Snow-white Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 .. with the pain of missing my ex husband and not knowing how to cope with the pain. Every day blaming myself of what I did. Of leaving my ex-husband and cheating once with another guy. I divorced him because I felt like I had to make a finish line of my mistake. A marriage is not worth cheating. The marriage was our dream. I lost his trust, I am not his angel anymore. He said he has moved on. I would love him to welcome be back in his life. But he probably has erased me out of his life. No answers to any of my e-mails. Not willing to talk. I am so sorry for what I did (AND I no NOT want to hear I deserve my situation now from anyone!). I cannot move on. I don't want to! I miss him too muc in my life. We were together for 11 years:( My questions WHY WHY did I leave this wonderful man? Why did I do this to him? How to deal with the pain.... Don't know. It is sooo hard. If he would give me a second chance.....
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Don't drink, get help. Drinking numbs the pain, but elevates depression and makes it 100 times worse, when you sober up. It's patently obvious that you haven't moved on one inch from where you were, so you need counselling to help you see your way through this. Venting on a discussion forum is not the way to go. Please seek professional help. you really need it. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.
Author Snow-white Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 I think the forum IS here that you can open your heart! Every one does it here.
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 That's not my point. You opened your heart in August of last year. It's patently obvious that in spite of the responses you've had, nothing here has helped, because nothing has changed - except that he has definitely confirmed you are completely shut out of his life. Which has hurt you more. While this is a great place to 'open your heart' you've held it closed to changing yourself. I get the impression you're stuck, yet want to move on. counselling will give you those tools. We can't, as stated in the quoted passage I responded with, in my first post. and I say again - drinking - is not a solution, but actually makes the problem worse. you're obviously distressed. Drinking won't help, but counselling could. 2
fucpcg Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Alcohol is such a cancer of society, and of relationships, and of personal well being. Stop drinking if you want weak areas of your life to improve. Go to AA and or Al-Anon meetings if you seek a good place to start finding a new path.
carhill Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 OP, do you have any close friends you can share with? I agree with other respondents about the efficacy of drinking as a coping mechanism (it isn't healthy) but it is possible to find a middle ground. As I went through a divorce and the death of my mother within a few months of each other, I did a bit of it myself, but with close friends. We drank some beers and talked. It helped. If you otherwise haven't exhibited the symptoms of alcoholism or other addictive behaviors, this episode is likely self-medicating a situational depression (the 'situation' being your infidelity and the end of the marriage). You can resolve it. We had over a year of MC and that was a great tool for myself, along with the aforementioned venting and beers with close friends. It'll work out.
SilverBlueAndGold Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 OP, do you have any close friends you can share with? I agree with other respondents about the efficacy of drinking as a coping mechanism (it isn't healthy) but it is possible to find a middle ground. As I went through a divorce and the death of my mother within a few months of each other, I did a bit of it myself, but with close friends. We drank some beers and talked. It helped. I have been finding that this is key. While I have been pretty good by not crawling into the bottle this time, the few times I went out and got s*t faced plastered was miserable. During and after. But the times I was with good friends, just having a few and talking were golden. It's a big temptation for some, me included to just drink and drink and drink to forget. But we don't forget, it's a sham. And since alcohol is a depressant it is more likely to make you feel worse than better.
health Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 You cheated, and these are the natural consequences that followed. The ONLY thing you can do is this - learn and never do it again, so you can let go of the guilt your carrying. Then move on and continue life. Drinking is the worst thing you can do now. Good luck.
2sunny Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Can you stop drinking on your own? If not, can you seek help? He won't ever want you back while you're in this state - that's for sure.
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