wwwjd Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Always wondered this, and this seems to be the place to ask: Shy gals, what is your perspective, perception of the more extroverted guys? I'm pretty extroverted (read sometimes louder but rarely obnoxious) tell lots of jokes to a crowd, don't mind singing aloud, but would love to date a shy or quieter gal - but I suspect maybe a shy gal thinks that would make no sense? Thing is, I can be quiet, reserved and blend in just as easily as being extroverted. I'm extroverted, but I AM INTERESTED in you, you shy gals. No, not for sex, but meet and get to know just like normal.
january2011 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I see the attraction in being with a louder guy and admire his gregariousness. But after a while, I think we would clash. I have a wide variety of interests and enjoy being sociable (most of the time). However, I'd need time to think and recharge my batteries and he probably wouldn't understand this. Our social lives would likely be worlds apart. So, probably great for a short-term relationship or a fling but not necessarily for the long haul. Much prefer the more contemplative types. 1
Author wwwjd Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 However, I'd need time to think and recharge my batteries and he probably wouldn't understand this. This is kind of what I am talking about. For me, I do understand that, and have complete respect for quiet times, recharging and all the non-extroverted stuff. I do that too. I kinda wondered if shy girls think we are non-stop "on" all the time? because we aren't. We do our little show, which we HOPE she will enjoy also along with the rest of the crowd, then come back to her. AND we also don't expect her to suddenly be un-shy and dance on the table tops with us. Of course, in a relationship with her, I would NOT dance on the table top with the local floozy in her abscence. Just curious if they think we are ALL ALWAYS wild/crazy? The answer is no. And some of us might even look at shy and long for a great, stable, quiet, smiling girl in our lives.
january2011 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 We do our little show, which we HOPE she will enjoy also along with the rest of the crowd, then come back to her. I'd wonder how much time you need to spend doing your little show and how much time you'd have left over. If the ratio is weighed heavily towards the former then that's probably a no-no. But I think everyone is different. Hopefully, you'll get a variety of opinions that will get the discussion going.
Author wwwjd Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Never having dated a shy gal, I don't know the answer to the "how much time" question. I would hope it would be the same amount of time as any normal date. I mean, I don't think most women want a man that just hovers around her 24/7 trying.... er... WANTING to be there for her all the time. Everyone needs some times apart even on a date - anyone ever snuck off to the rest room and maybe stayed a little longer than needed? Yes, I am hoping some more IRL shy girls will post up. There is a quiet girl at work... she seems nice, we seem to attract each other.. I notice she looks at me a lot when I am nearby. But I am kind of the alpha and walk around with my feathers up a lot.... and I always wonder if girls like her sit quietly and think, "Oh, I like his confidence but HE would never be interested in ME...." Yes, yes I am. But not as some conquest or trophy, but as a lovely human being I would like to get to know better. Maybe we have nothing in common, but we can't find out until we can meet in the middle for a bit.
january2011 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I always wonder if girls like her sit quietly and think, "Oh, I like his confidence but HE would never be interested in ME...." Yes, yes I am. But not as some conquest or trophy, but as a lovely human being I would like to get to know better. Maybe we have nothing in common, but we can't find out until we can meet in the middle for a bit. Good point! Putting on my LS advice hat, I suggest that you make a move and ask her out.
jennisfora Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 well, speaking for me, as someone that is considered shy, my last relationship i was with a karaoke dj, and very happy, even though i would never get on stage myself, he was very outgoing, and funny, and i loved it. of course, it didn't work out. but it lasted over a year, and i dont think it was the outgoingness that really ended it, although it may have contributed. not on my end, mind you, but on his end, he may have felt that spending time with me meant having less social interaction, even though i would say, go ahead and go out with your friends, he felt obligated to stay with me, and possibly resented being tied down. i dont know. it could work, if both people were understanding of their differences, and were okay with giving the other the space to do their own thing.
RedRobin Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 This is kind of what I am talking about. For me, I do understand that, and have complete respect for quiet times, recharging and all the non-extroverted stuff. I do that too. I kinda wondered if shy girls think we are non-stop "on" all the time? because we aren't. We do our little show, which we HOPE she will enjoy also along with the rest of the crowd, then come back to her. AND we also don't expect her to suddenly be un-shy and dance on the table tops with us. Of course, in a relationship with her, I would NOT dance on the table top with the local floozy in her abscence. Just curious if they think we are ALL ALWAYS wild/crazy? The answer is no. And some of us might even look at shy and long for a great, stable, quiet, smiling girl in our lives. I'm an extroverted woman who also appreciated 'shy' guys. You have to know when to turn it off. It becomes like fingernails on the chalkboard after awhile to some people. Shy people are (in general) more subtle in their cues. You have to learn to read them and not run over them in your enthusiasm.
