eurastrav Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I am a popular, good looking guy in his 30s. I was in a long relationship which just ended, and before that I didn't date much. Now, I am dating and feel able to attract a lot of women. One, I dated for several months. SO...I notice that the majority of women in their 30s seem to have a lot of sexual adventures and now they are not so adventurous anymore. I want to be more adventurous, but most women I date say, "Oh yeah, I tried that. It was fun, but I'm not in that phase anymore." It makes me feel locked out and lame. Maybe I should try to date women in their 20s? BUT... to be more sexually adventurous, I have read that the guy really needs to take the lead and be confident in the adventure. Well, if something is new to me, I am not going to be super confident. I will have FUN, but I won't be super confident the very first time. In porn, or when guys talk at the bar, it seems like they are dominant, and they are rock hard as they switch positions, move around, pick up the girl and move her, and all that. The girls go along for the ride, it seems, and enjoy it. The guys somehow know exactly what to do and manage to stay hard through all of it. Did they learn to do that, or does it just come to them automatically? I would like a woman, where we can be sexually adventurous, but if I lose a little bit of erection before we try something like anal sex, she will be willing to take time, go slow, and have fun. I've met a couple of women who were willing to be more sexually adventurous, but they each wanted a guy who could be like a porn star. One was very curt with me, and it hurt my feelings. Am I normal? I really want to find a nice woman in her late-20s or 30s who is sexually adventurous. I want someone nice who is not sexually snobby or sexually mean. I am half thinking of finding a mature and experienced escort so I can get more familiar with different types of sex...anal or different positions or whatever. Then, maybe I will be at the same "level" as the girls I meet. The girls I meet are VERY nice people, but sexually they are either "been there done that" or they are looking for a porn star male.
firehawk_1 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 just shows what women are like these days. they seem to want everything and exhaust it far far too early! if I were you, i would just do it. and do some sweet talking too....
Author eurastrav Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Surely it's normal to be a LITTLE nervous when doing something new, and being a guy I will lose a little stiffness, for sure. "Just do it" doesn't quite work. Women in their early 20s will take a guy in their early-20s and experiment. But if you're a guy in your 30s, either women do not want to experiment any more (been there done that), or they want someone more like a porn star. Even the nicest, most compassionate women, when it comes to sex they become not-nice.
NateC Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 hahhahahahaha:lmao::lmao::lmao: "in PORN" ..... Yeah...that got a chuckle. Never compare yourself to men in porn. Usually it's all scripted...and if not scripted, they know exactly what their partner is expecting. 1
Author eurastrav Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 I know, I know...porn is scripted. But women I meet do want me to be rock hard before we start and rock hard all the way through. I can't do that. If we switch to some new position or we maybe start to do something new for me, then I will be less hard. Also, sometimes I feel like they think I am fumbling. Maybe I am, sometimes I am not...it is just how I am. Porn stars, or guys at the bar...from what I can tell, they don't fumble. "I flipped her over and we did it from behind, then I laid her down and we started spoon, blah blah.". If I start from behind, I have to get my position right. Sometimes, the height doesn't work. Sometimes, I have to ask to be guided in after trying a couple of times. Spooning is a tricky thing for me, finding the right position, et cetera. In all of that, the mood seems to decrease. I think women in their early 20s will tolerate that. Women in their 30s have no patience for it and seem to get very irritated.
CarrieT Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Porn stars, or guys at the bar...from what I can tell, they don't fumble. "I flipped her over and we did it from behind, then I laid her down and we started spoon, blah blah." The guys at the bar are lying. Everybody fumbles. It is what is known as being human. Stop comparing yourself to porn and to other people. And stop assuming that "women in their 30s" are all the same. That is like your polarizing comment that "porn stars or guys at the bar" are all the same. Women in their 40's... /\ What Hokie said. /\ Just wait another decade and then you will meet REALLY adventurous women who will probably be far kinkier than you can imagine... 1
Author eurastrav Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 OK. If a female is telling me that it is normal for guys to fumble, then I feel a lot better. I don't have the benefit of watching people have sex in their everyday life, so it is hard to know what is "normal." But is it true then, that women in their 30s----as a rough trend, everyone is different, but as a rough trend----they are like what I am describing? Some want an experienced MAN, and some are less interested in sexual adventure than in their 20s? I will look forward to 40s. I DO NOT want to keep putting myself in the position where I feel put down or dismissed or judged because my sexuality isn't "good enough." Even the nicest women in their 30s seem to be like this (if they are sexually adventurous).
