kaylan
johan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Are you sure shes not getting any elsewhere? I always find this question to be offensive. Some genius always asks it. As if this isn't something the average guy is already hyper-vigilant about when things start to go wrong in a relationship. And then if he did suspect it, he would forget to mention it. "hm.... Come to think of it, I have caught her naked with other guys several times lately. Think that really could be it?" I don't think he needs anyone here to point this possibility out to him.
dasein Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 I don't think he needs anyone here to point this possibility out to him. Lots of people also come here thinking that infidelity is a possibility and don't mention it in their OP because they want to see what disinterested third parties think without being prompted. That's what I'd do if I made a thread and suspected cheating, lay out the facts without my suspicions and see what other people say. And yet another group is in denial and comes here subconsciously seeking fingers snapping in their face telling them to "wake up." Tons of these on LS. For the above reasons, I always bring it up if it's a plausible explanation unless the poster specifically says it isn't a possibility in the OP. Agree with you to an extent, it is too handy a catchall and overused, I am guilty of that, but part of the reason for that is that unknown third party involvement is a huge cause of these types of issues generally. OP, this woman sounds like she is the lay back and let you do everything type because it doesn't sound she is doing anything at all to get you a good hard bone. Is she blowing you? stroking you? stripping for you? talking dirty? Is she in shape? Is she groomed and hygienic? More info needed on what her level of proactivity is in your sex life. Sorry to say, but she doesn't sound like much of a prize if "say no and roll over" is her response to your sexual advances. Adult women understand that men are not sex robots whose equipment always works. 1
johan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Lots of people also come here thinking that infidelity is a possibility and don't mention it in their OP because they want to see what disinterested third parties think without being prompted. That's what I'd do if I made a thread and suspected cheating, lay out the facts without my suspicions and see what other people say. Good point. It didn't occur to me that someone would do that. However, he can be assured that some people will arrive at that conclusion, because it takes almost no imagination. For some people it's the explanation for pretty much everything. it is too handy a catchall and overused... ...is more my issue. Not to mention that has often ended up being the topic of the thread, instead of the issue the original poster brought up. He/she ends up having to defend the mate and also defend the idea that infidelity actually can't be the explanation. I also am uncomfortable with people leaping to the conclusion that the woman this guy loves and trusts is a lying whore. In his shoes, I would resent it. Not that it couldn't be a possibility, but it seems right to exhaust the other possibilities first. Give her the benefit of the doubt and give the guy some actual hope so he can do his best. Otherwise, what is there really to discuss.
kaylan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) I always find this question to be offensive. Some genius always asks it. As if this isn't something the average guy is already hyper-vigilant about when things start to go wrong in a relationship. And then if he did suspect it, he would forget to mention it. "hm.... Come to think of it, I have caught her naked with other guys several times lately. Think that really could be it?" I don't think he needs anyone here to point this possibility out to him. Its offensive to ask a realistic and honest question? Riiiight:rolleyes: You seem to forget that a good portion of relationships have someone cheat, so if the OP isnt having sex with his gf its not a bad question to ask. Anyone who reads this forum enough knows that sometimes when sex isnt happening in a relationship, its happening outside of it. You also seem to be forgetting that some of us have posted in OPs previous threads. It appears his sex life with his gf has gotten no better and now she just doesnt want sex. A lot of people will tell you that just because their partner didnt want sex with them didnt mean they didnt want sex in general. I was just telling OP to be sure of everything around him and all possibilities. Edited April 22, 2012 by kaylan
johan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 (edited) You seem to forget that a good portion of relationships have someone cheat... Who could forget it?? It's the topic of every other thread on the site. And it comes up in threads that aren't even about it. It's all over TV and in most music. My problem is the lack of imagination. I think the original poster probably rolled his eyes when that was brought up like "duh, hadn't thought of that. Now can I get someone to engage productively, or should I just hire a private investigator every time something goes wrong in my relationship?" I guess I'll get off my tangent now. I obviously have nothing worthwhile to offer the original poster myself. His girlfriend probably has her eyes on some other guy. Edited April 22, 2012 by johan
Art_Critic Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 so if a person doesn't have sex once in 30 days (since Valentines Day) the other party must be cheating..hahahaha People go thru dry spells.. Stress, School, Work and even outside stressors like family and bills can effect a persons desire to have sex. He seems to have a good communication with her and she tells him that she is stressed.. Maybe he should work on something that would relieve her stress.. like a nice few hours away from it all and throw in some romance.. She might just melt like butter...