RedRobin Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Never having dated a shy gal, I don't know the answer to the "how much time" question. I would hope it would be the same amount of time as any normal date. I mean, I don't think most women want a man that just hovers around her 24/7 trying.... er... WANTING to be there for her all the time. Everyone needs some times apart even on a date - anyone ever snuck off to the rest room and maybe stayed a little longer than needed? Yes, I am hoping some more IRL shy girls will post up. There is a quiet girl at work... she seems nice, we seem to attract each other.. I notice she looks at me a lot when I am nearby. But I am kind of the alpha and walk around with my feathers up a lot.... and I always wonder if girls like her sit quietly and think, "Oh, I like his confidence but HE would never be interested in ME...." Yes, yes I am. But not as some conquest or trophy, but as a lovely human being I would like to get to know better. Maybe we have nothing in common, but we can't find out until we can meet in the middle for a bit. You will have to find a way to draw her out. I do sometimes think that shy people think we are a bit much. Don't be surprised if they don't appreciate that so-called 'confidence' that extroverted people have. It doesn't always come from a place of confidence (as I"m sure you know). Shy people are often just fine with their own approach to things. You have to appreciate their approach to things if you hope for them to appreciate yours.
joystickd Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I know for me as an introverted male loud women are a bother for me, but it depends on how loud so I take it the same would be for women. Also I am very much an a**hole sometimes it because for a long time I just hated people in general. We all have things we must deal with but in dating there is compromise not jumping through hoops but compromise
ForgetMeNots Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 As a shy gal, I think it is nice meeting a more extrovert person. Im more of a listener, so someone who talks while I listen is perfect. How to meet a shy girl and get them open up is simple. Be friendly. No need to be confident and act like a cool cat, but joke around in a light hearted way and ask them questions. Shy girls most of the time may not officially start up the first meeting conversations(thats why they may look at some one but not say a word or give obvious signs of Come Hither,but are hoping the eye contact and possible smiling is enough). But if you can start a conversation up and ask some questions about them and listen to find out what they are passionate about(pay attention to when their eyes light up and they start rattling away), that shy girl will then be more open to you and start up conversations first or ask you questions after the first icebreakers. So in short: Being more extrovert can work bonus in your favor! Nothing more awkward than having two extroverts trying to have a conversation in between the cricket chirps. The key to the above shy girls is - Some are shy at first,but once you get to know them and they get to know you, they will not be too shy towards you anymore and you will get to see a completely different side that they show only to individuals they feel they can trust. Consider it an honor Though there is another type of shy girl where they are extreme introvert. They may be even harder to talk to even after getting to know them first and will keep to themselves. But if they always hang around you, just continue talking to them. They like you,but just dont know what to say or are too shy and unsure of how to say exactly. Lots of patience but they are sweet individuals.
Author wwwjd Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Thanks for the awesome feedback!!! good stuff to hear directly from friendly, yet shy people. I was hoping the internet would make that possible. As for my specific situation.... this timing was on some divine intervention or something. I got to break the ice in a slow, calm way just tonight. I'm good at opening random conversation that flows. She got a little better as it went on... BUT... there are mitigating factors involved such as my lack of recon.... she could have a BF or something and I NEVER interfere... so I will tred lightly and very slowly and do some homework. Having a BF causes some girls to SEEM like they are shy, when really it is a "dont want to accidently attract you" thing, so they keep to themselves. I wasn't acting cool, or over or under acting, just being myself and that usually works ok. She's already seen me peacocking around the office allday (it's kind part of my job) but maybe didn't know I had a softer, humane side? Reguarless of THIS happenstance instance, I been wanting to ask this question for years - just never ocurred to do it on the internet hahaaha So, please, if you don't mind, shy girls feel free to voice up here. All input appreciated. To note, there was another thread about HERMIT girls that causes pause. Is she SHY or just more happy as a loner and ignores people on purpose? But that is the other thread, not this one. but it makes one think....
Author wwwjd Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 any more from any other shy gals? this probably covers everything, just wanted to bump it fresh input.
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 I know a few successful pairings of extro and introverts. I think it really depends upon their compatibility in general, and also their acceptance of each other and mutual respect. If an extrovert can't allow the quiet one to have their peace out time, it won't work. If the introvert is annoyed, scornful or maybe threatened by the outgoing ones social needs, it won't work. But sometimes, they can create a very harmonious balance.
Author wwwjd Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Makes sense, relationship wise. But what about initial perceptions? "that guy is too loud or has ego issues" or "he'd never be interested in me..." I wonder about those initial perspectives
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 If she really does think you are too loud, or gets the impression that you have ego issues, she is probably not interested in you.
KathyM Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Well, I've always been on the shy to average side, and preferred men who were also. Although I admire men who have a gregarious personality, and women as well for entertainment purposes, to actually live with one would be draining after awhile--never some peace and quiet, never some time to reflect or just silently be snuggled up together. I know a woman, a family friend, who comes over and talks non-stop for four hours. It's draining just to pay attention to all that. I prefer a man who can listen and can be quiet sometimes. From what I've heard from men, they also don't want a woman who is constantly yacking. It gets draining. Those types are good for parties, but to live with one is another thing.