USMCHokie Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I DO NOT want to keep putting myself in the position where I feel put down or dismissed or judged because my sexuality isn't "good enough." Even the nicest women in their 30s seem to be like this (if they are sexually adventurous). Now I have to ask...do these women actually like you...or are you just a sex puppet...? In my experience, if a woman genuinely wants to be with you, no amount of "fumbling" is going to make her think your sexuality is not "good enough"... 1
Author eurastrav Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 No they like me. But when I say, "let's try ...", the answer is usually something like, "oh, I've tried that a bunch of times. It can be fun, but I'm just in a different phase". Or, "let's try...", and the answer is "no, I don't like that position." (Well, that's nice you know you don't like that position. I've never tried it...can we try? "No.") Or, <me fumbling> "I guess you're not really into it. Let's just do something else." No, no, I'm interested! "No, I'm not in the mood now, anyway. Let's just do something else." <women acts nice but you can tell she is disappointed for whatever reason>
USMCHokie Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 No they like me. But when I say, "let's try ...", the answer is usually something like, "oh, I've tried that a bunch of times. It can be fun, but I'm just in a different phase". Or, "let's try...", and the answer is "no, I don't like that position." (Well, that's nice you know you don't like that position. I've never tried it...can we try? "No.") Or, <me fumbling> "I guess you're not really into it. Let's just do something else." No, no, I'm interested! "No, I'm not in the mood now, anyway. Let's just do something else." <women acts nice but you can tell she is disappointed for whatever reason> One of two things is occurring here: (1) These women don't actually like you, OR (2) These women just suck or aren't sexually compatible with you. LAUNCH. 1
JohnP82 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Yikes that sounds terrible. However you will find women like that in all age groups.
CarrieT Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 But when I say, "let's try ...", Or, "let's try...", Here's an idea for you... Don't SAY, "let's try..." Just DO IT. Personally, I love it when a guy just does what he wants... When I was 17 (I'm almost 48 now), I had a guy just try anal on me. After almost four hours of really incredible and intense sex - when we were showering - did I learn that until that day, the guy was a VIRGIN! I was blown away (having been the more experienced chick) that the guy just did what he wanted, with full consideration for me, without asking and blew me away. By saying, "let's try..." you are admitting that - maybe - you haven't done it before. Just go in and do what you want and the girl will stop you if she really doesn't want it, but I'm willing to guess they may not stop you! 1
fucpcg Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 LOL my experience is 100% the exact opposite of yours.
irin Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Here's an idea for you... Don't SAY, "let's try..." Just DO IT. Personally, I love it when a guy just does what he wants... When I was 17 (I'm almost 48 now), I had a guy just try anal on me. After almost four hours of really incredible and intense sex - when we were showering - did I learn that until that day, the guy was a VIRGIN! I was blown away (having been the more experienced chick) that the guy just did what he wanted, with full consideration for me, without asking and blew me away. By saying, "let's try..." you are admitting that - maybe - you haven't done it before. Just go in and do what you want and the girl will stop you if she really doesn't want it, but I'm willing to guess they may not stop you! im sorry that might have worked for you, but for most girls i know, if you try unexpected things on them, they would not be too happy. what is the message here for men to be to be so aggressive sexually without get the consent, no way if guy tried to stick things in me, without any discussions before hand, i would consider him to be dominant. but something far worse!
blindesided Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 From a womans perspective: No I would not get upset if you fumbled a bit - I might even feel a bit flattered. Yes it has hapened to a couple of guys I was with - I try to be patient & understanding - sometimes I am not always "primed" up either - so it works both ways As far as the other stuff - you kept mentioning anal - well that is a very personal preference - some women like it - others dont - there really no in between. I am one that isnt into it at all - I just dont get off on that. So if you kept asking for it - sorry - not going to happen & if thats a deal-breaker so be it. But certain positions or toys ect.. would be ok - It all depends on her comfort level - some girls are more timid in the bedroom. I dont think you can lump all 30ish women in one category - hell you might even find a virgin out there (u might have better chance of winning the lottery - but you never know) 1
bac Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 IMO, you might find the women on AFF. Also, you might want to ask your woman about her desires and promise to satisfy her needs too. Then later, she might help you with your sexual desires as well. Unfortunately, her desires might be not sexual. You might stimulate your woman's desire to please you sexually in many ways depending on what she wants. The most effective and typical ways are: 1. Make her believe that you do love her, that she is special/the best for you and stuff like that. Do it if she is looking for love. It makes her fall in love with you and she would do whatever you want to please you sexually. 2. Stimulate her sexual desire with money and gifts. Do it if she needs money and gifts. Tell her that you would like to buy her something that really makes her happy. She will think that it is right to please you sexually the way you want because you are going to please her with something that she wants too. Be realistic about the anal sex because there is a good chance that it might need a very expensive gift.
