Lucy1722 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 A little background first before I ask my questions. Been separated for two years and I have three kids. Only two are still at home but they are in their late teens. Due to the way I left their mother the kids see me as the villain which in all honesty is fair. I have apologized several times but the kids still hold a great deal of anger and resentment towards me. Very very slowly their anger and resentment is subsiding. Either way I deserve it and I have to accept it. I live an hour away from where Mom and the kids live and I have a non adversarial relationship with their mother and she actually has been very helpful. Especially under the circumstances! As a result she allows me to spend Sat and Sun afternoons just hanging around the house so I can spend time with the kids. Sometimes I am able to get the kids out to an activity one on one but usually they wont. I try to get them either together or one on one but like I said they usually decline my offer. They would rather hang out at the house with their Mom around. So here's the question. I want to spend more quality time with my kids and less time just hanging out at the old homestead. If I try and force this issue with the kids I fear they will pull back and resent me even more. The kids see me as abandoning them when I walked out on their mother and every Saturday and Sunday when I get up to leave to head back home I get the sense they see this as another time Dad is walking out and leaving us. I wont even go into detail how much the guilt and shame bothers me or how much I wish I could get myself to go back. But something just wont let me go back to their mother. I just want some decent relationship with my kids and no matter how hard I try they wont let go. Its been two years and I thought by now they would be somewhat used to this but they still hold back with me. Yes I know I hurt them a great deal when I left and the way I left so maybe this is the best I can expect. I just dont know????
Author Lucy1722 Posted April 22, 2012 Author Posted April 22, 2012 Dear BrighterWashing you raise some really good points although I must admit that I will be heart broken if my kids never forgive me. There are a couple of differences between your situation and theirs. My kids have years of good memories with me since all this didnt happen until they were in their late teens. Further while your Dad eventually faded away I have consistently remained in their lives. I go to all their sporting events and remain as involved as I can without living with them. I text them goodnight and I love you every night. I'm really curious how other separated/divorced parents manage to repair their kids relationships. Thanks again BrighterWashing for your thoughtful response.
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