foxyminer Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=darkblue][/color]I have been with my boyfriend for 6-1/2 years. He has a teenage daughter and I have two. We lived together for 5 years of this, though I moved out 3 months ago. We were having problems with our relationship, and he had cheated on me. He is truly sorry, which I believe, because I was devastated. He said he thought the relationship was over because of all the trouble we have had in the last year. We are now in counseling and working through this. My problem is is that I am 35 and he is 33, I was married before and he wasn't. I want to get married, he doesn't "ever". He says he loves me and is committed to me, and that marriage doesn't need to prove that. My friends tell me that if I want marriage then I shouldn't settle for less. I could move back in with him without them marriage, because he has asked me to, but I guess with everything that has happened, I don't think I could move back in without the committment of marriage if it's what I truly want. I am sick over this, I don't know which way to turn. I am so in love with this guy, but do I give in and give up my dream of being married or should I move on "as hard as it may be"?
rwscab Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 This is about you. What do you want? If you move back in with him, you are telling him that you've accepted this relationship on his terms. On the otherhand, you can't force the guy to marry you. You have to assess what your needs are and see if they fit into the scope of things. It's like an athiest and a Christian in a relationship together. It's not going to work out, period. Unless someone gives up their belief or changes what they believe and truly want, it's not a good match. Compromise isn't going to work in this situation, because either way... someone is going to be doing something he/she doesn't want to do.
SingleInTheCity Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 My problem is is that I am 35 and he is 33, I was married before and he wasn't. I want to get married, he doesn't "ever". He says he loves me and is committed to me, and that marriage doesn't need to prove that.[quote] There's your answer right there - are you trying to force a square peg into a round hole? People only change when they want to change and not for any other reason. I'm sorry that you are putting yourself through this - letting go and moving on is very hard to do. I agree with RWSCAB - this has nothing to do with him. This is all about you and ultimately what you want. Are you willing to settle or is marriage part of your personal goals?
StartingAgain Posted June 19, 2004 Posted June 19, 2004 Originally posted by foxyminer [font=courier new][/font][color=darkblue][/color]I want to get married, he doesn't "ever". Then the two of you are looking for diferent things. Nothing else matters. It's time to end this relationship and move on. If you "talk" him into marrying you, it will end in divorce. Gauranteed. BTW, if the councelor knows this difference in what the two of you wants and didn't tell you what the folks here are telling you, he/she is wasting your money. The first thing that a couple's councelor tries to ascertain is whether the partners want the relationship and if they are on the same page about the nature of the relationship.
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