NMDante Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 My ex-fiance and I broke up about 2 weeks ago (we were supposed to be married in 2 months). Anyway, she moved out and is staying somewhere, but she left some stuff here that I think she'd like to have, and she still has some mail here for her (bank statements, bills, etc...not junk mail). I put all her mail in a big envelope and I was about to pack up some clothes that she left into a box. Okay, I haven't had contact with her since she decided to leave, but I did text message her telling her that I would drop off these things to her next week (I'm going to give it to one of her friends to give to her, so we don't have to see each other). My question is: Did I just break the no contact rule, or was this acceptable? I didn't say anything more than what needed to be said (no emotional or touchy feely stuff).
dreamguy Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 I don't think you broke the rule. You contacted her (via text messaging not by phone) for some important stuff such as bank statements and bills. You didn't contact her to give her back a CD or a DVD for example which would have been obviously an excuse to see her again. Good going with the decision to give it to one of her friends and using text messaging to tell her about the stuff. It shows that you're not seeking to see her or hear her voice. Then again, You should take into consideration the cause for the break up. Was it your fault or hers. Good luck and keep us posted about changes as they occur.
Author NMDante Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 Originally posted by dreamguy I don't think you broke the rule. You contacted her (via text messaging not by phone) for some important stuff such as bank statements and bills. You didn't contact her to give her back a CD or a DVD for example which would have been obviously an excuse to see her again. Good going with the decision to give it to one of her friends and using text messaging to tell her about the stuff. It shows that you're not seeking to see her or hear her voice. Then again, You should take into consideration the cause for the break up. Was it your fault or hers. Good luck and keep us posted about changes as they occur. We broke up because she felt that I was neglecting her needs. After 2 years together and nearing our wedding date, she suddenly pulls the same line she used on me earlier in our relationship, that she "sees no future for us". Now, like I said, she thought I was neglecting her, and maybe I was at times, but everyday (she use to live with me) I would ask her if she wanted to talk about anything going on, or if she had any problems that she wanted to talk about. She usually said no, and told me to go ahead and do my thing (I always told her what I was going to do, ie. computer, lawn stuff, car stuff). So, I never once thought that she was hurt as bad as she said. Well, I found out that she opened a new cell phone account and had invited another guy to my house when I was out of town. She claims that nothing happened (I semi-believe it) and that he was just an old friend (that I never knew about). That was the last straw for me. I do love her very much and still care about her well being, but I'm not going to let my feelings dictate how I treat her anymore. She pretty much hid a lot of things from me, and who knows for how long. I'm sorry this happened to us, but this problem could've been brought to the forefront by just talking with me, IMO. Thanks for the support.
dreamguy Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 "Well, I found out that she opened a new cell phone account and had invited another guy to my house when I was out of town. She claims that nothing happened (I semi-believe it) and that he was just an old friend (that I never knew about)." If nothing happened, as she claims, then she could have invited that guy over when you were home ! She could have told you about the cell account. Something's definitely fishy ! Maybe there are other hidden facts you still don't know about. "I do love her very much and still care about her well being, but I'm not going to let my feelings dictate how I treat her anymore." If you can stick to your word then you'll be the winner. You can add this to you line: "but I'm not going to let my feelings dictate how I treat her AND HOW SHE TREATS ME anymore."
Author NMDante Posted June 19, 2004 Author Posted June 19, 2004 Originally posted by dreamguy "Well, I found out that she opened a new cell phone account and had invited another guy to my house when I was out of town. She claims that nothing happened (I semi-believe it) and that he was just an old friend (that I never knew about)." If nothing happened, as she claims, then she could have invited that guy over when you were home ! She could have told you about the cell account. Something's definitely fishy ! Maybe there are other hidden facts you still don't know about. "I do love her very much and still care about her well being, but I'm not going to let my feelings dictate how I treat her anymore." If you can stick to your word then you'll be the winner. You can add this to you line: "but I'm not going to let my feelings dictate how I treat her AND HOW SHE TREATS ME anymore." Oh, I am trying my best to stick to my word on this one. She's never hidden anything from me, until now, and although she decided to break up, I'm making sure she won't have me to fall back on anymore. I do care about her, but enough is enough. Yes, the whole "friend" and cell phone thing made me very suspicious. Even if I were to think about trying again, I don't know if I could trust her enough to even give it a chance. She totally ruined my trust and I don't see how she could really get it back. Thanks, dreamguy. You've made me feel much better over this crappy situation.
dreamguy Posted June 20, 2004 Posted June 20, 2004 Glad to see you're getting over it. Keep your head high ! Fate only smiles to bold people ! And keep us updated in case any change occurs.
sid3 Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 Consider yourself fortunate to have found out before you got married. I think your right, the trust is gone. There is probably more than that, sounds like you were good at and wanting to communicate with her. You'll find a chick that'll be thrilled about that and treat you much better...
not over him yet Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 I was going out with someone, and he is/was away, I met up for drinks with someone who was just an old friend from home. But, even though he was the jealous type, I told him what I was doing, and explained the situation (my ex never heard about this guy, so I knew he would feel uncomfortable unless I explained). Even though it was hard to do, I did that beacuse it was right, I didn't want him to worry. Getting a different cell account and having him come to the house is really shady. Are you the insanely jealous type? If you, than you need to do some changing, if not, than there definitely something not right there and you will be better off without her.
Author NMDante Posted June 21, 2004 Author Posted June 21, 2004 Originally posted by not over him yet I was going out with someone, and he is/was away, I met up for drinks with someone who was just an old friend from home. But, even though he was the jealous type, I told him what I was doing, and explained the situation (my ex never heard about this guy, so I knew he would feel uncomfortable unless I explained). Even though it was hard to do, I did that because it was right, I didn't want him to worry. Getting a different cell account and having him come to the house is really shady. Are you the insanely jealous type? If you, than you need to do some changing, if not, than there definitely something not right there and you will be better off without her. I'm not the insanely jealous type, but I do get jealous, but only when it's warranted, not because my mind starts thinking cheater. If I was with someone and they told me that they were meeting an old boyfriend, I would be a little worried, but I would also trust them, especially if they were my fiance. What she did was something that I found out afterwards, and the cell phone I didn't even know about until she was leaving. The strange thing is that the last day I saw her, she GAVE me her new cell phone number. I didn't know why, since it was so secret as she was leaving. Anyway, I threw the number away and erased it from my cell phone. I do wish her a good life, and hopefully she'll meet someone who loved her as much and as true as I did. Oh, and to help get over her, I started playing guitar again. So, pick up an instrument and learn how to play it...it will be frustrating at first, but it does help you not think about the hardship you're going through. Thanks everyone!
Fayebelle Posted June 21, 2004 Posted June 21, 2004 It's sad when relationships come to an end but your maturity since the break up also leaves room for you to stay friends later if that is something you are interested in. This is how most of my exes and I handled things once the relationship was over and they are still great pals of mine. When you are so close to someone it is hard to consider them disappearing forever so it's nice when you are able to handle things in a manner that allows you to regain contact once you have had time to heal.
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