Broke up with my girlfriend of 8 years, so I need to rant...

[Rambler12]

Hello,

 

Just broke up with my girlfriend of 8 years and I feel the need to rant. I'll warn you that this is a lengthy post as it spans several years. I'm sure there are various comments and I'm more than open to hear them... It might do some good somewhere down the line. To start I will say that we had an age difference of 6 years.

 

Roughly 2 1/2 years into the relationship, and moving into a place she wanted (she couldn't afford to cover a majority of the rent and with my job at the time I could without issue. sounds petty but as I told her at the time if the place made her happy I didn't care), we ended up having a problem with communication. Her main issue was that I worked a graveyard shift. The shift was 12 hours and rotated days. So I would work 2 and be off 2. Work 3 days over a weekend and then be off for 3 the next. Despite attempts to take more of an interest in what she was doing she continued to spend more time on an online game. It finally got to the point where we spent a 3 1/2 hour drive with her constantly talking about one of her friends... And while at my family's for a holiday constantly getting texts from him.

 

We finally had it out and gradually started working things out and life seemed good again until I was laid off back in 2008. We struggled through it and she once again became distant. I picked up another graveyard shift and was back to work... Unfortunately it was an 8 hour shift and full week. But I still had weekends. Despite attempts, before I finally gave up, she wanted to spend more time with friends instead of me. Once again, after finally relenting to roughly 3 years of pressure to move to her home state but that I wouldn't leave if I wasn't happy and would send her back. She instantly freaked out and once again we started working and things got better.

 

Unfortunately I was laid off from the job I picked up and was back on unemployment... And once again the problems started to resurface. I picked up another job in another state and went up to get up the money to move us up there. Things were great during that time. I went back every other weekend (doing an 8 hour drive each way) to see and spend time with her. As soon as I showed up she was ecstatic to see me. I was in heaven.

 

Eventually we moved and we started working on getting her a car and teaching her to drive (she never learned before then). I, at the time, told her that with my work schedule all she had to do was find a car for me to look at and set up a time for me to go look at it. Instead I ended up spending an entire weekend with her looking on her phone and going to look at them just before winter set in... Despite telling her to do this months in advance.

 

The job I picked up was a construction job and was eventually called complete, despite it not being done... So my plans didn't pan out, but I started looking for work while dealing with the fact my employer didn't pay into Unemployment when they were supposed to. Thankfully I stacked away money to cover until it finally came at the beginning of April.

 

It was at this time I was faced with a choice. Either go down to where my family lived, which she was adamant about not wanting to do, or going out to where her family lived. Since they had all been talking about it for years I finally relented and told her we would do that (and drove 2500 miles). Once again she was happy and things were good.

 

Now we get up to the more recent events I feel I need to expand on. After the first month and a half my ex's mother wanted me to stop doing so much around their house so that her husband would do more. So I did and it took him about 3 weeks to finally do something. I remember very clearly the night because I heard him complaining that he was having to do it instead of me doing it... And why hadn't I done it.

 

She's indicated they think I'm rather rude. But the way I was raised was that words such as 'please', 'thank you', and 'sorry' don't mean anything unless you put actions behind it. So instead of saying those words I tend to simply do. Someone does something for me that helps me out I'll say it and the moment I hear they need something and I can help I'm right on it. But this particular incident was a slap in the face. For all their 'thank yous' when I showed it I ended up with it slapped in my face by a grown man in his 50's whining he had to do a simple chore.

 

I've seen those two argue, mainly him making his wife mad just to get his rocks off, to points where I had to leave the house. Or when someone said something counter to what he thought he'd start flailing his arms around and biting his finger. Stuff like that... Or when I was talking about a job I was pursuing I had to listen to them mock the travel parts of it as my ex stood there and just let it happen. Never a word to defend the fact I was looking for work to try and build us a life. I'll admit I've had some ups and downs. I've made mistakes, but I've always tried to keep that center focus... And do to show I loved this woman. Thus my opinion of them plummeted quickly. I avoided them when I could.

 

Eventually, against my judgement, we finally got a place. By this time I had been working a few months at a graveyard temp job trying to get up money to cover expenses for the place... And we ended up beside drug dealers. So before the month was out we were moving. The thing that upset me the most about the whole ordeal was the fact that I would be working roughly a 14 hour shift before a plant shutdown the night before we got the last of the stuff out. She freaks out and starts rambling on about how I need to get that stuff out of there.

 

As as side note she, once again, started growing more distant. I attempted to talk to her but she told me I was wrong... Everything was fine. So we end up back at her parents after the fiasco and I was brought back a week here and then off a week. While still looking for work.

 

We end up looking at a house with her mother. Once viewed her mother starts going on and on about how we should take it even after I tell her twice that my ex and I need to talk about it. My ex once again sits there silently.

 

We finally get the house, but temp work is up and down. So I'm all over the place and the whole time she is constantly going on about money for her house. Then she asks if she can go on a trip with some friends of hers. I agree because I think it will be good for her. That is when everything changed.

 

Right after she gets back she instantly starts a new interest and gets to the point where she doesn't speak to me at all. When I am working and try to call her on break she never picked up. Always some excuse about how she was with a female friend. So she finally talks about how it feels like we are just roommates and eventually breaks down crying. So I console her and tell her if she really wants it she has to make it work.

 

Then yesterday she calls the whole thing off and I'm not taking that well because I suspect something happened on her trip. Come to find out, after looking at a conversation on Facebook I'm right. She has a 'Lady Boner' for her co-worker... Spelling out how she seen a picture of he 'equipment' compared to his ex-gf's... The whole nine yards.

 

At the same time complaining about how I'm rude, up and down with work, and my health isn't great. Even how I'm not defined or ripped. How we have intimacy issues and I don't do any 'foreplay' despite the numerous times I've tried to over a long duration of our relationship. But this new guy she wants bad.

 

What I'm pissed about is the fact I've given and attempted to take care of her and our problems but always get nothing... Unless I'm working good and I am able to simply do whatever with my earnings. When times are good she is happy. When they are hard she runs and doesn't want to do what I would think someone that loves you would do, which is let you deal with that while adding on their distance.

 

That is why I am pissed off. I've worked and tried but at the end of the day it all comes down to she wants to sleep with a co-worker and apparently everything about me isn't good enough for her... I've already made plans to go back to where I can get a fresh start and have no intention of speaking with her. I'm just fuming at this... That after all this time and all I've tried to do it's thrown out the moment she thinks she has other options.

 

And the biggest thing that angers me is how she said, when we split "I love you but I'm not in love with you". Especially after finding out the last part about her co-worker.

Edited April 21, 2012 by Rambler12

[NXS]

She sounds like one of those people who are never happy no matter how much you do for them. You could give them everything possible and they'd still want more. When she wanted the new apartment and wasn't earning enough early on that should have been a red flag. There was plenty more red flags after that which you ignored to try and make it work.

 

If the new guy wants to take over and be her slave for a while well good luck to him. If he gets sick of it she'll probably end up trying to get back with you. My advice would be cut all contact and don't ever go back to her, I know you've invested a lot of time, energy and money into making it work but cut your losses and walk away.

 

Try to have more expectations from your SO next time.

[Rambler12]

Yeah, I'm stubborn at times... And dumb. I've always said my bad habit is not knowing when to stay down.

 

As for cutting all contact I'm already working at that. A lot of what I was still covering I've already cancelled. Just one thing that will most likely haunt me but I'll pull it off.

 

In the end I realize I was stupid but I still feel the need to rant at both at myself and everything that happened.

 

But I do appreciate the reply. Nice to know I'm not just clouded in anger.