vigilante Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 My fiance and I have been together for over 2 years now and she is pregnant and expecting our first child. Yesterday while at work she received a call from a private number on her cell phone that she was unable to answer. The caller left a voicemail. It was a female who was claiming to be in a relationship iwth me and saying I'm cheating with her on my fiance. The girl even said my name and said the only reason I'm with her is because she is having my child. She ended the message saying just leave him alone he was afraid to tell you this so I'm doing it for him. This stunned my fiance and thought it was real at first and sent me a very nasty text message. I thought she was joking around and played joked back with her. Then I realized she was serious called her and she hung up on me. Last night she comes home and plays the message for me and sure enough she was not kidding. At first my fiance is telling me she can't believe I would do this to her and she thought I was different, etc. I was pleading and begging her to believe me that it was a prank and not real and that I never cheated on her. She told me she can't be with me because the relationship won't work because she doesn't trust me anymore. FYI She was cheated on her previous relationship which doesn't help. After a long night of talking she said she still wants to be with me but doesn't believe me or trust me 100% and has her doubts. This is crushing me because there is nothing I can do to prove this. I am also very hurt that she doesn't believe me. I tried everything. We called her phone company and they said they can't trace the call and to go to the police if it keeps happening. I called the local police and they basically laughed at me saying they doubt how far the detectives will take the case. I have no other options and am crushed and hurt right now. Please help me. What can I do?
starla33 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 My fiance and I have been together for over 2 years now and she is pregnant and expecting our first child. Yesterday while at work she received a call from a private number on her cell phone that she was unable to answer. The caller left a voicemail. It was a female who was claiming to be in a relationship iwth me and saying I'm cheating with her on my fiance. The girl even said my name and said the only reason I'm with her is because she is having my child. She ended the message saying just leave him alone he was afraid to tell you this so I'm doing it for him. This stunned my fiance and thought it was real at first and sent me a very nasty text message. I thought she was joking around and played joked back with her. Then I realized she was serious called her and she hung up on me. Last night she comes home and plays the message for me and sure enough she was not kidding. At first my fiance is telling me she can't believe I would do this to her and she thought I was different, etc. I was pleading and begging her to believe me that it was a prank and not real and that I never cheated on her. She told me she can't be with me because the relationship won't work because she doesn't trust me anymore. FYI She was cheated on her previous relationship which doesn't help. After a long night of talking she said she still wants to be with me but doesn't believe me or trust me 100% and has her doubts. This is crushing me because there is nothing I can do to prove this. I am also very hurt that she doesn't believe me. I tried everything. We called her phone company and they said they can't trace the call and to go to the police if it keeps happening. I called the local police and they basically laughed at me saying they doubt how far the detectives will take the case. I have no other options and am crushed and hurt right now. Please help me. What can I do? hire a private investigator or something. sounds like someone is really out to ruin your life. Think of who would do that.
Author vigilante Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 hire a private investigator or something. sounds like someone is really out to ruin your life. Think of who would do that. I don't have any enemies like that. But my fiance does. She is a manager and there is a female employee she has been having problems with that she just wrote up and maybe firing. This girl can easily find what my name is and does have my fiance's phone #. She could easily have had a friend do this. That's the only person who came to mind that either of us have any problems with. Obviously I have no way to prove this.
Author vigilante Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 What would most of you girls do you if you were in my fiance's shoes? I'm trying to get a grasp of how a girl would take this?
firehawk_1 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 just shows what women are like.... why would the person who left a voicemail say "just leave him alone"? why do it in the first place? surely you must recognise her voice?
Author vigilante Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 just shows what women are like.... why would the person who left a voicemail say "just leave him alone"? why do it in the first place? surely you must recognise her voice? No I don't recognize the voice in message.
veggirl Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 If your fiance works with the person you think did this, why doesn't SHE recognize the voice? Call the phone company or something and see if they can trace the #. I don't know what I'd do if I was her. I'd be livid. How old are you two? People still prank call? And have enemies? I did those things in Jr high..........
Author vigilante Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 If your fiance works with the person you think did this, why doesn't SHE recognize the voice? Call the phone company or something and see if they can trace the #. I don't know what I'd do if I was her. I'd be livid. How old are you two? People still prank call? And have enemies? I did those things in Jr high.......... If the person from her job did it of course she wouldn't do it herself. So it's a voice neither of us know. We did call teh phone company. Nothing they can do. 30 yrs old. And I agree it's quite childish.
firehawk_1 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 he did that. you'd trust some random woman prank calling over your finace of two years. really? what's wrong with society? dont open that door.....
CC12 Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 What would most of you girls do you if you were in my fiance's shoes? I'm trying to get a grasp of how a girl would take this? I wouldn't take the phone call seriously at all. I might be shaken up about it, and I'd definitely talk to him about it, but I have a lot of trust in my partner and there are no other signs of him cheating so of course I would take his word over the word of some anonymous person. I can understand why you're hurt that she doesn't believe you, and that she said she doesn't trust you. I think she's being too hard on you and quite unfair. But that's only if you've never given her a reason to distrust you. If you have a history of inappropriate behavior with other women, then I'd say she's right to doubt you. Is that the case?
Ursa Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 You mentioned that your fiancee is pregnant; keep in mind that her hormones are making her emotions unusually intense right now, and logic might not always be in the driver's seat. Pregnancy can really exacerbate any little insecurity. Obviously trying to track down whoever is making these calls would be great, so you prove yourself and cut that toxicity out of your life--but in the meantime, don't just get bogged down in 'he said she said' and fretting over the lie and whose feelings are hurt worse, with your gf. Aside from the cruel nature of the phone call and the mystery of the perpetrator, there is this: the subtext of her freakout is that she loves you, and she feels insecure. The caller obviously pushed some real buttons and exposed some real vulnerabilities and fears, here: that you are only with her because of the baby, for example. On top of the previous cheating scars, my guess is that this could be a very real but subconscious fear of hers and it's triggering a lot of defense mechanisms right now. This is a time for you to let your fiancee know that you are moving forward with the wedding, and happily. Tell her that being married to and making a family with her is the right thing (assuming that you think it is). Be proactive about planning the wedding and the marriage with her, get more involved than you might have otherwise. Hold her hands, look her in the eyes, and smile while you talk about inane, stressful wedding details, so that she feels you are a willing and present team player. If she is a symbolic thinker, get her a token: a birthstone ring or something to commemorate this pregnancy or your union. Talk about your plans for after the wedding, your dreams for your futures together. Give reassurance. Reassurance. Reassurance. When the baby is born, so much of this will melt away because that's when everything changes. 1
Tasion Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 wow, I am surprised she hasn't tapped your phone and put a tracker on your car. When I was pregnant something like that would have sent me right over the edge, not only is she feeling uncomfortable and unsure about her body going to hell (preg woman are gorgeous but they don't always feel it) and now this?? It might not be your fault but right now she's the victim, be symapathetic and patient
FitChick Posted April 22, 2012 Posted April 22, 2012 If there is one main suspect, you need to trap her somehow. Is there another employee who would help your fiancee? Perhaps she can feed the suspect a fake story that is detrimental to you and that she couldn't resist having someone prank call again. "I saw ______ in a gay bar. His fiancee doesn't know he's gay!"
Emilia Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 What would most of you girls do you if you were in my fiance's shoes? I'm trying to get a grasp of how a girl would take this? I would try to work out who it was potentially. I think your fiance should know who is capable of something like that in the office. I would deal with that first before anything else.
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