dasein Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Eh, I want to hear what OP's GF's sex behavior is like. This problem's solution could be a matter of him getting a little dirty talk, more BJs (or any at all:laugh:), stroking etc. I've half got my mind made up that based on what he posts, she isn't doing anything proactive in the bedroom other than opening her legs, and if so, he needs to lay down the law or find another GF. Just would like to hear from OP whether my hunch is correct.
dasein Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 It's 5 solid weeks since VDay where I live, Art. No sex in 5 weeks is a pretty big deal for a young couple who were having more recently IMO. Of course if they were -married- five weeks is nothing based on complaints i hear from married friends
kaylan Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Who could forget it?? It's the topic of every other thread on the site. And it comes up in threads that aren't even about it. It's all over TV and in most music. My problem is the lack of imagination. I think the original poster probably rolled his eyes when that was brought up like "duh, hadn't thought of that. Now can I get someone to engage productively, or should I just hire a private investigator every time something goes wrong in my relationship?" I guess I'll get off my tangent now. I obviously have nothing worthwhile to offer the original poster myself. His girlfriend probably has her eyes on some other guy. Imagination isnt realistic. The reality is a lot of people cheat, so why be blind to this and not consider it as a possible occurrence? I simply wanted the OP to make sure there wasnt anything adding up to her maybe straying. If hes sure she isnt, than cool. We can move on and stop talking about it.
make me believe Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 She told me she just isn't interested in sex much anymore and she realizes its not an important part of a relationship compared to other things. I don't really buy that, though. What do you mean you don't buy that? She is telling you exactly who she is. She isn't interested in sex. She did it with you in the beginning because it's expected and no guy is going to stay with a girl who refuses to ever have sex. But now that she's got you, she doesn't feel the need to do that anymore because she doesn't think you'll actually break up with her for it. Unless you are willing to settle for a sexless relationship, you need to dump this girl. This is a HUUUUUUGE incompatability. Also... Art and dasein, where do you guys live that Valentines Day was 30 days or 5 weeks ago?! Where I live (earth) it was February 14th, which was over 2 months ago. 10 weeks without sex is not simply a dry spell when one partner is literally telling the other that sex is not important to her and she has no interest in it. 2
CarrieT Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 She told me she just isn't interested in sex much anymore and she realizes its not an important part of a relationship compared to other things. I don't really buy that, though. I'm afraid you will have to buy it... Because it is what SHE believes for HERSELF. It isn't necessarily truly for you or for a lot of other people, but for many, they will start a relationship with a lot of sex and then settle into what is more comfortable for them in the long term - and that can be once a month or once very six months. I'm sorry, but you have to realize that you and your girlfriend might not be as compatible a couple as you would like if this is her general philosophy. Consider yourself lucky that you found out early in your relationship and not after a marriage.
Author Say Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 Well, here's an update guys. I was with my girl tonight. She was surprisingly horny and very much in the mood. There was plenty of romance, and we spent a lot of time with her in my arms and us kissing and such. It was established that i don't really enjoy sex while she's on her period and tonight was the last day of it, so i wasn't anticipating sex. She would periodically check to see if i could get it up, and she was satisfied with her success. I noticed her touching herself a bit more than i had ever seen in the past, and i made a comment about it and she asked, "Well, is it a bad thing?" and the conversation kind of convinced me that she's started masturbating to cope with the lack of sex. Either way, she was hot and flushed and practically begging for it today, telling me i was doing all the right things tonight. Anxiety started to kick in, (noticed i wasn't as 'firm' in a certain area) and i opted out with the excuse that i didn't really want to do it while she was on her period. Bleh. And honestly guys, i really don't care much about sex. I love this girl and i'm happy with her. Its just, two years ago this girl was crazy about sex. She had an insane sex drive and she wanted it practically every day. So now, to hear her say she doesn't anymore confuses me and worries me. Its not that i want sex for MYSELF, i want it for my relationship.
Professor X Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Go buy Viagra, you won't regret it (not that I tried it myself, but I heard a lot from others who have). Really, go give it a try, cause other than the face that it actually works, you will have the confidence cause you'll know you'll have an erection no matter what. Oh and, it will probably last all night, so be well rested
Recommended Posts