M2155 Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 (edited) People often confuse shy with introverted. People mistake me for shy, but I'm just an introvert. I'm not timid or do not enjoy talking to people, It just take a lot more energy to thrive in a social setting. Introverts need to recharge alone while the extroverts prefer going out with people to recharge. It doesn't mean we can't happily coexist and enjoy time together. I prefer to date outgoing extroverted people. It's a bit of opposites attract- a characteristic I admire and wish I had. I'm more comfortable "hiding" behind the extrovert and he's happy with me "letting" him be the center of attention. The extrovert kinda "breaks the social ice" for me and makes it comfortable to be out because I can feed off of his energy. The extrovert also draws something out of you sometimes and brings you out of your shell which I think secretly many shy or introverted people enjoy (ok I do). I think the important thing is just to respect each others' social needs. Sometimes go out, sometimes do something less social. I think it can be a conflict if you are extremes, but most people are not on polar ends of the spectrum. Our stereotypical extrovert is that obnoxious loud guy that's always "on" like you said which is draining, but I think as long as you dial it back we introverts can find the personality rather attractive. That's just my experience Edited April 21, 2012 by M2155
Author wwwjd Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Well, I've always been on the shy to average side, and preferred men who were also. Although I admire men who have a gregarious personality, and women as well for entertainment purposes, to actually live with one would be draining after awhile--never some peace and quiet, never some time to reflect or just silently be snuggled up together. I know a woman, a family friend, who comes over and talks non-stop for four hours. It's draining just to pay attention to all that. I prefer a man who can listen and can be quiet sometimes. From what I've heard from men, they also don't want a woman who is constantly yacking. It gets draining. Those types are good for parties, but to live with one is another thing. This answer is perfect. the others were great too... just saying this brings up exacting what I was thinking they are thinking. They (she) assumes there is no peace and quiet, no silent and snuggling time. I want to say, as a loud, extroverted Alpha, there absolutely is PLENTY of that kind of time. Pretty much any time we are alone together would work for me. You hit the nail on the head: I'd SUSPECTED they think we are ALWAYS "ON" which is not the case. Maybe some might be, but not ALL of us. So, the only drawback *I* see here is getting through that assumption barrier where I can prove to a shyer girl, I'm not always "on". Gonna be tough if she assumes that, she will resist my advancements. This gives me hope and makes things more interesting and diverse. Thanks!
PlumPrincess Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Why do you specifically want to date a shy girl?
Author wwwjd Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 People often confuse shy with introverted. People mistake me for shy, but I'm just an introvert. I'm not timid or do not enjoy talking to people, It just take a lot more energy to thrive in a social setting. Introverts need to recharge alone while the extroverts prefer going out with people to recharge. It doesn't mean we can't happily coexist and enjoy time together. I prefer to date outgoing extroverted people. It's a bit of opposites attract- a characteristic I admire and wish I had. I'm more comfortable "hiding" behind the extrovert and he's happy with me "letting" him be the center of attention. The extrovert kinda "breaks the social ice" for me and makes it comfortable to be out because I can feed off of his energy. The extrovert also draws something out of you sometimes and brings you out of your shell which I think secretly many shy or introverted people enjoy (ok I do). I think the important thing is just to respect each others' social needs. Sometimes go out, sometimes do something less social. I think it can be a conflict if you are extremes, but most people are not on polar ends of the spectrum. Our stereotypical extrovert is that obnoxious loud guy that's always "on" like you said which is draining, but I think as long as you dial it back we introverts can find the personality rather attractive. That's just my experience Yes! more great stuff! And I agree with all of it. Most are not on polar extremes, but we CAN cover a lot of territory inbetween also. Like like "Bi-Polar", just well-ranging. I can cover the quiet times and the loud, and most things inbetween, but not JUST the loudest and the quietest. That would be psycho swinging hard back and forth.
Author wwwjd Posted April 21, 2012 Author Posted April 21, 2012 Why do you specifically want to date a shy girl? Cuz she's hot. HA! kidding. No, in my case, many shy girls I've known seem very nice, not so "crazy" or lost, SEEM more stable, kinda act like mature adults instead of "partay girls". They seem more REAL. It's not an intentional "i wanna date a shy girl" but I tend to not attract shy girls and wonder if the way I am keeps them at bay. No reason it should, I am as nice as the next guy (and way nicer than some according to what I read). I just always wondered if they assumed I was at mach 5 all the time.
PlumPrincess Posted April 21, 2012 Posted April 21, 2012 Cuz she's hot. HA! kidding. No, in my case, many shy girls I've known seem very nice, not so "crazy" or lost, SEEM more stable, kinda act like mature adults instead of "partay girls". They seem more REAL. It's not an intentional "i wanna date a shy girl" but I tend to not attract shy girls and wonder if the way I am keeps them at bay. No reason it should, I am as nice as the next guy (and way nicer than some according to what I read). I just always wondered if they assumed I was at mach 5 all the time. When I was younger, I was quite shy and if a fun and nice guy had approached me, I would have felt relieved.
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