Million.to.1 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I agree with blindsided. And you do keep mentioning anal. If you want to try anal.. my suggestion is experiment within a relationship. Not many girls are really into anal AND willing to do it with some guy they just met.
bac Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 . But women I meet do want me to be rock hard before we start and rock hard all the way through. I can't do that. I think women in their early 20s will tolerate that. Women in their 30s have no patience for it and seem to get very irritated. Yes, you should be rock hard all the time if you do not have a serious R and you are just ONS or FWBs. If you are with your women just for sex, you are expected to deliver it as a porno star. There are many men IRL who can do it as a porno star. But, if you are in a serious R, you can have your ups and downs in your sexual performance. If you have some difficultes with sex, you are right to find younger girls who are naive and unexperienced. They might accept anything because they do not know what is good or bad for them. Women in 30s might know what is good for them and they do not want to repeat any experience which was very unpleasant.
Author eurastrav Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 (edited) It is not quite ONS or FWB, more casual dating. Sex after a date or two. I meet women easily. I'm friendly, fun, adventurous. I am not looking to be married right now, just dating and having fun. Urban environment here, with concerts, lounges, pubs, coffe shops, etc...that's the scene. Thank you ---- I do have the sense that I am expected to deliver like a porn star. Are there really many man IRL who can do that? How do they learn how??? If I meet another unkind woman, I will spit in her face and walk out. Not really, but I'll just pick up and leave with dignity. Cry when I am in the car. It really hurts to be rejected like that. And believe me, these are overall NICE women who are caring, compassionate people. I don't know why they turn cold and mean when it comes to sexual performance. Yes - I guess women in their 30s know what they want. If they are attractive, they know they can get it. If they are looking for a dating partner, they will prefer one of those porno-skills IRL type of guy probably. Anal... it is an interest of mine, sure. If the woman says she really likes anal and she has done it willing and freely with other(s)...but she won't engage it with me, I think that is a dealbreaker. I am being dissed by her. If she tried it in the past and didn't like it, and if she has no interest therefore now, I would totally understand. But if she likes it, does it, but won't do it with me = dealbreaker. I am average-sized down there, so that is not an issue. Girls like me. Even if they seem not excited by the sex, they still want to go out with me (sometimes). However, if they talk about what they did with other guys sexually in order to "backhandedly" put me down, then it is hard to stick around with girls like that. Unfortunately, it seems difficult to meet good-looking, fun women who are sexually "forgiving" / compassionate women in their 30s. Maybe early-20s it is! I will be their bad experience and when they are in their 30s they can diss other guys. LOL! Or I can look for women who are very unattractive or not fun. Sad but true. The more I think about it, a mature, quality escort may be just the thing so I can improve my skills. Yes, you should be rock hard all the time if you do not have a serious R and you are just ONS or FWBs. If you are with your women just for sex, you are expected to deliver it as a porno star. There are many men IRL who can do it as a porno star. Edited April 21, 2012 by eurastrav
USMCHokie Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 This sounds a bit like an attractive guy who doesn't live up to girls' expectations based on your looks...and it might not be limited to just sex...and in general, I'm sure it happens pretty often with attractive people that skate through life on their looks and fail to develop in other ways...so when people meet them, they think he/she is SO hot...but he/she kinda sucks...but I'll try to make it work because he/she is hot...
mesmerized Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 Losing erection when changing positions? I've never heard of this nor has this happened to me! Women in their 20s will be more frustrated because they are with young men who can easily maintain their erections. I agree that an older woman might be more understanding.
Author eurastrav Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 Not totally losing my erection, but losing a little bit it as I fumble or figure out my posture in a different position. Getting into spoon is tricky for me, and finding a comfortable position/angle in doggie style can take some figurin out with a new person...where do I want to put my foot kind of thing. In my 20s, I was a cool guy and friendly but shy around girls. I wasn't really in the same 'place' as the other people around me. I was more like someone who was 15, in the way I thought about girls or relationships. Awkward, a bit shy when it came to that topic. I'm not like that now. But YES - I am outgoing, social, I love 'cool' places to chill, I dress cool - take pride in what I wear, always have. I like to laugh, make friends, have brunch, blah blah. Women maybe EXPECT something sexually that I am not living up to.
Author eurastrav Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 I tried 'going slow' and holding off from sex, and the girl lost interest. Girls expect something sexual after the third date. But maybe I SHOULD keep tryin to take things slow in a new relationship. If the girl doesn't like it, she will leave, and I will be spared the sexual performance insult. To make matters more confusing between me and girls I meet, I am a good kisser. Lol. I have been told that many times. I am sensual and a good kisser. So they expect porno type sex, and they get disappointed. Maybe.
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