luvflower Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 Sounds like he's actually a pretty GOOD person. Just a little inexperienced with relationships. You may want to get support from online communities but also try staying positive with your thought pattern and with him ...that is if you care about the relationship without feeling like you're compromising too much of your own happiness.
Author surferchic Posted April 23, 2012 Author Posted April 23, 2012 (edited) What you guys have said in the last few posts is true... Though today is kind of rough for me. He has not responded to my message from yesterday. Its making me feel like breaking thngs off with him and start seeing someone else just to get my mind off of this situation. And the thing is, its like guys are starting to come onto me more and I have not cheated or anything. But why should I not go out with someone else when this guy has not made any commitment and is not communicating well when we're not together bcuz he goes back into his "shell"... What do you guys suggest I do at this point? Send a brief text or call or do nothing... I take a lot for as long as I can then once im fed up, im done... Edited April 23, 2012 by surferchic
muse08 Posted April 23, 2012 Posted April 23, 2012 What you guys have said in the last few posts is true... Though today is kind of rough for me. He has not responded to my message from yesterday. Its making me feel like breaking thngs off with him and start seeing someone else just to get my mind off of this situation . Curious to find out if you've had any response from him yet today? If this makes you feel any better OP...AND Guys, correct me if im wrong,but dont most men shy away from conversations about feelings anyway?
Author surferchic Posted April 24, 2012 Author Posted April 24, 2012 As a matter of fact he did contact me. And I had an epiphany... really. I was the one who started texting more rather than calling as he did when we first met. He does anything in his power to make me happy when he's off duty and even when on duty he calls or will text to check on me. He's very affectionate and tells me how good I make him feel... He's very protective of me when we're out and I love that He stares at me when we're together studying my face and noticing my lips amd long eyelashes and even thinks im so adorable when when Im sleepy or when I yawn. He seems to melt into this soft/sweet man when we're together and does things to make me happy even its not what he wants... Its just that his conversation never gets emotional enough for me when we're not together.but I have to give him credit for all the other positive qualities. Plus he's not bad to look at...
luvflower Posted April 24, 2012 Posted April 24, 2012 As a matter of fact he did contact me. And I had an epiphany... really. I was the one who started texting more rather than calling as he did when we first met. He does anything in his power to make me happy when he's off duty and even when on duty he calls or will text to check on me. He's very affectionate and tells me how good I make him feel... He's very protective of me when we're out and I love that He stares at me when we're together studying my face and noticing my lips amd long eyelashes and even thinks im so adorable when when Im sleepy or when I yawn. He seems to melt into this soft/sweet man when we're together and does things to make me happy even its not what he wants... Its just that his conversation never gets emotional enough for me when we're not together.but I have to give him credit for all the other positive qualities. Plus he's not bad to look at... Well that's not that bad IMO. Mainly because its been only a few months since you've been a few months for you two. Plus, hisbpersonality really does seem to be affected by the nature of his job. Try not to focus on the negative. People will act the way they know how. We have to choose to deal with them and if we want to keep them around if their behavior isn't pleasing.
Author surferchic Posted April 28, 2012 Author Posted April 28, 2012 Thanks. Things are going fine thus far I guess. We enjoy each other so Muah each tine we're together. He's been talking ahout kids and asking me what areas I'd prefer to live if I had a choice.but never coming out saying how he feels...interesting.
unevenXchange Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 First, IME, military officers are an entirely different breed from police officers/law enforcement (unless of course they're military police). For example, a military doctor is an "officer." I think you're confusing what an "officer" is. Second, I've dated several cops/sheriffs/law enforcement. They've been as varied as any other profession in terms of their personalities and how they behave in relationships. That said, the one consistent factor has been a level of emotional unavailability that I am just not capable of handling long-term. Hi.thought I'd stop by your thread. Its amazing his similar our situations are! And im was thinking I need to find a support group. Honestl, I haven't committed myself to him so there's no tlreal need for support groups for me until there's a commitment. You mentioned this are good with you guys now. If he's similar to my guy, he is still being simi-controlling or emotionally withholding. Im assuming he shows more emotion when you pull back?
Author surferchic Posted April 29, 2012 Author Posted April 29, 2012 Hi.thought I'd stop by your thread. Its amazing his similar our situations are! And im was thinking I need to find a support group. Honestl, I haven't committed myself to him so there's no tlreal need for support groups for me until there's a commitment. You mentioned this are good with you guys now. If he's similar to my guy, he is still being simi-controlling or emotionally withholding. Im assuming he shows more emotion when you pull back? Thanks for the post -Xchange. As a matter of fact I havebpulled back a bit by not reaching out to him as much. Evn though he's a cop, he's kind if shy/ timid when it comes to initiating our dates and outings. My friends have said that perhaps he likes me being the one to plan our dates and initiate things. Perhaps but im a bit tired of that. As much as a gentleman as he is I can't be putting myself out there all the time. I must give him credit for a few times that he's initiated& planned our dates but I guess im getting a bit antsy because Ive been approached by men seemingly that I keep turning down.and im asking myself why should I when this guy isn't verbalizing how he really feels. So perhaps im just ranting due to him not being very verbal about his emotions.
unevenXchange Posted April 29, 2012 Posted April 29, 2012 I see... well you mentioned how sweet he is as well. Sounds like there are two sides to him and he tries not to allow the Sweet side to show too much because to him you might start taking him for granted. IVe felt the same way so im sure my guy has had that thought as a cop yet a gentleman. The good thing about you guy is that you said he's kind d of socially awkward and shy. Truly, that's a sign that even though he's a cop he has some values and is not out to try to be a player. If I were you I'd be a bit patient in my judgement of him. Definitely give yourself some breathing room but just see if he'll become more expressive or will he stay in his shell. That's probably one reason he's not married already. Women haven't had the patience to deal with his ways and his job which doesn't help someone who's already a bit timid or reclusive.
Author surferchic Posted May 5, 2012 Author Posted May 5, 2012 Thanks for the posts. No significant changes thus far. He's initiated our last contact and I didn't really feel motivated to respond the same day to the message he left so I responded the next day. I think its fading out. We are most likely breaking up...
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