Girlfriend Wants Time to Think and Figure Herself Out... s Welcome

[NoKids]

Update for you guys.

 

Not sure what happened to me, but a switch flipped. I became tired of being the only one that seemed to be working towards making this relationship better. After our MC session and the decision to take the trial separate, I did a 180 and stopped trying to talk to her about it, and just went back to being me.

 

She noticed almost right away and as I started to pull away, she started getting closer. This was not my intent, just wanted to start putting the focus back on myself and less on her and the relationship.

 

She is being far more affectionate, more intimate, more everything. She has now pushed her move date back another week. Which I am not sure how I feel about that right now. Part of me wants her to go so we can get the ball rolling on this time apart. The other part is somewhat wondering if there is a piece of her now that is wondering if that is truly what she wants.

 

Doesn't really matter either way. I will deal with either scenario as it comes about.

 

Amazing what a couple days and a new attitude can do to a situation. For now I have completely stopped talking about the relationship. She has brought up a few things and I have talked with her, but I will not initiate the conversation. She says she sees the difference in our relationship in the past month and it makes her feel good.

 

Like I said, for now I am just going to be me, continue to improve and focus on myself. Let her figure out her **** on her own. It is something I can not control so there is no reason for me to try to do so.

 

Have a great weekend everyone.

[Jono85]

Update for you guys.

 

Not sure what happened to me, but a switch flipped. I became tired of being the only one that seemed to be working towards making this relationship better. After our MC session and the decision to take the trial separate, I did a 180 and stopped trying to talk to her about it, and just went back to being me.

 

She noticed almost right away and as I started to pull away, she started getting closer. This was not my intent, just wanted to start putting the focus back on myself and less on her and the relationship.

 

She is being far more affectionate, more intimate, more everything. She has now pushed her move date back another week. Which I am not sure how I feel about that right now. Part of me wants her to go so we can get the ball rolling on this time apart. The other part is somewhat wondering if there is a piece of her now that is wondering if that is truly what she wants.

 

Doesn't really matter either way. I will deal with either scenario as it comes about.

 

Amazing what a couple days and a new attitude can do to a situation. For now I have completely stopped talking about the relationship. She has brought up a few things and I have talked with her, but I will not initiate the conversation. She says she sees the difference in our relationship in the past month and it makes her feel good.

 

Like I said, for now I am just going to be me, continue to improve and focus on myself. Let her figure out her **** on her own. It is something I can not control so there is no reason for me to try to do so.

 

Have a great weekend everyone.

 

this is what we were telling you (to stop focusing on her and the relationship, and 'do you'). glad things are working out for you.

[NoKids]

this is what we were telling you (to stop focusing on her and the relationship, and 'do you'). glad things are working out for you.

 

And I appreciate it. Sometimes it takes a moment of reflection or whatever for it all to kick in.

 

I am just thankful that it did.

 

Thanks guys. Will keep you updated over time as well.

[NoKids]

Hey all,

 

I have been reading these boards and others, and it always seems like I get into a thread and find that at some point it just drops off and leaves me wondering what happened to these people. Did they work things out? Did they end up divorced? What worked or didn't work for them.

 

With that said I wanted to give you guys an update as to my story.

 

Last time I updated you guys I had pulled a 180 and basically just went back to being myself and focusing on me. I still worked on the things I knew I needed to work on, but I did it for me and not for her. She also pushed her move date back to May 8th. Then May 11th. Then May 15th. Now she is set on May 21st.

 

I can't be sure, but I believe a part of her thought she had made this decision but she could push it off and keeping doing so. Well, I forced that hand pretty quickly. I found renters for the house we live in and they are moving in June 1st. She even admitted that when the house was rented things became much more real for her.

 

Each day that has gone by since we decided on the trial separation she started to get closer and closer to me again. The pet names returned, the regular affection, "I Love You." more frequently. And so on.

 

I have completely avoided the subject of our relationship. Like I said before I chose to move forward focused on myself and if she wisened up and pulled her head out of her ass she could come along for the ride. If she didn't then I would be just fine.

 

Last Friday a conversation started while we were in bed laying there just BSing. She brought up the fact that she sees us living in LA together as we are just too good together. I just laid there and let her talk about it for a bit until she finally asked me what I thought. I told her, "I am not the one who wants time apart", but I am not going to move together unless she is ready to give the relationship 100% effort. Including her own individual counseling and couples counseling as well. I told her I didn't want her to answer right then, I wanted her to think about it and we could discuss it later.

 

Fast forward to Sunday and again a random conversation arises, started by her, bring up moving to LA together and not taking any time apart. I asked her what, if any last hold ups were to making the decision. She thought for a moment and said that she just wants to make sure we are on the same page as far as getting a good level of balance in our lives. With both of us spending time with friends and family, by ourselves, and then spending more quality time together even though we would be sacrificing the quantity of time that we spend together now.

 

We talked about this a bit more, and I explained my point of view and how I plan on spending far more time with friends (We have many more friends in LA and also both our families are there) and family when in LA. Not to mention far more time with business associates that I have in LA. That she should expect to see me far less than she does now.

 

At that time we had to cut the conversation a bit short as she had a friend coming into town that she had to pick up at the airport. We ended the conversation by agreeing that we would talk about it more after the friend leaves at the end of the week (Tomorrow)

 

With her friend her and after the above conversations, affection from her continues to grow, as well as intimacy, and what I consider to be a recommittment to us as a couple and less of her preparing for life alone. I have continued to do my own thing and focus on myself.

 

Nothing is in stone yet, and us taking some time apart is still on the table. Honestly I am still resolved to the fact that this is the way things will be. With that said things are moving in a good direction, with many positives, and a lot of growth on both our parts.

 

Thank you all for the support in a time that it was needed. I promise to keep updating our story,

[NoKids]

As I stated before so many times I read through these forums and see stories that make me wonder what happened to the couple.

 

I wanted to give you guys one final update on my situation.

 

Before I do that I want to thank all of you who took the time to respond and also to send me PMs. The support and encouragement over the past few months from you, my friends and family, has been overwhelming. To this I am eternally grateful.

 

In the end and after many discussions, we have decided not to take any trial separation time. After many positive discussions and us truly opening up the lines of communication like they were never open before. The realization for both of us was that we were basically spending too much time together. She was relying on me to be everything to her, best friend, mate, the works.

 

We have moved back to the LA area, and things are night and day between the two of us from two months ago, let alone a month ago. We both acknowledge that we have things we need to work on, and are 100% committed to working on them, not only together, but also on our own.

 

She is continuing with individual therapy for issues that exist from her past and is making some great strides. We are continuing couples therapy to keep a nice outside perspective on things we are doing to continue to see our relationship get stronger.

 

Once again thank you all. I wish you all nothing but the best.

 

NoKids